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The schedule for the day had ended, each member breaking off to their respective unwinding activities. Most retreated to solitude, tucking themselves into bed after a warm shower, but Taesan, Leehan, and Jaehyun decided to spend a few more moments together in the shared dining room, eating a late night snack of ramen before going to sleep.
“Then–” Taesan pauses, his wrist touching the tip of his nose as a breathy laugh escapes him, interrupting his recollection of the day’s dressing room situation he was filling Jaehyun in on. “Then, the staff asked why Leehan’s face was so red when he was called for his makeup and me and Unagi had to run out the door so we wouldn’t laugh again.”
Jaehyun and Taesan let out raucous laughter together–leaning into each other for support when their giggles caused them to double over in their chairs– but Leehan made no sound, a disgruntled look marring his soft face. His eyebrows knitted together and his usually round eyes squinted into slight slits, a concentrated pout developed on his lips after he swallowed the bite of food he had been delicately chewing.
The story really wasn’t all that funny. Well, at least to him.
—
Earlier that day they had been filming for a music show and Leehan had decided to lay down on the dressing room couch for a nap while he waited for his turn in the makeup chair. While peacefully napping Woonhak and Taesan entered the room, dimming the volume on their conversation once recognizing Leehan’s quiet, unmoving form. He laid flat on his back with his face turned to the side, nestling a throw pillow. One of his arms was extended above his head, draped over the arm of the couch, while the other bent behind his head to support his neck.
Upon seeing their bandmate, Woonhak and Taesan’s eyes met each other, a matching mischievous glint sparkling in each pair.
“Come on let’s wake him like we were told.” Woonhak whispers, inching closer to the couch. Taesan nods his head, but cannot help but feel something in his mind settle once he gets close enough to make out the almost silent breaths escaping Leehan’s nose, in perfect sync with the rise and fall of his flat chest. Up close, Leehan’s bare skin looks soft of course, but the addition of his sleep-slacked face made him look babyish in a way that wasn’t visible in daily life. The usually sharp lines of his jaw and nose bridge are completely lax in his dream filled state, the subtle– yet ever present– fidget of Leehan’s hands and other limbs completely stilled.
Taesan didn’t realize he was staring until Woonhak nudged his shoulder with his body, then raising his hands, wiggling his fingers in spirals to mimic tickling. A shit-eating grin was spread across the youngest's face, and Taesan knew he would go in himself if laughter did not threaten to escape his lips every two seconds.
Creeping forward, the fingertip of a ring-clad hand brushed against Leehan’s jaw, but before he could begin his attack the arm that was previously suspended above Leehan’s head swatted down, loosely gripping his wrist. Still asleep, Leehan turned onto his side– now cradling Taesasan’s hand against his face. The cool metal of the collection of rings adorning Taesan’s long fingers making divots in plump cheeks.
Leehan’s lips, wet with the glow of previously applied lip balm, rested centimeters away from making contact with the hairs on Taesan’s forearm, which now stood at attention after a sharp chill rang through his body.
Just then Woonhak reached forward and pinched the bit of exposed torso on Leehan’s side, growing impatient with Taesan’s unexplainable hesitation, a grumble emitted from Leehan. Then his head shook lazily and a high pitched whine passed over his lips as Woonhak went in for another grab of skin.
Eyes flashing open, Leehan’s head snapped to look at Woonhak who was leaned over his midsection, then he took in the hand he was gripping and the person connected to it. Now alert and impossibly blown wide brown eyes made direct contact with Teasan– kneeling on the floor in front of the couch– before Leehan registered that the embarrassing sound that had awoken him came from his own mouth.
Fuck.
Mortified, Leehan sat up pushing both boys away from him. Woonhak’s loud laughter filled the small dressing room and Taesan joined in, but his delayed response wasn’t noticed by anyone. Neither was the way his heartbeat caught in his throat upon hearing that noise produced from the friend he was unknowingly admiring moments before in sleep like a creep. Leehan discarded Taesan’s hand in favor of cradling his own face.
Still, no one noticed the way Taesan missed the warmth.
Groaning about being woken up and the battering of teasing from both Woonhak and Taesan, Leehan’s face reddened with frustration, a deep blush easily visible on his makeup free skin.
When two staff members from hair and makeup entered the room, the commotion ended, but when the makeup artist remarked in bewilderment about the “natural flush of Leehan’s skin today,” two members slipped into the hallway in their best attempt to not disturb the dressing room environment again. As Taesan closed the door he took in Leehan’s red face one last time before stalking away with Woonhak, both trembling with laughter as they proceeded down the hall to join their other members.
—
Leehan looked across the table at Jaehyun and Taesan, both still laughing about the day’s events. It had gone on so long it was starting to feel like they forgot Leehan was there entirely; he was starting to grow more annoyed. Then, Taesan mimicked the whine Leehan had let out and something in him snapped. The embarrassment he felt earlier re-entered his body and muddled with the self consciousness he was experiencing now.
“Hmph!” Leehan released as he roughly set his chopsticks on the table and crossed his arms, “Why are you like this?” he asked pointedly to Taesan. Taesan the one common factor is all of today’s moments that made him want to scream or crawl into a hole.
The laughter from across the table silenced completely at the outburst. Taesan now locked eyes with Leehan, vision trading Jaehyun’s mirthful smirk for Leehan’s somber pout. Jaehyun’s eyes still danced with humor, but his mouth was frozen in a surprised O shape.
Taesan’s face was expressionless as he paused to take in the dramatic reaction; on the inside the gears in his head were turning at a break-neck speed, attempting to make sense of it and the fluttery feeling it inspired deep in his core.
Leehan looks cute.
His pouty expression did little to harden the youthful softness of his face. Pretty eyes and lips had become controlled in order to convey the annoyance he was feeling, so different from the unrestrained cherub-like visual he remembered from Leehan’s sleeping face earlier. His arms were folded over his chest; the perfect picture of child-like indignation should have been off-putting at Leehan’s grown age, yet it suited him. Everything about Leehan in that moment was so him, so adorably Leehan that it made a piece of Taesan’s brain shrivel into nothingness, leaving him dumb and gaping for words.
Seriously, he replied, “Hey, what did you just say?”
“Mhmmm!” Leehan let out another frustrated sound at Taesan’s seemingly indifferent reaction and Jaehyun high laughter recommenced after witnessing the exchange.
“No, no, don’t try and act cute to distract us from what we were talking about!” Jaehyun gasped, giggling to himself as Taesan was still silently processing the interaction.
The thing was, that Leehan probably wasn't acting cute. That was just his genuine reaction and he made it cute because he's Leehan.
This realization seemed to pull Taesan back into reality and he laughed along, joining Jaehyun again in their playful teasing of Leehan’s odd reactions and mannerisms.
Having enough, Leehan huffed and stood to place his dish in the sink. “Whatever. Goodnight, I’m showering.” he muttered under his breath, the familiar annoyed redness once again dusting his pretty face.
“Goodnight Leehanie,” Jaehyun said in a singsongy voice as he passed him, teasing the younger one last time while pulling his face towards his, acting as if he’s going to kiss him on the forehead. Exaggerated kissy noises filled the air, but Leehan just stayed put. He rolled his eyes in annoyance, as all the members do at Jaehyun’s clingyness, but he didn’t pull away or act disgusted. Just slightly poked out his cheek as if he was anticipating the kiss attack, but the older leader pulled away grinning at the last second.
Taesan doesn’t know why, in that split second before Jaehyun pulled away, he felt his chest seize up. The tightness released slightly when Jaehyun retreated, but something was still coiled up inside him, something he was beginning to associate with these moments shared between himself, Leehan, and sometimes another one of their members.
“On second thought, no. Don’t want you thinking your attempts at cuteness actually work on us,” Jaehyun says, patting the part of Leehan’s face he was just holding.
Leehan let out a drawn out sigh, somehow the denial of the kiss he had been anticipating made him more bothered than he had previously been. He walks off, Taesan’s eyes following him all the way out of the room. Once Leehan was out of earshot and Jaehyun had placed all three bowls in the sink he leaned conspiratorially towards Taesan. The gesture reminded him of how Woonhak and him had plotted on Leehan that afternoon. The same feeling of friendly affection turned to mischief.
Taesan wondered if they also felt the same heady rush when they saw Leehan’s reactions, drinking in his every feature and analyzing the way the playful jabs affected him. The same feeling of guilt, but not quite that, when the annoyance in Leehan’s tone turned to embarrassment. And that not quite guilt made him want to cradle the embarrassed Leehan in his arms to make him feel better, to shield away the feelings he knew he was responsible for.
The feelings he knew he could cause and knew Leehan well enough to dispel.
The not quite guilt made him want to tease him again to see the same distressed expressions and endearing annoyance because the fluttery feeling in his chest it caused was like a high he wanted to chase endlessly.
Yeah, the other members definitely do not feel all this towards Leehan.
Hovering over Taesan, Jaehyun remarked, “You know, Leehan actually likes it when I give him a kiss goodnight. I bet he’s gonna be all sulky because I didn’t give him one.”
Still smiling to himself, Jaehyun assures Taesan that he’ll handle the dishes and wishes him goodnight.
—
Taesan had just finished washing up, his toweled hand ruffling his damp hair as he passed Leehan’s door, noticing the dim light escaping through its cracked edge. Peeking his head in, he saw Leehan sitting up in bed– but tucked under his covers like he was about to sleep– maneuvering his thumb over his phone. The screen’s glow lit up his face, the only light in the room besides his bedside lamp, causing a tranquility to settle over the room. The serene atmosphere blurred together with the sleepy haze Taesan felt, as the night was growing deeper, yet the same hum of adrenaline still filled his body upon seeing Leehan, upon entering his space.
“Hey, Leehanie.”
Leehan’s eyes flicked up at him, before looking back down again and curling deeper into his covers.
Anyone else would take the lack of response as go away, but Taesan knew all the colors of Leehan’s emotions. He knew when to prod and when to retreat, and he knew that he was right to come check on Leehan before bed, as he was prone to overthinking small jokes. The Leehan he saw before him wasn’t mad, per se, just sulky.
After making sure to noiselessly shut the door behind him, Taesan dropped the towel he was holding on the floor as his bare feet padded towards Leehan’s bed. For the second time that day he looked down at his resting form, only this time Leehan was still awake, just averting his eyes from Taesan’s gaze.
Taesan crowded his way onto Leehan’s bed, another gesture that would be seen as an overstep to an outside party, but made perfect sense to him as Leehan simply moved aside to make room for him without words or questions.
They sat like that for a moment. Leehan was still on his phone, laying down under the comforter as Taesan sat on top of it, bodies parallel.
“Do you really let Jaehyun give you goodnight kisses?” Taesan’s random remark cut through the silence and made him sound paranoid, but it got Leehan to make eye contact with him, so it was a win in his book.
“Why are you jealous?” Leehan’s voice was muted by exhaustion, but the squint of his eyes conveyed all the devilishness his tone neglected.
“No, I just never thought of you like that with the other members. It's cute.”
At the word cute Leehan’s eyes glittered. “Okay.”
Taesan wondered if Leehan was feeling the same sickly sweet rush of feelings he was, wondered if he felt this way towards any of the other members.
“Are you… sad you didn’t get one tonight?”
Leehan let out a humored gust of air, “Is that why you came here to check on me?”
“Mmhmm.” Taesan sank further into the mattress, now laying on his side, so he could be eye-level with Leehan. “Didn’t want you going to bed all sulky and neglected.”
A smile that was all teeth overtook Taesan’s face and he hoped it was enough to hide his desperate attempt at making his prying seem like concern… and his appearance in Leehan’s bed seem like a casual encounter.
“I’m definitely not neglected after the day I had with you.” This makes Taesan furrow his eyebrows.
Sensing his confusion Leehan continues on, but he doesn’t look at Taesan as he speaks, opting to stare at the corner of his blanket his fingers fiddle with. “It’s just… all day you were teasing me and… I know you’re joking, but it just feels like a lot sometimes. Ya know?”
“A lot, how? Did I hurt your feelings or–”
“No, no! I just…” Leehan looks up, hand abandoning the blanket to twist itself in the fabric of Taesan’s oversized band t-shirt. “I don’t know, I feel embarrassed after and you go all silent, like you're… thinking about the way I am, and I get nervous.” The words come out rushed and jumbled together at places and Taesan’s heart sighs with affection at how cute Leehan is and how thankful he is that he gets to glimpse into this unfiltered part of Leehan’s way of thinking.
Taesan lifts his hand to tuck a strand of still damp hair behind Leehan’s ear, he lingers in place as he takes in every inch of Leehan’s face, finally realizing what the fireworks going off inside his body all day have been.
He wastes no time pushing out the words, “I like when you’re embarrassed or nervous and I like thinking about you. Is that all right?”
Leehan stutters, “I-I guess. Yes.”
Rhythmically brushing his hand along the path that strand of hair derived from, Taesan imagines the same blush from earlier, now hidden by the low lighting of the bedroom. “Okay. Thank you.”
After saying this he just stares at Leehan, happiness overtaking any awkwardness he should’ve felt at his confession.
“Can you come under the blanket, if you’re not gonna leave?” Taesan feels his heart explode in fondness as he situates himself in Leehan’s bed, long legs brush each other now that they’re hidden from view, but the two boys remain facing one another.
“This okay?” Leehan hums in agreement, “Only a weirdo would say they like seeing someone embarrassed and nervous,” he says the end of the sentence through a yawn.
“Cute.” Taesan grins again.
Leehan looks at him skeptically, but Taesan knows the same flush is creeping up his cheeks. He knows Leehan. Knows all his reactions and small quirks and waits for them to come to the surface after he says just the right thing.
“See, weirdo,” Leehan drags out the syllables of the last word.
Taesan just smiles at him, drinking up this feeling that now has a name, that doesn’t need to be said for Leehan to understand what he means.
Leehan paws at Teasan’s chest again, finding comfort in the familiar texture of his clothing. He’s getting restless, like he has something on his mind that he wants to say, but won’t.
“What’s up?”
Leehan looks like he’s weighing his options before he replies, but seems to ultimately throw caution to the wind, “You said you didn’t want me to go to bed upset after I didn’t get a kiss goodnight from Jaehyun.”
“Leehan, I was joking–”
He cuts him off, all the boldness and determination Leehan can muster in his tired state filling his body, “Will you give me one?”
Taesan just blinks at him, it isn’t like knowing that the feelings he has for Leehan are special makes them any less all-encompassing. His eyes pass over Leehan’s lips, still parted from the question that hung on the tip of his tongue and now drapes the room in a muggy heat.
The heat goes straight to his head and makes his mind go blank, that dumb spaced out feeling of too much that comes with Leehan. Taesan gulps, taking in air like he does when he's about to say something important, but settles on nodding.
He doesn't need words right now.
Taesan props himself up so he’s hovering over Leehan and leans in, closing the gap between their lips, and the feeling is incomparable to anything he could have imagined or anything he's felt before. Leehan’s lips are soft, teeth just recently brushed so a minty taste fills his mouth, and this close up Taesan can smell the skincare he had applied after his shower, the clean smell of unscented face lotion and other treatments. The kiss is slow and tentative before they break for air. But, Leehan quickly dips his head back in, tightening his fistfuls of Taesan’s shirt.
“More,” he breathes before their mouths reconnect.
Taesan cradles Leehan’s chin between his thumb and pointer finger, drawing soft circles to coax Leehan’s mouth to open up more. He pecks light kitten licks on his lips, tongue darting out to taste the spit and chapstick slick skin closing off the rest of him. When Leehan gives in, finally letting his jaw fall slack under Taesan’s hand he sighs, but the noise is swallowed up as Taesan’s mouth engulfs him completely.
“Mmrf,” he grumbles as Taesan greedily laps at his mouth, taking in tongue and teeth and everything he can feel out with his own mouth.
Taesan pulls back like it physically hurts him to detach himself from Leehan, “Sorry,” he says without actually meaning it, his breathing ragged “got excited.”
“It's okay,” Leehan slurs, kiss-drunkenness replacing his drowsiness, and wraps his arms around Taesan’s neck to urge him closer. Taesan follows, slotting himself between Leehan’s legs as the covers stay draped over his back.
Above him Taesan looks like an angel, completely covering his smaller body like he's set on protecting, shielding Leehan from everything beyond him. His dark hair lays like a halo around his head, unstyled and sticking up in multiple directions from laying down moments ago– and his face adopts a soft, placid expression, like having Leehan beneath him is the answer he's been searching for and finally unearthed.
He brackets both arms on either side on Leehan's head, his silver necklace suspended in the air between them. As he moves it knocks back and forth like it's hypnotizing Leehan and he gives in, pushing against Taesan's neck to bring him down.
“Thought you just wanted a kiss goodnight?” Taesan says before pressing a succession of kisses to the corner of Leehan’s mouth and down his exposed neck as the collar of his t-shirt slips to the side. Taesan latches his mouth onto the skin and nibbles before lapping his tongue against the same area.
Leehan groans, annoyance flashing in his tone, “If you stop I’ll be up all night, I swear.”
“Okay, okay.” Taesan chuckles, removing himself from Leehan’s neck to look in his eyes. “What do you need from me because we're both half asleep and I don't want to cuddle you to sleep with a hard on.”
It should be hard, or at least awkward, to switch from best friends to whatever this is in a moment, but it just feels right. Like, of course Taesan would end up in Leehan’s bed, eventually, every road they took together led them to this moment. In hindsight it makes perfect sense.
Leehan flushes, taking a moment to gather his thoughts before carefully speaking again, “Just… I don't want to go all the way, so can you just.. move against me?”
Smirking at Leehan’s effort to get out that sentence, to clearly state the filthy thing he wants Taesan to do for him in such a polite way, Taesan grips his hips. Leehan is only wearing his boxers and a shirt while Taesan’s grey sweatpants hang low on his hips.
“I can do that, come here, baby.”
Like how all of this feels natural, the pet name falls from his tongue like one that's given.
He presses his palms flat against Leehan’s waist in order to keep him in place before he tentatively pushes down. The first press into each other's heat causes them both to moan.
Warmth fills the cool air of the bedroom, Leehan likes it freezing at night, and they feel it prickle their skin. Leehan’s head falls back against his pillow and he pulls his forearm over his face, hiding.
Taesan firmly grips his arm, pulling it back. “Let me see, you can't hide from me when you're under me.” Leehan reveals his flushed, blissed out face as his trembling hand retreats.
“It's embarrassing, you only moved once…” He mumbles, avoiding eye contact. Taesan just thrusts against him again, this time without warning, and relishes in the needy whine Leehan lets out.
“I told you I like it when you're embarrassed like this.” Taesan says, his voice a low drag, before looking at the clock on the bedside table, “Fuck, but I do need you to be quiet and go to bed soon or else the guys are gonna be pissed at us for waking them up and showing up to rehearsals tired tomorrow morning.”
Leehan wants to retort, but glimpses at the clock as well and realizes how late it is, before nodding eagerly.
“Good boy,” Taesan says the words dripping in genuine affection, but still making Leehan burn with embarrassment. He hates how much he likes it, all of it. Taesan’s words, the way he takes him apart just by being completely himself.
Hips meet again and another moan barely escapes Leehan’s lips before Taesan’s hand covers his mouth, muffling the sound. He gradually builds up to a rhythmic pace as he ruts against Leehan who strains to keep up with him. Eventually, Leehan grows closer to his peak, no clear noise coming from his covered mouth, but Taesan can tell by the way his face scrunches up and his hips move more frantically.
Chasing his own release, Leehan bucks his hips up, searching for any point of friction he can reach. Taesan pauses, suspending himself in the air, ignoring the way his own cock begs for release, as he holds down Leehan’s restless body with his free hand.
A muffled “please” can be made out from behind Taesan’s large hand, before he removes it completely. Leehan is a mess babbling whiny pleas for a short moment before Taesan replaces his hand with his mouth, pressing into a searing kiss. The other hand that was holding down Leehan slides into his boxers, fisting his cock before thumbing over the slit.
The kiss, Leehan in his hand, everything is so hot that Taesan’s head feels spacey, but he pushes through it.
As Taesan’s mouth and tongue work to overtake Leehan’s pliant mouth, his hand works to jack him off. He moves with practiced ease, as if it is his own arousal, and smears precum from his tip along his shaft to help ease the slide.
“You close?” Taesan whispers, hand never relenting.
“Yes, fuck, let me come?”
“You don't have to ask baby, just tell me,” Taesan grins.
A toothy smile splits his face before he covers Leehan’s mouth, drinking up his moans as he spills into his hand. Taesan guides him through his high, feeling the way his body shakes underneath him, completely at his doing.
When Leehan comes down Taesan wipes the sweat from his forehead before kissing his temple. Tentatively, he squeezes the flaccid cock still in his hand. When Leehan winces he kisses his face again, brushing his hair back.
“Be good for a little longer, baby. I’m sorry, but I need you too.”
Leehan nods, too fucked out to protest as he basks in the afterglow of his orgasm. Taesan situates himself so he hovers over Leehan’s thigh, then begins thrusting against him again. Occasionally, Taesan’s leg brushes against Leehan’s sensitive cock and he whines, but it doesn't take long for Taesan to approach his own limit. Riding Leehan’s thigh Taesan loses himself in it, teeth biting down on his own lip in order to quell his moans. They come out as barely audible grunts that vibrate through his heaving chest.
Leehan watches him come undone, the way his head knocks forwards and his usually steady pace becomes erratic. Finally he stutters over Leehan’s plush skin, cum spilling from cock into the containment of his sweatpants. He wishes he had taken them off– imagines the milky ropes painting Leehan’s soft pale skin as he bucks his hips through his orgasm, before he collapses on top of Leehan.
They stay like that for a moment, too caught up in each other's touch to care about the stickiness drying in their underwear. As Leehan rubs his back, indulging in the grounding weight on top of him, Taesan imagines so much more. Imagines all the new ways he’s going to get to know Leehan in this new chapter of their relationship, all the ways he will learn to take him apart, make him tick, then piece him back together in ways no one else could.
Leehan is knocked out when Taesan peels himself off of him, the hand tracing his back has long stalled and his legs have locked around Taesan’s waist like a koala. After some maneuvering Taesan gets up, removing both his Leehan’s soiled pants before wiping them both down hastily with his crumpled sweats. After turning off the bedside lamp, he crawls back into the twin bed that is definitely too small for the both of them, he realizes. So, he presses himself against Leehan's back, spooning him as Leehan tosses in his sleep on last time.
Taesan presses a kiss to the crown of his head before tucking the blanket under Leehan’s front. Eventually the sound of Leehan’s breathing and the warmth of his body lulls Taesan to sleep.
How they will explain this new dynamic to the other members is tomorrow's concern.