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Forgive me, little sister. I should have gone back for you.
« Bob! » was the first thing she cried after opening her eyes. The room was barely lit by the New York lights coming through the curtains, and she could hear the heavy rain tapping against the windows: even wrapped in one of Bob’s hoodies, small shivers of cold ran up her spine. She turned, looking for him, but found no one at her side — though she remembered falling asleep next to him, and could still smell his scent on the pillow.
« Bob? » still no answer came. She couldn’t see well, not because of the darkness, but because her eyes were still half-closed, and a veil of tears blurred her vision. It often happened when she woke up after dreaming of Natasha: she felt disoriented, weak, lost as if only a handful of days had passed since she’d learned of her disappearance. After a brief period of fragile happiness and personal rebirth following their reunion, losing her once again, only now permanently, was a wound that just couldn’t heal. Pressing her hands to her temples, she took deep breaths trying to escape the nightmares and embrace reality. She wasn’t alone now, but… she couldn’t help thinking that almost anyone who had been part of her life was nothing more than a distorted memory, or had abandoned her, or had died. She had lost so many people — and maybe that was simply her fate, balancing all the wrong she had done all those years spent under Dreykov’s control, a cycle that would never break no matter how hard she tried, how willing she was to be a better person.
« Bob » she said, this time just to herself. There were even worse nightmares than the ones about Natasha, and those were the ones in which she would lose him . She was well aware that she couldn’t change the past. As difficult as it was, she had started to accept it, to come to terms with it, but knowing that every minute spent with Bob could be their last— it haunted her way worse than any ghost from her past. Maybe that was the price to pay for loving someone: their inevitable loss, one day, and the fear of that day.
« Did you call for me? »
Yelena lifted her face at the sound of Bob’s voice. He was standing by the door, looking at her.
« Hey » she smiled softly, feeling relief « It’s fine. Just a nightmare, you know. »
« Do you want me to fetch you a glass of water? »
« No, thanks, just… come back to bed. »
She saw his lips curling into a smile as he got closer to lay down beside her, his chest against her back, holding her tight.
« Sorry, I couldn’t sleep and went to watch some tv... Anyway, this is a nice change. »
« What is a nice change? » she asked, confused.
« You not baby-sitting me. »
« Oh, shut up » she let out a small laugh before raising an eyebrow and turning her face towards him, though not enough to look him in the eyes « Wait, are you saying you ’re babysitting me ? »
« Yes, and I’m very much enjoying it » he replied and that, at least, made her smile.
« Get out of the bed. »
« No way, it’s my bed. »
Yelena rolled her eyes, resting her cheek against his arm, focusing on his solid, real body.
« It is nice though » she admitted at last « and you’re warm— and I think Alexei might kick your ass, no matter how much he likes you, but that’s a whole other story. »
« He knows I can beat him. »
« Oh, someone is feeling confident » she teased him, turning around to properly face him, laughing softly « Relax, I was just messing with you. As I said, he likes you— and even if he didn’t, he has no say in this. When I was little, no one ever held me like this. Not even mom did. I think it's long overdue. »
« Wait, what? Your mom? » as he asked, Yelena saw confusion in his eyes, and only then did she remember he knew very little of her.
« Melina, another widow spy. Well, more of a scientist actually. Well, also not really my mom. Plus, I’m not sure you would have liked her. »
« Do I like Alexei? » he asked, turning the situation around and messing with her.
« You find him exuberant, sometimes annoying, but of course you like him. Stop saying nonsense. »
« I like you » Bob answered in the most spontaneous way possible, and Yelena felt her heart skip a beat. He was looking at her with half-closed eyes, sleepy, shy, that faint smile she was so used to on his face. She took a few moments to realize he wasn’t expecting an answer or any sort of acknowledgment: it had been a simple statement, a fact. Besides, neither of them could have added anything that the other didn’t already know.
« Do you want to know what I dreamed of? »
« Only if you want to » he moved just enough to brush his forehead against hers, staying like that for a moment.
« My sister » the words came out as a whisper, but there was no agitation in her voice.
« Oh » Yelena saw Bob bite his lower lip, as if he was feeling guilty about something « Is that why you called me? Sorry I wasn’t here. »
« I often dream of her. Same old, same old. Everytime I wake up, I feel the pain of her loss crushing my chest, leaving me gasping for air…but this time, when I opened my eyes, I had the feeling I‘d just lost you » she felt her lips curve downward and tried with all her strength to hold back the tears, hiding her face against his chest « I was alone, again. »
« You’re not. »
« We ’re not » she nodded, looking back into his eyes. She watched as he suddenly sat up, moving to the edge of the bed.
« What are we, Yelena? » his hands were fidgeting, his gaze down. Yelena moved as well, getting closer to him and then hugging him from behind, her chest against his back, gently resting her chin between his shoulder and the side of his neck.
« I don’t know, Bob. I’ve never… felt anything like this » she admitted « I’ve never even had the chance. It’s new for me. »
« I had a girlfriend, years ago. I was already on a dark path and she dragged me along an even worse one. Or maybe we both did that to each other, I’m not sure. Still, what I had with her was… casual. I think, even if I had wanted to, I couldn’t have cared about anyone, back then. I didn’t even care about myself. »
« So, you want me to be your girlfriend ? » Yelena asked, moving and sitting beside him, an amused expression on her face.
« You don’t strike me as the type to be anyone’s girlfriend. »
«God, no. I don’t think that’s really my thing, and it’s not just because of my baggage— or maybe it actually is because of my past, that’s anybody’s guess » she confirmed laughing, but her eyes gave away all the sadness she was trying so hard to hide, which only grew when she saw a veil of disappointment on Bob’s face. Heartbreak, even.
« Oh god — I’m not saying this means nothing to me. I want us . I want to be with you, simple as that. »
« Well, I wouldn't say being with me is simple , so that’s more than enough »
« I mean, we’re not exactly ordinary people, but we’ll make it work. Just stick around. Promise? »
« Promise. »