Chapter Text
Chapter One
My first core memory was an act of violence. Around the age of three, My brother Sirius, and I were playing in the backyard with our nanny that was assigned to us. We had gotten mud on us due to the rain that occurred hours before.
That was when mother and father came home earlier than usual. The scowls on their faces when they had looked at our clothes. We were sent up to have the house elves bathe us. But before I went up I had seen mother curse the nanny. We had never seen her again. But the memory of that day stuck and from that day on mother and father kept up with more violence. On the house elves, and on the Nannie's. Then when Sirius was only the age of six it was turned on him curses and bruises that landed with an echo throughout the room. Then it had turned on me. Not that I did not deserve it. Times I've spoken out of turn, gotten bad grades. Or when I did not formally greet anyone who of importance walked into the manor.
Sirius the noble one he is would try and do something twice as bad to defer any harm come my way, We tried our best to take care of each other through the times of violence. But then Sirius started Hogwarts. Age eleven, going on to the train to be changed forever...
Sorted into Gryffindor claimed a disgrace to our parents who expected him to join the black legacy of being in Slytherin. Not that I cared much for that, no what I had cared about was that he had new friends did not have time for his little sister who craved that attention from him. My only friend, leaving me to fend off the monsters who were in a dungeon we called a home. He went on about the exciting times and classes. About freedom...
I waited for the holidays to be able to play with him again, just to be told only about the boys he roomed with. Potter, Lupin, and Pettigrew, he even went to go as far annocing to me that the Potter boy was his "brother". It made my skin itch worse than the awful dresses I've been stuck wearing. But over all I was so happy to have him back with me.
Then it was my turn to join him at Hogwarts. He was so excited to bring his sibling to meet his friends. They were erupt with laughter besides the Lupin boy who was tall and seemed out of place with the others. But still made conversation with everyone. The Potter boy tried to hug me that first meeting on the train. I hid behind Siri and kept my head down. But that was the start of the distance between Sirius and I.
When I sat on that stupid bench and the sorting hat screamed, "SLYTHERIN!"
I had my first heart break that day. Siri's face looked like he had faced the same fate when I was whisked away to sit and opposite sides of the hall. I felt like crying. Luckily I was able to sit with my older cousin Narrsisa.
"You just made the family so proud little star." She said as she put her fingers through my hair. Trying to be comforting.
But my eyes were glued to Sirius' angry face. I did not think I would have fit in this house. More thinking I could fit in any other house other than this. When I was dragged to the dungeon I tried to go to Siri instead but instead all I got back was a narrow eye as he turned away.
It became harder over the years. When we did get time to talk it was always interrupted by someone. Mostly his group of friends. Which started to frustrate me more and more.
But the real kick a guy when he's down is when in my fifth year. Siruis ran away from home in the middle of the night, No talk of it before, no note left to find him. Just left all by myself. But that did not refrain mother from taking her anger out on me. No, she had cursed me before but that was the first time she ever used an unforgivable on me. I shook for days as I sat at the window. Preying Sirius was alright and coming home. He turned out to be alright but he never did come home.
Now it may seem like this whole time I will be wallowing in self pity. But this is not that type of story. This is how I became who I am now, and the scars it took to get there.