Work Text:
hey mom
from the highs to the lows
why do you not care
from the happiest moments to the saddest moments
why do you not care
from pain to relief
why do you not care?
you went through my room and found my bloody tissues and lighter. you didn’t confront me, you didn’t ask if i was okay, you didn’t care. after that, you didn’t treat me with kindness, nor respect. instead it was the opposite. i ask for kindness and instead receive anger. after that moment, you didn’t care. you looked at me with disgust and contempt. just like my brother.
WHY DO YOU NOT CARE?!
i just want to go back to the old days. before my dad died, before you guys divorced, before i was looked at with disgust instead of love. i wish you didn’t let out your anger on my brother and i. i know you only like me for my looks. you beat me with a heel when you found out i was talking to people online instead of asking why i was asking for comfort from STRANGERS online than asking you for comfort. i wonder why.
my very first memory is me running away from you because you were chasing me around with a shoe. dad wasn’t home and you got angry because i spilled juice. when my dad died, you got mad because we weren’t in his will, even though you divorced him after he started drinking because of YOU.
i never leave my room because im scared that you’re gonna yell at me. you get mad when out of my room. i just want to kill myself. nobody is gonna help me. i need to stop complaining. just.. why. why am i supposed to love you unconditionally even though you call me fat, annoying, stupid, and more. the ONLY time i’ve heard you tell me that you were proud of me was when i was cooking EGGS. the only time. not when i got first chair, not when i got the best grade, not when i cleaned the whole house either. i just wish you would love me and let my dad rest in peace. he died in 2018 and you still blame stuff on him. you blame him because he drank himself to death because you divorced him, you blame him for not giving you any money so you can get plastic surgery, you blame him for everything. you blame my dad, my brother, and i for most part.
my half siblings on the other hand, you treat kinder than how you ever treated me or my brother. what’s the difference between us? is it because they’re fully hispanic? is it because they follow what you do? is it because you dont want to be reminded of my dad? just love me please. please dont get mad at me anymore for having emotions. just please care. why am i saying this when you’ve seen cuts on myself and never asked where they came from. you don’t notice anything. just please care about me. please. i wish you would love me. im sorry. please. just treat us the same. please. im sorry. just treat me like how you treat my half siblings.