Chapter Text
All Fired Up
"Guys," Foggy said very seriously, "none of us would make it on The Apprentice."
"Honestly, Foggy, I'm more concerned about us making it in this office, I am freezing," Karen huddled in her jacket, puffing into her hands and rubbing them together, "I don't get how Matt can just sit there like it's not below freezing in here."
"Oh, yeah, he's meditating the cold away. Apparently he can drive out physical discomfort with the power of zen. I'm supposed to make sure he's breathing every few minutes or so. We did this a lot when the heat broke in our apartment at school."
"Uh-huh."
"So! Crap tv to chase away the cold?"
"Sure, why not?"
The Apprentice rerun playing on their tiny little office tv cut to a commercial break just before Trump revealed who was fired.
"So?" Karen asked, "why wouldn't we make it on Trump's lame tv show?"
"Ah, because, my dear Karen," Foggy cleared his throat dramatically and said in his best Trump voice, "Page, you're too female, you're fired. Murdock, you're too disabled, you're fired. Nelson, you are perfect in every way except you fail to live up to your status as a white male with a law degree. I'm very disappointed in you for voting Democrat in the last election. You're fired." Foggy grinned at her, "I figure either you or I would throw our complementary bland, rich person soda water in his face and call him 'capitalist swine' before marching off into the sunset."
"That would be you, Foggy," Matt muttered, not bothering to crack an eyelid open, still half-meditating, "Karen would go for the coffee for beverage-flinging. Hot drinks burn more."
Karen grinned like a shark, uncurling from her ‘oh-god-it’s-cold-gotta-hold-in-the-body-heat’ pose to wave her coffee mug menacingly in Foggy’s direction until he yelped in mock fear and dramatically tried to flee towards Matt, who had deigned to come out of his meditative state to snicker at his friends’ shenanigans.
"Daredevil, help! I feel imperiled!" Foggy yelped, ducking behind Matt’s chair, Karen cackling behind him.
“Hmm,” Matt mused faux-contemplatively, “You should sue. I know a good lawyer.”
“Really, now?”
“Oh yes, he’s blind and very charming.”
Foggy whacked him in the shoulder, lightly, in case of healing bruises. “Should have let Karen douse you with her coffee.”
“Wasn’t that why you were hiding behind me in the first place?”
Karen snorted, “Well no one’s getting doused with anything now; it’s still cold in here and I want my hot beverage.”
“You, Matt, are a terrible human shield.”
“Hey, I made her cease and desist her threatening behavior; I think I’m doing well.”
“Boys, the commercial break is over.” Karen interrupted before their playful squabbling could escalate.
“Great, now we get to see what poor sap Trump fires.” Foggy said, leaning against the back of Matt’s desk chair.
“Well…” Matt said, making an ambivalent hand gesture.
“No, no blind jokes!”
“Guys, quit it until Trump finally spits out who’s fired.”
“Fine, but we’re listening to American Idol after this.”
“Okay, okay, Matt.”