Archive of Our Own

For as long as Shauna could remember it had always been her and Jackie. Jackie and Shauna. Jackieshauna. Hilariously enough even 69.

As the two girls grew older, long gone were the days of playgrounds and scuffed knees, split lips and teary smiles as they picked one another up after falling one too many times from the monkey bars.

Shauna could remember the very first time she laid eyes on Jackie Taylor from across the play yard during recess, a young girl much smaller than all the other girls their age, long wavy blonde hair and hazel green eyes too big for her own face. Shauna had been smitten from the start.

“Come on, Shipman! We’re going to be late.” Jackie called from the bottom of the stairs as Shauna slammed her journal shut and stuffed it away for safe keeping beneath her pillow.

“I’m coming, I’m coming, keep your pants on.” Shauna groaned, slowly standing to her feet and smoothing out the flannel Jackie had picked out for her to wear.

‘If you have to wear a flannel can it at least be one that doesn’t have a stain on it?’ Jackie had grimaced before ripping apart Shauna’s closet for one that better fit the moment. ‘Besides, this one matches my outfit.’ Jackie grinned as she held out the light blue flannel for Shauna to take.

Shauna dragged herself down the stairs, already regretting what the rest of the night would surely bring. She had already told Jackie that she didn’t want to go to another stupid bonfire, but as always in pure Jackie Taylor fashion she had pouted those perfect pink lips and said ’But Shauna, it’s never the same when you’re not there.’

Right, because there would be one less person giving her their undivided attention, Shauna had thought to herself as she so often had in the past.

The truth was that for just as much as Shauna loved Jackie, there was a part of her that hated her just as much, and sometimes that hate won out when she least expected it to.

Jackie stood at the bottom of the stairs, her jean skirt matching her jean jacket, her hair clipped back with purple butterfly clips. “Wowza Shipman, Randy should be so lucky to see you tonight.” Jackie waggled her brows as she looked Shauna over, biting her lip ever so slightly.

Shauna rolled her eyes, feeling her cheeks grow warm at the attention. She always liked when Jackie complimented her appearance, even if she was the one who dressed her in the first place like the doll she pretended that she was.

Shauna pushed down the sour thought, ignoring the acrid taste in her mouth as she pulled Jackie towards the front door and held it open for her.

“Always such a gentleman.” Jackie mused, curtsying in her white tennis shoes before slipping out the door beneath Shauna’s outstretched arm.

Shauna shut and locked the door behind her, her mom already at work for the night. She turned around on the front step and let out a sigh as she watched Jackie skip across the front lawn to where Jeff was already parked at the curb waiting for them. Loud alternative rock music blared from the open windows, the young jock tapping his hands along to the beat on the steering wheel while he waited, always so patient for his girlfriend.

“Hey babe, are you guys finally ready?” Jeff called out to Jackie, “Let’s get this party started!”

Shauna rolled her eyes as Jeff made no move to get out of his car before pushing past Jackie to open the door for her.

“Thanks, Shauna.” Jackie beamed at her, teeth as white as snow underneath the street light.

Shauna just nodded her head, a small smile blooming onto her lips, her face quickly changing as Jeff started singing rather terribly along to Bush’s song ‘Glycerine’.

Jackie chuckled as she too shook her head, crinkling her nose at Shauna before folding herself into the passenger seat and allowing the darker haired girl to shut the door once she was settled in.

Jeff paid Shauna no mind as she slid into the backseat of his car, figuring out quickly into his relationship with Jackie that Shauna was a package deal, which also meant that he would go unscathed as long as he kept the talking to her at a minimum.

“Do you guys need anything on the way, 7/11 or DQ?” Jeff asked as he pulled away from the curb and headed in the direction of the woods.

“I could really use a big gulp.” Jackie said, placing a hand on Jeff’s knee. “Cherry Pepsi?”

Jeff just smirked, looking at Shauna in the rearview mirror as if to subtly say ’See? She’s mine.’ “Anything for you Shauna?” He asked instead.

Shauna shook her head, “I’m good.”

“Alrighty then.” Jeff made a right at the next corner, heading towards the 7/11.

A few minutes later they were pulling into the mini mart’s parking lot, Jeff putting the car in park right in front of the front door. “Anything else I should grab?” He asked Jackie before opening his car door.

Jackie hummed, tapping her chin with a perfectly painted nail, a nice shade of pink Shauna had done for her the night before. “Get a pack of Big Red too, I’m almost out.”

Jeff nodded his head before stepping out of the car, straightening his letterman jacket before stepping into the convenience store.

“So do you think you’ll finally give Randy a chance tonight?” Jackie asked as she fished around in her purse for her lipgloss, pulling the car visor down to look in the vanity mirror at herself. Shauna watched her apply the sticky pink gloss to her pouted lips before ripping her eyes away and ignoring the knowing smile on Jackie’s face.

Shauna could feel the irritation already bubbling up inside, how many times was she supposed to say she wasn’t interested in Randy Walsh? “I told you I don’t like Randy, Jax.” She turned to stare out at the empty parking lot instead.

“We can’t all like the first person we choose to have our first kiss with.” Jackie said simply, as if it was a business decision.

“I didn’t choose Randy, you did.” Shauna said dismissively over her shoulder.

“Yeah because he’s harmless and he likes you!” Jackie started up the argument they keep seeming to have lately. “How are you ever supposed to get a boyfriend and go on double dates with me if you won’t even talk to a boy?”

Shauna gritted her teeth. “I’ve already had my first kiss, just because you aren’t happy with who it was with, doesn’t mean it hasn’t happened already.”

“Oh come on Shauna, practicing doesn’t count!” Jackie said with a light laugh, one that if Shauna hadn’t known her best friend so well, wouldn’t have known that it was forced.

Shauna could feel her bottom lip tremble, the repeated words never lacking in the venom that struck her every time. Jackie didn’t consider their practice kissing to be real, because after all it was just practice, and it was just so that Shauna wasn’t so nervous when she finally had her first kiss with a boy.

Jackie was about to say something else, words on the tip of her tongue when she flipped the visor up on the car so fast it slapped the ceiling, causing Shauna to jump.

Jeff was opening the driver’s door a second later, passing Jackie her big gulp before sliding in behind the wheel. “One extra large Cherry Pepsi for the hottest girl is Wiskayok.”

“Thanks, baby.” Jackie put on that fake voice again that she reserved for everyone else around them, but never for Shauna. It was how Shauna knew that Jackie couldn’t be lying to herself any harder than she was lying to Shauna about what they did late at night when the rest of the world thought that they were asleep.

Jeff made that stupid smirk again, the very one Shauna had pictured smacking off of his face time and time again, before leaning in and pressing a kiss to Jackie’s freshly painted lips.

Shauna knew that Jackie hated that, biting her tongue so as to not laugh as Jackie played it off, pushing Jeff square in the chest away from her. “Come on, I don’t want to be super late to the party.”

Jeff just nodded his head before switching the car into reverse and pulling out of the parking lot and back onto the small road that would shortly turn into dirt the farther into the woods they got.

Shauna picked at a nail as she continued to stare out the window, not wanting a front row seat to just how far Jeff’s hand could make it up Jackie’s thigh before she shifted away from him. Shauna rolled her eyes, her shoulders curling inwards away from the front seat. She hated how much she noticed about Jackie, and even more so how Jackie didn’t realize how much that she didn’t get away with hiding.

They reached the secluded area where the bonfire was about ten minutes later, Jeff pulling up at the end of a long row of cars.

“Hell yeah, the fire’s already huge!” Jeff laughed, turning off the car and slipping out of the front seat.

Shauna let herself out, her worn red chucks already making themselves comfortable in the New Jersey sand. Rounding the back of the car she watched as Jeff helped Jackie out of the passenger seat and ignored the way her stomach turned in jealousy. It was stupid to be jealous of someone, especially Jackie, but often enough Shauna couldn’t help herself before it was happening.

“Catch up with you in a little bit?” Jackie asked as Jeff already started pulling her away from Shauna.

Shauna set her jaw, teeth already grinding in annoyance as she realized Jackie wasn’t even going to fight ditching her right away.

“Sure.” Shauna said with a nod, playing it off like it didn’t bother her, because it didn’t. She needed to convince herself of that sooner rather than later. She turned to scan the groups of students scattered throughout the open woods around them and spotted Tai and Van right away.

She immediately went to the closest cooler and grabbed out a lukewarm beer, the ice already melted and the aluminum sweaty in her palm. Shauna wiped her wet hand on her jeans before cracking open the can and taking a heavy swig, hissing at the god awful taste.

“Shauna, hey!” A familiar voice called as she turned to greet them.

“Melissa, hi.” Shauna nodded at the junior girl who had been following her around like a puppy for the last couple of parties, which Jackie had complained about, but what did she expect was going to happen when she kept disappearing off with Jeff so that they could suck face? That Shauna was just going to sit like a dutiful sidekick and wait for her owner to return to her and give her a treat for being good?

It wasn’t lost on Shauna that that treat often surfaced as Jackie kissing her late into the night after Jeff dropped them both off at Shauna’s. She would always say it was because Jeff got her all worked up but could never finish the job, and Shauna would roll her eyes and cave the minute Jackie’s shirt came off.

Shauna never said that she wasn’t weak willed.

“I’m so glad you're here, I was starting to think you weren’t coming.” Melissa flushed at her own words, a nervous hand flying up to shift the backwards baseball cap that always sat on top of blonde curls.

Shauna just shrugged, eyes still searching in the last place she saw Jackie before she wandered off. “Well I’m here now, so.” She looked back at Melissa who was still standing in front of her, a wine cooler in her hand while she fiddled with the peeling label.

“Right.” Melissa echoed, her face transparent in showing that she didn’t know what to say next, as if she had practiced only up until this very moment.

“Well I’m going to go find Tai and Van now, I’ll see you around.” Shauna said, moving around the blonde to head towards where she had seen her friends last.

“Uh yeah, cool. I’ll catch up with you later!” Melissa called after her.

Shauna just gave her a thumbs up before turning away all together with a sigh. If only she actually cared about getting anyone else’s attention.

“Hey, you made it!” Van cheered, an arm looped around Tai’s shoulder, pulling on her ever so slightly.

“Already two shits to the wind, huh?” Shauna laughed as she looked at the redhead with a shake of her head. “What’ve you been drinking, something better than this piss I hope?” Shauna held up the half empty beer can as if it personally offended her, which it did.

Van chuckled, holding up the very same beer can. “It tastes better if you just chug it and pretend it’s Tang!”
“Alright, you’re done.” Tai said, patting Van’s shoulder.

“What, I just got here.” Shauna said in disbelief.

“Yeah, two hours late.” Tai said with an eyeroll, “The princess takes that long to get ready now?”

Shauna knew that Tai was referring to Jackie, but she couldn’t admit that the reason they were so late was actually because Shauna had tried to stay home. “Yeah, she got a new outfit today and had to do a whole fashion show.” She said with a roll of her eyes.

“You love it!” Van immediately said, slurring her words.

“I don’t need to know what you guys do when you’re alone.” Tai said with an upturned nose.

Shauna felt herself flush, “We don’t do anything but what normal best friends do.”

“Aw, I love you best friend.” Van teased, planting a kiss on Tai’s cheek.

“Okay, it’s definitely time to get you home before you out us to the whole town.” Tai bit out, dragging Van towards the cars. “See you later, Shauna.”

“Bye.” Shauna waved before finishing her beer and crushing it in her hand. She turned to immediately grab another one, needing something to do while she tried to figure out who she could talk to next that didn’t involve Randy Walsh who thankfully hadn’t seen her yet.

“Fancy seeing you here.” Nat’s gravelly voice greeted her at the coolers.

“Hi.” Shauna sighed, reaching into the cooler and pulling out a wine cooler this time. They were usually sickly sweet, but it had to be better than the beer she had just had.

“All by your lonesome tonight?” Nat asked, looking up from where she was currently trying to refill her lighter.

“Did you forget to do that before you got here?” Shauna asked her, knowing fully well the last thing they needed during a bonfire in the woods was a bottle of lighter fluid.

“Why do you think I’m over here by the ice?” Natalie bit out, trying to force open the bottom of her lighter. “I didn’t know it was almost empty.”

“Where’s Travis?” Shauna asked, looking around with no luck of catching a glimpse of the dark haired boy.

“Not here.” Natalie said, “His dad made him stay home to watch Javi tonight while they go out to dinner in Philly.”

Shauna set down her unopened wine cooler and held out a hand. “Here, let me see it.”

Natalie let out an aggravated sigh, blowing air up at her bangs that were hanging in her eyes. “Fine.” She handed over the old lighter that Shauna assumed had been her father’s.

Shauna moved it around in her hands, feeling for an opening with her nail.

“It’s bent, my stupid dad dropped it so many times.” Natalie said as she watched her.

Shauna found the ridge where her thumbnail slipped into it, popping it on the first try.

“What the fuck?” Natalie scoffed, her eyes widening as she watched Shauna open the lighter with little to no struggle at all. “How did you do that?”

“You just have to feel for where it releases.” Shauna said with a shrug, handing the lighter back. “My dad had one just like it.”

“Well damn Shipman, I didn’t know you were that good with your fingers.” Natalie smirked, beginning to fill the lighter up with the small bottle of butane. “No wonder Jackie keeps you around.”

“Oh fuck off.” Shauna scoffed, holding out her bottle for Natalie to use her keychain bottle opener to pop off.

“You know I’m joking.” Natalie chuckled, opening her bottle for her. “Where is the princess anyway?”

“Off with Jeff somewhere, I don’t fucking know.” Shauna shrugged, trying to play it off like it didn’t matter. Like she wasn’t doing everything in her power to not be playing through all the different things that the two of them could be doing in the woods at this very moment. She pushed down jealousy’s ugly head once more as she took a swig of the sickly pink wine cooler and looked around at the dwindling party. “Where is everyone tonight anyway? I figured this place would be packed like last weekend.”

Natalie shrugged, “I guess after the cops busted the last one a lot of kids got curfews again.”

Shauna nodded, thinking about how her mom worked night shifts at the hospital and wouldn’t know if she was home or not. She tried to not let it bother her, and it didn’t most nights.

“Well I’ll catch you around.” Shauna said, starting to move away and decide on who she was going to try and talk to next.

“Hey, do you maybe want to get high?” Natalie called after her.

“Wait, really?” Shauna turned to look at her curiously, the last time Natalie offered her weed Shauna felt like she had been melting into the forest floor and Jackie had been so mad. Shauna felt her chest tighten at the memory. She didn’t even have to beg for attention that night.

“Yeah I mean, it’s just me and Kevyn so we’d be cool with another person in the rotation.” The bleach blonde shrugged, “But no fucking Jackie.” She followed up, pointing a chipped black nail polished finger at her. “I don’t need her ripping my fucking head off again after last time.”

Shauna nodded, “Got it, no fucking Jackie.”

After an hour of smoking weed with Natalie and Kevyn Tan, Shauna could admit that she was certainly feeling better.

“I mean, like fuck her anyway. Jeff is such a loser and if she wants to be with a loser that’s fine with me.” Shauna spit out, laying back on the ground not even bothered by the twigs and leaves in her hair.

“Right, totally.” Natalie giggled, “Fuck, Jackie.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Shauna asked, asking the outstretched tree limbs in the soft firelight rather than her company.

“Nothing Shauna, forget I said anything.” Natalie said, giggling even harder.

“You guys think you’re ready for the second one?” Kevyn asked as he held up a second joint with matching painted nails as Nat. Shauna thought about how Jackie used to make them wear the same paint colors too until Shauna told her she hated pink.

’Why did you never tell me you hated pink before?’ Jackie had asked, confused, looking up at Shauna through her lashes like she so often did. Shauna swallowed, ‘Because you like pink.’ ‘Well I don’t want to like anything you don’t like.’ Jackie had said, her voice in that tone that was so sure and years later would be dubbed her captain voice. ‘You just have to tell me how you feel about things, Shauna. I can’t always read your mind.’ But I can read yours, Shauna had thought to herself that day and every day since. Why couldn’t Jackie just know her like she knew her, so deep in the marrow of their bones Shauna knew her best friend. Shauna knew even then that she would never love anyone the way that she loved Jackie, nor did she want to.

“Yeah.” Shauna said, sitting back up and looking at the two punks who were staring at her unsure.

“Are you sure? You seem pretty out of it already.” Natalie said, her eyes searching over Shauna’s face.

“I’m fine.” Shauna insisted, shifting so that she was leaning up against the tree trunk with them. “I can handle it.”

“Alright, I’ve never been one to tell a girl no.” Natalie said with a shrug, “Just don’t expect me to go looking for Jackie if you get sloppy.”

“I’m not going to get sloppy.” Shauna said with a roll of her eyes.

It was after half way through the second joint that Shauna wandered off saying that she needed to get some air.

“Just don’t get lost.” Natalie called after her before taking the joint from Kevyn and pulling another drag from it.

Shauna waved behind her at them, stumbling back towards the party that had been slowly dying down.

“Jeff, you’re pulling my shirt!” A familiar voice bit out not far in the distance.

“Shit, sorry.” Jeff’s voice was muffled behind a tree.

Shauna turned to look, catching sight of Jackie’s hair. “Jackie?” Shauna called out to her.

“Shauna?” Jackie peered around the tree at her. “Where have you been? I’ve been looking for you.” Liar Shauna thought.

Shauna took a step closer just as Jackie held up her hand. “Just give us a second Shauna.”

“Why?” Shauna asked, wanting to hear her say it. “What are you guys doing?”

“Nothing.” Jackie immediately excused, but Shauna was close enough now to see that her chin was shiny with her misplaced lipgloss and her hair was no longer smooth.

Shauna frowned, that ugly jealousy bubbling up again. “I’ll find a ride home.” She turned on her heel and started away from them, back towards the voices of the rest of the student body.

“Shauna, wait!” Jackie called after her, clearly frustrated.

Shauna spotted a backwards pink hat then, making a beeline for it.

“Shauna!” Jackie’s voice continued to call out to her as Shauna practically ran away from her.

“Hey Melissa, do you mind giving me a ride home?” Shauna called out to the blonde who was standing in a group of the other JV girls on the soccer team, her best friend Gen at her side.

Melissa turned to look at her, brows raised in shock. “Uh, yeah.” She nodded her head dumbly, “Are you sure you don’t want to ride home with Jackie? Isn’t that who you came here with?”

Shauna felt like she could faintly hear Jackie’s voice still off in the distance, fighting the urge to roll her eyes as she shook her head. It would be easier if she stressed to Melissa why she might want a ride home from her. She felt her hand reach out, ghosting over the blonde’s wrist that held an empty wine cooler. “I’d like it if you gave me a ride home instead.” She batted her eyelashes for good measure, knowing that it would work, hating that it would work, but also secretly loving it too.

Melissa nodded, her hand sliding over Shauna’s own. “Have you been smoking?” She asked suddenly, smelling the weed on her.

“I’m fine.” Shauna insisted, starting to pull Melissa towards the car. “Let’s just get out of here.”

Melissa blushed, turning towards Gen and telling her she would call her tomorrow.

Shauna made sure to make a show of pulling Melissa towards her car, Jackie coming into sight at that very moment to see it happen.

“I’m going to catch a ride home with Melissa!” Shauna called to her, waving goodbye.

Melissa opened the passenger door for Shauna, helping her climb up into her Jeep Cherokee before rounding the front to get into the driver’s seat. “So, where do you live?” Melissa turned to ask her, the question no sooner leaving her lips that Shauna was leaning over the middle console and kissing her.

It was dark enough in the car that most people couldn’t see, but if anyone was looking at them, which Shauna knew Jackie was, she would know what just happened.

“Whoa.” Melissa breathed out when Shauna pulled away, staring at Shauna in disbelief.

“I live over on Tomlinson road.” Shauna said, sitting back and getting comfortable in the passenger seat. It took everything in her not to look out the window to see if Jackie was still watching them.

“Okay.” Melissa said nervously, putting the Jeep in reverse and beginning to pull out of her makeshift spot.

Shauna bit her lip, staring out the windshield, the moment very much sobering her.

It occurred to Jackie weeks later that that was the moment in which Shauna started seeing Melissa in private. It was always at parties, and always after Jackie had already disappeared with Jeff, and it always left her a little bit sick to her stomach.

Jackie never understood why Shauna would get so mad at her even after she apologized for the same things over and over again.

Shauna insisted that if she was actually sorry for it, why would she keep repeating the same mistake?

Jackie always said that it was because Shauna didn’t understand it.

Which is how they ended up in a similar predicament tonight.

“Jackie, you can’t be serious!” Shauna whined from where she was positioned on the bottom step of the front porch of the house party they were at.

Loud music thumped from inside, everyone in their school colors to celebrate another win and another step closer to Nationals.

“Shauna stop acting like such a baby, I’m not leaving you.” Jackie rolled her eyes, one hand on her hip while the other held on tightly to a plastic red solo cup.

Shauna’s whole face crinkled at the words, “You always choose Jeff.”

Jackie couldn’t understand how she could convince Shauna of just how wrong she was. “I don’t always choose Jeff, in fact he says I always pick you.”

“Of course he does.” Shauna scoffed, swiping at her damp cheek and smearing some of the blue warpaint Jackie had drawn on her hours ago.

Jackie sighed, looking back towards the front door, hoping that they weren’t causing yet another spectacle. ’Oh no, the princess and the frog are fighting again!’ Somebody had said at the last party.

Shauna had to be held back on that one.

“Just come inside Shauna, we’ll only stay a little bit longer.” Jackie tried again to get her best friend to come inside with her. “I promise we’ll stay just another thirty minutes.”

Shauna rolled her eyes, her bottom lip pouting outwards in that way Jackie was always a sucker for. “Fine.” The darker haired girl gruffed, crossing her arms as she came back up the steps towards Jackie, “But only half an hour.”

Jackie grinned, a relief falling over her as Shauna brushed past her to get to the front door. “You’re the best.” She praised, hand on the small of Shauna’s back as she allowed her to lead her back inside.

Jackie made her way back over to where she had left Jeff on the recliner in Mari’s basement, settling herself back into his lap to make him happy. At least he was comfortable to sit on, she thought as she took another sip from her cup and watched the room to catch up on what she missed while she was gone. She immediately lost Shauna on the way in when she said she was going to go for another drink, Jackie telling her to meet her downstairs after she got one.

“Have you seen Shauna?” Jackie asked Jeff as she leaned back into him, resting her head in the crook of his neck just how she knew he liked.

“Wasn’t she with you?” Jeff asked, his interest not really captivated by Shauna’s whereabouts. His hand rested on her hipbone, fingers digging in to where her shirt ended and her jeans began.

All the girls were wearing their lettermans tonight, Jackie right along with them. She twirled her hair from where it was tied up with a yellow bow, looking around the room once more for her best friend. “I think I’m going to go find her.” She said, starting to make an effort to climb back onto her feet.

“Aw, come one. You just came back.” Jeff whined, locking his arms around her waist so that she couldn’t leave. “Can’t you feel how badly I missed you?” He asked from where she slid against his lap, his dick already half hard beneath her.

Jackie’s jaw tightened, bile rising to her throat as she pasted on a fake smile. “Okay, I’ll stay.” She wiggled backwards into him, trying to keep her face from changing as she felt his shaky breath on the back of her neck.

Another five minutes past and Jackie was starting to get anxious, her nerves starting to grow prickly beneath her skin as she felt Jeff shift her around on his lap once more. “For fucks sake, there’s people around!” She hissed at him, climbing out of his lap so quickly he had to cover himself with the pillow behind his back.

“Jackie, wait!” He called after her, unable to stand at that very moment as people laughed around them.

“I’m just going to go find Shauna.” She said, taking the stairs back up to the kitchen.

Shauna hadn’t gotten very far from where the drinks were set out, leaning back against the kitchen counter with a certain JV girl that Jackie had grown to hate beside her. Jackie immediately honed in on Shauna’s hand and where it was currently paying with the zipper of Melissa’s letterman.

“We’re leaving.” Jackie announced abruptly, her voice cracking as she spoke.

Shauna turned to look at her, confusion and frustration written all over her face. “What? I thought you wanted to stay.” Her hand didn’t move from Melissa as she said it, wanting Jackie to know that she didn’t care if she saw it.

“Well, now I want to leave.” Jackie said, her throat tight as she crossed her arms over her chest ready for a second round of fighting if it came down to it.

“I’m kinda busy here, Jax.” Shauna looked between Jackie and Melissa, “I’ll get my own ride home if you want to leave so bad.”

Jackie could feel herself getting red hot, why was Shauna so stubborn? “But I’m supposed to sleep over at your house.”

Shauna shrugged, “Skipping one sleepover won’t kill us, Jackie.”

Jackie nearly bit through her lip as she continued to glare at Shauna from across the kitchen island. “But we have plans in the morning, am I supposed to just sleep at my own house and then come back to yours tomorrow?” She ignored Melissa’s stare as she forced a laugh, “Seems like a whole lot of extra steps to me.”

Shauna’s jaw was getting tighter, the muscles working together as Jackie continued to stare at her, not backing down. She looked over at Jackie before sighing and turning back to Melissa. “I’ll call you tomorrow.” She said, pulling Melissa in for a kiss before the blonde could say anything in return.

Jackie quickly looked away, forcing the tears that were starting to prick in the corners of her eyes away before Shauna could see them. Ever since Jackie first saw Shauna at the bonfire a couple weeks ago get a ride with Melissa, it was like any time they fought now the blonde was right there to wedge herself between them.

Jackie at first blamed Melissa for it, but after watching just how petty Shauna was when she used her, Jackie knew that it was just Shauna’s way of getting her back for Jeff.

“Let’s go.” Shauna said, shoving past Jackie’s shoulder and towards the front door.

“Jeff!” Jackie bellowed down the basement steps.

“Coming!”

Jackie would say that she hated seeing Shauna and Melissa kiss, but she also knew that on the nights where that did happen, Jackie knew that Shauna would be rougher with her.

“Shauna, wait.” Jackie groaned as Shauna shoved her towards her bed.

“You want to be a brat, I’m going to treat you like one.” Shauna bit out, kicking off her shoes as she shut her bedroom door. “You’re not always the little princess you think you are, I’m going to give you what you’re too shy to ask for.”

Jackie felt a chill run up her spine at the words, her voice wavering. “What are you going to do?” Of course she wanted to know, she’d be crazy not to given the circumstances.

Shauna smirked at her in the same way Jeff did, except this time Jackie could feel it actually affect her.

“You’re already wet, aren’t you?” Shauna asked, crawling onto the bed towards Jackie. Long gone was the timid girl that was afraid to move her hands unless Jackie moved them for her. When Jackie looked up at Shauna now, she realized that this was the Shauna she had created. The one that was too stubborn to see what was right in front of her.

Jackie bit her lip, her breathing shallow as Shauna’s fingers found their way to the button of her jeans and began to undo them, pressing a hot open mouthed kiss to the sensitive skin that had been revealed when her shirt rolled up. She could feel the throb between her legs, a distraction surely worth having if Jackie wasn’t so drawn to the realization that Shauna was making out with Melissa to get her attention.

Jackie was always smarter than Shauna gave her credit for.

“Shauna, wait.” Jackie said again, placing her hands on top of Shauna’s own. “Can we talk?”

“Are you sure you want to talk?” Shauna asked, looking up through her lashes at Jackie, making it hard to say no to her.

Jackie could feel her will falter as Shauna went back to pulling off her pants, goosebumps covering her skin as the cool night air ghosted over her. She tried for Shauna’s hands again, “Shauna, I’m serious.”

“Yeah, so am I.” Shauna said right back, the venom still on her tongue from earlier.

Jackie frowned, the crease in her forehead very much prominent in that moment. “I don’t want our first time to be like this.” She whispered, her voice trembling. Jackie always was a romantic, and this wasn’t any different, especially because it was Shauna.

“Our first time?” Shauna nearly laughed in her face. “Baby, this isn’t our first time.”

Jackie felt the tears from earlier welling back up in her eyes, “You know what I mean, Shauna.”

“No Jax, I actually don’t.” Shauna said, her hands pushing off of Jackie as she sat up. “Why don’t you indulge me in just exactly what you think is happening here?”

“You’re being a real asshole, you know that?” Jackie cried.

“Takes one to know one.” Shauna countered, and if it weren’t for her eyes, Jackie wouldn’t know that her fight was leaving her.

“I’m tired, let’s just go to bed.” Jackie immediately backed down as she so often did during their fights, Shauna’s stubbornness always winning out.

“Whatever.” Shauna bit out, slipping off of the bed and grabbing a change of clothes before slamming the bathroom door shut.

Jackie blinked away the tears as she felt them trickle hot down her cheeks, pooling on the pillow beneath her head. She had to tell Shauna, she just didn’t know how without it changing everything.

They never did talk about it after that. Shauna had quickly rolled over and pretended to be asleep whilst Jackie did the same thing.

It wasn’t until a week later at another house party did Jackie finally actually lose her shit on Shauna.

She had been looking for Shauna for the better half of an hour when she finally landed on the guest bathroom on the second floor that had been occupied for quite some time now. It wasn’t lost on her that a certain pink backwards hat had gone missing from the party as well, causing a simmering beneath Jackie’s skin that was getting pretty close to boiling over.

She pressed her ear to the door, the sounds coming from inside soft, but obvious in what they were. Jackie debated knocking first, but she was so angry she couldn’t think straight as she twisted the doorknob and pushed in.

“Oh my god!” Melissa’s voice broke out, starting out as a moan and turning into surprise at Jackie’s entrance.

Jackie blinked, her head empty as she took in the sight before her. Melissa was up on the bathroom counter, legs spread with Shauna between them, her pants hanging from one ankle as Shauna pressed into her, hand hidden between where their bodies met.

“Are you fucking kidding me?!” Jackie yelled, her eyes flicking back and forth between the two girls, her heart hammering inside her chest. She couldn’t believe this, she couldn’t believe Shauna would do this to her!

Melissa quickly pushed Shauna away from her, more afraid of Jackie and what was about to happen if she didn’t make herself disappear in that very moment.

Shauna just stared at Jackie, almost as if she was looking through her rather than at her.

“I can’t believe you.” Jackie’s voice crumpled as she stared at Shauna, not paying Melissa any attention in the slightest as the blonde quickly got redressed and rushed past her.

“You can’t believe me?” Shauna laughed, turning to wash her hands in the bathroom sink. “Sorry if I didn’t want to be around you grinding all over Jeff down there on the dance floor.”

Jackie rolled her eyes, “Seriously Shauna? Jeff’s not even here tonight. I broke up with him last night.”

“Oh don’t kid yourself.” Shauna rolled her eyes, trying to deflect. “Not everything is about you Jackie.”

“It is when everything is about you for me though.” Jackie said, shutting the door behind her so that they didn’t build an audience.

“What?”

“You heard me, Shauna.” Jackie crossed her arms over her chest as she stepped further into the bathroom. “If you weren’t too busy playing the victim all the time you would see exactly what’s been in front of you this whole time.”

Shauna raised a brow, turning to her. “Yeah, and what’s that Jax?”

“God you’re so stupid.” Jackie growled, grabbing Shauna and pulling her towards herself. “I love you Shauna, can’t you see that?”

“But you’re not willing to be with me.” Shauna said, her tone hurt as it so often was if they ever got close to having this very conversation. “And you’ve broken up with Jeff before, how do I know you guys won’t just get back together in a week?”

“Because this time will be different.” Jackie said, her voice as strong as it was on the soccer field. “Because I can’t stand to know that she touched you.”

“She didn’t touch me.” Shauna shook her head, “I wouldn’t let her.”

Jackie sighed, pressing her face into Shauna’s shoulder, her own body sagging into hers. It was times like this that she felt that she couldn’t tell where she ended and Shauna began. It was her favorite way to be. “Shauna?”

“Hmm?” Shauna hummed in response, hands immediately going to soothe Jackie as fingers ran through the shorter hairs at the nape of her neck.

“Wash your hands again and then follow me out to the car.” Jackie said, pushing back and spinning on her heel. “We have to make up for lost time.”

Shauna just nodded dumbly before turning on the bathroom sink once more, her throat dry. “I’ll be right out.”

Jackie smirked, she always knew that Shauna was all bark and no bite with her. Though she kind of liked the way Shauna had been with her last week. Perhaps they could revisit that again at another time. For now she just needed to prove to Shauna just how much she meant to her.