Work Text:
If Fab said that he was a totally well-functioning adult who could get along well in society, work well under pressure, and never wanted to cry when someone raised their voice at him, he was lying. Nobody seemed to notice it, since he always masked his actual way of being by keeping a bright, smiley face and a quietness that prevented him from telling anyone how he felt, which made him progressively worse.
Every single sound surrounding him felt like a hammer banging with fury inside his ears. The lights seemed to grow brighter and stronger with every passing second. Unlike everyone else, he wasn't able to magically ignore all of the things that overwhelmed him, and he couldn't really understand how other people managed to do it. Sudden thoughts (mixed with other issues already mentioned) unchained a deep physical pain in his stomach, knees, and head, which he tried to ease by chewing on his inner cheek. He couldn't handle how everything felt too big, and he felt way too small, as he wasn't able to ask for help even if he desperately needed it.
His mind shifted to Julian. When he came home and saw him, everything changed. The environment was far softer and gentler than anything else in the outside world, just what he needed right there. The lights were dim and didn't make his head buzz. The only sounds surrounding him were Julian's calm humming and maybe an old Beatles record playing in the background. Exactly the opposite of the loud café where he was working at the moment
★
When Fab opened the apartment door, his bag hit the floor with a slight thud. He sighed softly, conveying his exhaustion without words, as he had done all day. That was enough to catch Julian's attention, who was smoking by the balcony while watching the sparkling lights of New York City, like a cat observing the outside world with curiosity. He looked back and smiled at him softly, but that smile quickly turned to concern once he saw the curly-haired boy's sad and tired expression, so he put the cigarette on the ashtray and moved closer to him. He placed a hand on his cheek to caress it in soothing movements. His gaze got softer, and it almost seemed like the usual darkness in his eyes turned into a warm brown tone.
— What's wrong, darling? — Julian spoke in a voice soft like honey, blending into the sounds of the streets. Fab couldn't even form words properly, and his eyes crystallized.
— Was everything too much? — He asked again. The smaller boy's eyes got wetter until a tear rolled down his left cheek.
— Oh baby... Come here, you don't have to explain anything.
Julian scooped Fab up and held him in his arms protectively, as he sat on the soft grey couch in front of him. Fab's little sobs came out muffled by Julian's shoulder, who was rubbing his back in circles in an attempt to make him feel better. Safe. Loved.
— It's okay, angel. Let it all out. You're safe with me, mhm?
By every second that passed and every word that was said, Fab's sobbing started to get just a bit louder, making the taller realize that the boy hiding in his arms was holding so much distress and anxiety for so long. Julian knew well that his partner felt a deep guilt every time this happened; somehow, he thought that all of this was his fault. His mind tormented him with thoughts that he didn't deserve at all, crushing him into small pieces that Julian wanted to hold with love, in the hope of making them fit together again. He stopped rubbing his back to kiss his curls gently, but suddenly, the little sobs faded away slowly, turning into occasional hiccups.
— 'M sorry... — Fab managed to mutter in a soft, barely audible voice after some seconds. His hands automatically reached for Julian, hugging him tightly and resting his face on his chest.
— Oh, sweetheart ... Why are you sorry? — Julian asked before grabbing his teary cheeks to kiss his nose lovingly, caressing just below his puffy red eyes with his thumbs. Fab looked up at him with crystallized eyes, before looking down shyly to answer.
— I... I didn't mean to make such a big problem out of this... Everything was... Too much — Fab answered with a shaky voice.
Julian's response was to lift him up so he could sit on his lap and still face him, then he hugged him as tight as he could, resting his chin on his head and petting his hair softly. He left little kisses everywhere he could, his head, cheeks, lips, and fingers, which made Fab finally stop hiccuping to sigh in relief. His lips curled into a sleepy smile.
— I'm so proud of you for trusting me, mhm? I love you so much... — Julian said lovingly while holding his hand, before continuing to kiss him everywhere. Fab felt an intense warm feeling running through his whole body. Maybe it wasn't his fault. Maybe he just needed love.
★
Moments later, he was wrapped in a warm blanket on their bed, watching the rain tapping gently at the window in beautiful shapes. He felt like his mind, body and soul got smaller than ever. But this time, in Julian's arms, it didn't make his head buzz in that overwhelming way it always did. It made him feel like a child, being held with pure, genuine love.
— Hey. Do you want me to bring a snackie? — Julian whispered, lips curling into a sweet smile. Fab shook his head and hid his giggly face in Julian's chest, wrapping his hands and legs on his torso like a koala.
— Jus' snuggle — Fab managed to say in a soft, honey-like voice. If it wasn't for the rain's gentle tapping, the room would be filled for some minutes with a total silence.
— Juju? — Fab said in the tiniest, sweetest voice.
— Yes, darling?
— I love you.
Julian gave him the purest, brightest smile.
— I love you too, sweet pie. More than anything in this whole wide world. You're my beautiful boy. — Julian answered, making his partner wrap his arms tighter around him. And just like that, all of the big problems that once hit him like a train, seemed to finally fade away in a peaceful, sweet sleep.