Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

It’s one of those slow, sticky afternoons where even breathing feels like a chore. Sou and I ended up slumped against the bathroom wall, eating and chatting, the minutes blurring together in the heat. I shift, trying to get comfortable, but the cold wall pressing against my back isn’t helping—and neither is the growing panic in my chest.

A bead of sweat slides down my cheek as I pray he can’t feel the stupid bump forming where his head was resting against me. Seeing Sou on my lap like this is really not helping my situation. I mean, just look at him. The way he rested so peacefully, smiling so adorably at me—it made it impossible to ask him to move… But I don't want to scare him away.

“Hmm… Shin, did you always use to eat here?” Sou questioned, his eyebrow raised slightly.

“I mean, yeah, I guess. I didn’t really have anyone to sit with before I met you and the others…”  I trailed off, hoping the silence would fill in the blanks for me as I bit into my sandwich, my cheeks fading into a rosy pink. The silence that followed grew awkward, so I glanced back down, waiting for a response, only to be met with the expressionless eyes and unreadable face. My heart sank, the grip on my sandwich loosening. ‘What's wrong’ is what I want to ask, but it gets caught in my throat. Unwilling to make its way out.

“So… Just to be clear, you haven't done this with anyone else, right?” Sou furrowed his brows as dull words escaped his mouth, feigning peace, though irritation stained his words. The tension was swelling, but there’s nothing I could do to stop it. I didn't know what triggered Sou.

“O-Of course not!” I squeal, snapping my eyes shut and blurting out words faster than I can comprehend, “Y-you’re more than that to me!”

Silence…

Seconds pass before I muster up the courage to peek. One eye at a time .  To my surprise and relief, Sou had put on a smirk. But… Wasn't he just..? Is this supposed to be jealousy?

“Uh… Sou, you're not… mad at me by chance, right?” I was scared of the answer, and I didn't want to face the possibility, but—

“Hey, look at me,” Sou interrupted, pulling me towards his face, “How could I ever be mad at this cute face of yours?” He cooed, his serrated eyes turning soft as his thumb caressed my cheek, and his head nuzzled against my inner thigh. Shit . The Sudden stimulation betrayed me, my pants began to tighten against my skin again.

“Ngh~” Just as the sound slipped through my lips, the taller boy froze, his gaze glued to me. Stop— why did that come out of me— did he hear that— what if he thinks I'm perverted? The endless thoughts spiraled, and I couldn't bring myself to look Sou in the eyes, who was now laughing nervously.

“... Shin, you alright there?” Sou hesitantly pushed up and off my lap and further away from my grasp. No, stop, don't go. The growing distance was sickening, but I could only imagine myself reaching for him as he scratched the back of his head. Did I really scare him away..?

“... I can hear your thoughts from here,” Sou says, waving his hand to grab my attention,“You look so deep in thought… but you shouldn't overthink every little detail,” he sighs, smiling gently as he sweeps his hair behind his ear.

Sou might be right, but I can't help myself… I don't want to lose the ones I cherish,,, so I have to be prepared for everything. 

“C-could you maybe… n-not do that?” I whispered, hands getting shakier with each passing second.

“Hmm?...Why?” the green-haired boy teased, his lips quirking up before his gaze dropped lower— “oh… I see.”

The stall fell quiet, and the air grew heavier as I pulled my knees to my chest, trying to make myself smaller. Invisible. Does he know? The question rang in my head. Again and again, as the knot in my stomach began to churn. My cheeks burned, the heat crawling up my neck and to my ears. If only I could just disappear.

“Aww~ Don’t hide from me,” Sou murmured, voice sweet and alluring, “I  just want to see all sides of you.” He leaned in again, the space between us shrinking until I could feel his breath on my skin.

“So…” he whispered into my ear, “What got you so worked up, huh? Was it my face? My voice? Or were you always that way?”

My throat tightened.

“I-I’m not—!” The words fumbled from my mouth, tumbling over themselves in panic, “I didn’t— I wasn’t trying— what are you even talking about!?!” I huffed, pouting as Sou cocked his head, smirking like I’d fallen into another one of his traps.

“This, of course, silly~” he said, flicking his fingers toward my lap. His eyes twisted with false sympathy, “You’re so innocent. I didn’t think you could get aroused… and so quickly, at that.”

He laughed—softly, but it echoed like a slap.

Disgusting.

Was this why Sou wanted to eat lunch with me?  So he could play and torment me? The thoughts raced in my mind, but they soon blurred and spun uncontrollably. It was a silent cry for this to be all over. He doesn’t care. He never cared. This was just another joke to him—

“Baby, don’t cry.”

Sou’s voice cut through the noise, low and gentle. My breath hitched, a chill scraping down my spine like ice on bare skin. He wiped away the tears I didn’t even realize were falling and pulled me into his arms. His touch this time—it was soft. Caring. Like I was made of glass.

“I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable,” he murmured, arms around me. “I was just… surprised. I didn’t think it’d upset you like that. I’m sorry.”

I know I shouldn’t believe him. But I cling to what little I hope that he truly means it this time. I press my face into his shoulder, pulling him closer. His uniform smelled like him: a sharp cologne, but sweet too. It untangled the knot in my stomach— just for a moment.

“I didn’t mean it,” the older whispered again, his hand running through my hair, “Don’t cry, Shin. I won’t do it again… I promise.” The room filled with murmurs of apologies and my sobs, and soon he pulled back. He then cupped my hands in his, pulling away his gaze, shifting into something colder… that look. It's new. Still soft, but something dark flickered behind them. Something that made my blood run just a little colder.

“Shin,” he whispered, “won’t you let me make up for my mistake?”

“...Re- pay… me? How?” The thought of Hiyori doing something for me was intriguing, especially considering how he’d never inconvenience himself for another’s sake.

“Just say yes, okay?” He tilts his head again, waiting for a response. And just as I begin to nod hesitantly he flips us over in such a swift motion. As if it was practiced, “Just trust me, you’ll like it” Like what? Confusion fills my mind as his vague answers are no help.

"I–alri—" 

I didn't even finish before Sou closed the distance, stealing my breath and my words in one brutal motion. His lips grazed mine—soft, almost reverent—but the hand that dragged me closer told a different story. I blinked. I couldn't move. Couldn't think. The world tilted and spun like a bad dream. I whimpered, pushing weakly at his shoulder.  

"Ngh~ w-wait, stop," I gasped, but my voice was too small, swallowed by the frantic pounding of my heart. No Response… His hand slid lower, from my waist to the fabric of my pants, touching and claiming, like I was some possession he could just take. He looked at me—soft smile, half-lidded eyes, weight pressed into my hips like I hadn't said anything.

"Sou, stop—!" I heaved, panic rising in my throat. I tried to pull away, tried to twist out of his grasp, but he was too heavy, too determined as he trapped me between his arms and legs. Another broken sound tore from me. A plea. A warning. I couldn't tell. The weight of him, the heat of him, pressed me deeper into the spinning dark.

"Hi-hiyori—"  Another kiss. Harder, Rougher. His body grinded against mine, paying no mind to my cries. I'm losing myself. I can't tell how much time has passed or what was going on anymore, but I knew I didn't want to be here.

"Please… no more…" The word barely escaped. And finally— finally— he reluctantly pulled away.

It took minutes, maybe hours, for the spinning to stop, for the nausea to untangle itself, and when I could finally focus, it was Sou. His lustful eyes returning to their predatory gaze.

“What’s wrong with you?” Those words stung, deep. Me? What’s wrong with me ? My vision blurred, tears prickling, demanding, taunting for an escape.

“I–” I only manage to choke out a word, suppressing my tears from streaming.

“You say we're a ‘happy’ couple, but you can't even handle a couple kisses?” Another snarky comment, the taller boy scoffs, crossing his arms as he scouls. He stays like that for a while, but eventually he seemingly softens, placing his hand— disgusting hand on my shoulder, whispering reassurances.

“Look, I’m sorry,” he begins, “but how are we supposed to be a real couple if you won’t let me make you feel good? Don't overthink it. They're just like hugs, but more intimate. Plus, hugs don’t hurt you, now do they?” A small smile forms at his lips, holding out his hand. Really? Overreacting? I take a deep breath and gather the courage to swat the green-haired boy’s hand away from mine.

“NO!” Sou froze, eyes wide in surprise, pout returning as he glared daggers straight into my soul. Averting his gaze he began to speak softly once more.

“Damn, you could’ve just said you weren’t interested” Abruptly, he turns to the door of the stall, hand reaching for the lock.

“No Wait! I didn’t mean it like that…” I begged, my fingers anchoring onto the other boy’s leg as he got up, “Please don’t go, don’t leave me… you're the only one I have… and-and I don’t want to lose you too” I didn’t care. I didn’t want him to leave ‘cause the only one who showed me true love was him, even if I got hurt in the process. It was worth it. The tears I tried so hard to suppress broke loose, rivers of tears soaking into the hem of Sou’s pants, “I’ll do anything for you! I swear!”

Suddenly, he stopped pulling against me, that smirk returning like a curse, “Alright, but don’t come running back to me for a while”

Shit , what have I done? I should’ve just accepted it– for Sou to make me feel good. Even if I couldn't take it. The world around me was spinning, all my surroundings becoming nothing more than a distant muffle, unable to comprehend anything. My tears overflowed, a headache claiming my already waning senses; wiping them onto my already-detached sleeves. Do you know longer want me? Did you get tired of my face? My thoughts were quickly ended by a sharp pain meeting my cheek as Hiyori snatches his leg from out my grasp, looking the angriest I’ve ever seen him before.

“...So I guess not…” He muttered, words icy cold, turning away from my view. Hold on… what was it that he said? Come back…

I kneeled, frozen in disbelief as the footsteps of my only love slowly disappeared through the door.

          Everything was spinning, my vision blurring and my heavy breath quickening even further as waves of dizziness sat into my head, fogging up my brain.

It’s happening,,, again…

THUD.

— ——————— —

I jolt awake, choking for air, my whole body stiff and aching. My head feels like someone’s taken a bat—pain ringing in my ears, pulsing loud enough to drown out my own thoughts.

“What’s… going on? Oh…” I mutter, blinking up at the cracked ceiling tiles. Right… School. My hand instinctively clutches my forehead, my fingers trembling against my skin as I try to string together a coherent thought. How long have I been here? The bathroom’s dead silent. No footsteps. No voices. No one came looking for me either. Not even Sou…

I let out a weak breath—half a laugh, half a sigh—and dragged myself upright, wiping at my face. My tears dried

“Oh… right. he's probably still mad at me.” The thought stings sharper than the headache. I sniff, steal myself, and start gathering my things off the shiny floor, slow and clumsy. I have to apologize. I can’t stand it. I can’t stand him being mad at me. I fumble around for my phone, glancing across the tiles. “Where is it…?” It’s nowhere. Maybe Sou took it—
No. No, no way. I shake my head hard enough to hurt. Don't doubt him. Don't ever doubt him. Batting away the ugly little seed of doubt trying to grow roots in my chest. I trust Sou. I have to. Still… It’s been a while, though. That’s the only thing I know for sure.

With a frustrated groan, I slump my shoulders and stuff my things into my backpack, “Ugh… Dad’s gonna have his way with me,” I mumble under my breath, hitching the bag onto my shoulders and dragging myself toward the door.

— ——————— —

It takes forever, but I finally reach the front entrance. I shove the heavy doors open with my whole weight, a gust of freezing air slapping me in the face.

“S-so c-cold—!” I squeak, yanking my scarf tighter around my neck. Sou’s scarf.
The fabric smells faintly like him still. The tiniest comfort—but a painful reminder.

The dark sky above me is dusted with stars, tiny specks of light scattered across a heavy black canvas. The air’s crisp, biting at my cheeks until they turn numb and pink, but at least the migraine is finally starting to subside.

Now that I think about it everything feels different at night. Like the world’s been rearranged when you weren’t looking. It’s kinda terrifying. Kinda… beautiful, too. I follow the path home—past the convenience store, past the lonely trees, past everything that’s supposed to be normal . My legs move on autopilot and I’m too tired to think. Until I see my house. The lights are off. all of them. That’s weird, right? It’s late. My parents should be home by now. They always are…

My heart picks up again, pounding harder than before as I cut across the yard, footsteps crunching over hardened snow, and reach for the front door—

It swings open before I even touch it.

Unlocked .

My stomach twists as I step inside, instantly kicking over a pile of trash scattered by the door. Crushed papers, empty bottles, and more junk further inside.

“What the hell happened here…?” I whisper, my voice lost in the suffocating silence. I barely get the words out before I see it.

In the kitchen .

A figure lying sprawled across the wood floor. Still. Too still.

I stumble forward.
Closer and Closer.
Until I can see her face and my throat locks up.

“MOM!!”

The scream tears out of me before I even realize, falling to my knees as something thick and wet soaks through my pants, clinging to my skin.

Blood.

I know it’s blood.

I stare, frozen, the scent of iron filling me.

Oh.

I get it now.

Chapter Text

Since moving farther out of the city, I’ve finally gotten to see the world outside of its endless noise and pollution. I’ve also managed to convince my parents to transfer me to another private school far from my previous one. 

But now that I'm actually here it really is something else. I feel like everyone is superior to me— especially the students from families of high social standing.

Abruptly, the bell blared. Third period was just now ending and with a sigh, I collected my notes before shoving them into my handbag. 

I shuffle out the door and upon leaving the room, I come to a halt in the center of the hallway. I’d only been a couple days since transferring so I was bound to get lost. And the map a counselor had handed me wasn't much help either; The lines and words were fuzzy and printed small so I couldn't get a good look. ‘Where’s math again..?’ I squint even harder, my face practically touching the sheet of paper before giving up. I groan.

“What is this” A damn maze—”

Thud.

My sentence cuts short as I collide face-first into someone. I stumble back.

“If you wanted to throw yourself at me,” a voice says, “you should’ve at least bought me lunch, y’know~” A light chuckle follows and to my surprise, it was Sou Hiyori. Despite transferring recently I recognized him from all the gossip floating around. Of course I knew he was tall and rich and from some elite family, but his looks. I couldn’t help but stare—

“...What?” I shake my head, backing away for each step taken towards me. As if on cue the apologies pour out of me as the boy dusts off his uniform.

“You’re lost, right?” Hiyori says, swiftly grabbing the map from my hands and falling silent, “Hmm,  We both seem to have the class, so I might as well show you the way!” ‘So Rude’ is the first thing that pops into my mind, but I can’t bring myself to speak, either way, he’s helping me out. Instead, I stare, mouth agape at my now empty hands, taken aback before nodding reluctantly, eyes trailing back to the floor.

I’ve barely said anything and yet I can feel myself overheating, palms slick with sweat, and my body growing antsy. Speaking with strangers was never a strong point of mine, in fact, it was really stressful; I never knew what to say or do and I always got so flustered. That's why I couldn't get close to anyone, even when I tried.

“Umm yeah, sure I guess. Thanks…” My voice is much softer than I'd hoped, unease creeping into the awkward silence.

“Alright then! Just hold on tight” What? And before I could process, I was being dragged through the halls like some worthless ragdoll. 

“Mr. Satou is especially strict, so being late is not an option,” Sou turns to me, his smile bright, but eyes unsettling as we darted full speed. Soon enough, we come to an abrupt stop. Room 306.

“Here it is, right this way,” Hiyori led me past some teacher and through the door, the grip of his hand on my wrist finally loosening. Ow. His hands were delicate and soft, but his nails deceived me. Digging deeper into my skin like a knife would do to butter. I instantly cradle the sting, picking at the reddening scratches.

Hiyori seemed to pay little attention to my discomfort as he marched further into the classroom and  held the door open. Upon entering the entire atmosphere changed. It was chaos. Absolute chaos. Some were shouting, others throwing objects across the room. To be honest, it still surprises me how lenient the school can be.

Smiling gently, I head to my desk before a hand lands on my shoulder.

“Before you go,” The boy spoke, “You’re a transfer student, no? I know it’s a bit late, but what’s your name?” My… name? I want to ask why, considering how we would probably never speak to each other again, but I pushed the thought away as quickly as it had appeared.

“Uhh Shin… Shin T-tsukimi” my heartrate quickens but all I can't manage is a nervous smile… Never in my life have I wanted the earth to swallow me up. Get it together— they’re just words— So why can’t I speak properly? My hands travel to the ends of my scarf. I can feel my face burning, the all-too intrusive heaviness planting itself into my chest.

“Ahh, okay. I'm Sou Hiyori… but you probably already knew that.” Hiyori then chuckled, waving me off before disappearing into the chaos and towards a group of people I assume are his friends. I say my thanks before finally making my way to my own desk.

At first glance Hiyori seems unapproachable, I think to myself, kinda intimidating too, but I stand corrected. He was sweet to me, even after bumping into him. I can’t help but feel like there’s something off about him though… Like there’s something he's trying to hide behind that grin of his, but then again, it’s not my business, so I should stay out of it.

Soon enough, the late bell rang and everyone rushed to their seats just as a tall brown-haired man entered the room. To my surprise all the trash had been picked up and everyone was seated as if they were model students.

The stern expression plastered on his face was evidence enough that he didn’t buy it, shaking his head in what seemed to be disappointment. The man then picked a piece of chalk lying on a tray beside him and began writing various practice problems on the board. Everyone follows, their eyes glued to the board as the room engulfed itself in the ruffling and scratching of paper and pen.

— ——————— —

When does class end again? I glanced at the clock, eager to leave though class had barely begun. With a disappointed groan I bury my face into my scarf, trying to will my way out of here. The place was cold and bland— nothing that my boredom could latch onto.

My eyes bounced around the room eventually landing upon Sou—who was sitting backwards and quietly whispering with some girl. I sigh escapes my lips. At least he had someone to talk to. Before long my eyelids grow heavy as I lay on my desk, hair blocking any unwanted light. Maybe for just a second… until class ends…

And my eyes fall shut…

— ——————— —

“Tsukimi, PAY ATTENTION.” My whole body jerks upright, my chair screeching across the floor as I nearly topple over, “This is School, Not your bedroom.”

“...Huh?” Wait what? How long was I out for? I glanced around, faint giggles scattered across the room.

“That’s the issue, you don't know what’s going on. This problem right here,” Mr. Satou said, pointing at problem 4 and lightly tapping the blackboard as he steps aside. Frowning, I shuffle reluctantly, shoes scuffing the floor with each step as a cold sweat ran down my spine. 

The hell am I even supposed to do? After inspecting previous problems and much time contemplating I finally began erasing and drawing again for what feels like an eternity. Eventually I sigh in relief, stepping back to check my work for any errors before our teacher nods in approval and gestures for me to head back.

The way back was shameful. Eyes peering at me like I was some kind of idiot. But to my surprise both Hiyori and the girl he had been talking to smiled, offering a thumbs-up. A soft smile tugged at my lips as I sat down. An unfamiliar fuzz sat in my stomach— it was different, pleasant even. As expected the lingering warmth had soon disappeared as if it had never been. 

My eyes glued back to the blue-haired girl in curiosity. Now both she and Hiyori seem to be… Intrigued, to say the least.

Luckily for me, class flew by after that. The joy was distracting… in a good way. Distracting me from home. Distracting me from school. Distracting me from my situation. It was nice…

Once the bell finally rang everyone rushed out, eager to escape the prison we call math—I couldn’t blame them. Staying in this room could risk losing your sanity. I pause, snorting and stifling my laughter at the dumb remark. 

“Hey~” And from nowhere, Hiyori sprung, leaning against my side. He’s so close … “What’s so funny?” the boy mused, his radiant smile practically brightening the room. 

“O-oh, I- It’s nothing, really…” I turned away, muttering something even I couldn’t hear. Hiyori laughed.

“Y’know, you shouldn’t stare at the floor so much. You’ll miss the view.” His hand then cupped my cheek, caressing it gently as he pulled me up. My eyes jerked, locking onto him against my will. My head creeps into silence and I can’t even remember how to breathe.

I stand there, eyes wide and frozen stupid. My words are there… somewhere. I can feel them crawling up my tightening throat, desperate to escape. But when my mouth opens—

 “I—uh—you—um.”

Wow. Amazing. My face burns as I yank my scarf higher, swallowing myself into a world of cotton and blue, but I can still feel his gaze peering through me.

Hiyori stood silent for a moment, as if he wasn't sure how to react, but without missing a beat he spoke again, voice easy.

“Ahem… Anyway, I wanted to ask what lunch you have today. My friends and I have third– so if you want… you can tag along.”

“Really?—I mean sure!” My eyes lit up, grinning.

“Of Course,” A smug look crept onto Hiyori, “Well you don’t seem to have any friends anyway.” My smile dropped and a glare landed on the boy. And even though it did sting… he wasn’t wrong. But was it that obvious? God, I’m so pathetic. As much as I wanted to protest, part of me felt weirdly thankful; I mean— how long has it been since I've been welcome at a table?

Before I had the opportunity to take Hiyori up on that offer he had already sped out the door. Man, this is gonna be the best day of my life.

Smiling like an idiot, I packed my stuff and rushed out the hallway.

I can’t even remember the last time I felt like this!

Chapter Text

Ah~ Finally! Lunch! The bell had rung, and I was already weaving through students in the halls. Even though I’d practically run to the cafeteria, the place was already packed. It was like a zoo— one where all the animals had been let loose. Loud, chaotic, and definitely overwhelming.

I wave off the commotion going on before me and focus on what’s important. And that was finding Hiyori.

I roam around, my eyes scanning across each table I cross paths with. At some point, I glanced at my watch; two minutes had already gone by, and Hiyori was still nowhere to be seen. I’m sure he’s just late.

My brows furrow, the creeping unease returning and bubbling uncomfortably in my chest. I can feel myself grow heavier, more limp. ‘What if he’d been joking?’ The thought flashed through my mind, but I pushed it away. I probably just missed him.

I take another tour around the tables before eventually coming to terms with the fact that the taller boy was not in the cafeteria. Desperately, I look across the space once more. The little hope I clung to fizzled out, like fine sand slipping through the gaps of my fingers. To think I’d actually have lunch with the guy I bet all the girls are fawning over.

As much as it hurts, I retreat to an empty table in the dark corner of this cafeteria. My throat tightens and burns as I choke down tears, forcing them back down from where they came from. I sniffle, wiping the drops that managed to glide down my cheek. It's not as if this was the first time stuff like this happened. I used to get messed with like this all the time, so I should’ve expected it.

Dejected, I pull out my phone, scrolling until I hear a familiar voice call out for me in the distance. I winced, the grip on my phone tightening as the green-haired boy ambled in my direction. I need to hide, but he’s already seen me. Was he here to rub salt in my wound? I’d much rather if just leave me alo–

“Hey, Shin!” Oh. He spoke, appearing much closer than I'd remembered. And before I could run away, his arms wrapped around my waist, swiftly pulling me back towards him. Huh? The tension and resentment that grew within me were washed away in an instant. Replaced with relief— like Hiyori was a safe space. Someone I could actually depend on.

“You Okay..?” He cocked his head, frowning slightly as he withdrew his hands.  I guess the distress was still showing. I deny the questions thrown my way. But the boy kept prying, inching closer till he was just centimeters away from me.

For once, his signature grin fell into something more soft and sincere. I fidget with the fabric of my pants. I can't tell him he was why I was so uneasy (I'm sure he’d never let it go).

I do my best to change the subject. Unsuccessful. So I made up a lie and claimed I just zoned out. It isn't nearly as convincing as I hoped, and a skeptical look was shot my way.

“Alright, whatever you say. You always seem to be ‘zoning out,’ though,” Hiyori points out.

“Do I?” I blink a couple times, falling silent in thought.

“See~ you’re doing it again,” Hiyori teased, a chuckle escaping him, “To be honest, it’s kind of adorable.” His hand makes its way to my hair, ruffling the mess of fluff into even more of a mess. I try swatting away, struggling to ignore the commentary.

“Wha—” My face burns, my mouth hung open like an idiot. I doubt Hiyori’s like this with his friends– It’s just a joke, a bad one at that, but still. My fingers play with the ends of my scarf. I'm speechless. Absolutely Speechless. Safe for the incoherent sputters of nonsense the taller chose to ignore. Blinking slowly at me before his attention shifted back to the cafeteria. 

He mumbles about tables and whatnot, failing to notice my flushed state. I'm grateful he doesn’t notice, or at least pretends to, but the phantom sensation of his stares wasn’t as merciful. I clear my throat, trying to focus on something. A distraction that'll pull me away from my spiraling emotions.

“You happen to spot my buddies?” Hiyori suddenly asks, pulling me out of my mind. I shake my head. I wouldn’t be sitting alone if I did, now would I? I’m sure I would’ve at least tried to say hi or sit near them. Plus, it's not like I'd know who they are, but I keep that to myself.

Hiyori simply sighs, eventually taking my hand and pulling me along with him. He pushed past stray students wandering as if they were nothing but obstacles. I wonder if personal space even exists in his world? I’m not complaining or anything, though. I guess I’m just not used to it– being touched, I mean.

I trail behind, my mind blank and eyes once again glued to the floor until–

“—Oof,” I ran face-first into him again and stumbled backwards, completely disoriented.

Rubbing my forehead, I scoot to the side where Hiyori was waving at some people, gesturing them his way.

“Took you two long enough,” he finally says, casually leaning against one of the seats. Both students waved back, quickly making their way to Hiyori. As they approached, their chatter dissolved into an awkward silence once they'd noticed me.

Even if no one was looking directly, I could feel it. The weight of their stares. It wasn’t mean, but definitely judging. The way strangers always get treated.

“So… who are you?” A tall student dripping with accessories finally said. His words were blunt, though more of curiosity, rather than hostility. Regardless, it was an arrow to the heart. If they weren't before, I’m sure all eyes were now glued to me. I want to back away into a corner, where no one can see me. But I can't, so I retreat behind Hiyori, wishing the earth would just swallow me up whole already.

Just then, a girl standing beside him hissed his name. She was clearly shocked at the somewhat rude remark before hastily scolding him about manners. They bicker, eventually turning back to me and mumbling an apology. I stay quiet, a wry smile tugging at my lips.

“Ahem,” Hiyori clears his throat, as if to call our attention back to him, “This is Shin,” He beamed, demeanor transforming from happiness to ecstasy. He moved to the side, exposing me for all to see. My breath shallows, and my mind goes dizzy as I struggle to say anything. All I can manage is a ‘hi’, that and a bow. They both welcome me, their grins wide. Thankfully, my poor excuse of an introduction seemed to be enough, as a sigh of relief escaped me.

Apparently, the orange-haired girl was Sara, and her friend over there was Joe. We claimed the table beside us, both Hiyori and I taking a seat across from Joe and Sara.

Minutes had passed, and soon another girl appeared from nowhere, sitting down right beside me. She had long, silky black hair and a pair of eyes to match her midnight-colored hair.

“Hey,” She said, carefully placing her tray onto the table and her backpack onto the seat opposite her.

I smile and wave, anxiously tugging on the sleeve of my uniform. She greets the others, too. Who is she? My focus lands on the table, trying to ignore her, but miserably failing.

“So you’re new, right?” she says, “pretty sure I've never seen you before.”

“Y- Yeah, I transferred a couple days ago,” I answer, voice weaker than I’d expected. She nods, content.

“I see, like any of your classes yet?” I hesitate for a second, unsure of what to say. I’m sure she just wants to talk about my interests, right? My eyes lit up at the thought, nodding slightly as a faint blush dusted my cheeks.

“Mhm! My favorite class is definitely Computer Science. To be honest, I’d rather have that class all day and ditch the rest of them.” A small giggle bubbled from my chest, the stress that clung to me fading into nothingness.

“Hmm, so coding’s your thing. You couldn’t catch me dead tryna do that typa stuff. I don’t get any of it, even when I try.” The girl explained, frowning slightly. Ryoko then took a bite of her food before a breathy sigh tumbled from her lips.

“Well, at least you seem to know what you want to do in your future.”

I cock my head to the side, “Do you not have any passions?”

The girl hums, “Well, of course I do. But nothing really feels right, y’know?” I nod, though I can’t really relate. Honestly, I can’t remember a point in my life when I hadn’t been intrigued by technology. But I guess in situations like this, you gotta explore till you find what feels right.

“Umm, if you don’t mind me asking, do you happen to have hobbies you like outside of school? Like uhh– sports?”

“Yup! I do kendo with Sara over there,” she points, “ But it’s not like I could make a career out of it. If anything, Sara would be a perfect fit for that role. She’s a force to be reckoned with.” I look over at the violet-eyed girl, then back to Ryoko. So no sports then, huh. I don't know what to say, so stay quiet. She lists possible choices, only to find excuses as to why it wouldn’t work out.

“Anyway, enough of my complaining,” The black-eyed girl chuckles, “What do you want to do when you leave this place?”

I look up in thought, “Um, if I had to choose, probably a developer? Or maybe even a security Anylist.” 

“That’s pretty cool.” A smile of encouragement is sent my way, before we turn to the three, who were going back and forth with jokes around, amidst the occasional bickering. They went on about events they were looking forward to, plans, which somehow led to homework and complaints towards a teacher I’d never heard of.

“Speaking of Science, have any of you seen Anzu? I'm pretty sure she has this lunch too, right?” Sara asked, casually glancing at her watch. Hiyori nodded.

“Yeah. Anzu said she had 3rd lunch, so I assumed she’s just late?” The boy said, finger over his chin in thought.

“But it's already been 10 minutes. Hold on, I'll just text her.” Just then, Ryoko pulled her phone from her pocket and began to enter the passcode. I tilt my head, gaze bouncing between the three.

“Umm, who’s Anzu?” And just when Sara opened her mouth, the afterimage of the same blue-haired girl raced across my peripheral vision. She speedily weaved through tables once she’d spotted us, abruptly stopping in her tracks once she reached us.

The girl grinned, the corners of her eyes creasing as her smile grew even wider.

“Hey!~” The cheerful individual then went along hugging everyone before finally reaching me. I want to say hi, but she stares, and that scares me. I frown slightly, more out of worry than frustration. Suddenly, her crimson eyes lit up, her face the epitome of pure joy.

“Oh My God! You're the cutie, right! The one Sou’s been blabbering about earlier!”

“..Huh?” Was the first thing I could utter, and I'm sure it was the same for everyone else, too. I glance back at Hiyori, then to the others, who had also fallen silent, puzzled looks sent in the green-haired boy’s direction. Was it that weird for Hiyori to do something like that? And as if to confirm my doubts, the girl nodded gleefully, inching even closer to me.

I wonder what he said and why it was so shocking. All of a sudden. My blood runs cold. What if he was making a joke out of me, just like how they would?

I feel myself begin to tear up, unable to push the tears back into the void they’d spawned from. No, no. If that were the case, they’d be mocking me, right? I sniffle, wiping the drops that threatened a breach. ‘It's probably nothing. ’ It repeats in my mind, and I force myself to believe a truth could very much be false. I force on a smile.

Apparently mystery was intriguing to Joe, as he shot a curious look in my direction before turning to Hiyori again, with the intention to question him. But despite him and the others probing, the boy refused to say anything, and once again they turned to me. 

Their gazes bore into me, expecting me to say something, but what? What was I supposed to say? My fingers grip into my thigh, and I lower my head. But I can still feel it burning into my skin. It’s not like I'd know what he had to say about me. The silence was loud, but eventually, they realised they wouldn’t get anything out of me either (not like I had anything to hide in the first place). Sighing in relief, I glance at Hiyori again, who had been smiling delightedly like this was the best day of his life or something. The complete opposite of me.

I contemplate making an escape, an excuse to leave, but I doubt Hiyori would let me.

I can't tell if the girl notices my distress, but she backs away anyway. Holding her hand out, instead.

“Ahem,” She clears her throat,” Anyway, you’re Shin Tsukimi, right?” Her solemn expression had turned into a bright grin. Nodding, I hesitantly take her hand and shake it.

“Y-yeah. Um, and I take it you’re Anzu..? She huffs in affirmation.

“Yup! Here in the flesh!” She then skipped around the table and took a seat by Sara before continuing, “Ok, so I know this is a bit random– or strange, but can I ask you a few questions?” I wince, scratching my cheek. I’m sure it won't be that bad, no?

“I– Ok”

And boy, did I regret agreeing. This girl proceeded to interrogate me like I was some sort of criminal. I mean, it makes sense to want to know more about the people you’ve just met, but this is too much. She won’t even remember half the questions she asked— let alone my responses. And once she’d rung me dry and sent my anxiety on a rollercoaster, she began complaining about why she’s been held longer in class for an incident she took no part in. I pull up my scarf. To be honest, I don't understand why anyone would want to spend unnecessary time with Anzu.

They'd gone back and forth, but I’d zoned out a couple of times. When I came to, Sara had been enthusiastically talking about some art exhibition her parents– specifically her mom— were going to be hosting.

“My mom said she was working with this artist, and now they’re going to feature a lot of her paintings in the exhibition!” She explained, somewhat shocked at the news herself, “ I think it’s going to be held in a couple of days from now, and I was wondering if you guys would like to come? It’s private, so I'll have to formally invite you all, but you get the gist.” The soft-spoken girl waved her hand as she spoke, her usual calm expression now pulled into a gentle smile.

Everyone nods, and so do I. It’s been a while since I’ve gone to a private art gallery, considering my mom’s health and all. They’re usually crowded with people, aren’t they? I shake my head. I need to focus on the silver lining. It’d be nice to actually go out with friends.

“I’m sure my folks would love to go, so consider it done!” Ryoko assured.

“Mhm mhm, and Joe, I already know you're coming with me, right?” The boy grins, agreeing with no hesitation, “Alright, what about you guys?” Sara then locks eyes with me, Anzu, and Hiyori.

“I’d like to say yes, but I'm not sure if my parents would have the time… I’ll definitely go if Shin does, though.” A glare is sent his way. What’s that got to do with me? And suddenly, eyes were glued to me once again. I shrink in on myself. He really knows how to make me feel uncomfortable. And now it’s my problem if Hiyori doesn’t go, and judging by the way Anzu’s been eyeing me, I can tell she really wants us to come too. I groan internally.

“Um, I’ll see if I can.” I smile weakly. I’d just sign my life away this time for sure.

I mean, what’s displayed is usually really pretty. It’s just that my past experiences with exhibitions weren’t… the best, to say the least. Obviously, I wasn't as reserved as I am now, but the number of times I've gotten lost in the crowd and separated from my parents would certainly send me into a coma now.

“Alright then, I’ll go!” Hiyori announced, a smirk now spread across his face. Yay… Anzu cheered, “Great, since Shin-Shin and Sou are going, that'll be everyone now!” My head whips in the girl’s direction, but my mouth stays shut.

“Thanks, guys! I’ll be sure to tell her once I get home,” Sara concluded.

They continue to babble about whatever, and I simply listen. Hiyori eventually sighs in boredom and turns to me, “So,” he pauses, briefly glancing at the table in front of me and tapping his lunch box.

“You’re not going to eat?” Oh.

“Oh,” everyone had been eating something, though their now-empty trays were stacked in the center of the table.

“Well, I kinda have a… weak stomach. So I can’t eat what's on the menu, or I guess much of anything in general. I’m met with a face of slight concern.

He frowns a bit, but it shifts to understanding, “I see.”

I don't want to explain the history of my ever-declining health, so I leave it at that. Soon enough, we move on to other topics. It’s nice to see the more—how should I say it—  human side of Hiyori. He seems more real and is quite the chill person when he isn't constantly being a flirt.

The more we talk, the more I realise how confident Hiyori truly is. He knows exactly what to say to keep me talking. It's kinda intrusive sometimes, but I want to be more like him. I don't want to overthink and then regret everything that comes out of my mouth.

I sink into my seat. The realization that I probably seem like some loser who can use his words for shit to anyone who’s ever spoken to me. My expression falls flat. Maybe I can learn from him? Should I ask him? I open my mouth to speak, but nothing comes out. I officially give up. For now, at least.

Hiyori raised a brow. He must have noticed because he asked me if I had something to say, but the bell rings just in time. I’d been saved! I can't help but grin as Hiyori frowns. I think he was interested in what I had to say, but that's not my problem.

Before I knew it, the room was engulfed in chaos again, students scrambling in all directions towards the many exits surrounding the cafeteria.

“This is bye, I guess,” Hiyori says, still pointing as he waves at me. Quickly disappearing into the stampede. I wave back, a smile on my face. And suddenly, when Hiyori and the others are gone, I feel alone again. Like I'd been missing something, but I'd forgotten what.

I sigh, turning away from where I stood and making my way to class. ‘It's probably nothing,’  I repeat in my mind again and again, ‘cause that’s the truth.