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They were several beers in, laughing at the stupid faces of the guests in the party when Skwisgaar suddenly stopped, stroking his chin in seemingly deep thought.
“I has an ideas.”
“Gets some sluts?”
“Noes. I mean, ja, maybe laters buts I meant…lets play a games.”
Toki sat upright, which wasn’t much considering they were both resting on the sofa. “A games?”
“Ja. I saws it on the computers de other days.”
That was odd. It was usually Toki the one that suggested playing games, not Skwisgaar. “Whats it abouts?”
Skwisgaar smirked at him. “It ams called hears me outs.”
“Hears me ups?”
“Outs. It ams like, you picks a porsons whats you wants to you-know-whats but it amsnt…socksially accepktables?” Skwisgaar looked up, as if unsure of the expression. “Soes it ams like. A conksfessions of sorts.”
“Okays.”
“And de oders gotsa judge whats yous conksfessions ams akskeptables or not.”
“Rights…”
“And de most fuckeds ups consfections wins.”
“Huh.” Toki wasn’t sure how much of a game that was supposed to be, especially when Skwisgaar already enjoyed copulating with the most strange-looking women.
“Okeis so lets goes. I starts.” Skwisgaar scouted the crowd with a sharp gaze. “Woulds.” He pointed at a particularly decrepit, old lady using a walking aid. Definitely not out of order for Skwisgaar, but Toki had to wonder how someone that old was let in Mordhaus.
Well, maybe it was exactly because of the man sitting next to him.
“Yous turn.”
“Uh…Mm…” Toki gestured at a slightly overweight girl with a plain face. “Woulds?”
“Pssht.” Skwisgaar was side-eyeing him. “You ams such a weaks porsons, Toke.”
“Whats? You pickeds an old ladies-”
“Watch and learns.” Skwisgaar placed his hand on his chin in deep thought. “Deres.” He signaled a morbidly obese middle-aged woman wearing tiny shorts that highlighted the cellulite in her legs. “Woulds. While she eats a honk boirgers in mine face. Wifs extra cheese.”
“That’s gross!”
“Dats how you plays it!”
“I donts like dis games!”
“Heugheugh, ams dis too harcores for yous?” Skwisgaar giggled obnoxiously. “Little Tokes can’t handle a bits of matures fun?”
“Shuts up!” Toki tried to shove him though Skwisgaar dexterously avoided his arm. “Dis gams ams stupids!”
“Ja, ja, yous turn nows.” Skwisgaar laid his back against the sofa, expectant. “Don’ts disappoints.”
Despite the anger, Toki felt pressured. And he never did well under pressure. “Uhm…wells…” He searched the guests for anything interesting. Anyone interesting. “Hers…” He pointed a reluctant finger. “The pregnants ladies?”
“Hm…” Skwisgaar nodded slowly. “Faskinatingks choice. “She ams regulars hots but she gots a bords in de ovens. Fuckingks pregnants wamens involves a complickateds logistics, likes, what if de babies comes out in the middle of you-knows-what? Pretty brutals. You pass.”
Toki sighed in relief before realizing how stupid it all was. Who made Skwisgaar the ultimate judge of sex?!
“Okeis my torns.” Skwisgaar said. “Already pickeds her. De sleeping gmilfs by the corner.” Toki followed Skwisgaar’s gaze and saw what seemed to be a comatose lady in a stretcher, with a strict-looking woman checking on her. Seriously, who was approving of these guests?
“I think she ams deads.”
“Euh, would fucks dat, too.”
In the middle of a grimace, Toki realized he needed to get serious if he expected to stand a chance against the depravity of his bandmate. “Okays, then, I fucks the moodies nurse while you fucks the corpse!”
“Nows yous talkin’!” Skwisgaar patted him in the back approvingly. “I fucks dese two over deres.”
“The ones whats looks like a moms and daughters?”
“Exactlies.” Skwisgaar smirked. “The taboos makes me arouseds to an unreasonables eckstents. Maybes, if I feels generous, I calls Nethans or Pickle to joins me.”
Toki frowned, slightly offended. “Whats about Toki?”
Skwisgaar shot him a skeptical look. “Onlies if you don’ts gets all butthurts abouts whats you ends wif. Agains.”
“I donts!”
“Shores. Keeps goingks.”
Unfortunately for him, Toki couldn’t brush the matter as easily. In his half-intoxicated state, he imagined himself sharing the women with Skwisgaar and had to fight to get rid of that image. “I-I fucks de talls blondes whats talkings with de bartenders.” He stammered.
“Eugh.” Skwisgaar wrinkled his nose. “She coulds eats some mores. Looks like a starvings horse.”
“Ja, I knows others peoples like dats.” Toki blurted without thinking but Skwisgaar didn’t seem to get it.
“Rights. Woulds on dat hairy ladies talkings to Moidaface.” Skwisgaar said and Toki quickly spotted her. Her unruly curly hair hid her face from their angle, in contrast to the hairy legs full on display thanks to her leather skirt.
“She didnts even shave her armpits…” Toki said, half-impressed, half-disgusted.
“It ams like fuckingks a werewolves, I bets.” Skwisgaar nodded sagely to himself. “Wereladies. Brutals.”
“Uh…” Toki was now picturing Skwisgaar getting into bed with a wolf. “I t’inks I need a drink.”
“Ja, yous and me toos.” Skwisgaar raised his arm and the waiter instantly came with a couple of colorful cocktails.
Toki practically downed half of his in one gulp. This whole thing was reminding him of the first time he walked in on Skwisgaar getting action. He had only joined the band recently and was evidently still a virgin, so seeing a full-blown orgy featuring his friend at the center was traumatizing. The idea of having sex was terrifying to him for a while after.
“Woulds you fucks an animals?” Toki impulsively asked.
Skwisgaar raised an eyebrow and Toki was worried he had gone too far. “Euh, depends on de size.”
“Sizes?”
“Ja, I woulds be interests in doingks a big animals, likes a whales or perhaps an anascondas. Woulds be a challenges to conquers.” Skwisgaar smiled, losing himself in the fantasy for a moment. “Yous?”
“Um…” Toki glanced down at his glass. “Maybes like a reallies cute cats or-”
“Eugh, Tokes!” Skwisgaar elbowed him.
“Whats?!”
“Dat ams just disgustinkgs!”
“Wh-Why ams it disgustingks?! You just saids you fucks a whales!”
“Whales ams big and imposingks! Cats ams just…small littol beings. You ams a real sicks perverts.” Skwisgaar took a swig at his drink.
Toki watched the drink run across Skwisgaar’s throat, unflinching. “Wells, I guess that means I wins, donts I?”
Skwisgaar’s half-lidded gaze suddenly turned wide and he stopped drinking. “Dats…”
“Dats what you says-” Toki lifted a finger and proceeded to do his best (or worst) Skwisgaar impersonation. “The most fuckeds up confessions wins. I just dids thats.” A smile spread on his face.
“Now, waits a minutes…”
“Ams the winners and yous the losers-”
“Waits! Waits!” Skwisgaar tried to sit up but wobbled a little instead. Maybe Toki had underestimated how wasted he was. “Ams stills not dones. I still gots something unders mine jackets.”
“Yous not wearin’ a jackets-”
“It ams an expressions, Toki!” Skwisgaar gracelessly put the empty glass on the floor, dangerously close to his foot. “Okays, hears me outs. Yous not gonna beats me on dis ones, heugh.”
“Just says you donts wanna lose-”
“Shuts up!” Skwisgaar shouted, then paused dramatically. After a moment, he started cackling maniacally. Oh, Toki definitely underestimated his levels of inebration. “Okeis, okeis, gets dis...”
“Whats.”
Skwisgaar locked eyes with him, softly biting his bottom lip as his gaze strayed away. Toki couldn’t believe it, was that nervousness in the guitarist’s features? Skwisgaar leaned into Toki, gesturing to him to come closer. His alcohol-infused breath was hitting Toki’s face as he struggled to keep in place, his mouth opening and closing with indecision.
As he watched Skwisgaar’s lips, it occurred to Toki what the ultimate confession in this game would be. Maybe not the most disturbing but definitely the most daring.
Was that what Skwisgaar was gonna say? Is that why he asked Toki to come closer? No way, he wasn’t prepared for that. No way, no way, no way-
“Moidaface.” Skwisgaar said before pulling back and against the sofa.
Toki blinked. And then he waited. “...Whats about Moidaface?”
Skwisgaar laughed heartily, the kind of laughter he only let out sparingly. “You knows.”
“Hm?” Toki tilted his head, feeling like he had missed an important part of the conversation. “I don’ts.”
“Woulds.”
Still disorientated, Toki swallowed heavily. “Would-Woulds what?”
“Woulds you-know-whats, obviouslies.” Skwisgaar chuckled, staring at the ceiling. “From behinds so I don’ts see his uglies face. If I don’t see his face I cans be conskvinceds he ams a middle ageds divorceds womans. He ams gots de bodytypes. Buts I gotsa be real shitfaceds, ya knows? Coz de minutes I hear him squealinkgs…heugheugheugh…”
While Skwisgaar laughed to himself, Toki remained in silence, processing the shocking confession. He wondered if it was all a dream, if maybe at some part during the game he had fallen asleep. Or if maybe he had fallen asleep even earlier. He pinched his arm, wanting to awake but the pang of pain he felt seemed to be mocking him instead.
“Soes? Gots anyt’ings bettors?” Skwisgaar, that stupid motherfucker, dared to ask.
“Of all persons in de bands…” Toki started. “You woulds pick Moidaface?”
“Huegh?” Skwisgaar lifted his head.
Toki cleared his throat. “Wouldnts you picks other bandmembers before Moidaface? Dere ams Nethans and Pickle, and…” The scrutinizing look Skwisgaar was giving him made him more nervous. “Um…”
An awkward silence befell them, except for the racket from the party. Skwisgaar was glaring at Toki with disbelief. “Tokis, you twisteds freaks. We ams bandksmates for fucks sake. Don’ts be weirds.”
“Wha-” Toki’s pitch got higher by at least two scales. “Moidaface ams yous bandmates too?!”
“Eugh, barelies.” Skwisgaar shrugged. “Dat amsnt even da points. Yous so bad at followingks de topicks of conskversations sometimes. Guess dats why yous guitars so sloppies too.”
“Whats?”
“Cants even conskentrates properlies.” Skwisgaar shook his head in disappointment. “Sees? Nows you gots me all bummed outs abouts it.”
As if this revelation wasn’t enough by itself, this asshole had taken the chance to dig at Toki’s playing. Unfortunately for him, Toki wasn’t really taking things well right now, being invaded by a different rage than usual. “You…” He said, trying to keep his composure to no avail. Before his mind even set up on it, he had lunged at Skwisgaar. “You fuckers!” He yelled, shaking him aggressively.
“Whats the-” Skwisgaar was startled under him. “Whats de fucks ams wrongs wif you?!”
“I kills you!” Toki screeched, gripping Skwisgaar by the shoulders. “I fuckingks kills you!!”
“How abouts you prackstice mor-” Skwisgaar cut himself off mid-sentence, probably realizing it was best not to provoke him further. At least that’s what Toki naively thought, but instead Skwisgaar squinted. “Ams you jealous?”
“N-Noes?!” Toki backed away at once, feeling his heart in his throat. “Why woulds I bes-”
Skwisgaar started chuckling, his expression turning mischievous and an unexplainable fear dawned on Toki. “Yous jealous.” His bandmate stated matter-of-factly. “Because you wants to do Moidaface too.”
“AH?!” Toki yelled loudly enough that every guest at the party turned towards him. Hold on, want?!
Skwisgaar snorted in delight. “It ams okeis, Toke. Be mine guest.” In slow motion, Toki saw him search for Murderface in the crowd, then open his mouth to call him. “Mmmmmoooiiidafaac-
“Stops!” Toki slapped his arm away though it was too late. Murderface was already coming their way, with the rest of the guests watching the development. He wanted to disappear. He wanted to disappear so badly.
“What do you asscholes want?” Murderface approached hastily, already sulking. “I wasch about to schcore!”
“Shores, you weres.” Skwisgaar said smugly. “Toki here wants to tells you somet’inks, or rather, does, heugheugh.”
“No, I don’ts!” Toki quickly denied. When he saw Skwisgaar was about to speak again, he covered his mouth with one arm, grabbing him by the waist with the other so he wouldn’t do anything stupid. “He ams just drunks and annoyinks. Ignores him, please.”
While Skwisgaar struggled, it was clear he was very amused by the whole situation, his torso vibrating from laughter as his hot breath warmed Toki’s palm. Murderface stared at them judgementally. “Whatever.” He said before leaving.
Toki waited for Murderface to be far away enough and for everyone else to return to their business before he glared at Skwisgaar. “Wills you behaves now?!”
Still chuckling, Skwisgaar nodded.
“Yous promise?”
Another nod.
Toki let him go. “Yous almost gets me in trouble!”
“Just messinks with you a littol bits…” Skwisgaar massaged the sides of his mouth. “Hads to secure my victories” He stretched out his hand. “Unless you wants to bones Moidaface.”
“Stops that.” Toki hesitantly stretched his hand as well, wrapping it into a handshake with Skwisgaar’s. “You wins.”
“Goods.” Skwisgaar’s gaze lingered for a moment too long before breaking it off and it made Toki’s stomach twist into a knot.
“Yous not gonna…wif Moidaface, rights?” Toki asked with a forced laughter.
“Pfft, no ways. It ams just a games.” Skwisgaar snatched a wine bottle from a passing waiter. “Is never be dat drunks. I t’inks.”
“Yeah…” Toki watched him gobble down the wine, not exactly reassured.
Normally, he hated losing against Skwisgaar.
But the idea of Skwisgaar and Murderface together was even worse.