Chapter Text
February 2017
Ali's hands shook as she pulled the oxygen mask and regulator from their wool bag. I'm probably going to die today. She took a breath to try to calm her nerves, but the mix of smoke and diesel in the cold morning air just reminded her of the situation. This isn't supposed to be happening.
The alarm had awoken them at 4:52am. Wiping the sleep from her eyes, she had struggled to understand what the dispatcher was saying from the firehouse's loudspeaker. Explosion. Mass Casualty. Downtown DC. It had to be serious, Jim had noted as he climbed into the ambulance with her. They'd never been dispatched into the city before, after all.
As she had driven, following their chief's buggy and the engine up I-95, she had listened to Jim read news from his phone. First reports were a series of explosions in the heart of Washington, not far from the White House. The fear was that it was terrorism, perhaps even a dirty bomb. The estimates were maybe hundreds dead, thousands likely injured. But mostly no one knew anything for sure other than a full city block in the nation's capital was ablaze with a huge cloud of smoke and maybe poisonous contaminants spreading out in waves for blocks and blocks.
And now they were at the staging point—a parking area almost a mile away from the scene—and it was all too real. Normally, she'd be the one waiting for the firefighters to bring patients to her. Their gear offered so much more protection than hers after all. But not this time. Not with this many patients. She needed to get into the fray. All hands on deck, she'd heard on the radio on the drive north. She'd need to don her mask and breathe air from the bottle that sat uneasily on her back. The day I put on this mask is the day we're all going to die. How many times had she made that joke to the guys on her duty crew? You had to joke about the danger or it would eat you up inside. But now it wasn't a joke. Now this was life and death. This was supposed to be fun. A way to give back. But now I could die. I should have volunteered at a soup kitchen.
“You okay?”
She turned to see Rick, already with his full gear on, his new chief's helmet covering his mop of blonde curls. She nodded. “Yeah, sure. I'm fine,” she lied. But she knew he'd see right through it. They'd known each other almost their entire lives, and had dated each other for the last two. And while she knew she could never love him the way he deserved, she had no doubt about his feelings for her. Ali felt guilty now that she hadn't had the guts to just end it before it had drawn on this long. Maybe he would have found his true love before today, before he ran into so much danger. She didn't want him to die never having found it. She loved him that much at least.
“Just stick with the rest of us,” Rick said calmly as he pulled her into a tight hug. “I love you,” he whispered into her ear. “I won't let anything happen to you.”
She knew it was a promise he likely couldn't keep, but she nodded into his shoulder, playing along. “Thank you.”
He kissed the crown of her head and gave her one last squeeze before turning to his crew. There were six of them in total, but Ali was the only one dressed in the blue gear of an EMT. The others had bunker gear on, dirty and worn from all the fires they had fought. They were all so young, most still in their twenties, with so much life left to live. Rick was the oldest at 32, already a 15-year veteran of the fire service, and finally a newly minted chief. But the rest were college kids, young fathers, or boys just looking to feed their need for an adrenaline rush. Ali hadn't quite fit in at first when she'd joined the summer after getting her master's degree. It had taken a while before the men and women of their volunteer station had warmed to the brunette.
But soon they were her family as well as her friends. They'd do anything for one another. Today we might even die for one another. She looked around and caught Brian's eyes. He had been a firefighter for ten years and was a veteran of some really serious fires and yet he was terrified, too. They all were, she realized. If it comes down to it, I'll die for them, she told herself, even though the thought made her nauseous. Just six hours ago they'd been playing poker in the engine bay, laughing at dirty jokes and making outrageous bets, and now this. Life certainly could turn on a dime.
“I can't believe we volunteer for this shit,” Jim said next to her. His voice was high pitched and Ali was reminded he was only nineteen, barely out of the training he needed to even ride the apparatus. She wasn't even sure he'd been to a real fire before and now he was facing absolute hell.
“We'll be fine,” she tried to reassure him. She figured it was a lie, but she tried to feel sure anyway. She was responsible for him as her partner, after all. She needed to keep him calm even if she didn't feel calm herself. You can do this. You can save lives today. If you save one life, then it's worth it. Right?
“Okay,” Rick called out to his crew. “We're going to go in on pickups and work on patient care. I want all our backboards, extra O2, and our aide bags ready to go. Grab all the straps and collars you can find, too. Dan, you're on tools, everyone else divvy up the med supplies. Don't overload yourselves though. Pair up and watch each other's backs. I want us all to stay together if possible, but at the very least don't leave your partner. Make sure each pair has a radio and grab a backup battery just in case.” He looked around at them and nodded, seeming more confident than Ali figured he really felt. “Okay, let's get to it.”
Having something to do calmed her. She took on the role of organizing the medical supplies, making sure they got everything Rick wanted plus all the bandages they could stuff into their pockets. They had just finished gathering everything when two pickups pulled up. “Hop in,” one of the drivers called to them. “You guys are up.”
They piled themselves and their gear into the beds of the trucks. Once settled, Ali pulled her phone from her pocket. She was a little surprised there were no texts or messages, but then again her family and friends were still likely asleep, blissfully unaware of the events happening in DC. Ali wanted to call her parents and brother but knew she didn't have the time, so she quickly typed in a group text to her family. We got called to DC. Going into the scene now. Will text when I'm done. I love you guys so much. She thought about typing more but didn't want them to think she was scared of being hurt or killed. Maybe if she left it at that they would think she hadn't been terrified in the last moments of her life if she never made it back. She hoped that would be some measure of comfort for them. It was the least she could do. With a deep breath she hit send and tucked the phone back into the chest pocket of her gear, her eyes rising toward the dark cloud of smoke up ahead. How many of us are going to die today?
She looked off into the staging area as their pickup worked its way through all the apparatus. It was mayhem with so many fire engines, trucks, and ambulances scattered throughout the parking lot. Probably at least a hundred first responders were scrambling around, getting ready to be put into action themselves. While it was all so crazy, Ali managed a small smile. It made her proud to be here with all these amazing people who were willing to risk their lives for others.
They passed by an ambulance sitting just next to the driving lane. She squinted at the name on the side of the ambulance, Huntersville, not recognizing the town and wondering how far they had traveled in order to get there.
Just then there was a blinding flash and she was violently tossed through the air. It only took a few seconds before she slammed into something hard, pain shooting throughout her body. She crumpled onto the ground on her left side, metal and stone and plastic raining down around her. She couldn't catch her breath, so she grabbed frantically for the oxygen mask that she knew had been hanging over her shoulder moments before. But it wasn't there. Concentrating hard, she finally managed to pull in one labored breath of the crisp air, but she knew it wasn't enough. I'm going to die. This time the thought didn't scare her, though. There was something about being sure of it that calmed her.
She looked up at the sky, wishing she could see the bright blue sky above her one last time, but there was nothing but smoke hovering overhead. So instead she closed her eyes, trying to block out the chaos surrounding her. If she was going to die, it'd be on her own terms, and she wanted to go peacefully.
Just as she felt herself losing consciousness, there was another blast, another flight through the air, and another sickening crunch as her left side slammed into the wreckage of a fire truck. Searing pain went up from her leg into her back and up to her chest. Her head struck last, shooting a white hot dagger through her mind.
And then there was nothing.