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It was supposed to be a peaceful afternoon.
The Thousand Sunny drifted lazily across the Grand Line, no enemies in sight, no storm clouds above, and not a single surprise sea king lurking beneath. Just sun, waves, and quiet. Too much quiet. The kind of suspicious silence that meant something amazing was about to happen. For once, Zoro wasn’t training. He was simply eating lunch, eyes half-lidded, tuning out the world around him. He’d piled his rice bowl high, content in the moment.
And then Luffy ruined everything.
“Oi, Zoro,” Luffy said through a mouthful of meat.
“Have you ever been in love?” Zoro didn’t even look up. He just answered, like an idiot.
“Yeah.”
The table went silent.
“Wait. What?” Usopp asked, a fork frozen halfway to his mouth.
“You’ve what?” Nami blinked in disbelief.
Franky’s cola shot from his nose. Chopper dropped his drink. Even Brook gasped dramatically. Zoro blinked. “…What?”
“You said you’ve been in love!” Luffy shouted, eyes sparkling like he’d just discovered a new island.
“Still am,” Zoro muttered, realizing one second too late how catastrophic that was.
The next thing he knew, the whole crew was on their feet.
“WHO?!” Nami demanded.
“DO WE KNOW THEM?!” Usopp wailed.
“IS IT A SECRET CREWMEMBER?!” Chopper gasped.
“IT’S NOT ME, RIGHT?!” Brook asked hopefully.
Panicked, Zoro shoved away from the table and grunted, “Not telling.”
And then ran for his life.
He escaped to the only place he knew no one would bother him.
The kitchen.
It was the one place no one would dare follow him—except, of course, for the one person who had every right to be there.
Sanji.
Zoro sat at the far end of the counter, head buried in crossed arms, radiating misery. The cook watched him for a few seconds in complete silence while dicing carrots, a smirk already forming.
Finally, Sanji spoke.
“So, mosshead.”
Zoro groaned. “Yes?”
“Mind explaining why there are three idiots and Nami-san staring at you like a bunch of stalkers through the window?”
Zoro didn’t look up. “They want love advice.”
There was a long pause. Sanji’s knife paused mid-chop.
“…From who?”
Zoro finally raised his head and made direct, tired eye contact. “From me.”
Another pause.
“…Why?”
“Because I may or may not have told them I’m in a relationship,” Zoro grumbled.
”You.. What?” Sanji asked, eyes narrowing. “…Do they know who you’re dating?
“No. That’s why they want to figure it out and ask for love advice to ask someone out.”
Sanji stared at him.
“…You’re a big idiot.”
“I can see that, thank you very much!”
A few hours later, Zoro figured the whole “I’m in a relationship” disaster had finally cooled off. The ship was quiet, the sound of the waves steady, and no one had been pestering him for at least ten minutes.
It was almost suspiciously peaceful.
He should have known better.
First up: Usopp.
“ZORO!”
The sniper came skidding into the hallway like a man running from the gates of hell. His hair was windblown, his shirt half-untucked, and his eyes wild.
“You gotta help me, man!” Usopp clutched the doorframe like it was the only thing keeping him from falling into the abyss. “I don’t know how to confess to Kaya! Please! You have to help me!”
Zoro, who had been trying to nap with his sword propped against the wall, cracked open the door just far enough to glare at him.
“I’m not your therapist,” he said flatly.
“But you’re in a relationship! You know things!” Usopp insisted, eyes sparkling with desperate hope.
Behind Zoro, Sanji was leaning against the counter, smoking like he had all the time in the world. His smirk was so smug it could probably ignite a barrel of gunpowder.
Zoro sighed, rubbing his temple. “Fine. Think about what you actually like about her first… then confess.”
“That’s it?!” Usopp asked, as if he’d expected a 200-step master plan.
“That’s it.” Zoro shut the door in his face without another word, letting the satisfying click of the latch be the final punctuation.
Next came Franky.
“ZORO, BROOO!”
The shipwright’s voice was like being hit in the ears with a cannon blast. Before Zoro could tell him to keep it down, Franky stomped into view with his usual flair, sunglasses catching the afternoon sun.
“What do I do if I wanna tell Robin I love her brains and her looks?!”
Zoro didn’t even bother opening both eyes. “Say it like that. She’ll run, and your problem’s solved.”
“Awwww, come on!” Franky clutched his chest like Zoro had just crushed his Super heart.
Zoro let out a long, weary breath. “Fine. Give her flowers. Tell her you like her. Keep it simple. No fireworks, no parade, and definitely no exploding doves.”
Franky’s face twisted into exaggerated shock. “…That’s surprisingly un-cyborg-like advice, bro.”
“Take it or leave it,” Zoro said, waving him off.
Franky left still looking thoughtful — and suspiciously like he was already planning a parade.
Then came Luffy.
“ZORO!”
The door didn’t even have time to swing open — the captain just burst in like a typhoon wearing a straw hat.
“Help me with Torao!”
“No.”
“I’m your captain! That’s an order!”
Zoro cracked an eye open. “What do you need, Captain?”
Luffy leaned forward, deadly serious, his hat brim casting a shadow over his determined eyes. “How do I get Torao to love me?”
Zoro blinked. “…Law?”
Luffy nodded with the intensity of a man discussing battle strategy. “If I like him, do I say, ‘I like you,’ or ‘let’s fight,’ or ‘here’s meat’?”
“You say ‘I like you.’”
Luffy tilted his head. “How?”
“…You use your mouth.”
The way Luffy stared at him, you’d think Zoro had just asked him to solve a puzzle from another dimension.
Lastly: Nami.
The navigator arrived with the slow, calculating confidence of someone who already had the upper hand. She leaned against the doorframe, arms crossed, a smile that could bankrupt nations on her lips.
“Zoro,” she said sweetly. “I’ll lower your debt if you help me with Vivi.”
Zoro’s head snapped up. “How much?”
“Depends on how good your advice is.”
He narrowed his eyes. “…What do you want to know?”
“How to have a romantic date with Vivi.”
“That’s it?”
“No,” Nami replied, her smile sharpening. “That’s just the first question.”
“One percent debt reduction for each question,” Zoro bargained immediately.
“Fine. But if your advice doesn’t work, I’m raising it back.”
“Deal,” Zoro muttered, already regretting it.
After hours of being bombarded with questions and awkward requests, Zoro finally stumbled back into the kitchen, looking like he’d been through a battle far worse than any sword fight.
“Oh my,” Sanji said, arching an eyebrow as he leaned casually against the counter. “Never seen you this worn out before.”
Zoro dropped onto a stool with a grunt. “They’re relentless. Annoying as hell.”
Sanji chuckled softly. “And yet, you still helped them.”
Zoro gave a dry laugh. “At least they haven’t asked who I’m actually in a relationship with.”
“For now,” Sanji said with a sly grin, stepping closer.
Zoro’s eyes flicked up, wary. “What do you mean?”
Sanji smirked, voice low enough that only Zoro could hear. “You do realize they won’t forget, right? Not with that much gossip flying around.”
Zoro ran a hand through his hair, the tension suddenly sinking in. “Umm…”
“And especially now that the whole ship knows,” Sanji added, crossing his arms with a knowing look.
Zoro’s breath hitched. “Shit.”
Days of endless questions and teasing hadn’t let up. That evening, during dinner, the chaos showed no signs of slowing down.
“So, Zoro,” Franky said, leaning back with his arms crossed, a mischievous grin spreading across his face. “Never knew you were such a romantic.”
Zoro, who was desperately trying to eat in peace, shot him a tired glare. “Now you know.”
Usopp chimed in, eyes wide with curiosity. “Where did you even learn that stuff from?”
“Yeah, Zoro, spill!” Nami pressed, nudging him with her elbow.
Luffy bounced in his seat eagerly. “Zoro, please!”
Zoro slammed his chopsticks down, cutting through the chatter. “No.”
Without another word, he stood, pushing his plate aside and slipping out of the dining area. Four eager shadows followed close behind.
In the kitchen, the mood was much calmer, but the tension lingered.
Robin sipped her tea serenely, eyes soft but knowing. “It’s you, isn’t it, Cook-san?”
Sanji smiled, the corner of his lips twitching with fondness. “Ah, yes.”
Jinbei nodded with a gentle smile. “We kind of figured it was you two.”
Sanji chuckled lightly. “I can see why.”
“They’re surprisingly clueless, though,” Brook remarked, twirling his cane thoughtfully.
Chopper’s little nose wrinkled as he spoke up. “Sanji, you smell too much like Zoro. It’s pretty obvious you two are together.”
Sanji laughed, shaking his head. “Don’t worry, Chopper. For the others, it’s a bit harder to tell. But I’m sure they’ll figure it out eventually.”
Later at night,
Zoro groaned and rubbed the back of his neck, leaning against the counter like the weight of the world had just dropped on his shoulders. “This is exactly why I don’t talk about stuff.”
Sanji smirked as he slid a plate of food in front of him. “And yet you did talk about it. You could’ve just said nothing, but nooo… You had to open that big mouth of yours.”
“I didn’t think it’d be a big deal!” Zoro muttered, stabbing at the food with his chopsticks. “Just… answering a question. Now half the crew’s acting like I’m some romance guru or something.”
Sanji lit a cigarette, his gaze sly. “You’re not even the romantic one in this relationship.”
Zoro froze mid-bite, eyes flicking up at him. “…You’re enjoying this.”
“Immensely,” Sanji said, smirking wider. “Because now I get to watch you squirm when they inevitably figure it out.”
“They’re not gonna figure it out,” Zoro grunted.
Sanji raised an eyebrow. “You sure about that, Marimo? Robin, Jinbei, Brook and even Chopper already knew about us.”
Zoro grimaced, chewing slower. “…Great.”
Sanji leaned closer over the counter, voice dropping so only Zoro could hear. “So, what’s your plan when they corner you about who you’re dating?”
“…Don’t have one,” Zoro admitted.
Sanji’s lips curled into a wicked grin. “Don’t worry, I’m pretty sure they are going to figure it out in a few days, dear.”
A few days later, the four crewmates gathered in the lounge, deep in one of their classic conspiracy sessions.
Nami tapped her chin thoughtfully. “Okay, so first—if Zoro’s dating someone on this ship, it can’t be Brook. He’s a skeleton.”
Franky laughed. “And Jinbei’s out too. Too old for Zoro, bro.”
“It won’t be Robin,” Franky added quickly. “Zoro knows I like her.”
Usopp shook his head. “And Chopper’s too young. Definitely not him.”
Nami narrowed her eyes, counting on her fingers. “So that leaves us four, me, Usopp, Franky, Luffy, and Sanji.”
Usopp blinked. “Wait, that’s five people.”
Nami smirked. “Exactly. But we four already have our own crushes, so the only person left is…”
“Sanji!” they all said in unison, eyes widening.
Nami nodded. “Makes sense, right? Sanji’s the one who spends the most time with Zoro.”
Usopp grinned. “Yeah, and they fight way less than they used to.”
Luffy bounced excitedly nearby. “Sanji even gives Zoro more food now! Not fair!”
Franky raised a fist. “Looks like the pieces fit!”
The group exchanged glances, the unspoken truth settling between them like a secret finally cracked open.
The group made their way to the kitchen, where Sanji was, unsurprisingly, hard at work preparing something delicious. Zoro was there too, leaning against the counter with that usual unbothered expression, though today, there was a flicker of tension in his eyes.
Usopp blurted out before anyone could stop him, “So… Zoro, are you dating Sanji?”
Zoro blinked, lips twitching in a laugh, about to respond when Sanji suddenly stepped forward. With a mischievous grin, he grabbed Zoro’s shirt, yanked him closer, and pressed a bold, full-on kiss right on his mouth—right in front of everyone.
The room exploded.
Screams mixed with laughter filled the air.
Nami shouted.
Usopp dramatically fainted, collapsing backward with a thud.
Luffy burst into hearty laughter, slapping his knee.
Franky broke into an impromptu love ballad, singing loud enough to echo through the ship.
Zoro groaned softly against Sanji’s lips but, just as quickly, kissed him back, a small smile tugging at the corner of his mouth.
Sanji chuckled against him, whispering, “Took you long enough to figure it out.”
Usopp blinked, still lying on the floor. “Wait… what?”
Sanji turned to him, smirking. “You four were the last ones to catch on. Even Chopper knows.”
Zoro rolled his eyes but didn’t deny it. “Figures.”
The crew erupted into teasing and cheers as Sanji and Zoro stood together, finally no longer hiding in the shadows of their secret.