Chapter Text
When Therese woke up, she saw Carol’s already packed suitcases. Carol wasn’t in the room and the bathroom door was open. Scanning the room, her eyes found a small piece of paper laying on the dressing table. She lifted the warm bed sheets and hurried to the table. The paper showed Carol’s neatly handwriting.
Good morning my sweet sleepyhead,
I’ve gone for a walk to get some fresh air, milk and bread. As you might have seen, my suitcases are already packed. I will be back at around 10 a.m. so we can be back on the road by 10.30, if you like. Take your time and enjoy a hot shower.
- C
Therese fingers slowly glided over the words ‘my sweet sleepyhead’. Smiling she folded the paper and remembered the day before, when Carol had chosen two photographs to carry in her billfold; one of Rindy and one of her. Could it be possible that Carol felt the same as Therese?
Deep in thought she wandered across the room and entered the bathroom, eventually stepping into the shower. The hot water immediately distracted her.
While drying her hair she heard a closing door. “Carol? Is that you?”
“Yes, Darling.”
She opened the bathroom door and saw Carol bending over a small picnic basket. Her blonde hair was slightly covering her face and Therese couldn’t help but admire the woman’s beauty.
“I thought we might have a picnic for lunch”, Carol said without looking at Therese, “and then go in the direction of Rockford. What do you think? I may have a letter from Abby there, but probably not, because she’s a bad correspondent.“
“Sounds good”, Therese answered, wondering why Carol wasn’t looking at her. Maybe she’s just busy with packing, she thought and tore herself away from the sight of Carol to dry her hair properly.
***
When they were both ready, they left the Drake Hotel and put their suitcases in the boot. They drove until they reached the edge of Chicago.
Carol parked the car and, taking the picnic basket, they headed to a nearby meadow with long grass where they wouldn't be seen by any passing cars. Carol had hardly spoken since she returned from her walk this morning and Therese was starting to worry if anything was the matter.
When they sat next to each other, silently eating their sandwiches, Therese finally couldn’t stand the silence anymore.
“Carol?”
“Hm?” Carol didn’t turn but looked thoughtfully to the near forest.
„Is everything ok? You’ve been very quiet all morning.“
Carol sighed deeply and closed her eyes for a moment. Therese heart dropped. She knew she shouldn’t have pushed, but she was eager to try and make Carol feel better – to take care of her.
“What is it? You can tell me.”
After a few seconds, Carol’s head turned, grey eyes finding the girl’s green ones. Therese gasped a little when she realised that the woman’s eyes were filled with unshed tears.
“Oh Carol”, she said, timidly reaching out for her shoulder, but letting her hand fall back on the grass as Carol’s eyes returned to the forest.
“It’s… uh, it’s…”, Carol started, her voice breaking. She breathed in deeply and Therese gave her some time to collect herself. “It’s Rindy”, Carol finally managed to say. “I miss her so much.”
Therese often assumed that Carol thought about her daughter, but she had never told her about it before.
“Didn’t you call her this morning before she went to school?” Therese asked. She remembered Carol requesting a wake-up call from the front desk for seven in the morning to be able to telephone Rindy before she would leave the house.
“Yes, I did call. But Harge didn’t let me speak to her.” Carol fumbled around in her pocket to pull out a cigarette. She lit it with trembling fingers and inhaled deeply. “He said, she had already left for school and will be staying with her friend for a few days, because Harge has to go on a business trip.”
Therese didn’t know how to react. Of course she knew about the divorce and Harge’s attempt of getting sole custody of Rindy. But Carol had never talked about it since they had gone on the trip. In fact, Carol never talked about anything concerning her divorce or her worries about Rindy. Therese thought about the way Carol behaved when Abby was around. Their silly jokes, their laughing. She suddenly felt guilty. Guilty for she loved being with Carol and only Carol. Would she ever talk to her that openly? Was it even possible that she felt the same way as Therese when everything they talked about were superficial things? When any personal conversation concerned that silly relationship with Richard?
She thought of all their previous conversations and all the missed possibilities of simply asking Carol about Rindy, about Harge and the divorce. Yes, she should have asked. She should have shown that she wasn’t childish, that she was able to support Carol.
Absentmindedly, Therese watched some little birds flying to the forest. Was she being selfish? Maybe it would be better for Carol to be back in New Jersey and near Abby as to drive Therese around the country. She remembered Rindy’s little face on the photograph that was now kept in Carol’s billfold. Her eyes similar to the grey ones she loved so deeply.
Once again she looked at the older woman and, as Carol wiped a single tear from her cheek, she felt a decision building in her mind. Gathering her courage, she reached out for Carol’s shoulder and squeezed it.
“I’m so sorry, Carol. If you…” she sighed. “If you'd like to end the trip and go back to New York, I woul-”
“Therese.” Carol interrupted her, now looking directly into Therese’s eyes, making the girl letting go of her shoulder. “It’s not your fault. Harge wouldn’t let me see Rindy either way. If I were in New York, what would I do? Sit in that big lonely house and wait for… for what? For these three awful, lonely month to end?”
Her voice sounded confident, though Therese could see the pain in her eyes.
“Maybe he would allow you a few visits”, Therese suggested, trying to come up with anything to provide comfort.
“No. I’m afraid, not. … Fred, my Lawyer, said it’s best if I stay away from Rindy until the hearing. He’s confident, he could get Harge into settling for joint custody. Again.”
Carol sighed and took a few drags of her cigarette.
Therese waited, watching her worriedly. “If… there’s anything I could do to help…”, she finally managed, “I will be the-”
“And besides”, Carol continued as if she hadn’t heard anything, watching her feet in the grass, “I invited you on this trip and I really am glad you came.”
Therese was stunned at her shy words. Carol blushed slightly and Therese remembered the piece of paper she found that morning.
My sweet sleepy head.
Carol glanced at Therese and after a moment of complete silence turned her head, looking thoughtfully towards the forest.
A ray of light made its way through the cloudy sky, reaching them, making Carol’s hair gleam. Therese was once again paralyzed by her beauty.
She didn't dare speak or move.
Every now and then a light breeze caught Carol’s hair, filling Therese’s senses with her perfume. Thoughts of dark green silk, cigarettes and the feeling of that green leather upholstery of Carol’s car flooded her brain. Her eyes fell over Carol’s freckles and the small lines next to her mouth that were even more beautiful when Carol laughed. She stared at Carol’s lips. She imagined kissing them, imagined caressing her whole body with tender kisses; her neck, her delicate jawline, her collarbone and finally her breasts, that were now rising and falling in a steady, calm rhythm. She couldn’t help but think of Carol’s wet, naked body she saw a few days ago and suddenly felt a tension building up in her body. Something she had never felt before. What would it be like to touch Carol, holding her tight to comfort her? Could she just ask her to do so? Last night, when she had been a bit too drunk, it had felt easy to ask whether they could share a bed. But after they had both laughed about Carol mentioning the stockyards, Therese’s courage had abandoned her. Her longing had gone.
She leaned in closer to Carol, to memorise every single detail of her beauty.
Carol must have felt the closeness, for she turned her head, meeting Therese’s eyes. The piercing grey colour showed her sadness, but there also was a tenderness in it that Therese hadn’t ever noticed before.
Therese blushed furiously, avoiding her eyes, trying to hide her thoughts in shame. How could she even think of kissing her while Carol was sad, facing the loss of her previous way of life?
Suddenly Carol reached out and covered Therese’s hand with her own.
Goose bumps appeared all over Therese’s body and her heart started racing uncontrollably. Finding her lost courage from last night, she slowly turned her hand, entangling their fingers. Carol searched for her eyes and the tender look of grey eyes sent pleasant shivers down Therese’s spine.
Time passed while they got lost in each other’s gazes, never looking away, never even blinking.
Therese was first to break, wanting to watch their entwined fingers amongst the grass. Carol’s eyes followed her gaze and when Therese turned her head towards Carol, opening her mouth to finally confess her feelings, Carol’s gaze fell upon her shoes.
“Oh look, my moccasin’s torn”, she said, letting go of Therese’s hand and pointing to her left shoe. “Listen, it’s already late and we should get back on the road so we can head for a shoe-repair shop.”
With that she stood up, turning towards the car. Once again, the tension was broken. Therese sat for a moment, feeling all dizzy and following Carol with her eyes. A few steps away, Carol turned. With her teasing smile she said, “Hey slowpoke! I can’t carry the car over here!”
And with that Therese stood up, puzzled, following Carol back to the road.