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Ray never wants to hurt Gerard. He just has a small obsession.
He thinks that when most people look at them, it is easy for them to assume that Ray is just along for the ride. Everybody knows Gerard’s thing about controlling everyone around him. The guy just can’t help himself— he is particular.
That works out for Ray. He doesn’t want people to know about this.
This: It’s the dog days of tour and Gerard has gone tan all over his forearms and neck but is still blindingly pale on his chest and his thighs and the insides of his upper arms. It drives Ray insane.
Even with the tan, Gerard still flushes easily. Ray can’t take his eyes away when Gerard walks off stage to the bus, chugging water and spitting it out to the side, turning the bottle upside down over his head and then shaking his head to the sides like a dog, droplets of water spraying everywhere.
Gerard catches Ray looking and smiles at him, a small smug thing, one side of his lips lifting more than the other, but his eyes are shy. Gerard lives for the attention but he’s quite the shy guy underneath. It puts fire inside Ray’s veins.
He sucks off Gerard in the bunk after, Gerard's hand over his own mouth so he can keep quiet, but it does nothing to muffle his gasps, small broken off sounds like they are being punched straight out of him.
Ray grabs Gerard's hips, he grabs his thighs, the inner part where the skin is maddeningly soft, and he pinches a little. Gerard hisses, his legs opening wider, pulling up.
“I think I might be obsessed,” Ray mumbles.
“Yeah?” Gerard asks, running a hand up his chest and idly playing with one of his nipples. He has a dumb grin on his face in line with a man who just got blown, and his whole face is flushed, the red color all the way down to his chest. “C’mere.”
Then Gerard has his hand on Ray’s dick and Ray doesn’t do much thinking, just rides it out, staring at his bite mark on Gerard’s arm, right above his elbow.
“Obsessed with what exactly?” Gerard asks later and Ray just shrugs.
He can’t stop thinking about it, though. One day, after he’s rimmed Gerard and then fucked him, he lifts Gerard’s thighs up and looks at his cum sliding out, Gerard's soft cock laying on his belly like a little bird, his inner thighs all red from beardburn, and feels ready to go again, just like that.
Gerard’s face is taken by a delicate blush and he runs a hand down his face and giggles. “That’s no way to treat a lady,” he mumbles, shy.
Ray’s being powered solely by the fire in his veins. He leans in and takes Gerard into his mouth. Gerard makes some noises, grunts and moans, half from the pain of overstimulation, but he does get hard after a while, filling out in Ray’s mouth until he feels impossibly big and Ray can’t breathe.
“You’re gonna kill me,” Gerard chokes out, “fuck, do that again, fucker—”
Afterwards, Ray can’t feel his jaw and his tongue hurts like a motherfucker. Gerard puts a finger in Ray’s mouth, sliding around the back of his molars, like he is sweeping for something. When he pulls the finger back out, there is blood on it.
Gerard’s eyes are shining. “Wounded in battle,” he says, and pops the finger into his mouth, sucks it clean. Ray comes humping the bed.
It’s worth it that it hurts so bad for days afterwards and Gerard looks at him with big, guilty eyes each time Ray stops speaking, moving his jaw from side to side. Ray likes it but he doesn’t know how to tell Gerard. He likes it a lot.
Off tour, Gerard avoids the outside and the sun pretty much like a vampire. It doesn’t take a long time for his skin to go back to that pale color, almost sickly, even though Ray knows his blood levels are good because he forced Gerard to get checked out.
Gerard starts picking up all the dirty mugs decorating the coffee table and makes a noise. “Sometimes I still wish I lived at home.”
There is no universe in which that isn’t a turn off, but it’s Gerard and Ray is Ray, and they don’t play by the rules most of the time. “This is why most guys get married,” Ray replies, and then feels incredibly stupid.
Gerard could get married. He could probably have anyone he wanted now that he doesn’t smell like vomit and stale sweat at all times and actually brushes his hair. Now that his eyes are shining most days with something that makes Ray’s heart clench.
Gerard huffs out a breath. “Would you wash my dishes, baby?” He asks in an obnoxious voice, sitting down beside Ray on the couch and getting all close to his ear. “Wash my feet and then let me fuck you after?”
Ray would. He’s not about to tell Gerard that. He rolls his eyes and pushes Gerard’s head back, smiling when he hears him giggle. “You have some fucked up notions about marriage.”
“Says the guy who thinks being married would be like getting a maid!” Gerard replies.
A beat. Gerard has a big mouth and he has never once thought something without voicing it because he is just built that way. “I would, though,” Gerard says. “Marry you, I mean.”
Ray feels his whole face burn. “That wasn’t me asking or anything, man,” he mumbles. “I was just saying.”
Gerard has a thoughtful look on his face, teeth nibbling on his bottom lip. “Yeah, well.” He shrugs. “Why not?”
Ray has to take a deep breath. “Why wouldn’t I marry you?”
Gerard blinks at him. “You wouldn’t?”
Now the conversation is going to places Ray can’t follow. Gerard has moved further back and the distance between them starts to feel like miles all of a sudden.
“That’s not what I am saying at all,” Ray complains. He hates that the stupid dishes brought them here, and if Gerard was a normal person who washed their mugs regularly, none of this would be happening. “I don’t mean it like that.”
“So, you’re saying I should get married, but not to you?”
“Of course not.” That’s like, one of Ray’s biggest fears. “But you could.”
“Why?” Gerard loves that fucking question and Ray hates it.
“I don’t know, man, you tell me.”
“Ray, you’re the one who brought it up,” Gerard replies, and he is starting to sound pissed off now.
“I was just making a joke,” Ray defends himself.
Gerard pulls his legs up to his chest and looks down at his nails, examining them. “It wasn’t funny.”
Ray frowns. “Sorry.”
“But why not?” Gerard asks again, and this time it sounds more like a whine.
“It’s not legal.” It’s a cheap cop out and Ray knows it.
“Wow, thanks, man. I didn’t know.” Sarcasm is dripping from each word.
“Don’t be rude,” Ray chastises.
Gerard looks at him then, from under his brows. “You’re fucking rude.”
The thing is, he looks hurt. “You fuck a guy for years and then tell him you won’t marry him. So. Not very gentleman of you.”
Ray doesn’t really know what to say. He grabs Gerard’s legs and pulls them to his lap, starts massaging his feet, runs his hands up and down Gerard’s strong calves.
“I didn’t think that you would want to,” Ray says finally, desperately. “But I would. I mean, I would marry you.”
“Gee, thanks.” Gerard’s words are still dry and he looks away from Ray again. “I’m honored.”
Gerard’s face is flushed, the apples of his cheeks blotchy-red and his lips look pinker than ever in contrast.
“Gerard,” Ray bites out, “I want to marry you. I think I’ve always wanted to.”
Gerard has mercy on him. Maybe because he knows Ray isn’t as good with words as he is, and he can tell what Ray tries to say without saying it. He sighs. “I hope you’re more romantic about it when you ask me for real. Otherwise I’ll say no.”
Ray laughs. The idea of actually asking Gerard Way to marry him is insane. That doesn’t change the fact that he wants it so bad it hurts.
He throws himself forward and kisses Gerard so that petulant expression disappears from his face. Gerard’s face is hot and his mouth tastes like coffee. Ray caresses his cheek. Pulls back. “I’m obsessed with you.” And saying it out loud makes him blush but it’s worth it because Gerard smiles, smug and shy again, the way he does.
He takes Gerard to bed and undresses him like unwrapping a present. Then he drinks in the sight of him laying there, pale soft skin, his dick not fully hard yet, legs open to the sides and an anticipatory look on his face, teeth biting into his bottom lip. Gerard has stupid Star Wars sheets that he bought with his adult money, black with spaceships on it.
Gerard licks his hand and takes his dick into his hand, starts jerking himself off. “You just gonna stare at me the whole time?”
Ray shrugs. “Maybe,” he replies. One day he will, but today his hands are already itching to touch Gerard.
He gets on the bed and walks forward on his knees, pushes Gerard’s hand away so he can take him into his hand. Gerard has a pale dick but when he gets hard, the tip blushes such a pretty pink.
“You should kiss me,” Gerard says. When he says ‘should’ most of the time he means ‘do it now.’ Ray doesn’t have a problem with that.
He kisses Gerard until they are both out of breath and then some more, and by the time he pulls back, Gerard’s blush is going all the way down to his chest, his nipples peaked. He leans down and takes one of them into his mouth, runs his index finger over the other one.
Gerard sighs contently. He has a hand in Ray’s hair, petting him like he is a dog. “You’re too good to me, Toro.”
Ray wants to be good to him. He wants to be awful to him. He wants.
He grabs Gerard’s tit and squeezes. He loves the way Gerard actually has tits, a little bit. At least there is something there to fill his hand if he squeezes just right.
Gerard is watching him with huge eyes, brown in this light. “Do you wanna fuck my tits?” He asks. He says insane shit like that all the time without even flinching.
“Not much for me to fuck,” Ray replies, even though his cock throbs in his pants at the thought.
“We can make it work.” Then he leans down and grabs his tits, squeezing and pushing them together. There still isn’t much there but even the sight alone makes Ray’s mouth dry.
Gerard giggles. “Holy shit, man,” he teases, “you totally want to fuck my tits.”
Ray kisses him again to shut him up. Gerard wiggles under him until he can flip them over and plop down on Ray’s thigh.
“Why are you still dressed?” He asks, rutting against Ray’s jeans and making a face like he can’t quite decide if it’s good or not. “Can’t fuck my tits if you don’t have your dick out.”
Ray doesn’t even mean to do it but he reaches over and grabs Gerard’s face, squeezes his cheeks together. “You’re driving me insane,” he says.
Gerard just blinks at him, tries to get out of his hold half-heartedly. Ray doesn’t let him and after a beat Gerad just continues to rut again his jeans, hands planted on Ray’s chest.
Ray plants his feet and flexes his thighs to make it better for him and Gerard groans.
“Better ways to shut me up,” Gerard mumbles, words squeezed together like his cheeks.
“It’s not about that,” Ray says, letting go just to run his fingers over the red spots where he has grabbed.
Gerard stares at him for a second. Then he pushes his hair back from his face and runs a hand down his cheek, slowly, not breaking eye contact.
“You should slap me.” ‘Should.’
“No,” Ray replies, suddenly ashamed.
“Why not?” Gerard asks, his hand at his chest now where he plays with a nipple, hips still working even though it must hurt, the rough material of the jeans on his sensitive private parts.
“I don’t want to hurt you.”
Gerard grins, then, with all his teeth. His eyes are wide and all dark, lashes for miles. “Ray,” he says, “you totally want to.”
Ray grabs Gerard’s hips to stop him, straightens up a little and leans back against the pillow.
“I don’t want to hurt you, Gerard,” Ray repeats, desperately. “I love you.” He’s never said that before.
Gerard throws his head back and laughs. “That’s the best part,” Gerard replies, putting a finger in Ray’s mouth again and pulling one cheek to the side before letting it go with a plop. “You want to hurt me because you love me.”
Ray puts a hand on Gerard’s cheek, his hand the size of Gerard’s face, and feels himself burn. He is sweating so much, his t-shirt sticking to his back. He brings Gerard forward so he can kiss the tip of his nose, his chin, between his eyebrows. He’s never done this before either.
Gerard grabs his hand and brings it back to his cheek. “I love you too, man,” he says. “You should slap me, though.”
It takes a few seconds for Ray to actually bring his body to comply. He pulls his hand back and slaps Gerard. It’s not very good, just the tips of his fingers, and it’s so soft that it doesn’t even make much of a noise.
Gerard stares at him and waits it out. Ray tries again.
This time the slap lands good, making a good smack. He can tell it doesn’t really hurt but Gerard makes a sound anyway, a small “hngh” as his hips rut forward and back, just once.
“You can do it harder.”
Ray caresses his cheek instead. “It’s not really about hurting you,” he confesses. “It’s just… I like the way your skin goes red.”
Gerard hums. “You gotta hit me harder, then.”
Gerard probably doesn’t even realize that his cheek is already going red, even with that weak slap. Ray still obliges. The smack is way louder this time, even snaps Gerard’s head just the tiniest bit to the left.
“Of, fuck,” Gerard moans, getting a hand on his dick and jerking himself off, too fast too suddenly. “I like that.”
“Yeah?” Ray can’t help the absolute whine in his voice.
He does it again, feels even his own palm burn and this time Gerard’s head does snap to the side, his hair whipping left, and he makes an inhuman sound. As soon as he turns back around, eyes wild, Ray sticks three fingers in his mouth, all the way to his throat, and gags him.
Gerard bites down on his knuckles, going “ah, ah,” all muffled and jerking himself off while his hips still move on Ray’s jeans. Ray thinks about how red his thighs will be from the chafing and flips them over again.
“Man,” Gerard says, runs his knuckles over his cheek where it’s red-red.
Ray takes his cock in his hand, his fingers wet with Gerard’s saliva, and grips.
“Don’t slap my dick.” Gerard grins.
“Better ways to make it red,” Ray replies, watching the way the pink on the tip has moved downwards, to halfway the shaft, a line of precum that gets swiped away when he strokes, making Gerard’s hips kick.
His left hand is on Gerard’s belly, squeezing, pinching, and then he gets an idea. He slaps the soft skin, watches it jiggle. This is actually a part of Gerard people rarely see, because he hates how his fat pools here, all the stretch marks, but Ray loves it. And here he is slapping it.
“There is no way you’re into that,” Gerard groans. He has no idea.
Ray does it again and again, just soft slaps that he is sure don’t hurt, and little pinches, and Gerard looks down at his belly too, watches the skin go red like the way he watches Ray move his fingers between frets, analyzing, calculating.
Ray actually lets go of Gerard’s dick so he can squeeze and pinch Gerard’s thighs, both of them at the same time, and the inner parts are already red like he had guessed.
When he slaps them, the skin jiggles, and Gerard bites his lip and puts his hands up, grabbing the headboard. The muscles in his arms flex, his ribs barely showing underneath his skin.
Gerard’s not much of a hairy guy, just a little bit on his chest, his arms and legs only looking hairy because of the contrast between the hairs and his pale skin, and the inner parts of his thighs have no hair at all, just the softest skin.
Ray leans down to lick him there, all the way up to his balls, taking them into his mouth one by one and sucking, and Gerard moans. He separates one hand from the headboard and pushes and pulls Ray’s hair until he is at his dick, licking from top to bottom, again and again, nuzzling against it and pecking the skin, rubbing his lips on the veins, the velvet skin like a burning rod under his mouth.
“You should— ah,” Gerard chokes out, “take off your clothes.”
Ray had forgotten that he is still dressed. He makes quick work of his t-shirt, unbuckles his belt and lays down on the bed to push down his pants and briefs with one smooth move. Gerard turns to look through the side table drawer as Ray takes off his socks.
When he turns back around, Gerard is laid back down and stretched out, the lube placed on his belly. He wiggles his eyebrows. “Come and get it, tiger.”
Ray chuckles. “Not my preferred nickname,” he comments as he uncaps the lube and pours a little on his fingers.
“Yeah?” Gerard prompts. “What’d you prefer, baby?”
And it’s so different from how he’d said it earlier, all soft and affectionate, like the word has a weight of his own.
“That, maybe,” Ray comments. “I like it.”
Gerard bites down on his tongue when he smiles and even the flush on his face looks happy with how bright his eyes are. Like he has been laughing for a long time, until he lost his breath.
Ray lifts Gerard’s thighs up some more and Gerard helps by holding one up, the other wrapping around Ray’s waist.
He takes his time fingering Gerard open even though he can tell Gerard has no patience for it.
Even with the first finger, Gerard rocks against it like he can’t wait, and he huffs and puffs when Ray kisses his ankle, puts a second finger in there and moves it back and forth, making little scissoring motions.
“Are you humming?” Gerard asks.
Ray totally is. “I’m enjoying myself,” he replies, then sings, “pretty woman, walking down the street.”
“Oh, man,” Gerard laughs, and then moans when Ray gets to the third finger, his eyes squeezing shut. “Hurry up.”
“Don’t rush me,” Ray says. “I’m in my craft.”
He does keep going until Gerard is riding his fingers, eyelashes fluttering shut every few seconds. He gets mesmerized watching the way Gerard’s chest moves with each breath, the veins in his hands when he grabs the headboard tighter, the way he sometimes clenches his jaw, sometimes opens his mouth wide to pant.
“Baby,” Gerard starts, “c’mon, baby.”
He’s absolutely milking it now but Ray’s a sucker for it.
He pulls his fingers out and slicks himself up. It just feels too good though, that he gets worried he might cum immediately when he pushes in and feels Gerard squeeze. His cock throbs at the mere thought.
“Fucker,” Gerard whines, “stop jerking off and fuck me.”
“I thought I was ‘baby,’” Ray replies.
Gerard doesn’t say anything, just pulls Ray close with his leg until Ray almost collapses on top of him, giggling.
“Impatient,” Ray comments as he lines up.
“I’m gagging for it,” Gerard says, which is obscene, and then gasps as Ray slides in, honey sweet and slow.
Ray is all about going slow at first but Gerard doesn’t give him that opportunity, starts moving his hips, fucking himself on Ray’s cock, like Ray’s just along for the ride.
Honestly, Ray is too turned on to say anything about it, but he does have to grab Gerard’s hips at some point, stop him so he can actually thrust, and from that point on it’s fast, fast, tight.
“So fucking big,” Gerard gasps out, which is funny because he is packing some serious heat himself, eyes rolled to the back of his head. Even his neck is flushed a full red at this point. Ray puts a hand there, not to squeeze, just holding. He can feel it every time Gerard swallows. “It feels like you’re in my guts.”
Ray’s toes curl and he clenches his jaw. Gerard saying obscene shit in bed isn’t new and somehow Ray has gotten semi used to it. “Said you were— heh— gagging for it.”
He pushes Gerard’s leg back some more, until he is almost bending Gerard over like a pretzel, and he can go deeper that way, and it feels like he’s in Gerard’s guts to him too, the tight wet heat.
Gerard grabs onto his shoulder. “I did, fuck,” he is panting so much, like he is the one doing all the work. “I always am. Always wanna, oh, just throw you down and ride you. Fuck. I want you in my mouth. Mhhm, in my mouth and ass at the same time.”
Ray puts his fingers in Gerard’s mouth again, hooking them behind Gerard’s lower teeth, partly because Gerard seems to want it, partly because he is gonna blow way too soon if Gerard keeps spewing shit like that.
That seems to work out for a bit, until Ray’s thighs are screaming at him and his arms are shaking, but it feels impossible to stop, he’s just so close to crossing the hill, and Gerard keeps making these noises like, “mhm, mhm, mhm,” like he can’t help it either--
And then Gerard grabs onto his wrist and pulls his hand away, “baby, we gotta switch, fuck.”
For a second, Ray thinks he means switch, like switch-switch, and his brain fizzles white. Gerard manhandles him a little to help, and when Ray pulls out, it almost kills him.
He must make a noise like a dog being kicked because Gerard shushes him and pets his hair. “I know, baby, I know.”
Then he turns around and gets on all fours and wiggles his ass like Ray might forget where he is supposed to put his dick in.
“Oh, man,” Ray mumbles, because now that it’s in front of him like free real estate, he has to grab and squeeze. When he pulls his hand back and slaps it, he can tell Gerard wasn’t expecting it.
“Fuck,” Gerard chokes out, first moving forward, and then rocking back immediately after. “Have I been a bad boy, sir?” He mocks in that obnoxious voice again.
“Shut up,” Ray says through a smile. Gerard giggles and then chokes on it when Ray gives him three more slaps in quick succession.
“Ray, if you don’t fuck me soon I’m gonna pull my own dick off and fuck me myself,” Gerard complains. Then wiggles his ass again. “You can slap me around after you’re in me.”
“Not slapping you around,” Ray complains. And then just to be an asshole, he lines himself up and rubs against the rim, up and down, like people do in porn. It feels as silly as it sounds but Gerard must like it because he goes down from his elbows and buries his head in the pillow, groaning.
“C’mon, baby, please.”
After that, Ray can’t wait either.
Gerard turns his head to the side and hums when Ray is finally in again. “Hard and fast,” he orders. “I wanna limp for days.”
“Sure, honey,” Ray replies.
Ray does his best to fuck Gerard like an animal. He goes at it hard and fast like he has been ordered. At some point, he leans down and puts his hand on Gerard’s face, pushing it down, and Gerard starts making a whole other noise, like if he had neighbours, somebody might call the police.
When Gerard grabs the pillow and starts biting at it, Ray hauls him back by the hips with every thrust, grunting with each one because it just feels too goddamn good and it feels like any minute now he could blow but also like he is miles away.
“Don’t stop,” Gerard chokes, and from his right shoulder shaking, the hand he has under him, Ray can tell he is jerking off. “Oh, god, don’t stop.”
Ray has no plans to. He runs his fingernails over Gerard’s back, making lines and lines of red, and he manages to almost drive himself insane with it.
“Gonna fuck you until Monday morning,” he barely manages to say through clenched teeth. Sweat runs down his nose and upper lip, falling down. “Over and over. Won’t let you even leave the bed.”
“You’ll get me pregnant,” Gerard chokes out, like a whine, like he is actually worried about it, and Ray’s hips stutter, the tempo all fucked up. He bows down over Gerard, almost crushes him into the bed and just moves in ways that feel too good for words to describe. “Yes, yes, yes,” Gerard keeps saying. “Don’t— fuck, don’t stop— don’t even— fuck, Ray—”
Then he is coming and Ray can feel it in every line of tension in his body, the way he actually collapses on the bed. Ray follows him, riding it out, barely stopping himself from actually laying down on top of Gerard and rutting against him until he comes too.
He pulls out when Gerard stops twitching, almost bites a hole in his lower lip to stop himself from groaning, and starts jerking himself off, lighting quick, and it doesn’t even take much after he grabs Gerard’s asscheek and squeezes, making him whine and rock against the bed like he hasn’t had enough.
Ray comes like he gets shot, it almost kills him. He watches the ropes of cum land on Gerard’s ass, sliding between the cheeks, and it feels like he comes for days.
He collapses onto the bed next to Gerard. His whole body feels tight and his thighs are aching.
Gerard tries to blow a piece of hair that is in front of his eyes but it’s stuck to his cheeks with sweat. Ray reaches over and helps with vaguely lube sticky hands.
There he is. Gerard looks every definition of cat that got the cream, eyes bright and lips pulled up into a smile that shows all his tiny teeth. He turns over and lays on his back, stretches out like a cat too. His body is covered in the faintest of red splashes that will disappear in an hour at most, his back scratched all over, which might take a little longer to go.
He looks down at himself with an analyzing gaze, hums. He looks back up at Ray.
“Man,” he says, voice blown, “married sex is awesome.” Ray laughs in spite of himself.