Chapter Text
It was still dark out when he opened his eyes. Louis looked over to the other side of the bed and his eyes fell on his husband of seven years. Harry was still fast asleep, the dim light from the streetlights outside softly illuminating his outlines. Louis could still make out his thick curls and the way his hands splayed beneath his face as he slept.
He is so beautiful.
The thought popped into his head as he slowly trailed his fingertips over Harry's face. He lightly traced the tiny spot over his cheek where his dimple would be and continued inwards to his lips. Harry's lips. God, how he went crazy over them when they first got together. He could barely looked at Harry talking without dirty images streaming through his mind. Louis remembered the first time he met Harry. It was quite some time ago but to Louis, it felt like it was just yesterday. Louis was tagging along with a friend to crash a party at his apartment building held by some famous music producer. Crashing a party wasn't Louis' idea of a great Friday night but his friend was insistent and he finally caved. As they entered the party, loud music was playing and people were milling about in various postures and positions, one hand on a drink, clearly intoxicated. Louis had trouble manouvering through the crowded halls, what with his height being a major disadvantage. He wasn't exactly tiny, mind you, other people were just too tall. He had just managed to pass through two large-built men wearing what he hoped was their last year's Halloween costumes (because frankly that many glitters on a person should be illegal, let alone two) when he stumbled and fell onto the floor. If there was ever a point in Louis' life that he wished the ground would open up and swallow him whole, this would be it. Luckily for him, everyone else were probably too inebriated to noticed his tragic downfall. He muttered a curse under his breath and slowly turned to see what he tripped on. His eyes rounded, it wasn't a what but a who.
Sitting before him was the most beautiful boy Louis had ever laid eyes on. His skin was pale and smooth even under the harsh lighting of the hallway and those lips...Louis was at loss for words on how to described those lips. He probably looked like a flailing fish still lying on the floor where he fell, mouth gaping in awe.
“You okay there?” The boy grinned as he hovered over Louis and held a hand to help him up. “Sorry about that. I just got tired and sat down for a bit. Didn't think I'd be in anyone's way.”
Louis urged his mouth to say something...anything, but words seemed to have temporarily vacated his mind. He just stared at the hand that was still held in front of him.
The boy, seeming not to notice Louis' discomfit, just shrugged and sat back down next to him and nudged him with his shoulder. “You know what would be the perfect pick-up line right now?” he said. “Hey baby, did it hurt?”
“Wh-what?” Louis managed to splutter out.
“You know, when you fell out of heaven...” The boy winked and laughed. “I'm really sorry. That was a terrible one. I'm Harry by the way. I swear to you I'm usually not this dorky, except I probably am but you don't have to know that now.”
“Lo-louis,” Louis can't seem to get his mouth to function correctly. Damn Harry and his fantastic lips. “I'm sorry too. I usually am this clumsy though.”
“Perfect,” Harry smiled. “My kind of person then.”
That was it really. The instataneous connection Louis felt for Harry was unlike any he has ever experienced before and has never felt with another person since. They exchanged phone numbers that night and the rest as you could say was history. They fell in love hard and fast, moving in together after only 3 months of dating and Harry proposing on their one year anniversary. Of course Louis had said yes, it just felt right with Harry. They got married the following year at Harry's childhood home in Holmes Chapel. It was a small event but damn if it wasn't the happiest day of their lives. Louis still cannot rid the silly grin that appears everytime he remembered the look on Harry's face when they said I dos. His face was a cross between the biggest grin he could muster and wanting to bawl his eyes out and Louis thought it was perfection. Louis did cry after the ceremony though, he was just too overcome with happiness, only to have Harry take his hands and kissed each fingertips until all Louis could do was leaned forward and kissed the stray tear that escaped down Harry's cheek.
They decided to start a family via a surrogate within just six months of marriage. They both always wanted kids and what better time than the present? They got a close female relative who was willing to be a surrogate and got the process rolling. Nine months later they were welcoming home twins, James Edward Tomlinson-Styles and Darcy Lilian Tomlison-Styles. Between Louis and Harry, they have never discussed the identity of James and Darcy true biological father, whether they were Harry's or Louis'. They just didn't feel the need to. All they understood was that the babies were theirs and when other people question the twins' origin they just smiled and answered in unison, ours.
They settled into domesticity quite well. Louis quit his job as a teaching assistant to care full-time for the twins and Harry continued his work as a music producer for a local recording firm. They haven't got money in excess with only a single income in the household and caring for twins, but they made do with whatever they had and made sure the twins were well fed and cared for. Louis was lousy at cooking however so Harry still does most of the cooking for them. Harry doesn't mind. He likes cooking and he felt it was the least he could do after being away at work the whole day. Tried as he may to reassure him otherwise, Harry always felt guilty leaving most of the care of the twins on Louis' shoulders. So every evening, Harry would cook dinner and Louis would sit by him at the kitchen talking about how their day went. Louis' favourite time of the day came after however, when they would tuck the twins in for the night and Harry would settle in the rocking chair, storybook in hand and Louis curled in his lap. Louis would often fall asleep this way, to the lull of Harry's voice and the steady beat of Harry's heart as he read the twins their bedtime story. He felt most at peace during those moments and he sometimes wished he could freeze time and stay like this forever. But when Harry would finish his storytelling and wake him up, tugging Louis' hands towards their bedroom door with that little knowing smile on his face, Louis decided he doesn't quite mind time moving forward. As long as he had Harry and the twins, life was pretty perfect. And he would say that to Harry as his husband proceeded to remove his clothing one by one and Harry's reaction to that sentence was always the same. He would halt midway of unbottoning a shirt or a pants, cupped Louis' face with his large, warm hands and kissed Louis softly on the lips with the murmurs of I love you mingled in between them.
Of course, happiness is always fleeting. And if Louis hadn't learned this lesson before growing up, he certainly was reminded of it that fateful day. He woke up to a cheerful Saturday morning with Harry's warm body still pressed up against him. They made love thorughly the night before and Louis treasured every ache in his body as a result of last night. He gently removed Harry's arms from where it was draped across his waist and tiptoed softly into the twins' room.
It was only a few minutes after but Harry woke up to the sound of Louis' hysterical screaming. He woke up disoriented, his protective senses triggered even before his mind could catch up. He rushed to the twins' room through the adjoining door and there he found Louis clutching Darcy with tears streaming down his face. Louis was a mess, shouting that Darcy wasn't breathing and she was just fine not two hours ago and goddamit, Harry, call the fucking ambulance. Everything after was a blur for Harry. He remembered calling the ambulance and bundling James up for the ride to the hospital. He remembered trying to do CPR on Darcy as much as he knew how to only to have Darcy little body remain motionless under his ministrations. He couldn't quite remember the ambulance ride over or the events at the hospital but to this day the clearest picture in his mind was of Louis' reaction when the doctors told them that Darcy had passed. It was as if the light had gone out of him and he crumpled to the floor in a heap of despair. If Harry didn't know before what a broken heart felt like, he definitely did then.
Doctors later tried to explain that Darcy's passing was of natural cause, that sometimes death happens in a healthy baby in what is otherwise known as Sudden Infant Death Syndrome but neither Harry nor Louis could accept such vague explaination. Darcy was healthy and had just learned how to laugh the day before. How could their baby girl be dead? It wasn't possible.
The day they had to bury baby Darcy was the saddest day of their lives. The mood was so gloomy that even the sun refused to make an appearance. Harry stayed close to Louis and James throughout the ceremony and murmured acknowledgements to close friends and relatives offering condolences. Awkward situations always brings out the worst in people however, so when a family friend attempted to comfort them by saying how lucky they were that only one twin died, Harry did what he thought best for the situation. He punched him in the face.
Life after Darcy was hard. They tried their best for James but it was as if with Darcy's passing, large chunks of their hearts got buried with her and they were forever missing the pieces. Gone was the easy way they talked and joked and made plans for the future. The air around them now was heavy with sadness, frustration and most of all, guilt. Harry stopped coming to the twins' room to read and Louis couldn't bear the thought of James growing up without his sister in their shared room so eventually both he and Harry decided it was time for a fresh start somewhere else. Somewhere where the thought of Darcy, and most of all, of her passing didn't hung in every corner.
Of course such places didn't exist, Louis thought. He still thought of Darcy everyday despite it all and Louis was sure Harry does too. Now, here they were in present day, five years after the fateful day, and Louis was still staring at the sleeping form of his husband who had began snoring. James will be six tomorrow. He and Harry are having a party to celebrate. Kids will be filling up their apartment as early as ten in the morning and if Louis knew what was good for him, he'd get some shut eye right about now. But he continued to stare at Harry and couldn't help but noticed the gap between them in bed. It was getting bigger each day. They used to not be able to sleep without each other's arms around one another but that had stopped soon after Darcy passed. They still made love but even that has become less out of passion and more out of routine. If Louis was truthful with himself, he missed the sex they had back then. Back before that fateful day. Back before everything went so terribly wrong. If he was being even more truthful, it wasn't just the sex that was different but Harry as well. And it scared him shitless to admit that even to himself. The fact that Harry was drifting away from him more and more each day and Louis had no fucking clue on how to stop it. He couldn't lose Harry, he thought. But how do you stop someone from falling out of love with you?
All his frantic musings must have somehow penetrated Harry's dreams as he shifted in his sleep and his hand that was previously splayed on his pillow slipped and fell next to Louis. Louis gently placed his hand over Harry and whispered one last plea to God before falling asleep with their hands intertwined. Please never let him leave me.