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Your hands slowly fade into oblivion as I lead my way into the gates of an unknown heaven.
Up there I dream of us making love in the presence of a lying candle, a promised period of clock that gave us prospect to ponder what was true. We were so close, yet we stumbled and considered it a hex. Why couldn't we take joy in the bliss of ignorance? Why did we have to take action upon it, Jongwoo? We could have been beautiful.
I know you are different now. With your countenance cold as my skin, you feel stuck in that room.
No, I haven't changed one bit. I'm still hovering over you through a hole, this one I empierced with my pale nails into the hazy ground of another life.
My fingertips are aching to be kissed. My tranquil being is now reducing to ashes for the sight of your swollen lips, running through my mind just like the last seven minutes of my trembling lungs. When I arrived the end, though, my soul didn't halt worshipping you. Demolition merely embraced us.
These knuckles beg of you. An esperance of no avail attached to my ankles like unbreakable shackles, I leave a peck on my naked shoulder, imagining your soothing presence. My face lights up at the kiss stain I have given dasein to. I'm vomitting your blood, for I have had too much of you before of my advent. If I have known your kisses were deadly, you would still have me grovel before you, smooching your knees.
It is you, you I have been looking for.
Abruptly, I'm in 304 again. We are alone at last. Celadon suits your wide shoulders, love, it is impossible to take my eyes off you. There, you come along with an omniscient gaze and approach my dusty bed. You heart having those dark pupils witness your lover's misery. How ruthless you are.
The soft glow of the aflicker dim light, emerging from the narrow hall and touching your face from the side, compliments your lively tone. It is like you were made for my room. I would give you every key to open my privacy and dominate my existence with your fingers I adore.
Soundlessly you approach the spot next to me. Having my back pressed against the thin wall, I sigh softly. You must be thinking within your mind, he will never stop purring, and you are rightful.
When you're right next to me, the brush of your thigh snaps me out of my dizzy state. I can never look away from you, you caged in me in your shade and I am seething.
A trembling digit connects our skins. My stomach feels empty, I need to eat your love. They say a fatal bite can only be saved by consuming meat. I touch further, now cupping your cheek. You're very warm, Jongwoo. I anticipated you to be cold, but no, you still offer affection. Those dark yet glamorous eyes looking at me, I pray God to keep them this way forever. Suddenly, the lids of my reflection doesn't feel so heavy. Instead, I'm light as a feather.
Amorant hands shift to the sides of my head and you pull me to your shoulder. I can feel the sharpness of your collarbones at the back of my scalp. But my thoughts are short cut for this moment when your loving touch encounters my hair.
It is steady, your breathing. I feel every take as you softly blow the air through your nostrils against my forehead. Thanks to you, it is fully exposed because you feel like indulging me. You play with my hair, then you tug some behind my ear and make me feel like your baby. I am carelessly floating in your presence and it is emancipatory, Jongwoo.
There is something comforting about being clothed once more, perhaps for one last time before I am gone for eternity.
After you let go, both of us have our knees against our chests like two yarn balls soon to interlace. Before seducing me out of my shield, you tenderly touch my arm and let your calloused fingers swim in my phantom, veiny with damp velvet, how you like me.
Every inch your hand meets is a new fire. Still, I am freezing to stay with you. To have your long fingers make love to what is left from my ice, with your olive skin running smooth against my own, we could create a romantic dichotomy.
Intertwining your hand with mine, you pull them up to your lips and press a lingering kiss on top of my knuckles, reminding me of a piece of heaven. It is right beside me, talking to me like a whisper, laughing at me like a camerade and bringing me to my senses like a lover.
Love, my lover. It is anodyne on my drenched lips. A word I have never known. For once in my life, I got to use this. You let me have a wish I didn't know I possessed. My mind struggled to take how welcome it was. I wanted to drink it, pour it down my athirst throat and feel it throb inside every little canal of my body. To have you everywhere, tingle as I talk and blink as I see.
Fond chuckles echo in my small room. The walls are suprised to hear such sounds a human is capable of letting out. I can't clear your eyes in the cruel night, but the mellow orange light brings your gaze sparkles, and it makes me feel lucky to have a moment longer in the presence of the light. Blissful that you left the door open, my love.
I must have been dancing with my thoughts once more, even with you right beside me.
A peck brings me to the moment. Kisses of you I tightly hold onto, they recall why I let myself feel human for once. Compassion you bestowed on me shakes my chest. It is blooming with purple forget-me-nots there. I remember them to mostly be blue, though.
Sensuality takes over you, and your lips become more aglow. Are you afraid to set the veracity free?
I am right here, Jongwoo. Never dared to try and get rid of this beautiful necklace you endowed me. My eyes are on you, and it will stay like this. If you ever decide I'm not sufficient, I will stick my tongue out like a dog and lick the ground you walk on so that you would never take off the bracelet I have put on you, too. I will bark like heat is controlling my instincts, so you can take any resemblance of rage on me.
My body is melting beneath your intimacy, and I feel naked. Now that you have become my everything, no kind of fabric will ever protect me again. My wool is silky under your warm fingertips, my ears are loose on my sides. Your cordial embrace is thorough around me.
For once, I almost forgot how big I was. No creature of God had ever managed to cram me in. I was hard to carry, stubborn to eat but eager to bite the hand that showed me sentiments. Maybe that reasons why you had to blow out my candle. I was never meant to feel a loving touch, a voice that brings me out of my nightmares and soothe me to sleep. Still, you gave me them, even if for a short time.
"You are beautiful, Moonjo."
These words reach my ears like calm waves, hitting my shores with kindness and endlessly humming me a lullaby. Both arms cradle me like holding a baby. Inside this welcoming embrace, my vulnerability strips my itchy clothes for good. There, serenity dominates our souls.
You and I are slowly fading out.
Am I with you, lover? Are you holding me tightly while giggling at me, kissing my forearms and telling me how quavering I get? Your face, this flawless face I venerate with devotion, it is blurring. Let me be greedy like how you have let me feel love before, I beg you. You can crush me like a toy and throw me around after finding amusement in my pathetic beseech. My lover, we'll be lovers for good.
"Gentle."
My cry is muffled against your soapy scent. My fierce tears gradually die out as I approach my last verse.
The door of my room is closing with a sickening violin chord, but you don't make a move against it as the light disappears. After all, you will never hear my voice again. Therefore, please go gentle into my last ray of light. Inside your throat, let me have a room to own. Let me get lost in your flowy colours and feel every single hit of the hostile brush. Like this, you appear ethereal.
I've dreamed of you a million times.