Chapter Text
Ah, summer, a time for kicking it back and taking it easy, for grilling hot dogs on the ole flame and hanging with the fam.
...
Well, unless you're Nico and Hazel, the actual, real, living, breathing children of Hades. You see, this all started at the beginning of summer when dear step-mom and pops decided that their two kids could use some outdoorsy-ness or something like that to get them away, "like a vacation!" They said. Yeah, sure, whatever. You'd think, being gods and parents of demigod children, they would've thought.
"Hey! Maybe I should check if this town is normal and not filled with unknown monsters that are trying to kill our children at every turn," right? WRONG!
This is how the two children of Hades end up in this very situation.
"DRIVE! DRIVE!" Hazel shouted as she looked back at the monstrous silhouette gaining on them
"IM DRIVING, IM TRYING!" Nico barked back, keeping his eyes on the- well, not the road, but like a dirt path, but whatever technicality.
"IT'S GETTING CLOSER!" Any closer and it'd be right on them
...
If this entire scene looks crazy to you, rest assured, there is a perfectly reasonable explanation for all of this.
But for you to understand, we need to go back to that morning.
However, first we should go over when they got here.
———
A short white boy and an even shorter black girl walked off the bus. It felt like hours since they were able to stand up and actually, y'know, do something. Yet Nico, the previously said white boy, couldn't find it in himself to be grateful that they were walking off this bus. Because that damned machine had dropped them off in the middle of buttfuck nowhere, per their parents' request, of course, "It'll be good for you guys, don't worry, we know what we're doing"
Ominous but yeah okay
And now they're here: a small town called Gravity Falls, Oregon. ..Whoopdefucking doo
With the small guidance given by their parents, they found the place where they would be staying. The "Mystery Shack" was run by their conman of a great Uncle C. And let it be known that Nico wanted to run off into the woods and survive off scraps for the next few months as soon as he saw the building.
The Mystery Shack. It was a broken-down shack made of wood; it'd obviously been repaired and repainted over about a thousand times (shit-ely, Nico might add). There was trash, broken planks, and piles of leaves around the building, making it look as if a shut-in used to live there. You don't think of this as a tourist attraction if it didn't have its large sideways sign threatening to fall right smack in the middle of the roof. And just maybe, Nico would've taken being squished to death by a giant sign instead of having to be here for the next three months.
Especially with his dear old Uncle C.
--
Hazel, on the other hand, was trying her best to see the positives in this situation. Okay, a new town means new friends and new people to introduce herself to. Yippie and whatnot.
As soon as she saw the building, she darted inside to find her room. Maybe she would be able to pick the better bed, no offense to Nico, but she wanted to be able to get her beauty sleep. And how was she supposed to do that when she had the lumpier bed?
She eventually found the room that her uncle had told her about (in the attic!! So cool). She opened up the door to find... A goat??
Sitting on one of the beds, gnawing on the mattress was a small brown goat..okayyy. Hazel opted to use the other bed, the one without the goat slobber. She didn't think goat spit would do her any favors. She ushered past the goat, giving it a little wave because why not, and decided to decorate. She is going to be living here for the next three months. Why not add a little bit more pizazz, something a bit more her? You see, Hazel has been finding herself this past year because she wanted to feel more alive. Hazel was actually missing a lot of her memories, she really didn't know why, and it's not like it bothered her, totally .. but guess what, she's here to make new memories with her brother and that's all that matters ..that and maybe her several times posters. (Who knew boy bands could be cool??)
The rest of the room was similar to the outside of the house, dull and some broken wood planks. There were two beds on each side of the room with a small window in between the two. There was a closet, but when Hazel opened it, a mountain of dust harassed her. So not the best room but that’s okay, it came with a goat atleast.
Suddenly, the door opened and in came her brother, with his usual sour expression, the one he's had on since they stepped off that bus.
“Nico, look at the splinters!!” Holding up her hands for Nico to see the scarily amount of wood she now has in her hands.
“Hazel, there's a goat on my bed.” His sour expression shifted into something more like he was analyzing the scene in front of him.
“Oh yeah.. isn't he kinda cool, I mean like why is there a goat in here?” Hazel strolled to Nico’s side of the room.
The goat suddenly lifted its head from the meal it was making of Nico’s mattress and knabbed onto Hazel's brightly colored sweater, a new thing of hers.
Hazel let out a yelp, telling the now stupid goat to let go of the sweater. He was cool until he wasn't, manners much??
———
Nico giggled at his sister and the goat's tussle, even if it meant that his mattress was a little torn up. While Nico wasn't the biggest fan of having to come out here, he's really glad that it's him and his sister. Because he's fully convinced that if Hazel had gone to some summer camp or something, he would have lost his mind. Maybe the copious amount of splinters will be okay-
SWOOSH
The door of Nico and Hazel's temporary room swung open, and there stood a short man with a question mark t-shirt and a whistle around his neck. He stood in the door frames with his arms at his waist and an intense look, as if he wanted Nico and Hazel to drop down and give him twenty
“Hey cupcakes!” Left the man's mouth, his voice hoarse and intense, “y'all seen a goat aroun-” Hazel then caught his attention. Who was now on the ground, putting the goat in some kind of headlock that didn't really work because of how long the goat's neck was.
Hazel noticed the short man's gaze and then realized “hey, the goat let go of my sweater,” which seemed like a win, until she was eye to eye with the man (how did he get there so fast??)
Even though the guy was shorter than this 14-year-old girl, Hazel couldn't help but find him a bit intimidating. It felt like staring at a brick wall. The man suddenly extended his hand, waiting expectantly. Hazel, with no other idea of what the man could want, reached for his hand and gave it a firm shake.
“The names Coach Hedge, the leader and protector of the cleanliness and stability of this fine establishment.”
Nico took a good look at the coach, who had short brown hair that was mostly hidden by a cap, with a wispy beard that ran down into a goatee. He looked like every elementary school coach he ever had the displeasure of meeting.
The man's legs were shaped sort of weird. As if they were bent a little backwards, but it's fine, Nico must be seeing things or something like that, because legs bending backwards would be painful, wouldn't it?
Coach Hedge spoke again, bringing Nico back down to reality.
“Young lady, I commend you, you have taken down one of my strongest fighters with your bare hands.”
Huh
That's not what Nico or Hazel was expecting to hear: A talk about animal rights and how they should be nicer to animals or a disappointed speech. That. That was not on the list of what they thought was going to be said.
Coach Hedge then squatted down low to grab the small brown goat, who was now picking at a dirty cloth on the ground.
“I knew who your father was, but after seeing this, I have more respect for you than anyone in this town,” He said as he wiped a fake tear, struggling as there was an entire goat in his hands.
“Oh yeah, of course?” Hazel responded with a small smile, obviously nervous about… everything in this situation.
Coach Hedge gave a small nod with the pride of what only an American patriot could be thought to hold, and promptly walked out of the room, the goat making small “behhh” noises as he left.
“Uh huh, what the hell was that?” Nico blurted out as soon as the “behhs” were out of earshot.
“Uhh, he said he was the groundskeeper or something.. I think he's funny,” Hazel replied, her brown eyes now crinkling due to her smile.
Nico turned back to his torn-up mattress. “This place is weird, Hazel, y’know I wouldn't be surprised if the next person we meet is some kind of axe murderer or criminally insane”
“Nico, listen, I know this seems rough, but just think about the things we can do!!” Hazel exclaimed
“What? Roll down a hill like in those dumb coming-of-age indie movies?”
“No, but what you can do is help me with this damn place.”
Nico and Hazel swung their heads toward their door frame for the second time today, and there stood the man, the myth, the legend, their great Uncle C. Well, that’s a bit of an exaggeration, the only legend about him is when he got stuck on his roof after getting drunk on wine and refusing to come down “UNTIL THOSE ASSHOLES LET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!” Then he proceeded to trip over his leg and tumble off his roof.
How anyone still comes to this place is the real mystery.
Great Uncle C. looked like the sleaziest man alive, with curly-ish salt and pepper hair and a beard to match. He wore a fez hat and probably the only suit he owned, considering how some of the seams looked like they had busted open only to be sewn up again in a shitty way.
“What? You guys ain’t hear me? I said if you need something to do, you can walk yourself down to the shop and get to cleaning.” He barked with a laugh, looking at the two kids in half-amusement.
“It's uh, Hermione and Nick, right?” Not even looking like it was a half-assed joke, he was completely serious about the name Hermione.
“HAH! Not even close,” remarked Hazel as she quickly headed out the door and to the shop. She really wanted this to be a good summer, so she was gonna take what she could get.
“You coming, Kid? Asked Uncle C. as he followed after Hazel.
Nico made his way to the door. He didn't know how he was going to make it through the summer if working in this stupid shop was all he was gonna do. Please let something cool happen this summer
———
Two weeks, two weeks
Nico had spent two weeks doing absolutely nothing but helping around this gift shop. “Hey, Nico, dust the shelves, sweep the floors, polish the crystal balls, and cover them so they don't light the Invincible tree on fire again.” The tree has been rebranded as the spontaneous combustion tree ever since. How magical
This tourist attraction surprisingly did pretty good considering it looked like a 13 year olds sketchbook after experiencing the horrors. With weird exhibits that were obviously glued together with Elmer’s and merchandise that were mass bought off SHEIN marking off any logos.
Nico had not found a single good thing about this place, and even if there was, his tremendous dread overtook any kind of fun this seemingly monotonous town could offer.
Hazel, on the other hand, had found something to entertain herself.
Finding her true love *sparkle*
orrr a summer romance, considering she’s never coming back to this town after the summer. Hazel usually wasn't into this sort of thing, but her curiosity got the better of her, and maybe it would be fun. Nico says that her fun is harassing the tourists who come by, but like, what does he know about romance and love? Hazel knew that she was irresistible, from her shiny Mary Janes to her curly brown hair. This romance thing was going to be hers.
“Nico, NICO, look!” Hazel scream-whispering as she was hiding behind snowglobes that had been painted on with acrylic to resemble eyeballs.
Nico put down the broom he had been using to “sweep” (stand there and hope he doesn't get asked to do anything) and made his way over to Hazel
“NICO GET DOWN!” Hazel grabbed his wrist to drag him behind the shelf, “Look!”
Nico followed her gaze and saw a boy about their age. He was holding a piece of paper that had been folded and put on one of the shelves. He had light brown hair and slightly tan skin. When he turned away from the shelf, Nico could see his face, he had freckles and pretty blue ey- wait, stop this now, he's reading the note, pay attention
“Do you like me? Yes, definitely, absolutely?? What?”
“HI!”
Nico’s head swerved to the side and saw that the spot Hazel had just been in was now void of any Hazel. Somehow, Hazel had made her way directly next to the guy in the span of a second. Maybe love does make you stronger?? Or maybe he was just distracted
The boy jumped back in surprise. Seriously, where did she come from
“I'm Hazel, I work at this shack, and now you have the wonderfully amazing chance to check one of those boxes and date me!”
“Oh, uhh,” the boy then promptly turned heel and ran out the door, dropping the note.
“Wait!” Hazel went for the door, but the boy was gone, leaving a Looney Tunes-style dust cloud in his wake.
“Damnit, bro, that's the third one this week.” Hazel announced, turning back into the shop
“I don't get why you do this,” Nico questioned as he came from behind the shelf, “I mean, what's the point?”
“It's funnnn, Nico, and like, just imagine finding your true love, just to be torn apart as summer ends,” She said, as she lifted her hand to the sky as if she saw something that wasn't actually there. “The tragedy, the drama, it's something to do. It's basically Shakespeare.”
“Sounds weird, I don't think I like someone in that way, or if that's Shakespeare at all,” Nico said dismissively as he picked up the broom again and-
“Hey! I need these signs put up!”
Grunkle C. (Nickname courtesy of Hazel) barged into the room
“Hey Peter! Put these up, will ya?”
“It's Percy!”
That was Percy, Percy Jackson, and he was probably the coolest teen to ever exist. (Hazel's words) He manned the register in the Mystery Shack, but he was mostly outside doing anything other than that.
He was probably the only guy in town that Hazel didn't give a love note to for some reason. When Nico asked about it, all she said was “eh, not my type.” Nico could kind of understand that Percy was a dirty Blonde with Sea green eyes, he kinda looked like the beach if that makes any sense. And he is also 3 years older than they are, which had no significance to Nico at all. Yep
“Yeah, yeah, whatever, kid, I don't care about your introduction, just put these up.” Grunkle C. said, extending his arm as if to give them to Percy, even though he was across the room.
“ But oh Mr.C, it's just so far away and my back, OH MY BACK HOW IT HURTS-” Percy arched backwards, looking like a sprung diving board, his brown aviator hat threatening to fall off.
“OKAY I GET IT- gods damned teenagers,” Grunkle C. Huffed.
Suddenly, Coach Hedge appeared behind Grunkle C., startling him. “I fear I can't put those up, sir. I'm fixing the light in the Werecat kitten exhibit, you know they get scared without their nightlight.”
“Holy fucking shi-okay, no one was asking you, Gilbert and uh, don't sneak up on me”
“Understood”. Coach Hedge turned and walked, well, more like stomped out of the room, damn that guy was intense.
Nico knew what this meant; no Percy, no Coach Hedge, meant the only two options left were
“You! Uhh, Neil, go put these up.” Great
Even though Nico had been over this place since he got there, there was some stuff that he had noticed. Specifically, the townspeople and the general vibe of this town are just weird. Not like a cult that ends up killing you, or robots wearing human skin weird, no, it's like there was this blanket of strangeness. Like, just out of sight, there was someone or something there.
“But”
“No buts”
“No listen, I think there's something in the woods, I know this sounds crazy, but I keep seeing stuff out of the corner of my eye and-”
“No buts! Your crazy kid, as far as I remember, there ain't any monsters out there. Now get going, Noel.”
"Get me out of this stupid town" Nico thought.
———
Nico had been walking for what seemed like ages. He had a bucket of nails and a hammer in one hand and the signs in the other. They say stuff like “go here for cool stuff” and “Mystery Shack, we like you and your money!”
How was this place still in business? Nico found himself wondering. He walked in a mostly clear path and attached the signs to trees nearby. Luckily, he was almost done, only three more were left, and then he could go back to the shack and avoid any more useless work for the day.
*Thud Thud Thud*
2 more left and Nico could feel himself hurrying up, as much as his paranoia was an excuse, he also kinda believed it.
*Thud Thud Thud*
As he put up the next one, he couldn't help but feel crazy. He knew there was something there, but it felt like his brain was working against him. Was he the only one to notice this stuff? Was there really nothing there? Was he going crazy after 2 weeks in the wilderness?
Even if he did believe this stuff was real, who would believe him? He didn't even have proo-
Thud Thud *Clank*
Clank?
Nico looked at the tree in front of him, calming down from his spiral. After hitting the tree with the hammer (# theEnvironmentMatters), a small piece of bark had lifted from the tree itself.
Nico put the hammer down and reached out to the tree, and it was cold. The tree was cold, not like winter frost or cold from the rain, but like metal.
“What the fuck?”
Nico’s hand pried at the fake bark, seeing if he could get it off to get a closer look. This is exactly what Nico wanted; he wasn’t crazy. There was something weird with this town, even if it was a small as a metal tree, it was proof.
With some force, the metal bark came undone from the tree, and there was a lever hidden behind the fake bark. It looked old, rusted from what one could presume, years of being out here. Nico would like to say that he contemplated switching the lever. That he used his brain and thought Hey, maybe switching a mysterious lever in the middle of the woods probably isn't the best idea. Sadly, Nico was not so smart at this moment; he lifted his hand and switched the lever.
There was a loud CH-CHUNK that sounded like a broken ice maker. Nico found where the sound came from. Right where a small patch of grass used to be, there was now a small hole in the ground. Nico walked up to the newly made compartment and peered inside. What the actual hell was going on?
Inside the compartment was a book wrapped in leather with gold metal corner pieces. It looked pretty old, even older than Grunk C. was (maybe) , and Nico saw him fighting a vacuum cleaner last week for “eating my Gold Chains for Old Men weekly magazine!” Nico bent down and picked up the book. On the front, there was a horseshoe symbol, and its cover was peeling. Nico opened up the book
———
“I have been studying this town and its situation, and I have concluded that there is something weird going on in this town. Strange anomalies and an abundance of monsters roam this town, like none that I have ever seen before. This place was meant for demig-” and then an inkspill covered the rest of the page. But, it was enough to get Nico wondering, he turned to different pages in the book.
“ The minotaur, half man, half bull, violent and easily angered.”
“The chimera, a three-headed amalgamation.”
“Gnomes, disgusting small creatures, never interact.”
Huh, that last doesn’t really fit the rest, kinda like if two different tones were mashed together for some loser to write about, at least, that's what Nico thought. He went on, turning the pages of the journal.
“My worst fears have come true, I have been betrayed, my research has been put into the wrong hands. I don't know what to do, I have no one to call, let it be known TRUST NO ONE”
“Trust no one,” Nico repeated. This was it, something that proved that he wasn’t crazy, that someone else had been suspicious of this town. He wasn’t the odd one out.
“Whatch’ya reading?” said a voice behind him.
“WHA- oh, Hazel, you scared me.”
Hazel let out a giggle and looked at the book in his hands. “This some kinda mythomagic book? From your nerd game?” Hazel said jokingly, She didn’t actually think the game was for nerds, in fact, she enjoyed playing it.
However, mythomagic was a game Nico hadn't played in a long time, and it completely slipped his mind that this could be involved with that. But why the metal tree, and what's with the gnomes?
“No, Hazel, I found this after moving this lever in a tree and-” the words “TRUST NO ONE” then flashed across Nico’s mind.
“Wait, we can’t talk here, there could be someone listening, come on”
———
Hazel listened, sitting on the armchair of the couch, as her brother explained what happened, the tree, the hole, and the book. While she thought that living in a magical town would be cool, she had other things to worry about.
Like her date, YEAH THAT'S RIGHT! Our girl Hazel got herself a date with the cutest guy. A cute guy from a weird town, omg what if he’s like a vampire like in Midnight-
“Hazel, are you listening?”
” Yeah!” She exclaimed as she fell backwards onto the couch, she was a bit distracted, but she got the gist of it. Mostly
“Well, Bro, when you were gone, I completed my mission. Your amazing sister, Hazel, scored a date.”
Nico stopped in his tracks, as he was pacing back and forth beforehand. “You got a date? In this town”
“Yep, and he’s gonna be here any second.”
A door could be heard opening and footsteps slowly approaching the living room. Something was wrong.
A tall figure in a black jacket turned the corner, its face hidden as its head hung low and greasy hair covered its eyes. It was breathing loudly, its voice sounding like loud sighs.
it lifted its head, and it was worse than Nico could have ever thought of, a moody, pimply TEENAGER with a look of disinterest in… everything. And some sort of red liquid on his face. Suspicious
”Omghod,” Nico cleared his throat as Hazel ran up to the other teen. The air from Nico’s lungs escaping him, this guy stunk. Except it was odd, he didn’t smell bad, it was a strange feeling. “So, where did you guys meet?”
”At the graveyard,” Hazel stated (how on brand for them)
”Yeah, Hazel, this guy's a weirdo,” Nico immediately started, “look, what’s on his face, I know what that is, BLOOD! Hazel, blood”
‘It’s Jam,” said the teen, licking the ‘jam’ off his face, his voice raspy and forced. Gods, why did he sound like that
Grunkle C. emerged from the hallway bathroom in pajama shorts and a stained tank top. “Hey, who’s this in my house?”
” Hazel's date,” Nico exasperated, “Who hasn’t even mentioned his name by the way!” Hoping to gain some support from his uncle.
The teen’s posture suddenly straightened, his eyes darting in every direction, “Uhh NormAl Mann..?” Smooth
”He meant Norman and Nico, please just chill, he’s normal! He just said it”
“I thought you said he was saying Norman?”
”He is! He literally just said it,” Hazel said like it was the most obvious thing, It looks like Nico’s gaslighting tendencies rubbed off on her. Before Nico could say another word, Hazel and ‘Norman’ were down the hallway and out the door. Damnit
Nico threw himself on the sofa chair, book still in hand. Grunkle C., who had been standing there watching stupid teen drama, glanced over, his forehead wrinkling as a look of confusion, suspicion, general grumpy old man emotion started to form
” What are you reading?”
Nico suddenly chucked the journal behind the sofa and picked up a random magazine, “uh, this”, Nico said, hoping the man’s cataracts would work in his favor. His Grunkle took the book from his hand and flipped through it.
”Hey, this is a good edition, don’t be sniping at it,” turning the now open magazine to Nico, showing a collection of wines and orchards.
“Oh yeah… I can’t drink Grunkle C.”
”Oh”
——-
Maybe he was wrong, maybe Hazel really has found her summer fling, with a guy who showed up with jam on his face and, as far as Nico could see, covered in dirt. Ew
wait
Dirt, Now that got Nico thinking, he flipped through the book until he found a page that he saw earlier, Zombies, The living dead, he read the description
”With a bad attitude and a disinterest in everything, these monsters are usually mistaken as.. Teenagers!”
No ,it couldn’t, could Norman be a zombie, it’d be more ‘noticeable’, wouldn’t it?
He had to go see for himself.
…
Nico ran up to the red-stained window, peering outside, where Norman and Hazel had been sitting for the past half hour. Holding up the journal to compare Norman and the illustration. It was a spitting image, Big bug eyes and unsmooth skin, a jacket or cloak to cover themselves from the sun. Everything pointed to it, Norman was a zombie, a nasty, greasy zombie (teen?) There was no doubt. Nico needed to go down and get Hazel out of there; she wasn’t safe. Not with that Walking Dead Rip-Off. Nico looked down at the book, to see any information on how to defeat them, nothing. You’d think the creator would’ve put that first if he knew it. Nico looked back through the window to see Norman slowly approaching his sister, Norman’s back turned to him.
Nico immediately panicked and started banging on the glass, trying to get it open or break it. He wouldn’t be able to get down there in time to save his sister's life,
“HAZEL! HAZEL, YOUR BOYFRIENDS A ZOMBIE!!” Nico screamed uselessly. Norman made it to Hazel and… placed a daisy chain around her neck. Hazel smiled in response.
oh
Nico let out a sigh. His sister was okay, but that doesn’t mean Norman wasn’t a zombie.
“You just say that guy was a zombie?”
Nico jumped back, gods, everyone in this house needs a bell put on them. Looking over his shoulder stood Coach Hedge, with the same fiery look in his eye. Nico waited a second, looking back and forth between the outside and the Coach
“Uh, Coach Hedge.. listen, you have to believe me, I know this sounds crazy but monstersMightBerealAndAreactivelyRoamingthisTownAAandalso Hazel’s new boyfriend might be a zombieee.
”I believe you, kid. I didn’t expect a zombie, but if you say so, I believe you,” Coach spoke with a serious tone. “We need to get Hazel away from it, we gotta tell her.”
”She won’t believe me, she’ll think I'm just being anxious over this.“
“Well then, I guess you've got to get proof.”
” Proof?”
“They’re going on a date, right? Follow them, see if anything strange happens.”
———
Nico had spent his entire afternoon tailing his sister and her presumed undead date. While Norman had so suspicious stuff, there was no hard evidence
No moments of weakness or attempting to eat people. No visible rotting flesh or green skin (that might just be the movies, though).
Nico was stumped. He put his videotape down on his bedside table and he would check the footage in a second. First, however, he had to tell Hazel, he
could convince her to stray away a bit.
With perfect timing and plot convenience, Hazel walked through the door looking like heaven was on Earth. Nico guessed the summer romance was working out well. This is gonna be difficult, isn’t it?
Hazel began picking out another sweater to wear, a purple one with stars on the front.
“Hazel, where are you going?” Nico asked
“I’m going on a date with Norman!” She replied, her face turning into a smile.
Okayyy, Nico just has to tell her, no biggie, y’know, hey, the boy you're going on a date with is a zombie, yeah, not strange at all
“Hey, Sis, I have to tell you something.” Hazel turned to face Nico with an inquisitive look. Nico, with the journal in hand, started flipping through the pages. “Look!”
Hazel blinked. “Gnomes??”
Nico looked at the book, “Uhh, wait. THIS,” he said, lifting the page with the information on Zombies.
“What? Why do you think he’s a zombie? He seems perfectly normal to me,” Said Hazel, who was now scouring through her earrings.
“No, he isn’t! He mumbles every sentence, you met him in the cemetery, he WAS covered in blood and dirt, and he NEVER blinks, have you noticed that!?”
“Maybe he’s blinking when you're blinking.”
“HAZEL, HE’S GOING TO EAT YOUR BRAINS!”
“Listen, Nico, if he were the undead, I would’ve known, I’m with him ALL THE TIME, also wouldn’t it be noticeable, like explicitly??”
Nico couldn’t say anything back. Hazel put on her star earrings to match her sweater before finishing what she had to say.
“I want to have this teenage romance, like everyone else, so I’m gonna go out there, and he’s gonna be dreamy and I’m gonna be cute and we’ll be fine!
She said, as there was a knock on the front door.
“I’m going, see you after my date, Nico.. love you, bro” Hazel added as she walked out their room.
…
Nico was lying on his bed. He just wanted to protect his younger sister, but maybe he should’ve just trusted her. I mean, there wasn’t any solid proof, but there’s something weird with him. Hazel was right, they both would’ve known if he was a zombie, this is going to sound crazy, but he and Hazel always had a “sixth sense” for this sort of thing. It was never this big of a situation, though.
Nico decided to look through his footage for today, it wasn’t like he would find anything that he hadn’t already seen. He took his camcorder off his bedside table as he sat on his bed. Norman and Hazel at the mall, Norman buying Hazel flowers, them taking a walk in the park, Norman's hand falling off- NORMAN’S HAND FALLING OFF??
Nico quickly sat up on his bed. This was proof, definite, reliable proof that Norman was a zombie! A zombie that was currently on a date with his sister, and waS GOING TO EAT HER BRAIN OH MY GOHHds.
Nico jumped out of his bed, ran downstairs, and out the door. Grunkle C. was surrounded by tourists, who were completely engrossed with whatever scam he was running.
“GRUNKLE C.! GRUNKLE C.!” Nico yelled, trying to get his attention from the back of the crowd. No use. Nico needed to find a way to get to Hazel, and fast. Looking around for anything, Nico spotted Percy parking the Mystery Shack’s golf cart. Perfect.
“PERCY!’ Nico screamed as he ran up to him.” Percy, I need to borrow the golf cart for super important, life in danger mysteries!”
“Yeah, sure, man, just don't hit any pedestrians,” Percy said as he tossed the keys to Nico.
Nico started the cart and hit the gas.
“HEY KID!” That stopped Nico, even though he’s only been here for two weeks, he knew that whatever Coach Hedge had to say was important enough to listen to.
Right as Nico stopped, Coach Hedge handed him a shovel and a baseball bat.
“For the zombies”
“Thanks,” Nico said, taking the weapons and speeding into the forest.
———
This date had been perfect, Hazel and Norman had gone to dinner at Greasy’s Diner, it wasn’t the most romantic of places, but it was fine for Hazel. After the date, Norman took Hazel on a walk through the woods. (Which, dear reader, IS NEVER A GOOD SIGN). The sun was starting to go down, slowly dipping under the end of the Horizon. While Nico was hellbent on believing this town was some kind of monstrous weirdo magnet, Hazel believed that the smaller, simpler things were just as good. With her foggy memory, these experiences seem like a humongous thing for her, even if it isn't for anyone else.
Norman then turned to Hazel, his beautiful eyes reflecting some of the sun
“Hazel.. I need to tell you something. I've been lying to you about who I truly am.”
Omg please be a vampire, please be a vampire, that would be so cool, please
Norman lifted his hand to take off his hood, and under it… was a red pointy hat? Okay what is going on, Norman or not Norman jumped down from his body only to reveal a smaller body underneath.
”Hey, so my name’s Jeff, the self-proclaimed leader of the gnomes” he said, pulling the clothes off his fake body. There were about 7 other gnomes in a trench coat. They all looked slightly similar, except one at the bottom, who had a white beard and crossed eyes. Hazel contemplated if she was tripping, maybe there was mold in her bedroom and now she’s hallucinating. What did she eat at the diner again, maybe too much sugar. Wait
“Wait, I got a question for you all,” Hazel started, looking at all of the maybe hallucination gnomes“Why date me?”
“Oh!” Jeff exclaimed, as he got down on one knee, becoming even shorter than before. He dug in his back pocket and pulled out a box. “Hazel levesque , would you do us all an honor and become our queen ?” He opened the box, and there was a ring inside this is not real
Hazel was taken back, the idea of becoming a queen didn’t seem that bad, however, queen of the gnomes wasn’t really on any of her bucket lists. And she was about 4 feet taller than the tallest one sooo, yeah this isn’t gonna work out
“Ohhhhh..nooo” Hazel dragged out, taking a step backwards, this was insane. She’s rejecting a gnome in the woods.
A look of sadness washed over the 1 foot gnome, “Oh, I see it’s okay, I’m sorry Hazel” he replied, putting the box back in his pocket.
“It’s okay?”
“Yeah, because we’re gonna kidnap you”
“What.”
——-
Nico’s been searching frantically for the past ten minutes for Hazel, he didn’t know where they went on their date, but he didn’t think a zombie would eat someone in broad daylight.
“HAZEL! HAZEL, WHERE ARE YOU!” Nico called out, he needed to find her, she could be turning into the undead right now
“HELP!” That’s Hazel’s voice, Nico quickly turned the cart towards the voice, “HAZEL?! WHERE ARE YOU”
“NICO! HELP”
Nico turned into a small glade, following Hazel’s voice. It was covered in vines and tree stumps that were hollow. Even though the rest of the forest was golden with the sun setting, this part of the forest was bright, crystals reflecting light hung from the overarching branches on nearby trees kind of like a giant chandelier.
He made it to the end of the glade, and there was Hazel, fighting off tiny men?
Before he could stop and think, Nico yelled “STOP THERE ZOMbiee? Gnomes?”
“Hey kid, can you go, we’re trying to marry your sister so she can be queen.” Said one of the gnomes with a brown beard. Hell no.
Nico turned to grab the shovel from the golf cart, and without a second thought smacked the gnome into some of the ones that were attacking Hazel. Hazel knocked off the rest, and booked it to the cart. Nico jumping in after her and taking off for the Mystery Shack.
They sped through the forest and found themselves in a clearing. Suddenly, loud earthquake causing footsteps were coming from behind them. Hazel turned to see, and somehow the gnomes had formed into a giant. 50 ft tall and looking like skin that was glued together, with a terrifying face that was hollow meaning you could see the inside of its head. What.
"DRIVE! DRIVE!" Hazel shouted as she looked back at the monstrous silhouette gaining on them
"IM DRIVING, IM TRYING!" Nico barked back, keeping his eyes on the- well, not the road, but like a dirt path, but whatever technicality.
"IT'S GETTING CLOSER!" Any closer and it'd be right on them.
Nico put his entire weight on the front pedal, putting a good amount of distance between them and the beast. In retaliation, the monster broke apart their left arm and threw the gnomes that had made it up, the gnomes landing on the roof of the cart. It had looked as if its skin had torn apart and shuffled from the inside of its body, a ripple being sent through its skin.
They began crawling down the sides and breaking into the roof. Hazel began throwing punches to the small suckers hoping to get them off before they break the cart. Nico with his eyes still in front of him and one of his hands on the wheel, another trying to shoo off the creatures. Suddenly, a gnome dropped down from the roof and jumped for Nico’s face causing Nico to lose his vision and control of the cart. They were swerving from side to side, Hazel pulled at the gnome, before deciding to punch it off. They spun in circles as the monster got closer and closer. Hazel grabbed the wheel and straightened them out, the spinning had caused dust clouds around them making it hard to see.
Nico could see the Mystery Shack in the distance, he pressed the gas hoping this shoddy golf cart could take the pressure. They gained the distance they once had, they were almost there and then maybe they could get some help. Grunkle C. Had to own guns, right?
A loud crack could be heard from behind them, and in a second there was a shadow cast over them. The beast had thrown an entire tree at them, in any second they would be crushed. Like ants under a shoe, Hazel couldn’t think, there was nowhere to turn. So as a last resort, Nico swerved. They went right under where the tree was supposed to land but the swerve was too sharp and the golf cart flipped on its side. It dragged across the dirt with Hazel and Nico still in the seats.
Nico and Hazel emerged from the golf cart. There was a loud ringing in Nico’s ears, he hadn’t expected that to work, He then turned to Hazel with concern.
“You okay?”
However, before she could respond there was a loud roar, the gnomes had walked over the tree. That's when Nico realized how much of a bad position that he and Hazel were in right now. The monster threw itself forward, rising, making itself bigger. It blocked anyway out of the corner, there was nowhere to run. Hazel and Nico backed into the leaf pile, each grabbing a weapon that Coach Hedge had given Nico.
“Uh, stay back! Or we'll use these!” Nico shouted, taking a fight stance next to Hazel. The monster didn't falter, it creeped closer, it knew that right now
there was nothing Nico nor Hazel could do. Not without knowing who they were.
You see, while the gnomes aren't exactly the most fearsome and powerful monster, it can tell. It knows what Hazel and Nico are, and it could tell that they didn't. You can't blame it for not passing up this golden opportunity. Two big three kids with no idea of who they are and no help from their dear “Guncle C.” It was basically asking it to take this.
The beast took another step forward, it reached out, presumably to grab Nico. And that's when Hazel had an idea.
“WAIT!I'll go with you!” Hazel pleaded “I will go with you and become queen of the gnomes”
————
Nico was terrified when he heard that, what could she be thinking! Hazel couldn’t just give everything away to become the queen of the GNOMES. What even does that mean, why do the gnomes have a system of government, do they have a justice system? Ok whatever, Nico looked over at Hazel, he was worried,what was she gonna do.
“Hey, trust me.” Hazel said softly, staring at her brother from the corner of her. She was always good at telling when Nico was nervous or unsure of something, especially in moments when she knew it could be a lot of trouble
Nico glanced back at the monster before looking back at Hazel, “I do.”
With that, Hazel faced the monster “ I will go with you and be your queen, just one thing first.”
Jeff, the “lead gnome”, stepped out from inside the beast's mouth, nasty.
A look of triumph and smugness on his face. “And what is that?” He said as he got closer to Hazel
“A kiss! To celebrate your new queen of course” Nico was dumbfounded, he wanted to punt the small sucker, but he said that he trusted Hazel and he did. Still, his grip righted around the shovel, gods that gnome was revolting.
“ oh, well don’t mind if I do!” Jeff strutted closer to Hazel, leaning slightly back until she was close to the leaf pile mentioned beforehand. Jeff leaned in and was met with a FACE FULL OF FIST “Thats for lying to me” she said, knocking Jeff off his feet, distracting him while she turned to grab a leaf blower that was hidden under the leaves. Hazel turned it on Jeff.
Jeff’s small body was sucked into the pipe of the blower but his big ass head couldn’t go down, trapping him in the tube.
“This is for kidnapping me!” Hazel said, nodding over to Nico as she held Jeff in place. Nico ran over to Hazel, quickly helping her lift the blower higher up. They both looked at each other, somehow knowing what they were gonna do. They took aim at the beast, the one that stopped attacking as soon as Jeff was in actual danger, it looked worried.
“Together?”
“Together.”
This is for hurting my brother!” Hazel smiled as she flicked the switch on the leaf blower over to blow. Jeff’s body flew through the air, before colliding with the makeshift beast like a goddamned bowling ball. The beast erupted, gnomes flying everywhere, it was like Christmas but summer and with Gnomes. Never mind, it was nothing like Christmas.
Now that the gnomes were separated, the leaf blower was the perfect weapon against them. Quickly Nico and Hazel got rid of every gnome on the property, until there was only one. Jeff.
“Listen here, punks! I’ll be back and it won’t just be me, ya hear! You’ve made a mark here in this forest and now every monster is gonna be after ya. Two kids as special as you? I’d get out now if I was you!” Jeff yelled maniacally, yeah, what a bunch a bullshitttt
Nico and Hazel looked at each other, before launching Jeff into the sky, Team Rocket style.
Putting down the leaf blower, both of the kids decided that they would deal with this mess tomorrow, the sun finally disappearing below the horizon.
“Hey Hazel, I'm sorry, for not trusting that you could handle this and for being so extreme when I had almost no proof” Nico said looking over at his sister. Nico had been so caught up in his own head about the danger his sister could be in that he didn't realize that maybe he should've put a little trust in her as well.
“No, I'm sorry, for not hearing you out on what you had to say. I know that your a little, uh, ‘kooky’ sometimes but I know that you care about me, thank you. Also you were right so maybe a little extremeness is okay ”
They went inside the shop to see their Grunkle C. counting the money in the register. He glanced over at Nico and Hazel as they walked through the door. He looked like he just saw a dinosaur running down the street. His face filled with concern, but mostly confusion
“What happened, you guys got hit by a bus?”
“Gnomes”
Grunkle C. Just stared at them, okayyy. Kids these days are so weird with their backwards caps and gnome.. games. Hazel and Nico started to head upstairs, presumably to crash for the night. Gods knew they needed it. But before they could.
“Hey, uh, wait, we accidentally overstocked. If you want you guys can get one thing off the shelves each” Grunkle C. said, trying his best to be nonchalant. (Hehe)
This made Hazel’s eyes light up there was so much she could get. Like a bobble head of a werecow or a tooth from a dead pixie that was obviously just a rock . She began to look around, while Nico walked over to one of the shelves.
There was a blue cap, with a skeleton on it. Nico wasn't much of a hat person, but for some reason he wanted this cap. Maybe he was just a fan of the skeleton, I mean his sister did make him play this game where you meet two skeletons recently. They were kind of goofy, maybe that's why Nico picked up the hat. He put on the hat, his medium length black hair being squished under it. He looked kinda awkward.
“HAha I found it!” Declared Hazel, lifting a grappling hook up towards the sky. She set it off, the hook latching on to the wooden beams of the shack and propelled her upward. She giggled as she went up. Nico was surprised that it worked at all.
Nico and Hazel took their new belongings, said goodnight to their Grunkle and headed in for the night.
“Maybe this place could be fun.”
————
It was Midnight, Grunkle C. knew that no one else would be awake right now. It's been a long time since he's gone down here but with Hazel and Nico showing up, he needed to do this.
This place was dangerous and as much as he would like to tell them everything, all of them, Percy, Coach Hedge, his niece and nephew, he couldn't. He needed him back, he was always better at new arrivals than Grunkle C. was. He could trust Gleason or Percy to explain the minimum of the situation but he didn't want them to, not yet.
———
Nico awoke to the faintest sound, like a keypad on an ATM machine coming from downstairs. There was a freaking and closing sound. Nico contemplated going down to look, but he figured it was just Grunkle C. turning on the alarm for the shop. That stupid shop, or at least it was.
Nico never thought he'd think this but maybe the shack, maybe this town isn't as bad as he thought.
Hm
It only took him two weeks and a life or death chase.