Archive of Our Own

I struggled to ignore the feeling of all of the sweat in my fur. The scenery had quickly changed from dark, grimy caves to this… moody yellow sand. Not to mention, the dampness that once filled the caves was replaced by a nigh-unbearable heat.

I knew my objective… I had to get as deep as possible and… recover something.

I was simply told that I would know what to do. Time and time again, they had asked me to do something, and I could never deliver. So why did they send me, of all people, here?

Everything had happened so quickly… they told me that I was simply going for extra training. I waved goodbye to all of my friends… assuming that I would see them again.

But… at the end of the training session, something…

I couldn’t even remember what happened.

The next memory I had was of me hurtling towards this planet in a life pod.

…

I dug through the hard sandstone in my way, the headlamp I was wearing only barely illuminated the caves, but it was better than nothing. I had ended up finding myself at a dead-end, and my terrain scanner indicated that there was a larger chamber on the other side of this rock, as well as a container. I hadn’t found any food for several days now, and I was getting hungrier and hungrier as I went on.

Having to dig through all of this rock was also dulling my claws. Several times throughout this expedition, I had to sharpen them on some scrap metal I found. The noise was unbearable…

In fact, this entire place was a death trap. I have never seen so many bodies in my life… it was unbelieveable. To think that each one of them had their own aspirations… their own friends…

I had to be careful with every step I took. Each corpse that I found… I’d also discover another horrific way to die. I saw people ripped apart by explosions… trapped in beartraps and left to starve… impaled on giant metal spikes…

I had to stop thinking about them. It was only dragging my mood down. Despite the horrors in this place, I was still hopeful that maybe I could make it down. I wanted to make them proud… I wanted to make my friends proud as well.

I focused back on the task at hand and continued to swipe my claws at the hard sandstone in front of me.

I winced as they grinded against something hard. It was metal and it was unfortunately blocking my way. This must be the container.

Despite how it was lodged into the sandstone, I could still feel it shake a bit. I dug lower, hoping to dislodge it and let me open it. Eventually, I could see through the sand and to the other side. I quickly widened the hole, making use of my head and shoulder in order to push against it and hopefully loosen it.

I kept applying force until I dislodged the object. The metal container came clattering to the ground along with myself, as there was nothing to keep me from falling over now.

Bang.

A deafening noise reverberated throughout the cave as the object hit the ground. It was as if somebody had fired a gun right in front of me. I swore I could hear beeping, now. I scramble upwards, in an attempt to get away from the source of the noise, which was the-

BANG.

I was thrown backwards and back into the hole I had dug. A dull heat started to spread throughout my head and chest.

I stayed still, trying to come back to my senses. I couldn’t die here… no… I would make it out of this. Everything was going fine.

I could feel something wet start to cover my chest. I looked down, to see… blood. My blood.

Panic started to set in as I struggled to understand what happened… it was as if somebody had hit me over the head with a sledgehammer. I tried to get back up, but a sudden, sharp pain stopped me. I hit the ground hard, letting out an involuntary whimper in the process.

But… barely any sound came out. It felt like I was choking. The taste of metal filled my mouth. I coughed, and a splatter of blood came out, joining the mess that was on my chest.

The pain in my head was only getting worse, now.

I reached for my mouth, to wipe away the blood… only to be met with nothing.

My heart started to race.

I quickly retracted my hand, only to see that it was now covered in blood and gore. I moved my other hand towards my jaw, trying to feel for anything, but there wasn’t anything there.

The warm feeling of blood quickly soaked into my fingers. I reached for anything, but I could only feel strands of mangled flesh and skin where my jaw once was.

Nausea started to fill my body, and the pain was getting worse by the second. Torn apart chunks of my own yellow flesh fell from my face and got tangled in my chest’s fur.

I wiped away the blood on my hands onto my thighs. I had to do something about this, and quickly. I only had a vague idea of what my injuries were. I patted down my chest area, checking for any shrapnel wounds.

…

I winced as my claw got stuck inside of a hole. There was a large wound on my upper right arm.

I reached into the satchel I had, which contained most of my medical equipment. I first pulled out a set of tweezers. Back on Earth, our captors assured us to never try taking out shrapnel from a wound… they said it was best to leave it to one of their doctors. At least that’s what I remembered.

Of course… there wasn’t anybody down here to help me. I had to fight my way through the pain and remove it myself. I made sure to grab a roll of gauze as well, so that I could manage the bleeding afterwards.

I held the tweezers, open, in front of the wound. My hands shook violently. I didn’t want to do this… the pain would be unbearable.

I fought through, and forced the tweezers into the wound. The pain was immediate, and I nearly chucked the tweezers away. I dug deeper into the wound, feeling around for the shrapnel.

Eventually, the tweezer clinked against something, and I closed them around it. I tried to pull it out, but it didn’t budge. I maneuvered the tweezers slightly, only slightly loosening it.

The longer I did this, the worse the pain got. It was starting to become unbearable.

In one swift motion, I pulled hard. The tweezers, along with the shrapnel, flew out of the wound. I lost my grip on them, and they fell into the sand in front of me.

I quickly got back to work, unravelling the gauze so that I could pack it into the wound. I remember doing this to another one of my kind… I had found them, injured and bleeding, so I volunteered to help them. After that I… I never saw them again. I hope they’re doing well now.

I focused back onto the task, and started shoving the gauze into the wound. The pain was excruciating as my adrenaline started to wear off.

The process was horrible, but, finally, the last of the gauze was forced into the wound. I took out a half-used roll of bandages from the pouch, and I half-assedly wrapped it around the wound. The pain made this far more difficult than it should have.

Next was… my jaw. I didn’t know how to treat anything like this. Fighting through the pain, I simply wrapped the bandage around my head. The texture of the strands of flesh nearly made me throw up on the spot.

Now, only the excruciating pain remained. I felt weak. I don’t know how much blood I’ve lost.

I reached into my satchel, pulling out a vial of morphine and a syringe. The person I bought this off of had warned me to be careful with it. They said only to use a little.

I… understand what they meant. It was very tempting to just use the entire vial… maybe then I’ll finally be free from this suffering.

…

No. I couldn’t give up yet. I placed the needle into the vial, withdrawing a small amount of the clear fluid. This should be enough to eliminate the pain, without causing any long term symptoms.

I held the needle above my right arm. It was still so tempting to just inject the entire vial…

I lowered the needle towards my arm. There was a slight stinging pain as it broke skin. I pushed down on the plunger of the syringe, injecting all of its contents into my arm.

The relief was almost immediate. Starting from my arm, and then slowly spreading to the rest of my body, I felt as the pain started to fade. Only a dull sensation remained, now.

I took the time to process my surroundings, and maybe understand what happened. There was a small crater in front of me, from the explosion. I could see scattered bullets and electronics, as well. Whatever this trap was… it was clearly meant to shoot. When I dislodged it, I must have triggered some sort of failsafe… and it blew up.

Not to mention… there was so much blood. It covered the turret and ground around me. I could feel my heart starting to race.

The nausea that I felt only got worse as I looked around. In the distance, a large chunk of mangled flesh and fur lay on the ground… it was my jaw.

…

I struggled to keep myself composed. With the pain gone, I could finally think clearly again.

Did… did I fail? There’s no way I can go any further in this condition…

All the hope that I once had was now gone. Maybe… just maybe I could have done what they wanted me to do… for once, maybe I wouldn’t have been such a failure…

But no… here I was, sitting in a hole, half-dead and slowly starving.

I slowly stood back up, my entire body aching as I tried. The bandages on my head could barely stop the bleeding… I could feel as more of my blood slowly trickled down my body.

I started to make my way back through the hole. This place was far too dangerous… I’d be better off backtracking and making an attempt to recover. I nearly slipped several times as I tried to climb out of the dead-end I found myself in. I felt so… weak. A nasty headache was quickly setting in, and I still felt dazed. The aching across my body and the confusion made everything difficult.

Some time later…

As I made my way upwards, I only felt weaker and weaker. Blood was still leaking from where my jaw used to be, and the morphine was slowly wearing out. I had no choice but to keep on moving. If I stopped… I… I just felt so tired.

If I stopped… there’s no telling what would happen. I felt like I wanted to go to sleep, but there was no telling if I would wake up… not in this condition.

I had always been scared of death, but I never thought that I would actually die. It has never crossed my mind before.

…

I approached a large pile of debris. The gravel that I was more familiar with crunched under my paws as I made my way there. Maybe I could find some food here.

I began to search through the debris. It must be the wreck of some sort of pod, as there was a mix of glass, metal, and tons of strange material which I didn’t know the purpose of.

That probably also meant that nothing inside would have survived… but it was still worth a try. I continued searching through the debris, but there were no remnants of whatever was inside.

A large, glistening object did catch my attention, though. I picked it up, inspecting it. It was a large piece of glass. Big enough that I could see my reflection in it. I held it up to my face, so that I could get a better look.

...

I looked hideous.

The bandages were completely soaked in my blood, hanging haphazardly from the top half of my head. In the areas where the bandages were loose, I could see my own bright yellow flesh.

Every so often, blood would find its way down my throat, and I would have to cough it up.

The worst of the bleeding had passed, but it still hadn’t stopped…

Even then, nothing would be able to fix my face.

Would anybody even be able to recognise me anymore..?

Who am I kidding… I’m never going to be able to see them again anyways. I’m going to die on this miserable fucking planet.

Will… will they remember me?

…

I started to feel sick looking at myself. I dropped the shard of glass onto the ground, and it shattered into multiple pieces. The sound echoed throughout the caves.

The temptation to just end it all right here is growing stronger and stronger. My hand was itching to just reach for the morphine that is still in my satchel. There’s just… nothing. There’s no future for me to look forward to.

There’s no way out, but death.

…

Reluctantly, I start moving again, stepping over the debris carefully, so as to not get a shard of glass embedded in one of my paws. I couldn’t afford any more injuries.

I was getting weaker by the hour. I had yet to find any food… and I wasn’t sure how much longer I could keep going.

Each wall I had to climb, each gap I had to jump across just kept getting more and more daunting. If I made even one mistake, I would fall to my death.

This was hopeless. I’m just going to keep on moving until I pass out and die… assuming I don’t fuck up before that happens.

More time later…

The battery for my headlamp ran out, and I didn’t have any replacements. I had to feel around in the dark and use the subtle orange glow from my eyes in order to figure out where I was going. Fatigue filled every part of my body. It was nearly unbearable to even move… but I was too scared to stop. It was still impossible for me to comprehend that I was close to death.

I was approaching the top of this wall now. My arms and legs shook from how much I had been exerting myself. I groaned as I lifted myself up, giving me a glimpse at what is over the edge.

In the distance, I could make out a faint white light coming from the darkness.

I couldn’t see it for long, as my arms would have given out if I kept trying. Whatever was up there… maybe it could help me. Maybe I wouldn’t die.

Filled with a new strength, I ready myself, and I pull my body up with all my strength. First my head made it over the top, and then my torso. I shuffled my hands forward to give me more leverage. My entire body ached, but I wouldn’t let that stop me. I leaned over, pressing my head against the ground. A sharp pain shot through my body as my mangled jaw scraped against the rock.

With one more pull, I managed to get the rest of my body over the wall. I lied there, exhausted, and started to close my eyes.

…

I can't give up now.

I have to keep going.

Against my body’s will, I forced my eyes open, and stood myself up again, trying my best to reach the light in the dark. It was much clearer now. I could make out the silhouette of a life pod. It’s sure to have some food in it. Maybe even somebody who could help…

Fighting exhaustion, I slowly made my way over to the pod. Slowly but surely, it got closer.

I felt the ache in my legs get worse. Every step, they threatened to give out from under me. I could barely keep my eyes open.

I slowly approached the side of the pod, its smooth, metal surface finally discernable. The burning in my legs was too much for me.

I couldn’t stand anymore.

I fell onto my knees, my head slamming against the door. Using the last of my strength, I lifted my arm up to the door, and tried my best to knock.

...

There’s no response.

I’m going to die here, alone.

I felt tears start to form in the corners of my eyes.

Nobody will know what happened to me.

Exhaustion completely overcame me. I struggled to discern what was happening anymore. I swore that I could hear something on the other side of the door…

Suddenly, my body shifts and my head slams into something hard. I roll over, trying to see what happened.

Above me stood a large, barely discernable figure. I could make out white fur, and bright cyan eyes staring back at me.

“Are… are you okay?”, I hear them say.

I try to respond, but all that comes out is a pained whine.

My body shifts again as the mass reaches under my arms. I involuntarily start whimpering as the pain from the shrapnel injury comes back strong.

The figure groans as they slowly drag me into the pod.

The coldness of the pod’s air surrounds me as they drag the rest of me inside. I could make out the door to the pod slowly close behind me.

They take a seat, panting from the exertion.

I see them lean over me again, looking at where my jaw used to be. They reach one of their hands over, and prod at the bandages.

I whine in response. I barely have the strength to speak. They look, concernedly, before slowly dragging me again.

A relieving warmth envelops my head and neck. I can feel their fur against mine.

I try to keep my eyes open… but I’m too weak. I can barely keep them open… and my mind starts to race.

Am I going to wake up? What... what will happen to me?

I can feel tears falling down what remains of my face.

…

There’s a… strange sensation.

I can feel as the figure moves their hand over the top of my head slowly and rhythmically.

It’s… calming. I’ve never… felt this before.

The thoughts in my mind start to quieten down as they continue. The person who saved me is all but a blur in my vision, now.

Part of me is still scared about what will happen next… but I have no choice but to accept it.

…

My eyes closed, and darkness filled my vision as sleep finally took over.