Chapter Text
I loved you in the silence
where my words turned into ghosts
I held your smile between my teeth,
bit down so it wouldn't slip out
and ruin what little of you I got to keep.
I loved you through whispered phone calls,
inside jokes at midnight,
your laughter tangled in my hair
like a promise I never made you speak.
I let him hold me
when my arms were already reaching for you
I lied when I said I loved him,
I lied when I kissed him
with my eyes shut tight
pretending they were yours.
I thought maybe I could bury it
this ache blooming like bruises under my ribs.
I thought if I stayed quiet,
I could survive it.
But the truth rotted me from the inside out.
I never said "I love you"
because I couldn't stand to lose you too.
Better to drown quietly
than to watch you drift away
with pity in your eyes.
So tonight I leave this note
tucked in the pages of the book
I know you'll borrow one day.
By then I'll be nothing
but the echo of everything I never said,
a hollow shape where your name used to live.
Don't look for reasons, don't blame yourself
love didn't kill me, silence did.
If there's another side, I hope I find you there,
where maybe my mouth is brave enough
to say what my heart always knew.