Chapter Text
The restaurant was expensive. The ambience and atmosphere perfect. Jimmy Olsen sat absently playing in his food with his fork. It was getting cold, but he had lost his appetite. Kara’s dinner plate sat across from him, the chair empty. She'd taken maybe two bites of food before she suddenly stood and whispered, “I've got to go.” He watched her hurry out of the restaurant, smiling quietly that he understood, but that smile was a lie. Jimmy Olsen had grown jealous of the world. His ego was crushed. He was angry, disappointed. He pouted. When the sympathetic waiter came by, he gratefully accepted a refill on his wine.
Meanwhile our hero was saving a bus load of elderly, casino day trippers from a cliffside in the pouring rain. Their motorcoach had gone over the edge of a wet, curving coastal road. It rested upside down partway down the cliff. The emergency crews were relieved when she arrived. After a quick conference with them, it was decided that she would stabilize the crumpled bus while rescue workers rapelled down to carefully extract the injured occupants. Ambulances lined the roadway and rescue teams tied off ropes, making their way down to the wreck. The storm raged all around them, blowing rain in sheets.
Supergirl grappled desperately to keep the wet, slippery bus from slipping further down. The movements of the rescue teams inside the bus upset the precarious balance and made her job increasingly difficult. The cries of the crash victims filled her ears and wrenched at her heart. Struggling on she finally resorted to flying in place, her body flat against the upsidedown roof to keep the bus in one spot. After three hours of being soaked by the rainstorm, the last of the injured were extracted, and Supergirl drug the ruined bus up the cliff. Part of the bus broke off and crashed into the waves below. She deposited what she had in her hands on the roadway and then retrieved the fallen section.
There was one message on her phone when she finally found time to check.
James: “Go home Kara.”
Kara flew past Jimmy apartment. She owed him a do over. She owed him a lot of do overs, and she knew it. It was dark, no lights. By the time she got home, it was close to midnight. Cold cereal, a shower, and drying her suit occupied her for a while. Yawning she went to bed feeling traumatized by the pitiful moans and screams of the injured senior citizens, yet happy she was able to help. Hugging her pillow close she cried a while and then drifted to sleep.
The next day Kara began to worry when Jimmy didn't show up for their usual morning smiles and greeting. Winn gave her the “hey what's up” raised eyebrow look when she marched past his desk on her way to Cat's office. She shrugged and rolled her eyes at him not stopping. Cat Grant was in an unusually good mood this morning. The bus crash had drawn on for hours, and Catco photographers had gotten some fantastically, dramatic shots of Supergirl in action. Supergirl with an anguished look at the sounds of pain and fear. Supergirl floating the bus on her spread eagle body. Supergirl triumphant at last bringing the hulk of the damaged bus to the road above. Cat was seeing dollar signs and increased circulation, so she was pushing everyone to get the story and pictures ready to publish. “Kara!” Cat waved her in.
Winn was left wondering why Kara seemed out of sorts. He made a beeline for Jimmy Olsen. He found him working on some photos of the crash. “Hey James, wasn't Kara amazing? Hovering with that bus on her back for three hours in that storm had to be tough.”
“Yep, She’s amazing,” Jimmy replied not sounding like he meant a word of it. In fact he sounded a bit like eeyore to Winn.
“Are you and Kara fighting? Didn't you two have dinner last night?”
Jimmy tensed and growled, “No! We didn't have dinner. Unless you call sitting alone at a table with an abandoned plate of food having dinner.”
“Oh dude, she must be really disappointed. Kara loves to eat.”
“Did she look disappointed to you when you saw her this morning Winn?” Jimmy was still fuming.
Winn scolded, “Come on James, she saved 56 people from falling down a cliff into the ocean. You know she could hear the crash and the screaming from the restaurant. Do you really expect her to enjoy dinner and just sit there smiling at you all happy when she is listening to 56 people screaming and crying for help? She has burdens we will never understand. That's some heavy shit to deal with.”
“Ya, she has burdens. I have burdens too,” Jimmy retorted poking his index finger at his own chest. “Winn you don't understand how hard it is to be in a conversation with her or having dinner and *poof* off she goes. Maybe she comes back in ten minutes, maybe three hours, maybe she doesn't come back at all. I want to be important to her. I want to feel like I matter. I want time with her, and I see now I will never be able to really have that with her. I feel like I'm her toy. She brings me out when she wants to play and then sets me back on the shelf. Our relationship has mainly been just sex.
Winn stuttered, “You're having s-s-sex with Kara?”
Jimmy rolled his eyes at his friend, “Winn, you have no idea how ego killing it is to be tossed around by your girlfriend like a cat playing with a mouse. Inadequate does not even come close. I used to do push ups in front of Lucy, and she was impressed. Kara can do push ups with 100,000 ton Fort Rozz on her back. It’s impossible to satisfy her with her speed, strength and stamina. You know she doesn't even need to sleep, not really. She's like a cross between a Timex watch and the Energizer bunny. I thought it would work between us. I had no idea it would be like this.”
“But dude, you are important to her. Hey, she dates you. I'm permanently in the friend zone.”
“Friendship is fine, but she doesn't have time for a real relationship. I can't do it anymore Winn. I'm breaking it off with her today. I thought it would work, but I need someone who will be there for me. I can't compete with the entire planet.”
Winn was shocked. He patted Jimmy on the shoulder and left too stunned to reply. On the way back to his desk he tried to process what Jimmy had said, “That guy has lost his mind. What an egotist! Supergirl is not good enough for him? She does so much for so many and asks for nothing in return but the hope that we will love her. What did he expect for her to just sit there and listen while those people all died? “No, Kara, You let those people die, eating dinner with me is more important, and I expect you to smile and be happy.” Whew, does he even hear himself? Kara needs someone who supports what she does and then is there to support her later when she is worn out and beat up and emotionally exhausted. God, I wish she could see me as more than a friend.”
Meanwhile our hero was frantically busy in her office proofing the copy for the “Supergirl saved my gambling Grandmother” spread. Cat had them on a tight deadline. She had just finished and was heading out of her office door when Jimmy showed up. Kara gave him her nervous Sunny Danvers smile and said, “James, I have to take these to Cat I will be right back.” Jimmy sat in her office waiting.
While giving the copy to Cat for final edits, Kara saw a breaking news story. People were trapped in a burning apartment building. Firefighters were trying to reach them. When Cat looked up, Kara was already long gone. A huge smile lit up the media diva’s face when she saw Supergirl rescue the trapped people. In a few minutes, Kara was back at Cat's desk. Sorry Miss Grant, I needed the restroom. Will there be anything else?”
Cat refrained from snarking, “When you need a restroom do you always prefer one in a burning building?” Instead she simply looked down at her laptop screen and replied, “No Kara, that will be all. There’s some soot on your hand that you missed.” Kara, embarrassed, hastily looked at her hands and sure enough there was a small smudge of soot. Cat stood and wiped at the spot with a tissue. She had a grip on Kara's forarm, and as always any closeness with Cat seized up her chest and took her breath away. Lightning raced down her arm, and Kara stiffened up like a board. Finally Cat let go of her arm and waved her away. “Go”
When Kara got back to her office Jimmy was still there. She started to apologize in her uncomfortable, stammering, blabbering way, but he stopped her. “Kara, I can't do this anymore.” He paused and pointed at her face, “You have soot there back by your ear.” Kara rubbed it off as he continued. “You never really have time for me. We make good friends. I thought I wanted more with you, but you don't have anymore to give, and it's not enough for me. I want to go back to being friends. I need to go back to just being your friend.” Kara opened her mouth to say something, anything, but he held up his hand. “We are over, but I'm still your friend.” With that he walked out of her office closing the door.
Winn was a true friend, so he had been stalking Kara all morning waiting for Jimmy to break it to her. After Jimmy was out of sight, Winn knocked softly on her door and then opened it. He quickly shut it when he saw the broken pile that used to be her desk. Winn called maintenance and asked for a new desk to be brought up then he opened the door again and slipped inside. He quickly closed the door and backed up against it. Arms up defensively. “I ordered you a new desk from maintenance.”
Kara was in tears. Hot tears streamed down her cheeks. She whined and pointed at the door, “Winn. . .”
“I know. He told me this morning. I am so so sorry.” Winn edged closer. The wreck of a desk shifted suddenly and crashed into a pile. The sudden sound and movement made Winn jump and cryout. Kara let out a sobbing giggle, and Winn knew she was past her initial anger. He pulled her into a tight hug, and she cried on his shoulder as he held her.
The sudden ringing of Kara's desk phone broke the silence. She answered it, “Kara Danvers.” The voice of Cat Grant's latest assistant filled the air. “Miss Danvers, Miss Grant needs you in her office now.”
Kara wiped her eyes and blew her nose. “ Thanks Winn.” She hugged him and walked out the door to Cat Grant's office. Cat didn't look up when Kara walked up to her desk. Her eyes were focused on her computer screen. She handed Kara some layouts. “Go over these for me. I need them back by 10am tomorrow.” Kara looked down to take the layouts from Cat's hand. Cat held on to them. Kara looked up and saw Cat was looking at her. They stared face to face for several seconds. “Balcony. Now.” Cat got up and made a beeline for it. Kara followed expecting the no crying at work lecture.
“Do not breakdown and cry on me,” Cat scolded. “Now sit down and think of a way to tell me what is going on without bursting into tears.” Kara sat and thought. “I'm single again,” she offered without tears.
Cat scowled. She had pushed Kara at Adam, then at Jimmy, neither had worked out. These tears were partly Cat's doing, and she knew the time had come to stop following her head and start following her heart. She stood beside Kara and started rubbing her arm consolingly. Kara leaned her head into Cat. “Think before you answer me. Why do you really feel hurt. The reason you think you are hurt may not be what is really hurting you.”
“Oh this sounds familiar. “You aren't really angry with me Kara. You are mad at something else.” The “find the anger under the anger speech” ran through her mind.” She wondered, “Was there hurt under the hurt? What was really hurting her.” Kara silently considered.
As she stood there patiently waiting for Kara to speak, Cat made a final decision. If you want something done right, Do. It. Yourself. It was a hard won decision she had wrestled with for more than 2 years. She knew it would be hard. She also knew it would be rewarding. Ultimately it came down to this, Kara needed it, and who was Cat Grant to deny the savior of the world anything. So Cat turned and let Kara's head rest against her. It felt heavenly and made her breath catch. She took the pins out of the golden, blonde hair. Gently lifting away the glasses. Kara tried to protest by lifting a hand, but a stern, “No!” stopped any resistance.
“While you are considering what the hurt behind the hurt is, I want you to know that I know you are Supergirl. Do. Not. Stiffen. Up. On. Me.” Kara relaxed into Cat obediently. “I've known for sure since the first interview on the hill. We can discuss it later if you like, but sufficient for now I will say if you don't trust me by now you never will, regardless take Supergirl into account in your answer.”
After some minutes of thinking and enjoying Cat stroking her long soft hair, Kara was ready to answer, she pulled away from Cat and sat up. She missed the contact immediately and reached out a hand towards Cat. Cat caught the hand with hers and held it close. Her heartbeat revved up, and it made Kara startle. Supergirl’s blue eyes looked up and took the air out of Cat's lungs, “Miss Grant are you feeling ok?”
“Kara after today I doubt I will ever be feeling fully ok again,” Cat let out an odd giggling laugh.
Kara frowned at the cryptic response but continued with her answer, “The hurt under the hurt is that I'm on a planet with over six billion people, and I feel like I will never find someone who can love the real me. I know they care about me, but Winn loves Kara Danvers. James thought he loved Supergirl. But no one loves Kara ZorEl Danvers Supergirl all rolled into one. How can they? My life is anything but normal or regular. I continously get called away at a moment's notice. I'm stronger, faster, and maybe smarter, a walking ego killer. Forever alone.” Her voice broke, and she started to cry, “It hurts Cat.”
In an incredibly uncharacteristic display, Cat Grant the Queen of all media flopped down beside our hero and wrapped her arms around her as tightly as she could. All the springs of the earth couldn't have held as much water as Kara's eyes. Cat began to wonder if crying a river was actually a superpower she didn't know Supergirl possessed. Cat's new assistant interrupted only once and was hit with a barage of demands, “Clear the rest of my day, reschedule all my meetings. Do not speak of this to anyone or you will find yourself in the unemployment line. You signed a nondisclosure agreement, and you will stick to it. Now be gone, and no one gets past you.”
Once Kara was a bit recovered and more composed, Cat began talking. Cat had relaxed her grip but still held Kara in her arms. It was so comfortable, and Kara was so warm, snuggling into her. Cat felt ridiculous that she had been denying herself this delight for so long. ”Well no more denying. I'm the Queen of All Media for Christ's sake, not the Queen of Denial.”
“Kara a lot of this is my fault. Maybe all of it. I should have never pushed you at Adam or James. I had your happiness in mind, but I see now I was missguided. I'm an ego killer too you know.
“Oh, Miss Grant, anyone would be lucky to have you. I would be proud to to . . .” Cat interrupted and Kara was thankful. Awkward
“I'm sure there is the rare exception out there, but in my experience the male ego is very fragile. For that matter the female ego can be quite fragile too. You need someone who is your equal at least on some level. Someone who understands what it is like to be powerful, and the awful responsibility that comes with it. Someone who has also gone through some fire and pain, real loss. Someone who already has a life and doesn't need to rely on you to fill it up for them, that way you can come and go, keeping your freedom and independence. Ultimately that person would accept you, all of you, and understand that your duty is to the people and expect you to fulfill that duty first. Someone who would be like the beacon of a lighthouse, so you can always find your way home no matter how dark or stormy your life might get.”
Had there been crickets on the balcony of the Catco building, you could have heard them chirping. Minutes went by, Kara clung to Cat, head on her shoulder, running her fingers up and down Cat's upper arm. Cat had one arm wrapped securely around Kara’s waist and the other rubbed lightly up and down her back. Cat leaned her head against Kara's and sighed a happy, contented Cat sigh.
Finally Cat spoke smiling and joking, “Feel how wet this is.” She offered the front of her shirt for Kara to feel. Kara felt it. It was soaked. Cat's hand gently came up to cup Kara's cheek, Cat looked into her blue, blue eyes and said softly, “You deserve so much more. Please don't hold this against me,” and with those words still on her lips she leaned in and kissed Kara, warm soft lips brushing against warm soft lips. As Cat's pulse pounded, she thought, Oh my God, she isn't pulling away. Heaven help me.”
Unbeknownst to the two women locked in a never ending kiss on Cat's private balcony, the assistant had gone to the restroom and was not there to guard the door. Winn and Jimmy were able to sneak into Cat's office. Winn had shown Jimmy the crushed desk and explained how hard Kara had cried before being called into Cat's office, and Jimmy actually felt really bad. Jimmy and Winn thought if they talked to Kara together they might be able to offer some comfort or at least cover for her so she could go home. The scene they stumbled on to through the glass of Cat's balcony left them dumbstruck. Winn looked at Jimmy. He looked back at the balcony, rubbing his eyes. Jimmy was frozen, his mouth dropped open, eyes wide. It was during this moment that Cat pushed Kara back against the couch and rising up on her knees deepened the kiss. Kara's hand snaked up around Cat’s back. Winn started pulling at Jimmy arm. He whispered, “Jimmy come on, we need to go.”
Super hearing picked up the whisper, and smirking Kara slid her hand up Cat's back and down her arm catching her hand. Slowly Kara moved Cat's hand to her breast and momentarily held it there. This move from Kara was totally unexpected and caught Cat off guard. Excited, the kiss became more passionate, and Cat’s hand pressed and caressed Kara through her shirt. Truly it was the hottest thing either man had ever seen and even though they knew they should run they were rooted to the spot. Cat's assistant finally rescued them, by throwing them out and scolding them, “Miss Grant does not wish to be disturbed.”
The two men retreated to Kara's office. They couldn't look at each other. Winn turned in a slow circle pinching the bridge of his nose. Jimmy rubbed his forehead and looked at the floor. Finally Winn spoke, “THAT was hot. That was so hot. Oh My God.”
Jimmy responded with, “THAT was insane Winn. How long do you think that's been going on?”
“How long has that been going on? You're jealous? Are you really going to accuse Kara, Kara Danvers aka Supergirl, of cheating on you with Cat Grant? Dude, you are the one who broke up with her. I told you how upset she was. Oh my God, they are kissing. Upstairs. right now. And, and did you see Cat's hand, oh ya you saw. YOU saw.”
“I'm ruined for the rest of the day. I'm still not sure I saw what I saw.”
“Ha, I know what I saw, and I think someone is going to be hanging her blue suit up in Cat's penthouse tonight.”
“Shut up Winn.”
Meanwhile back on the balcony, the kissing had gotten completely out of hand, Cat was in the process of opening Kara's shirt when she was stopped from finding the expected soft, warm skin by a barrier of rough blue fabric. Somehow this caught Cat off guard, though she should have been expecting it, and she pulled her lips away from Kara's mouth and looked down. The blue fabric was somehow sobering, facinating and she ran her fingers over it.
Kara was suddenly bubbling over with laughter. The outburst was unexpected and a puzzled look came over Cat's face. “Winn and Jimmy saw us through the glass,” Kara gasped out. “The new assistant caught them, so they ran down to my office. I can hear them talking,” and she laughed some more. “Winn keeps saying, “Oh my God, that was so hot.” and Jimmy thinks that I've been cheating on him with you.” Kara cackled with laughter, and Cat was relieved to see her mirth. “Welcome back to the land of the living my love.”
Smiling brightly, Kara started repeating what she was hearing for Cat, “Jimmy, “I'm ruined for the rest of the day. I'm still not sure I saw what I saw”.”
Cat smirked.
“Winn, “Ha, I know what I saw. And I think someone is going to be hanging her blue suit up in Cat's penthouse tonight”.”
Kara's eyes grew big after realizing what she had just repeated. “Oh, Cat, I'm sorry. I try so hard not to eavesdrop. I shouldn't have repeated that.” Cat slipped a thin, fairy like finger under the neckline of the blue super suit and ran it from one corner to the other. “Well, I certainly wouldn't tell you no, but duty first, and I won't hear otherwise.”
The non-existent crickets chirped loudly in the silence that followed Cat's remark.
Kara initiated the next kiss. It was deep and strong. Cat felt overpowered by Kara's need, and she allowed Kara to pull her close and drive the kiss where she wanted it to go. Suddenly Kara was pulling away, Cat followed not ready for the kiss to end. Frowning blue eyes looked forlorn, “I have to go.” And she was gone in a blur, stirring a breeze in her wake.
Kara put the hammer down, and Cat heard the sonic boom echo off the skyscrapers. Kara dropped silently behind a screaming man holding a gun to a woman's head. She slipped her hand between the gun barrel and the woman and squeezed. The gun crumpled and in his confusion the man lost his grip on the hostage. Police officers ran forward taking the man roughly into custody and escorting the woman to safety. Kara was gone like she'd been shot from a cannon and was soon landing softly back on the Catco balcony, total elapsed time, three minutes. Cat was sitting right where she had left her. Supergirl was on a mission and had her arms and lips full of Cat in a heartbeat. “I like to hang my suit on a wooden hanger,” she breathed as she kissed her way down Cat's neck.
Eventually Supergirl was called away on DEO business. Cat called after her, “My balcony door is always unlocked at the penthouse.” Soon Cat called for a car to take her home, James Olsen wasn't the only one ruined for they day. On her way out she swung by his office and stuck her head in, “Did you know she likes to hang her suit on a wooden hanger?”
“Uh, no Miss Grant, I- I didn't.”
She shook her head at him and marched to her elevator.
Around 1 AM a shadow landed on the Grant penthouse balcony. It was so late, she should go home, but she had an open invitation and she was exhausted in so many ways. Temptation overcame Supergirl, and she slowly turned the knob of the French doors. Even just lying beside a sleeping Cat would feel so good, be so comforting. Rao, she was tired, drained. The opening door knocked something over, and Cat opened an eye smiling a very sleepy smile. “Hanger. Shower. Bed.” she punctuated each word by pointing. Supergirl found the free standing clothes rack first, one lonely wooden hanger dangling from the chrome rod. A warm grin spread across her face. Showering with her suit on, she scrubbed all the dirt and filth away, then she did her own handy version of the spin dry cycle. Silk pajamas and a robe were laid out for her, and as she hung her suit on the wooden hanger, she pondered on how thoughtful all this was. Jimmy had not been thoughtful like this. Mainly he just wanted sex on his terms, and attention, so much attention, and when he didn't get it he pouted. There was nothing difficult about setting out pajamas or hangers. It was simple but so thoughtful. Kara was touched that Cat would make these small gestures not even knowing if she would show up.
And there she was Catherine Jane Grant looking like a silver haired elf as her hair glowed in the light of the moon. She stirred rolling over toward the center of the bed, she patted the bedding with a hand and mumbled sleepily. “Bed.” Kara slipped between the sheets, only to be snatched up by a kraken that was Cat's arms and legs. The bed linens smelled so good. Cat smelled so good and felt even better. Feeling loved and accepted, she relaxed into Cat's tiny body. Before she knew it morning had come, and she never knew she had fallen asleep.
Cat, already dressed for work, was sitting on the edge of the bed trying to wake the golden haired angel from another world. Kara was so sleepy, she'd had a rough evening. “Sun,” she murmured. Handily Cat's bedroom was on the east side of the building. Cat fumbled with a remote on the night stand, and suddenly the vertical blinds retreated letting in the morning sun. Here came that Sunny Danvers smile creeping across Kara's face. The sun felt so good, her body soaking it in. Drawn to the sun’s rays, she got out of the bed and stripped off her pajamas without thought. “Ahhhhhhhh” She could feel the strength building in her core.
Cat was wide eyed and sat on the bed, mouth agape, watching this private spectacle unfold. Golden hair glowing in the morning light, Kara bathed in the sunlight, arms outstretched. Her body perfectly proportioned, long legs, sculpted curves. Slowly Kara became more self aware and awake, and her awareness told her she was naked. She could hear a familiar heart racing behind her, lungs taking shallow breaths. She brought her arms down and tried to think. Rao but this was embarrassing, though she thought it shouldn't be, it was. Panic set in and with a burst of super speed she dressed in her super suit and turned to face Cat.
“Oh thank God. I wondered how I was going to get any work done today,” Cat said in her deadpan voice. “I'm glad you accepted my invitation. You had a very long and emotionally exhausting day yesterday. What time did you get in?”
“1 AM.”
“Would you like to sleep a little longer? I'm sure Catco can do without you for a few hours.”
“No, the sun energizes me more than sleeping. It would do me a lot more good to get some sun.”
“Well that brings new meaning to Sunny Danvers.” Cat breathed deep, held it, then let it out. “Do you have something to change into? My car will be here in a few minutes to pick me up if you would like to ride in with me.
“No, I better not. I need to get a change of clothes from home,” with that said, she kissed Cat. Lingering close to Cat's lips she whispered her breath hot on Cat's cheek, “Thank you for yesterday and last night. I don't have words to say what it meant to me to not feel alone, to know someone wanted me, that I had someone to go too that understands.”
Cat's breath hitched, and she hugged Supergirl tightly. “If it's never more than we shared last night, it will be enough. No pressure. No agenda. Just you getting what you need.” Cat put both her hands on Supergirls cheeks and pulled her whole face down for a smacking kiss. “Now off with you. I will see you at work. I still need those proofs back from you by 10 AM.”