Chapter Text
The morning air was cold and crisp, just the kind of morning Minho had anticipated for a rigorous workout. As always, he was up at the earliest hours of the morning, trying to get a leg up on the day. He treated everyday like it was an opportunity to crush a personal record, and not just by athletic means either. Whether that was hitting his caloric intake, or making his daily trips to the grocery store within his 15 minute allowance, he was ever strict on bettering himself each time. Some would see this as tortuous punishment, but he found the structure all the more fulfilling that he could achieve these things on his sheer discipline and determination alone. In plain words, he loved it. He loved how he perfected control over his life in every aspect. Not many could endure this type of self obedience, and on top of that, he was an idol of all trades. Singing, dancing, acting, you name it, he's done it at least twice in his sleep. Some would have thought that a second generation idol of his caliber would have just exhausted himself at this point, but in fact, he only grew more tenacious with age.
Now at 33, he realized more than ever how quickly his body was catching up to him. Not many could see it, but for himself, he noticed his physical limitations start to manifest. Simple things like being 5 seconds slower than usual on his runs or benching less sets the day before really stabbed at his ego. It pushed him farther and farther to achieve the unachievable. Many saw his drive and instantly understood the meaning behind his nickname, ‘flaming charisma’. He burned up any room he was in with his electrifying energy. He was the heart and soul of SM's gym. Many other artists flocked to be in his presence hoping to catch even an ounce of his feverish passion.He was always so welcoming to whoever came to join him at his gym sessions. It usually was composed of his fellow SM hyungs, like Changmin, but also their own friends and acquaintances. His mindset was, the more the merrier. And lately he's definitely been searching for more… he couldn't put his finger on it exactly, but there was an aching need pulling at him that seemed unrelenting.
Minho had gathered a good amount of sweat after completing his series of stretches, which he followed up with 100 jumping Jack's to get his heart rate going. He began his morning run around his neighborhood, though in a lonelier fashion. Ever the social butterfly, he typically ran with his group of friends from the gym, but today was different. Today he was meeting up with someone who might have been put off by all this competitive energy. Actually, he could say with certainty that this person would have just dissolved in the background if he ever got caught in the flurry of all their workout hijinks.
“Jinki hyung,” he thought to himself. An ominous grin stretched across his chiseled cheek bones.
He somehow convinced this chronic introvert to come out and see the light of day for once. Over the years their friendship never wavered. Almost entirely different in many ways, their dynamic somehow suited each other. Not at all like the friendship he has with Kibum, which was a bittersweet cacophony of agreeing to disagree, Jinki always led their friendship with such gentle guidance and adoration of his younger friend. The two from the beginning were the closest of the bunch, and often times found their own differences to be such an interesting point of conversation. The outgoing jock, and the humble hermit, were truly opposite sides of the spectrum. However, while most would see only opposition between the two, they only explored fanscination. Minho admired his dedication and patience, a type of love that he always carried in silence, and Jinki adored Minho's thirst and vibrancy for life.
The sound of his racing footsteps started to almost flutter into joyous hops.Minho always got in a certain mood anytime he was able to steal any of his members away from their busy schedule.He always felt so light, and so carefree whenever he was with Jinki. He just had that presence that allowed him to be like that- to be happy and content with the present. It was a feeling he's gotten so dangerously addicted too. The fast pace world that SM set up for him oftentimes didn't give him the time or space to soak in any of his achievements. So when Minho found that small corner of his world to turn to, he relished every moment of it. Was it a coincidence that Jinki would be that person always there in his corner at the end of the day? Surely not.
The thought of seeing Jinki again really made him feel nostalgic for the old days. The days of bickering in the kitchen at breakfast in the dorms, the feeling of being dead beat tired after the 100th dance rehearsal, and flying between countries for their promotion schedule, all of it he remembered absolutely hating at times. He couldn't recall the number of fights that broke out between them and how much they got sick of seeing each other's faces day in and day out. Thinking back on it now, all that misplaced frustration was just the growing pains of being a teenager growing up and living with other teenagers. It was all so frivolous. Every part of his teenage life was defined by the 4 other naive boys who also agreed to the same lifestyles of fame and fortune. It was a wild ride, but nonetheless one he couldn't see doing with any other group of boys. These experiences molded him, and now at the ripe age of 33, he wished he could recapture that kind of chaos again all over again. Maybe he was a glutton for punishment, or maybe he was just a sentimental fool.
As active as he was in real life, he still spent a good chunk of his time online, perusing over his members socials and marking off their schedules on his own calendar. The rumors were true that he was indeed the official, “ Shawol president.”
These days, the boys only caught wind of each other through text, and sometimes it just felt like it was just him talking to himself. Sure, he was chatty, but didn't they want to keep in touch? The silence was so loud after he sent 10 messages in a row with no replies. Sometimes it was easy for him to forget that two of his members were introverts, but, what about Kibum? Please, he saw him on a daily basis, they both got enough socializing in. Some would say maybe too much. Even when they weren't together, each other's name always found a way to make an appearance. Kibum was also the most driven in terms of bookings outside of SHINee. Minho wouldn't hold it against him for not being active in their chats. So that just leaves Minho doing his own thing, and just hoping maybe Taemin or Jinki would like or comment on his IG stories.Honestly, any engagement from them would be a win in his book. He always just went about his business with an urgency to seize the day, documenting his outings to a T, with time and location always proudly visible on his socials. It was pretty much an open invitation for anybody, literally anybody, to come and join him. As much as his members (well, mostly Kibum) protested his silly advertisement, he continued to do so. Minho was hoping his members would just take the hint and just join him for once, then maybe he wouldn't be broadcasting to the world his every location. He really just wanted them to take the initiative to see him, and he made it very easy to.
As intense and proud of a person that he was, he carried with him a very unassuming sentimentality that really shaped him into a hopeless romantic. Especially as of late, it was May, their anniversary month. He set aside all his personal duties to make room for SHINee, because in his heart, they were always the additional brothers he never had. You don't spend 17yrs of your life with 4 people and not have them have that effect on you. To him, his members were his everything, and he made it apparent every chance he got. Whether it was a subtle SHINee music choice on his Instagram stories, or an even louder display of him crashing his members live streams,he made sure they knew.
As of late, times were different now, he and his members grew apart to no fault of anyone but the inevitable passing of time.
About 4 years ago, the group dynamic started to change. The military enlistments were unavoidable, and it forced them to continue with SHINee promotions as some members were absent.
With time, they slowly reintegrated one by one, but only more obstacles came.
Taemin was discharged from the military, a little worse for wear. He had his military assignment change completely, due to mental health, which he still struggled with upon return. Things seemed to be manageable with some tightened consideration of his well-being. Then, out of the blue, their own leader decided to take a hiatus. It shocked everyone that he would make such a bold decision… but they respected his choices all the same.
Everyone knew the sacrifices that came with fame at such a young age. Additionally, to be in charge of four boys when you were still growing up yourself, was no easy task. He deserved this break, long before he announced it. Little did he know that this hiatus would continue for a year, and when he did return, he and Taemin announced their joint departure from SM. Ever since then, things were different.
SHINee was arranged under the watch of three separate companies, which made it that much harder to coordinate group activities.
In the past year, there was tremendous growth for all of the members and their solo activities. So many firsts were accomplished, one being the debut of Minho's first album. Though there were celebrations to be had, he couldn't help but feel like he lost that closeness that he had with his members. Not to blame any one of them for pursuing their personal interests, but he wished he could have been more of a priority in their lives, as selfish as it sounded.
Most forget that Minho would have been deemed maknae if Taemin never came along. Minho had coined a cute nickname for himself as the ‘ Hyung Collector,’ because he loved being taken care of and he admired his older brother's experiences. As he got older, his image of being a part of the maknae line essentially disappeared due to his overt masculine and strong image. However, he never changed. He loved being around his brothers, and never shied away from being physically affectionate with them.There was no hesitation on giving hugs, friendly butt pats, or even little love bites. His fiery passion just translated to physical touch and his members all knew and respected that. The prolonged return of everyone for this comeback made it all the more exciting for him. He couldn't remember the last time he hugged all three of them with his long lanky arms. Maybe it was nostalgia just passing through for their upcoming anniversary, but Minho very much wanted to see more of Taemin and Jinki. Especially Jinki, there was something much between them that the other members didn't see, and he wanted to keep it that way. They didn't need to know the in and outs of their relationship…. a relationship that might seem a little questionable to say the least.
Minho had just turned the last corner of his jog and down the sidewalk his saw a familiar, sleepy, puffy, face adorned with bed head he could spot a mile away. He waved and called out excitedly towards the man. His voice was loud enough to wake up anyone in a 5 mile radius.
“ Hyung!”
Jinki saw the statuesque figure quickly trekking in his direction. He took a few happy skips towards Minho to meet him half way, his arms already extended to receive him.
“ Minho-ya!”
Minho swooped him into a warm bear hug and swung him around in his arms like how a dog shakes his favorite toy in his mouth. Being accustomed to being violently shook by his quaking hugs, Jinki just let him release all his cute aggression onto his limp body. Jinki's eyes rolled back and forth like a porcelain doll, bright and animated, with a smile stamped on his face. It made Minho want to crush him even more, if that was possible. If you didn't know they were men in their 30's, you could have been fooled by Minho's college boy energy and Jinki's boyish demeanor. It was be fair to say SHINee keeps it members young at heart by continuing to act like the kids that they were when they met. It comforting that someone who saw you through your awkward teenage phase, all the way through adulthood still had nothing but love for you. That's what they had, and it always felt like such a finite little bubble that they lived in. It's what made them cherish each other all the more.
“ Why didn't you tell me you were running here? I could have joined you,” Jinki pouted in disappointment.
The spotty, red, discoloration of his bare face, seemed to get redder, in his tiny tantrum. It was very reminiscent of the pimple prone teenager Minho remembered from his dorm days. The bedhead was also a nice touch, he looked indistinguishable from 10 years ago.
Jinki was always the one to break up fights in the dorm, even when he was half asleep. His big brother instincts always came through, even though he was so mild about it. The usual scene was him sleeping in, and waking up to a screaming match. He would walk out like a zombie, eyes barely open, hair matted, and gently get between the members while disciplining them in a yawn. That image of him always stuck out in his mind as his favorite version of him- the hibernating leader of Shinee who could mitigate in his sleep.Minho couldn't help but look down on him fondly and ruffle up the older man's hair before releasing him from his vice grip.
“ You look good, hyung!”, the younger man praised.
Jinki just stared blankly in a wide, toothless, smile. Stray strands of hair fell slowly onto his face, tickling his nose. He scrunched his nose like he was about to sneeze, but it never came.
It was a knee jerk reaction to comment on his appearance. He hadn't seen him in ages, and he liked what he saw- a mature man well into his 30's that still carried that hint of playful whimsy that made him hard to refuse.Half of what made him a good leader was that he was never intimidating, rather, he was accommodating and approachable at every opportunity.
Whether that was fetching water, pulling out chairs, opening doors, or offering a helpful hand up a fleet of stairs after leg day at the gym, he was there. Not by force or obligation, but out of instinct.The soft disposition he carried always made you feel awful to disappoint a person like him. He was the kind of man that you aimed to please out of pure respect.
An expert at tossing compliments aside, Jinki shot a brief perplexed look in his direction, and just pressed on.
“ Good only because I've just been waiting here, doing nothing….”, he retorted, shaking his head like the comment was the silliest thing he's ever heard.
“ …it's easy to look rejuvenated when you just woke up,” he continued.
“ Even in my case, that's a little generous,” he ended his statement with a healthy laugh.
The ever modest man that he was, Jinki always made a point that his appearance wasn't really all that much to celebrate. Especially when he was standing next to Mr Choi, who was the visual ambassador of their generation. In his head, it was just common sense.
Less than 5 minutes into their conversation and Jinki was deflecting like he always does. Minho was adamant to have him accept a compliment this time.
“ What I mean is, you look very happy these days.”
Jinki paused for a moment, then he melted back into a warm expression. A confident glow could be visible on his aura.
“ I am very happy,” he purred.
Those words shot straight through to his heart. It wasn't long ago that the image of his hyung existed in a much more gaunt frame. Those days haunted him, not knowing the full extent of the demons that Jinki had built up in that frail body. Now, things couldn't be better, and the man that Jinki forged from that dark period in his life was someone with an insurmountable appreciation for life.
The two share a warm, fuzzy, moment, capturing each other's gazes, until Jinki breaks the spell…
“ You ran by yourself this morning? Aren't you usually running with your friends at this time?”
Minho catches his comment and it fills him with pride.
“So…. he does follow what I'm up to!”He thinks loudly to himself.
He crosses his arms triumphantly, and adds a greedy smile to an already suspicious situation.
“ Did something happen?” Jinki's senses were tingling that there must be a catch lined somewhere out of sight.
It's not like Minho was keeping it a secret, but he met up with Jinki today for some boxing and guessed he might need the extra stamina saved up before sparring together.
In the past, Jinki was in top athletic form. Minho admired his practical, strong build, adaptable for anything. The muscles he had weren't for show or aesthetics, they were for functionality. So much of their earlier choreography was high energy and full of jumping and catching each other into formation. Jinki perfected his work out routine at the time to make sure he could support his team mates as much as possible. He truly embodied the strong foundation a group needed in a leader.
Nowadays, not being all too familiar with Jinki's activity level, he wanted to make sure he didn't overwhelm him. He wanted to make it still an enjoyable experience between them.
When he first dropped that little bit of information that he had taken up boxing, Minho jumped at the chance to take that as an invitation to workout together. Thankfully, he wasn't scared away by the exuberance of Minho's ever present enthusiasm. Jinki was more than thrilled to have an athletic mastermind join him for a sparring round or two.
“ I just was so excited to see you. The first thing I did was run out of my apartment,” Minho dug around for an excuse and came up with a cheesy one liner instead.
“ - Didn't really have time to call anyone up to join me,” he ends his statement with a firm hand cupping the edge of Jinki’s shoulder.
“ Next time call me, and I'll meet you at your place and we can leave together,” he replied.
His sweet words felt like he hasn't heard them in forever. This was his leader, the back bone of SHINee, he couldn't help and just reply with a huge goofy smile.
“ Of course, next time!”
Minho didn't let up on the older man and kept him close by snaking his arm on to his shoulder and holding him firmly in place. Jinki just leaned into him, accepting Minhos fervor for physical affection. This was exactly what Minho had been missing. Once feeling Jinki's warmth upon his body, there was something instinctually that just let him drop his guard, a type of relaxation he could explain only as a close friend's reassurance. Even though Minho was larger, more assertive, more tenacious, he always found himself wanting to surrender that part of himself to him. Yes, upholding his impeccable standards to overcome any obstacle was his wheel house, but he came to realize that he needed a sanctuary, a rest area that he could turn to from time to time. And that was Jinki. You can only burn soo bright for soo long before the wick disappears into ash. It felt comforting that he could trust him to relinquish all his responsibilities and just adhere to no rules.Minho knew he would never judge, never blame, but always provide company that he needed when he needed it most.
“ Was Kibum busy today?”, he followed up with a curious suspicion.
“ Kibum?”
Why is he a part of the conversation all of a sudden? He really could use a day where his presence wasn't validated by his TV personality counterpart.
Minho slips his arm away to scratch at his head in annoyance. He was really terrible at hiding how he felt.
“You ask me like I'm his keeper or something,” his eyes rolled like they signaling the start of his legendary nagging fits.
“ Am I not enough entertainment for you, hyung?”, he teased, half serious, half joking.
The older man never seemed phased. He contributed to conversations with mere observations, and that was enough to project Minho into outer space with offense. It was well known that Kibum and Minho have a very loving, yet charged relationship. Just the sheer mention of one another's names always incites such an animated reaction. It was just too easy to not bring up.
“ I'm just so used to seeing you two together,” Jinki poked fun at his display.
Minho took the hint and switched gears, offering up humor to save some of his bruised ego.
“ Not by choice….. by twisted fate,” he whines, lacing his fingers together in a satirical act of prayer.
“ Hyung, I asked you out today, just you.” He had to spell it out for him. If his words could come in big, bold, italics like they did on paper, he would have done it 10 times.
Jinki was always so weary of individual dates. It was his insecurities that coined the logic that he couldn't possibly be the main event of social gathering. He always considered himself not the most interesting. Though, most would think he's quite odd. Unfortunately, those two things aren't exclusive to each other. He was a paradox even to himself.
The ginger pointed to himself and pouted. His face spoke the words his mouth didn't utter, but it said, “ Me? Really?”
Gosh, he was a lost cause. Minho didn't know how much more direct he needed to be. For someone who has such great intuition for others, Jinki always left that kind of prowess out when it came to himself.
He finally abandons his efforts to convince him, and just went on with the next thought on his mind.
“ Also, Kibum would roll over and die before going to the gym with me.”
The two nod in agreement towards each other. The silent consensus was oddly very serious, and suddenly, the two no longer felt any lingering pettiness.
“ I think he would probably still look good doing that, to be honest,” Jinki always found a way to compliment even the shadiest form of insult. Though, it was safe to say that for all intents and purposes, it came out a little crude.
The speed and delivery of it all almost brings tears to Minho's eyes as he releases a series of high pitch cackles.
“ He'd probably turn it into some weird photoshoot. Anything to avoid working out, right??”, Minho adds, in between his exhausted chuckles.
A little confused as to what was so funny, Jinki could only further elaborate on his adoration for Kibum.
“ That's why he's on TV, he's so fun to watch.”
That was an understatement. Even Minho fell victim to Kibum's lively reactions. Honestly, it motivates a lot of how their relationship works. It was no wonder so many people loved seeing them together.
However, right now, he could care less about him. His focus was on Jinki, plain and simple. He just wished he could be the center of attention in his eyes. He missed being doted on, as painful as it was to admit as a 30 something year old man.
Feeling a bit jealous, but still wanting to appease the older man, Minho suggested a plan.
“ So do you want me to make it happen? We can call him,” he threatens.
It was only a threat an introverted could comprehend. Being stuck between two bickering extroverts was a whole ordeal.
Without missing a beat, Jinki takes him up on his bluff.
“ Go ahead, call him.Let him decide.”
A groaning sigh escapes between Minho's lips. It wasn't supposed to be that easy. Also, he wasn't in the mood to hear Kibum's voice this early in the morning.
“ You're no fun,” he complained, throwing his hands up in the air in defeat. That's right, unlike Kibum, Jinki didn't drag on arguments or upheld an ego. He was ever so neutral about everything.
Feeling a bit guilty of dampening the mood, Jinki thinks of an alternative. He knows exactly the person that could fix this situation. A person who could get away with anything.
“ Ok, call Taemini instead,” the sass spits out of him like he was waiting for the opportunity to throw their youngest into the mix. No one was safe anymore.
Surprised by the random mention of their maknae, Minho couldn't help but find all of this dreadfully ironic. Was he trying to be funny? Or was he serious about dragging Taemin into all of this? Regardless, he couldn't help but squeeze out a shit eating grin.
These playful back and forth rallies was what Minho looked forward to all along. He didn't care if it was mindless squabbling, he just wanted to be surrounded by his people again. It's been a little too quiet in his corner of the world. He longed for the loud chaos to return. He just wanted to feel that unmistakable tension that rouses his heart whenever he hears their voices.
He felt a tickling on his tongue that was growing with every misunderstanding. He could feel his chest tighten, until the next moment, his words flew out of him in reflex.
“ Hyung, I've missed you.” His passion was on full display, and he didn't mind it all. It was the truth. A truth that he would scream to the entire world if he had the chance.
His unfiltered confession was met with equal pride and dedication.Jinki looked at him as if he was waiting all day to hear those exact words.
“I've missed you too,” his eyes disappeared into his face as he smiled tenderly.
His replies were always so seamless, like he was armed and ready with compassion at any given moment. Even though Jinki struggled to take credit when credit was due, he never faltered when it came to unadulterated feelings. In fact, he always jumped at the chance to be that person who people could confide in. It was what Minho absolutely adored about him.
You'd think after all these years a simple smile wouldn't wreck someone like a silly teenager. Oh, but Jinki's smile? That one never grew old.
Minho was smiling like an idiot. He forgot his words completely, and just traded it in for a chance to lock eyes with this grinning siren of sunshine.
Before they knew it, they were crashing into the heavy metal plated doors of the gym entrance. The impact nearly knocks the wind out of Jinki, but Minho catches his elbow to steady him. He was far too familiar with his leader's clumsy habits that he never seemed to grow out of. He was thankful for it. Even as the years passed, some things never changed, and it was what he had hoped all along.
They exchange a disarming round of laughter, seeing that they lost track of their surroundings the moment they started talking.He would gladly be there for every tumble, if it meant he could stay close to him and laugh together like this.
And just like that, it was a reset. It was exactly the same rhythm that followed them from their dorm days. It was just like old times.
The two men enter, and their boisterous conversations continue to echo down the hallways. It was early enough to be pretty much vacant, but audience or not, that never stopped them from being loud whenever they were together.
….
On the first meeting of the SHINee members, as everyone was introduced, Jinki and Taemin stood out in an odd way that they all didn't quite understand at the time. They were young teenagers, still attending middle school and high school, so it wasn't surprising that they still had so much to learn. Aside from mastering geometry, there were topics in biology that they fell behind in. Topics that they eventually learned through self study as trainees at SM. In hindsight, this proved to be a crucial detail that resulted in the boys discovering far more than they intended to learn from each other.
The members were arranged into their group based on their respective skills. From dancers, rappers, and singers, they all collectively shared a role that upheld the idol image of being an entertainer. There was just one role different from the rest that was given to one person. The role of ‘leader’.At the time Jinki, along with Kibum, were the last of the members to join Jonhyun, Minho, and Taemin to form SHINee. To everyone's surprise, Jinki, who also had the shortest training period, was handpicked by Lee Soo Man to be leader, for qualities that seemed unknown to him at that time. What leadership qualities did a wallflower like him possess at 16? It felt like an arbitrary assignment to say the least. To make matters more interesting, he was an Omega.
At that time, Omegas were heavily discriminated against, and we're not usually hired anywhere near the limelight. In fact, most of them lived in obscurity, retreating to hiding places where they wouldn't be mocked or ridiculed. SM was still in their adolescence, looking for an experimental boy group to really solidify their name as a growing music company. They were searching for a competitive edge that the market hadn't seen before, the inclusion of Omega idols. Although they didn't divulge that hierarchical information publicly, they never made those titles a barrier for those who wanted to audition. For example, Taemin was their golden child, his talent and star qualities simply could not be denied. He was an Omega as well, and because of that, the company thought that he brought an interesting ‘allure’ to the group. It was all so meticulously planned out. Taemin being the youngest gave him all the more reason for no one to suspect a thing, he was just a growing boy after all. As for his hyungs, Minho and Jonghyun specifically were given a heavy task to ensure Taemin's safety. They were Alphas, and as such they carried the burden of protecting him from other Alphas. Key being a Beta, but didn't share any less of the responsibility. If anything, his neutral position in the group helped them stay grounded. At SM, they were educated on his respective heat cycle and were assigned to make sure Taemin took his heat suppressant pills. They all knew what devious things could happen if he, even once, stepped out of line on his heat suppressant schedule. Even the thought of their youngest member enduring such a sickening thing made their stomachs churn. They truly saw him as their little brother, and wanted to honor him in every way as such.
Interestingly enough, because of Jinki's leader status, the fact that he was an Omega often got lost to the way side. Leaders upheld this unshakable image of being the pillar that holds the group upright.They didn't need help or assistance, they were the ones providing it. Most just crudely assumed he was being a good leader because he could support Taemin,‘in a way that others couldn't’. He shared a lot of the same grievances with Taemin, and the two bonded in this way, despite their 4 year age gap. Because of this, Taemin's rebellious teenage attitude was often easily quelled in Jinki's presence.
It was easy to forget that he too had to abide to many of the same strict guidelines that Taemin had. And, he had to do it without anyone noticing, because that was his job- not to be not seen, but to be someone who worked hard in the background. The weight of responsibility that he had as SHINee's leader was doubled, if not tripled, because he was an Omega. He was a beacon for his younger members, and Taemin's sole confidant. Yet, there was no one he could turn to when he needed guidance. He learned self reliance early on, and constructed a system for himself that seemed fool proof until it wasn't.It wasn't until a few years later, into their early 20's, that Minho discovered that Jinki was only human as well.
He and Jinki were established dorm mates at that time. The two were accustomed to each other's schedule and habits as if they were their own. It wasn't uncommon for Minho to be out all day, while Jinki just stewed alone in their bedroom, relishing his own company. It was a cycle of Minho hurriedly rushing out the door, while Jinki bid him farewell from their bedroom. Even when there were days that Jinki was especially quiet, Minho made an effort to include him in his activities, though they were often shot down. Day in and day out, they shared the same space, and at the same time, they didn't. It was only at the end of the day, while in bed, that they ever felt an actual physical closeness. They didn't speak a word to each other, oftentimes they were too tired from practice. The one form of communication that was relayed was touch.
Minho was a cuddler, he often tried to find enough pillows to wrap his arms and legs around while he slept. He looked like he was wrestling the pillows into a head lock, but don't be fooled, he was peacefully in slumber. It was pretty much the only way he could sleep.Kibum eventually learned of his sleeping habits and immediately weaponized it. When he would visit their dorm, he stole his pillows out of strategic spite. It was usually over an argument that happened months ago, but still stung at their pride like it was yesterday. The pettiness always resulted in a sleep deprived Minho, just as Kibum planned. Those days in the studio were hell. Minho would be on a tirade, and Kibum would just be there adding insult to injury.And if those two weren't loud enough as it was, Jonghyun always had to add his two cents. From there, it just ballooned into a free-for-all, where everyone was just pissed at each other because they forgot how to use their inside voice. No one got a good sleep on those days. All this over some damn pillow politics.
One instance, they were down to one pillow, split between himself and Jinki. Kibum must have really been upset that day. He usually thinks about Jinki, but unfortunately, he was just collateral damage this time.They rock, paper, scissored for pillow rights, and Jinki won. Being a gracious winner, he offered to share the pillow with him, suggesting that they both sleep on the far edges of the pillow. They tried it once, and woke up in each other's arms. Surprise, surprise, it was a normal sized pillow after all. Minho's grabby nature must have scooped his hyung into an embrace in the middle of the night.Jinki just let it happen, knowing full well Minho's strength was not something he could contend with. Strangely enough, this didn't bother them one bit. In fact, they both found it really comfortable. When they tried it a second time, they found out that they fell asleep faster in this position. Sleep was a hot commodity for them. They've had too many horrible sleep experiences to count, especially on tour, when they were pinching their pennies. Mattresses stiff as rocks, and noisy, rusty, bed springs squeaking with every slight movement.They hated it. If it came to it, they'd much rather sleep on the floor. So when they came to find how relaxing it was cuddling in bed together, it was a simple and easy decision to make. From then on, Jinki was Minho's living body pillow.
It became ritualistic for them. Minho would nuzzle in close,tucking his head into Jinki's chest, while his possessive arms wrapped around him securely. The only reason this kind of arrangement worked was because Minho never made a big deal about it. It was second nature to him to be this affectionate, and luckily Jinki seemed to reciprocate. Minho had an older brother, so Jinki knew his old habits must have just carried over to him. He was used to it by now, being everyone's hyung. Though, sometimes he questioned if he was doing a good job.
The one thing that did give him confidence was seeing just how content Minho was in his sleep. When he didn't get a face full of his wild hair in his line of vision, he saw a sight that warmed his heart. Minho was cradled in his embrace,dozing away like he had no worries in the world. It was a kind of sleep that he really loved watching. There was something satisfying about seeing someone surrender that hidden part of themselves. The part that wasn't busy trying to impress someone, it was just busy existing as they were. Minho made it look easy. He got to see all his imperfections up close and personal, and yet, he had no complaints about the man. His tanned skin, thick unruly locks, the stubborn facial hair, all of it still more perfect than what they advertised on their album covers.
He'd lie awake sometimes, just taking in the weight of Minho's body on his chest. The younger man usually towered over him, so seeing him in this position was oddly satisfying. It really made him feel like he had a younger brother to look after.
Every morning, Minho could remember Jinki's clammy skin pressed to his face. He always ran warm, and the dance practice floors lined with his sweat could attest to that. For someone who sweats at the drop of a dime, Jinki didn't have a strong odor. Though, he still had a scent to him that was easily recognizable to Minho. It was a smell that he associated with home. It was safe, and it was where he could relax. It became a running joke that he could tell if Jinki was home just by how their dorm smelled. The other members often asked what that comment was about, but he just left it to their own imagination. He didn't want Kibum taking this away from him to.
One day, Minho came home from one of his many solo sponsor photoshoots and smelt something eerily sweet in the air. He wasn't sure if Jinki was home, but this new scent was most definitely not him. Or so he thought.
At first he thought Jinki must have baked something, it truly smelt like desserts wafting in the air. After a quick inspection of the kitchen, he didn't find anything, and pouted in disappointment. He was looking forward to a sweet treat, especially after all this dieting they had to go through for their upcoming comeback. Maybe it was the neighbors who left their windows open, and the smell of their freshly baked desserts just got caught inside. It was just so odd that a boys dorm would smell like this, like someone in this household actually knew how to use an oven. It wasn't a secret that between the two of them they had the combined cooking skills of a 13yr old. Maybe Jinki was cheating on his diet and was hiding it from him. This wouldn't be a first. He thought about being extra nice to him to see if he would fess up to his secret stash. He was always too easy to win over. Learning from Taemin's trademark “puppy dog eyes” routine would serve its purpose here.
He didn't think much of it afterwards, and went on to wash his face in the bathroom. After a few aggressive splashes to his face, the scent grew stronger, like the succulent particles stuck to the humidity in the air.The sweetness struck his senses like a brick to his face, blunt and abrasive. As offensively loud as the odor was, it wasn't unpleasant. In fact, it was incredibly intoxicating. It was a smell that not only ignited his hunger, but also appealed to every other sense in his body. He instinctively felt bound to it, like it called out to him specifically, even though he didn't have the slightest idea of what was going on. What he did know was the euphoria his body felt every time he inhaled a breath of this sweet air.
When he followed the scent trail of where it was coming from, he paused for a moment, seeing it emanating from his shared bedroom. He wanted to believe it was as simple as desserts because that would explain his appetite. Though, he wasn't entirely sure if he could call this, “hunger,” anymore. It was starting to brew into something that felt completely out of his control. His better judgement told him exactly what he would find there, but the little devil on his shoulder still pushed him to fulfill his curiosity at every cost to his innocence.
The door was slightly ajar, and noises of a muffled commotion heightened his urgency to sneak a peak. When he looked inside, he was dumbfounded to see Jonghyun hands deep in Jinki's unzipped jeans, stroking him aggressively. Jinki's undressed eyes trembled in bliss, while Jonghyun's skilled fingers explored every inch of him as he melted with every touch. His head was tossed to the side, his whole body was limp with the exception of the ridged size of his erection piercing out of his pants. Of course, Minho had seen him and everyone naked before, but, seeing him like this, seeing the blistering need of his manhood in Jonghyun's full grasp was….tantalizing.
Jinki's face was smitten with a look of pure ecstasy, cheeks beaming red, lips wet, and parted for his voice to ring out the most lewd noises he's ever heard a man make. The guttural pleas of pleasure sounded so painfully destitute. The sound dug into his ears,like a command he couldn't bear to follow. Minho was entranced by the glazed look in his eyes that clearly announced an unbridled desire. This was not the Jinki he knew. Modesty was at the core of who he was as a person. Even suggesting he had any desires like this felt like a violation to his character. This was a desperate, lowly, creature, starved of sex. He averted his eyes, trying to salvage the image he had of him in his head. His denial felt like the only thing that made sense to him.
This isn't be happening.
This isn't real.
It was at that moment he realized something must have gone wrong. He must have forgotten to take his suppressants. As alarmed and confused as he was, Minho still couldn't let his eyes wander from the feast before him. It went against his very nature to ignore such a display by an Omega. A mixture of arousing guilt started to pour into him with every second his eyes laid bare to witness such a sight. Minho began to feel his own heat growing desperately within his pants. His size was pressing up against the seam of his jeans, shouting for release. He covered his erection with one hand, not wanting to submit to such a sin he fully didn't understand. Even so, his eyes spoke the truth he had in his heart. He continued to peer into the room thick with panting breaths. He soon found his own breath catching on to their rhythm and it was like he was in between them somehow, or that's what he wanted to believe. All he knew was that he wanted what was in that room.
Jinki's dreamy, half laden eyes fluttered towards the doorway and called out to Minho in a language that was only understood by his own self indulgence. Jinki held heavy eye contact with him, unabashed and maybe even proud of the lust that overtook his body. He wanted to be seen, it turned him on like no other. Jonghyun felt Jinki's body start to stir wildly beneath his hold. The older man's chest jumped up and down as his feral cries of pleasure now rang out loud enough for the neighbors to hear. Jonghyun slid his chin along his broad shoulder, whispering to him to calm down or he'd have to stop. Jinki’s cries only belted louder in aroused protest.
“ Oh hyung, who knew you were so greedy?”, Jonghyun teased.
“ Jonghyun, please… don't… don't stop…”, he begged.
“ How could I? I always listen to the leader's orders,” his whispers set him on fire, and Jonghyun was asking to be burned to ash.
Jonghyun loosened his grip on his member, and just let his fingers play with the sticky surface of his cock. His finger tips pinched at the tip, ushering out more pained precum to squeeze out. A look of sheer fascination overtakes him in delight as he continued to milk the fluid out of him.
“ Uh-oh, more keeps coming out….”, he hummed in a curious melody.
“ How much more do you have, Hyung?" He presented white substance to Jinki, teasing out the small dab he had twisted between his fingers, and pulling it apart until it became stringy.
Jinki wanted to feel disgusted, he wanted to shrink in humiliation, but that feeling never came. Instead, all he could do was succumb to the pit of pleasure he found himself in. He hated to admit it, but every part of his being lit up every time Jonghyun showered him in shame. He wanted to feel everything that made him dirty.
Agonizing whimpers flooded his speech like he was speaking in tongues. With every desperate sound he made, Jonghyun toyed with him further.
“ You're so impatient…” he nearly releases his hand completely off of him until he feels Jinki actively start to buck into his hand.
“Ahhhh….”, Jinki's voice hitched into a fetid cry. It sent goosebumps down Jonghyun's spine.
A wicked smile flashes over him, impressed by the lively act that was forced into his grasps. He kept his hand limp in place as Jinki made work of it like it was his personal toy. He let him continue this tempo, while he watched his hips rock back and forth, in and out, speeding up with every thrust. They were movements he didn't even realize Jinki was capable of. The way he wound his pelvis like a piston, jutting up and down, with such steady and firm pressure made Jonghyun weak. He watched his friend just lose himself in pure ecstasy. His eyes were muted in lust, while his mouth dipped open like his tongue wanted to taste the air tainted in his slick.
The sound of the rhythmic wetness that was collecting in his hand enticed him in a way that threatened his last ounce of self restraint. This was supposed to be quick, something to help get Jinki back on his feet. He was supposed to help him bust his load so that they could go back to being normal. He never meant for it to get as bad as it did. Now, he couldn't help himself. He was lost and as far gone as he was. There was nothing else to do but just give in.
Jonghyun curled into the tight corner of his ear and whispered….
“Go ahead, keep going….”.
Jonghyun's husky growl felt damp in his ears.He swore he could feel his words soak him in lurid fervor. He spiraled into a frenzy.
Jinki's hand shot up and grabbed a fist full of Jonghyun's hair, cocking back his head sharply.He was on the edge of going insane, he needed to grab a hold of something before he completely spilled what was left of his sanity.
Jonghyun gasps from the sudden act of aggression. He was breathless for a moment, until he realized he set something off in him he hadn't seen before. The roughness. He felt the nails of his fingers dig into his scalp, unearthing something beneath him that was buried long ago. Something that finally felt ripe for the picking. A primal urge to tear apart the domestic image of who he thought Jinki was. No more of this cordialness, this thin veil of decorum was shredding right before his eyes. He couldn't get enough of it. There was something in him that wanted to break Jinki, break him so that he could be there to bathe in his mess.
“ You're speaking my language now,” Jonghyun jeered, his eyes welling up with tears of piquant pain.
“ Pull it harder, Hyung, show me how you want it.”
His provocation might as well have been a dinner bell. Jinki yanks his head towards him and slams his mouth into his and they entangle tongues. He devours the man like he hasn't eaten in days, his juicy lips making work of the inside of his mouth like he owned it. Jonghyun pulls away from the deep kiss, shocked and out of breath. He tucks his lips in, and licks the inside of his mouth,savoring Jinki's taste on his tongue. His mind was a mixture of pure disbelief and intense, crippling, lust.
“ Fuck, where did yo-”
Before he could make sense of it all, he's cut off by another assaulting kiss. This time he could feel him deep in the back of his mouth, dragging his tongue inside of him slowly. Jonghyun knew immediately that he's done this before, and it sets him ablaze thinking about the person that came before him. How could he have hid this from him for so long? Now that he had him exactly where he wanted him, he could help but feel possessive of this feeling. Soon, his words just melt away into indiscernible noises, trapped between heavy breathes.
Jinki bites down on Jonghyun's lower lip, then trails down along his sharp jawline, licking and sucking on his skin. He dedicated every touch of his lips to a spot that tickled Jonghyun farther and farther into depravity.
“Why was he soo good at this?” Jonghyun questioned loudly to himself
Jonghyun is so immersed in ecstasy that he nearly releases his grip, until he realizes how much bigger Jinki has gotten in his hand. His girth became so impressive that he couldn't believe he still had room to grow.
“ Your cock…. fuck,” Jonghyun's speech was reduced to plain profanity. His head served no purpose but to be filled with more and more lewd thoughts.
There were always whispers in the fandom about the legendary, “dubu bulge”. The tight jeans they had to wear at the time left little to the imagination of what each member was packing. Jinki was always so blissfully unaware of how much his cock size was a circulating topic of discussion among fans. And now, it was safe to say Jonhyun personally had the pleasure of proving its legitimacy first hand.
Minho didn't know what hit him, jealousy, lust, pride, but he had a sudden urge to join Jonghyun in Jinki's cock worship. He swallowed hard before finally pushing the door open and easing himself inside.
The creak of the door caught Jonghyun's attention, but he never eased up on his grip on Jinki, he only pumped away faster, excited by the appearance of a newcomer.
“Mmmmmh….ahhh…” , Jinki cried out in a deep guttural rumble.
His hips jolted forward uncontrollably, slipping out of Jonghyun's hands. Jonghyun bit down on his lips before wrangling his cock back into his grasp. The sticky, weighty mass in his hands looked so incredibly inviting. Minho could feel his mouth beginning to water. Jonghyun shot a mischievous smirk at Minho, followed by a head nod and two fingers that coaxed him to come closer. At first he stood in place in pure shock of what to make of the situation, but Jinki's alluring scent consumed him, and soon enough, he came running between his legs. That night was a blur, but he distinctively remembered how Jonghyun asked if he wanted to, ‘help his hyung’ who needed them both desperately. Minho obliged, and Jonghyun helped guide his mouth over an already cum covered cock.
“ Hyung, Minho came to help you. Can you show him how grateful you can be?”
Jonghyun presented him like a gift. He was more than happy to share this side of Jinki. It would be such a waste to ignore the insatiable beast he's become. It was obvious that Jonghyun alone wouldn't be enough.
“ Minho…?”, a muffled cry of confusion escaped his lips. A split second of clarity could be seen in his eyes. He was stunned almost back into normalcy, right before the younger man took him completely in his mouth.
“Ahh….!”, Jinki sucks in a deep hiss that rounds out into a rich, heavy, moan.
His legs jerk until his knees buckle in place. Once they were steady, Minho places his hands deep into his inner thighs, to help brace his form. Jinki could feel his lips encircle him completely and run down his length with steady pressure. With eyes shut, he fights back every urge to admit to the heavenly pleasure he was receiving.
Minho was only halfway down his cock when he realized there was still so much size to take in. It excited him. His mouth was accumulating a sizable amount of saliva,it trickled down the side of his lips. He loved a challenge. He resets his jaw and twists his head, bobbing further down to his base. His drool was coating his dick with every forward motion, making it easier to slide in and out. He was now operating a well oiled machine. Who knew he had such talents?
“Mmmhhh…!”Jinki's body tenses up, unfamiliar with Minho's technique. His hips start quivering uncontrollably, the movement feels like Jinki is humming inside Minho's mouth. Minho knew every song that Jinki sang by heart, except this one. This one felt like a tune that was made for him and it sets his heart ablaze knowing no one else could hear it.
Jonghyun lovingly placed a hand on minhos head, twisting his locks in fascination of how skilled his younger brother was.
“ You're doing so well, Minho…”, he praised.
A forceful hand grabs along the curve of Jonghyun's back. Its finger tips tense with apprehension. Jinki had grabbed Jonghyun to help steady himself on Minho. Jonhyun glanced over and saw how Jinki's eyes were rolling back, submitting to the pleasure reluctantly. His body was stiff, tight with refusal to release. But his face spoke of another truth. The need was so explicitly written.
So, Jonhyun writes back. He gives him something else to focus on.
He brings his face close,eyes fixated on Jinki's look of disarray. He rests his forehead on his, as he plants a soft kiss. Their lips shyly reacquaint each other, taking small bites here and there at the corners of their mouth. The innocent air of their kiss soon swells into a greedy eroticism, trickling into a series of deeper kisses, until he's deep exploring his mouth with his tongue.
His curious hands snuck underneath his shirt, and walked along his chest, caressing the defined cleavage of muscle. The many instances of catching a quick glance of his body during dance practice didn't do him justice. He was cleanly sculpted underneath it all. Jonghyun could make out every muscle, based on feeling alone. He was so impressive, he could spend all day reading the braille of his body. It was a language he knew he would get familiar with soon enough.
Minho looked up and saw his older brother's deep inside each other, and it spurs him on to suck and lick up every ounce of him with more urgency. He really couldn't believe his eyes or the depths of his own lust. Did he always feel this way? Whatever this was, he couldn't stop. He couldn't stop watching Jonghyun make absolute work of Jinki. He made that man into an animal like it was his purpose. He'd seen that sensuality that he saw on stage, but he never could imagine that he would be witness to his full ability. He was dangerous, and Jinki seemed to ignore all the warning signs. The way these two collided into each other was the definition of a beautiful disaster. Desperate hands, hungry eyes, greedy tongues, all of it screamed I want to be ruined by you. But where did he lie in all of this? Did it matter? A simple question to himself triggers a soft spot he wasn't even aware of. He wanted what they had. And he wanted it now.
He wasn't going to lose to him. He pulls his mouth off of his cock with a sucking pop. Jinki's grunts in blissful dismay as he feels the release.
“Mmmmhhhnnn…!”
He's got his attention now. Before he could even sit in the absence of Minho, he dives back in, consuming his full size down his throat with one full swoop. Minho pushes back tears, as he fights against his gag reflex. The twitch of the opening of his esophagus tickles the tip of Jinki's cock. It was clamped so tight, squeezing him with every passing breath. Jinki's hips jolted deeper into his mouth, while he kept balance loosely on the balls of his feet. He had this man where he wanted him, on his tippy toes, back arched in pleasure. Greedily, Minho clawed away at his jeans, until he had both hands cupping his bare ass. Now he had leverage. Without breaking a sweat, he lifted his hips up towards his face and showed him some of his, “ fiery charisma.” He needed the extra fire to get past the sheer size. His tongue barely had any purchase to move around with how his meaty member filled his mouth. Every time he gagged trying to bob his head downward, Jinki got closer and closer to seeing stars.
“Mm-min….”, he crooned.
His panting breaths signaled to Minho that he was close. He places his hand gently on the top of his head, and slowly finds its place just above Minho's ear.After seeing just how aggressive he could be with Jonghun, he was surprised to feel his gentleness again. His fingertips slowly itched towards the back of his head, as he cupped his ear in his palm, with his thumb circling the highest point of his cheek. Even as he was performing such obscenities, Jinki looked at him lovingly. The look in his eyes possessed a feeling of corruption, as if he submitted his innocence to this dark pit of lust.It was like watching a beautiful flower wilt before his eyes, shivering as he relinquished his last spurts of life in his pedals
Little by little, Minho could taste drops of him slowly leaking into his mouth. The salty flavor made his tongue curl in delight. Minho was at the mercy of everyone's palpable lust in the room. He finally gave in, and unzipped his pants and let his dick flop out, pumping it with desperation as he watched his hyungs lose themselves deeper, and deeper, in each other's heated desires.There was no sense in that room for hours, it was just two Alphas at the beck and will of an Omega in heat.
The one thing that stuck out in Minho's mind was seeing the look of focused satisfaction on Jinki's face that was honed directly at him. He could've sworn behind the grimace of pleasure was a tilted smirk that said…
I loved it.
I needed it so bad.
….
Kibum and Taemin were out of the picture, but very well knew the situation. Jonghyun devised a plan earlier that Kibum take Taemin to the nearest drug store and load up on Jinki's heat suppressants to avoid another future accident. Kibum was told to bring Taemin under the guise that he was buying the pills for his younger omega brother ( which wasn't entirely a lie.) Afterwards, he told him to avoid the dorms for the rest of the day. When Jonghyun gave Kibum the entirety of his allowance for the month to go spend at an arcade or amusement park, he knew how serious this was. Before taking his money, Kibum looked Jonghyun dead in his eyes and made him promise to not hurt Jinki, and bring him back in one piece. It was the easiest promise Jonghyun ever made.
The few days that followed after the incident, were awkward to say the least. As much as they tried to act like nothing happened, there was notable tension that the three of them always carried. Jinki himself was always the best at hiding it. He was alone in all of this after all, way before Jonghyun and Minho came to complicate things. Maybe it was better this way. The calmness that Jinki retained made it easier for everyone else to see how they could have done better.
The members all felt guilty about how they never supported Jinki in the way that they hovered over Taemin as an Omega. So much of this could have been, not just avoided, but prevented.The worst part was that Jonghyun and Minho didn't necessarily think what happened was bad. It was something that seemed inevitable to happen, they were just lucky enough it happened to fall on their watch. Better them than a stranger, especially since they were idols. The media would have had a field day if any of this got out. Though, they understood their involvement was riddled with questionable intentions. Was it selfish? Or was it an act of service?
As for Taemin and Kibum, they could only surmise the facts from the little information that was fed to them from Jonhyun. If there was anything to come of this, it would be a cautionary tale for Taemin to follow. He could only assume the worst had happened. Afterall, the three of them being so hush-hush about it really made it all the more suspicious. Taemin still felt somewhat responsible just because he and Jinki were the same. Even though he was younger, he thought he could have been helpful in some way. They shared the same struggle, yet only one of them had to pay the price. It didn't feel fair. Since then, Taemin would find himself looking after Jinki in his own little ways. Whether it was helping him land his terrible punch lines, or hyping him up when his confidence was waning, Taemin would be there. It wasn't much, but it made him feel better knowing that he could be of some relief to him.
Jinki tried his best to regain the image he had with his members, but for Jonghyun and Minho, it wasn't ever the same again. Like clockwork, he continued to be intimate with them. It was just too much temptation. The pressure of their job made it easy for him to turn to them out of reflex.
It started out innocently enough. He would seek them out because they've seen him at his lowest. He had nothing to lose, and everything to gain.He would ask for both of them if they were available to talk privately. And if they were, he felt comfortable enough to spill his guts out. His lighthearted ranting always spun into episodes of abrupt grief. It was so hard to watch him spiral into someone completely unrecognizable. The code switch was unnerving, how he always laughed happily before the tears started to well up in his eyes was an image they both wished they could erase from memory. For Minho and Jonghyun, they didn't even have the slightest idea he was struggling this hard. He wore his title as leader with such grace and pride. He was perfect at fooling everyone, except himself, and his tears were evidence.
The first time he broke down in front of them, they both felt an overwhelming ache to relieve his pain. Their first instinct was to hug him, and that did help so much. Behind his jovial smile, Jinki often felt so isolated. The need to perform his role was so ingrained in him since debut. It forced him to put his feelings on a shelf and collect dust. Over the years, he grew into a hollow version of himself, until it felt like he couldn't feel anything. Words had become empty promises, just rubbish that didn't hold any weight. He longed for something more substantial, something that wouldn't be tainted by the false promises of words. That's why their embrace affected him the way that they did. It reminded him he could feel again, and that feelings didn't always have to come with pain. They redefined what it meant to be emotional, and didn't feel like a cage anymore, but a safety net that he could always count on whenever he fell. With such a simple gesture they were able to ease his worries. Most of his issues were solved this way, talking it out and ending with a reassuring hug. It only took one instance to change everything. It was then he realized something about himself he wasn't prepared to face.
There was a day that particularly ate at his soul. It was comeback season, and the company was busy running SHINee into the ground, not leaving much time for any rest or solitude. Jinki's voice had been taking a beating with them pushing him to belt out louder and longer notes. With the rise of the new generation of groups debuting at their heels, they demanded more than what they already were tirelessly giving. The condition of his voice started to crumble and it was obvious he was performing through the pain. It wasn't enough that his throat was burning with every performance, but the looks of the crowd's disapproval of his missed notes especially filled him with guilt. He was a disappointment, and he found it harder, and harder, to fill the shoes of his past self- a self that didn't have these issues. He wished he could return to those days of naivety. Those were the days when he still believed he was enough. It was enough that he sang because he wanted to, because it filled him with joy.If only it were that simple again. If only he could hold on to that lie a little longer, maybe it wouldn't have hurt so much.
Later that day, he was pulled aside in the middle of dance practice, and taken to speak with their manager privately. Upon his return, his manager reluctantly made the announcement that Jinki would be pursuing vocal chord surgery to address the,“decline in his vocal performance.” He then went about discussing promotions without him during this period to get the surgery and recovery done as quickly as possible. The way he spoke of him made it sound like he was an embarrassing mistake that they wanted erased from the stage before anyone took notice. It was their twisted way of saying, “We're going to fix you, so you don't keep making us look bad.”
What a lovely gesture.
How kind of them to be so considerate.
It always boiled down to their reputation and marketability. Jinki was merely collateral damage, and as such, he wasn't in control of anything.It was startling to see how much was already in motion without his consent. They already had scheduled his surgery next month. While it was a shock to everyone in the room, Jinki remained eerily calm. It was a reaction that felt quickly rehearsed, it wasn't fooling anyone.
Once dance practice was over, the boys flocked over to him, buzzing with questions. While everyone was interrogating him with the best intentions, Jonghyun took it upon himself to calm everyone down, and let him and Minho handle it. It was becoming commonplace for Taemin and Kibum to see that issues were better solved between the trio when it came to Jinki. Though, it didn't stop them from feeling helpless to do anything. The sight of their worried faces lingered in Jinki's head as he was escorted out with Jonghyun and Minho. Even in times like this, he didn't have the capacity to worry about himself, he only thought about how his actions affected others. It was just another addition to the long list of people he managed to disappoint. This tally he kept in his head just cemented the verdict that was sentenced to him at dance practice:
You are a failure.
Minho and Jonghyun guided a pale-faced Jinki back to their dorms. Once the door was shut behind them, it was like Jinki had shattered into a million pieces. Overtaken by his emotions, he couldn't form words, only helpless cries of despair. He fell to the ground, exhausted from upholding his composure with such hyper vigilance. He covered his face in shame for showing such a weak side of himself that he couldn't fix with an awkward laugh. That's all that he thought he amounted to, being the comedic punching bag if it meant it was convenient for others. Yet, he couldn't even muster that.
How pathetic.
That's when Jonghyun stepped in and met him on the floor. He collected him in his arms as he cried deeply into his chest. Minho followed shortly and hugged him from behind. Jinki's cries were loud enough for Taemin and Kibum to hear from the dorm across the way. Hearing himself just deepened the cut of resentment he felt stabbing at his heart.
What was there to cry about?
He was the problem, wasn't he?
It's them that should be comforted, he sabotaged their success with his poor leadership.
Why couldn't he just own up to these problems and fix them?
It's simple.
Just stop being so selfish.
These thoughts have been filling his head for the last couple of months, and now, there just wasn't anymore space. He was mentally depleted, and bursting at the seams. His pain felt ceaseless.
Jonghyun held a steady hand on his head, embracing him tightly, as his own tears started to fall from his face. He was so frustrated with him. He recounted all those late night vocal sessions together. The two of them never once saw each other as competition, to the dismay of their vocal coaches who wanted to foster a healthy rivalry. They took so much of each other's advice and guidance that it felt like their voices somehow were connected. The reason they were able to blend so well together was forged through weeks, months, and years of feeling out each other's vocal tones. It was a bond that was specific between them. When Jonghyun first noticed Jinki starting to struggle with his voice, it didn't go unnoticed. He advocated for him, he reached out to their coaches, looking for alternative techniques to preserve his voice. He did so much of what SM was supposed to be paid for. Unfortunately, SM saw all of his effort as a waste of time, because surgery meant quicker results with less strain on resources. They didn't care about him. They didn't care about how this would affect, not only his career, but the way he could talk. He ran the risk of losing his voice in more ways than one. He was losing the one thing that was keeping him grounded, keeping him sane.
With shaking hands, he carassed the soft skin of Jinki's exposed cheek and was possessed by the urge to kiss him. He thought of anything, absolutely anything, to remedy the poisonous sorrow that cursed his heart. He hesitated, not wanting to amuse a thought that seemed so selfish, but he was drawn to the idea that all of this was leading to more intimate waters. Their friendship already was questionable with the things that transpired in the past. He just wanted to show him he was loved, and it started to feel like he wasn't doing enough to get that message across. With every tear that poured out of him, was a feeling of inadequacy that laid heavier and heavier on Jonghyun's conscience.He couldn't bear to continue on like this, seeing him recoil in anguish, then picking himself back up like nothing happened just to repeat the same violent cycle the next day. They were just placing a bandage over his problems, while it still bled through, staining his character, and tainting his spirit. They had been chipping away at a broken man who now welcomed his own destruction. He even began to blend it into his routine, in order to resume some twisted sense of normalcy. After all, he still had a job to do, just like everyone else.
The temptation of his intrusive thoughts was difficult to ignore. The image he had of him, red faced and crying was one that sparked a memory he tried to muffle down. It was a memory of lust and passion. He so desperately wanted to return to that moment, where he was consumed in ecstacy instead of misery. He wanted to fill him with all the joys he had missed out on from being a slave to this job. He deserved it. He deserved to be spoiled by the riches of carnal pleasure, to be shown the depths of how deeply he could be loved by others. He wanted him to know that it wasn't a crime to be selfish. It was a crime to ignore it. That was when Jonghyun decided to, once again, cross that line and never come back. In his eyes, there wasn't anything of value to go back to, it was just a thin veil of lies made to keep everyone in order. If his actions meant that Jinki could finally face that side of himself he was never allowed access to, that's all that he could ever want. And if it came at a cost, that cost would still never amount to the damage that was already done.
As for Minho, everything moved so quickly. One moment they were just comforting Jinki, providing a shoulder to cry on. The next, clothes were coming off, and hands were riding up and down each other's bodies. Jonghyun may have had the answers in his head, but Minho felt so utterly lost. What did any of this mean? As much as he wanted concrete answers, it alluded him every time. He watched as the two moved about each other's body so naturally, like it was something that was inherently familiar to them. It was that lack of fear of being close that spoke to him. It said, that whatever this was, it was ok. It was safe. From that point on, there was an unspoken pact between the three of them that was dedicated to protecting that peace they found when they were together.
Years would pass, and certain patterns began to make themselves clear. Minho often was the unknowing spectator that found Jonghyun and Jinki fooling around behind the scenes. Whether it was interviews, dance practice, or costume change, the two were always a bit too handsy.
Sometimes, they were ballsy enough to mess up each other's makeup right before a performance and they just blamed it on a, “last minute practice." It was obvious to anyone with eyes that they were fucking.
Minho questioned the validity of their relationship because of Jinki's heat. He noticed how they flirted on and off stage, and not all of their encounters ended with sex. There were even multiple occasions where Jonghyun and Jinki invited him to join them, but Minho was always reluctant to accept.
He was beginning to suspect deeper things were going on between them. It felt like a violation to step in whatever it was they had going on. But, it never changed the fact that Minho wanted to be included. So why did his actions say the opposite? There was a good chance that maybe he just didn't want to be compared. His competitive nature stuck its ugly head in places where it didn't belong, and he felt guilty for it. Guilty for thinking that his members could love him any less than another member.
Eventually, Jinki caught wind of his frustrations, sensing a noticeable distance starting to form between them. He never meant to create a divide, he just wanted to respect Minho and his boundaries. He was the youngest amongst them, and it was the responsible thing to do. He was thankful for Jonghyun, but Minho provided for him in ways he truly appreciated and adored. He was the first of his members to really take to him, and knowing how socially awkward he was, it helped him open up to the rest of them. He owed a lot of his confidence to Minho's spirited testimonies praising him for the quiet genius of his leadership. He wanted to do right by him, and clear the air.
It only took one day of a friendly game of football to really hammer things home. Minho was initially suspicious that Jinki asked to kick the ball around for a few minutes after practice. Jinki would much rather post up inside, void of contact,hours on end, before committing to any social, let alone, athletic activities.He took the bait regardless because he simply couldn't resist this set up. Jinki knew him far too well.
They dribbled the ball between them while yapping away over the proper technique. Minho was so gung ho about proper form and accuracy, but Jinki couldn't care less, he just nodded in agreement. When he got tired of the lecturing, Jinki rushed over and stole the ball away from him.
Big mistake.
He came after him like it was a target missile, but Jinki didn't let him have his fun so easily. He spread his arms out wide, guarding the ball in his bubble, diligently.
This lit a fire in the younger man, seeing that he didn't submit so easily. Their feet scuffled amongst each other, as they assaulted the ball with their aggressive kicks. With one bold, misplaced, step, Minho lost his footing and slid towards the ground, but not before Jinki grabbed him by the collar to catch him. As thoughtful as the gesture was, he had forgotten how much bigger Minho was, and he too, lost his balance and ended up stumbling down right next to him.
The clumsy display did exactly as Jinki intended.
Somehow in the short tumble, Jinki was able to smear dirt across his face, and his apologetic smile matched- there was dirt wedged into his gums. As much as Minho was trying to stay unfazed by him, he immediately fell back into laughing and teasing him. What was even funnier was that he had this stupid, clueless, face, asking him why he was laughing.
And just like that, the tension somehow dissipated. Suddenly, he wasn't sure why he even gave a thought to second guessing Jinki's intentions. He was still the same clutz, still the ever awkward, yet reliable friend he always was. There was no mistaking it, he wouldn't be leaving his side so easily. In fact, he'd probably bring him for whatever ride that followed on their next misadventure.
As long as he could be witness to that smile, minus the dirt, he would be more than happy.