Chapter Text
The voice woke up after Erwin.
Fucking Monday again?
“Who said that?” Erwin asked his empty kitchen.
Guess I better get up. Wash these filthy sheets. Don’t have anything better to do. Fucking Monday.
“Where are you?” Erwin asked his living room. ‘Where the fuck are you?” he asked his bathroom. “Whatever this is, it isn’t funny,” he told his bedroom.
I guess I’ll go see her today. Not feeling up for it, but better than her coming here and coming in without taking off her shoes.
“Who are you?” Erwin asked, baffled.
The voice was talking about cleaning the bathroom as Erwin ran to his car. The voice was talking about buying a dishwasher while Erwin sped down the road. The voice was talking about how stale his new loaf of bread was when Erwin arrived at the café.
“Hanji,” Erwin said. “Are you busy?”
Hanji was in the midst of taking orders and preparing drinks, but she had some hapless trainee cover for her.
“Hanji,” Erwin said. “I need your help.”
Fucking sink is leaking again. Fucking unbelievable. I’m about to have a crap attack.
“I think I need to sit down,” Erwin said.
I think I need to move. Better get out of here before I go crazy.
“Hanji, do you know anything about schizophrenia?” Erwin asked tentatively.
“Sure,” Hanji said.
“How does it start? I mean does it happen slowly or do you just start hearing someone talk about vacuuming curtains?” Erwin looked out the window. Yesterday he was just like anybody else. Today he was crazy.
“That’s an oddly specific question, Erwin. Are you okay?”
“No,” Erwin said, running a hand down his face. “I’m really not. It started this morning. It’s like this guy woke up and he’s walking around his apartment talking about cleaning.”
I forgot to brush my teeth. Fuck.
“He’s driving now.”
FUCKING CUT ME OFF, WHY NOT?! FUCK. YOU.
“I don’t know what’s happening, Hanji.”
“Hmm, this is interesting.”
“Well, I’m glad my turmoil is intriguing to you Hanji, but I need help.”
“You should try to find it! Him. The voice. He’ll probably think about where he’s going soon enough.”
Fucking weather.
“He’s out of his car now.”
Fuck weather. All of it.
“He hasn’t thought of where he’s going.”
Is that Shitty Glasses’s car? Full of crap.
“He just passed ‘Shitty Glasses’s’ car,” Erwin said.
“Oh. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh. My. GOD.”
“What?”
There she is.
Hanji waved with extreme glee at a man walking toward the café.
Yes, I see you Shitty Glasses. And who’s that? Oh, he’s fuck-me-up handsome. Damn.
The man walked into the café with Hanji furiously waving him over. He was short and disgruntled looking. Hanji called him Levi.
Is Shitty Glasses trying to hook me up with someone again? He’s too handsome. Gotta be an asshole.
“Uh, hi,” Levi said somewhat coldly.
And then Erwin realized: this was the voice.
“I’ll have you know I’m not an asshole,” Erwin said.
“Did I…” Levi began. “I didn’t say anything.”
“You also didn’t vacuum your curtains yet,” Erwin ventured.
“What… Shitty Glasses, who is this?” Levi asked Hanji.
“This is your mindreader,” Hanji said and grinned evilly.
“Just think of anything,” Erwin said. He couldn’t believe this was happening.
“Okay,” Levi said.
Just don’t think of him naked. Oh, goddamit.
“No, not now at least,” Erwin said.
He saw Levi turn bright red.
I wasn’t… I didn’t…How can you?
“I don’t know how I’m doing this. It started this morning,” Erwin admitted.
“Well, make it stop!” Levi said in great alarm. “Even when I’m far away? You can hear it?”
“That’s right,” Erwin said.
Shit.