Chapter Text
You were fiddling with the browser on your register computer when you heard a faint tinkling sound. Out of habit, you called out “Welcome to Nerd Heaven, let me know if I can help,” before you even looked up from the screen. Once you did though, you jolted back and stared incredulously at the sight before you.
It was a skeleton. A monster right there in the middle of your nerd shop. You'd heard about the recent migration of the newly-discovered monsters into other areas outside of Mount Ebott, but you'd never actually seen one outside your TV screen. It was a big slap of reality for you. This wasn't just some fairy tale on TV, this was real.
“H-how can I help you sir?” You tried and failed not to stutter. Fuck, how racist could you get? You wondered how many people had already reeled back at him like that just in the span of one day?
He was a short dude, with sneakers, basketball shorts and a T-shirt on for one sports team or another (as indicative by where you worked, you weren't much of a sports person). He had his hands tucked into his pockets, and he glanced up at you lazily.
“i'm looking for action figures. you guys got any?”
You nodded furiously, anxious to look like you were taking this all in stride.
“Back row,” you said as you gestured, “We have some of the more rare ones locked up. Let me know if you wanna look at them.”
He gave you a curt nod and made his way through the aisles. You felt a thrill of excitement at meeting a monster, a real monster! Probably down the road monsters wouldn't be such a novelty, but for now? It was a skeleton! A living breathing skeleton, as if some wizard had brought a science classroom exhibit to life.
Suddenly, he surprised you by running at you.
“hide me,” he hissed, as if frightened. Without a word from you he hopped over the wraparound counter and dived down underneath the counter at your feet. As soon as his head went under, the store door opened once more and another skeleton came through, this one much taller.
“Uh...uh...Welcome to Nerd Heaven...let me know if I can help?” you said timidly.
“Yes! Human! I have a very important question to ask you!”
You glanced down at the skeleton who was currently giving you a pointed look.
“S-sure?”
“What action figures would Santa recommend?”
The sheer innocence of the question caught you off guard. You let out a nervous laugh, but caught the eye of the skeleton on the floor who was giving you a death glare.
“Um...well, we have action figures in the back row if you'd like to look...” you hesitated.
“But Human surely you know Santa's recommendations?” He was taller than you by about a foot, and that normally would have intimidated you if he wasn't currently giving you puppy dog eyes.
The floor skeleton slapped at your ankles, pointing towards the back row urgently.
“Yeah...okay dude. I can show you Santa's recommendations.”
“Thank you!”
You slipped out of the counter gate and grabbed the exhibit key just in case.
“Well, old superhero action figures are coming back pretty strong this year, like Captain America and Iron Man and stuff. Batman is always...fun,” you hesitated. The tall skeleton was watching you, enraptured by your action figure lesson. “There are some collectibles that came out with the more recent video games that are pretty cool, too. I personally like the transformers collectibles that came out recently.”
“What about anime?”
“Oh yeah dude totally,” you answered, feeling more comfortable with his questions. He seemed to at least have a basic understanding of the different anime you showed him and he started getting really excited when you unlocked the exhibit cabinet to show him the bandai Dragon Ball Z figures.
“I know that one!” he crowed, “There's lots of different battle scenarios! I've watched all the seasons.”
“Cool! Yeah DBZ is a classic,” you agreed, letting him hold the ones he seemed interested in.
“I am going to put this one down and this one down!” he said happily, holding the two decisions in either hand.
“Down where?” you asked lamely.
“On my letter to Santa of course!”
Oh. Ooooh. You got it now.
“That's a great idea,” you said encouragingly. You were delighted with how carefully he put the action figures back up, careful not to break them.
“Thank you Nerd Heaven human!” he called out as he walked back out the front doors.
“No problem! Come back any time!” you called after him.
He left, the tinkling of the bell the only sound left.
You leaned against the counter, peering down at the skeleton who was currently picking himself up from what looked like an awkward position.
“So you're Santa huh?” you guessed.
“psh, I told him about coming in to see what he might want. didn't think he'd do it today. Put me in a bit of a tight spot.”
You laughed, holding out a hand to help pull him up. He accepted, rocking to his feet and then climbing over the counter.
“so what were the figures he decided on?” he asked.
A few explanations and a card swipe later, he introduced himself.
“my name's sans. sans the skeleton. my brother papyrus is the guy you met earlier.”
You were busying yourself with wrapping the two action figures in Christmas wrapping paper.
“Well it's nice to meet you,” you said cheerfully, truly meaning it, but faking the cheer. You were always sugary sweet while at work. It made sure bitchy people didn't get too smart with you.
“How long have you guys been in the city?” you asked.
“only a week now. we've barely moved in. we're actually just down the road from here, believe it or not.”
“Wow, that close to Main Street huh? You guys must've landed a deal, real estate this side of the city isn't cheap.”
“you have no idea,” he laughed, “but we wanted to be in this area of the city. we nerd it through the grapevine that this area would be safest for monsters.”
You stared at him, trying to ignore his God. Awful. Pun.
“Yeah that would make sense,” you continued, and his eyes narrowed slightly. As if your lack of response was a challenge, “I heard that other areas of the city were protesting and shit, so I'd be careful dude.”
“good talking with you dude,” he said, emphasizing the last word with a hint of a snicker, “thanks for the quid pro bro.”
“I feel personally attacked right now,” you said, refusing to give in to the smile that played on your lips. He shrugged and walked out of the doors with the packaged action figures, a subtle gesture of his hand the only indication of a goodbye.
The tinkle of the bell died and you tapped your fingers. Silence once again overtook the nerd shop. You knew there wouldn't be anybody else until the next rush at 5. In an hour. You sighed and turned on the TV. Maybe you could watch a TV show. Your boss was gone for the day so you wouldn't get in trouble...and technically you weren't even leaving the register. Sliding in a DVD, you settled into the register, your head inclined to watch the TV on the opposite wall.
After about 30 minutes the phone erupted beside you. You snatched up the remote and muted the TV, not wanting to appear unprofessional (though you did work in a nerd shop. What the fuck did they expect?). You answered the phone.
“Nerd Heaven, this is _____ speaking, how can I help you today?”
“hey, this is sans from earlier. I think I might have left my wallet at the store. could you check for me?”
“Sure,” you muttered, surprised to hear his voice again.
Your eyes grazed the counter, not seeing anything. But there! Something black and square on the display shelf beside the counter.
“Found it! I'll keep it safe for you,” you said, scooping up the wallet and setting it on the shelf behind the counter.
“actually we're kinda hosting a party at the moment. will you still be open around 9?”
“Uh, no. We close at 6...”
“damn,” he said, his voice quiet on the other end.
You felt it. That damn pull to be a nice person again. You really really really just wanted to go home and lay in your underwear and play video games all night. It was Friday! You deserved a night free of stress. Just you and your laptop and...a lingering sense of guilt that you weren't a nice person when you could have been.
Fuck...you cursed yourself in your head.
“Hey, you know what? I can drop it off when I get off work,” you offered.
“you'd do that?” he asked, sounding surprised.
“Sure. You said it's not too far away anyway.”
You almost wished he'd decline. The faster you got home the better.
“sure, thanks.” he answered.
Great.
* * *
6: The light switched off at 6. People still there? Cars still in the parking lot? Children casually throwing DVD cases everywhere? The lights. Went. Off. People complained and left the building in a hissy fit, but the important part was that they left. You hated nothing more than when a giant family decided to come in literally two minutes before closing time and then got mad when you let them know that you were closing in two minutes. Those prissy haughty Moms never thought that you'd actually do it. But you did. Fuck them.
Sans' wallet tucked firmly in your pocket, you reread the scrap of paper where you'd scribbled their street address. Mayberry...Mayberry...didn't Mayberry run directly parallel to Main? You'd never been good with directions, but Sans had been good at explaining things. Within five minutes you were parked outside the house. It was a nice house, a bit small, but you expected nothing more. If any house had more than two rooms in this neighborhood it sold for a million or more. Your eyes rolled as you slid out of the driver's seat. You brought out the wallet and held onto it tightly as you walked up the cement path. It looked so...suburban. Not at all what your daydreams had constructed monster houses to be. You rang the doorbell and stepped back a few steps, waiting patiently. You could hear music and talking inside.
Oh that's right they were hosting a party or something...
The door was opened by another monster. Blue and scaly, with a shock of blood-red hair on her head, this monster looked like she could eat you for breakfast. You gulped without thinking about it.
“I'm...uh...here to drop off Sans' wallet?” you said nervously. She broke into a wild grin, putting a hand on your shoulder and practically pulling you into the house.
“Sans is in the kitchen last I saw him,” she said in a gruff voice, then left your side to return to the party. A decent gathering of monsters were all there in the living room, their varied conversations making a wall of sound that made you a bit uncomfortable. However, not to be deterred from your good deed, you made your way into what you assumed would be the kitchen.
You assumed right! But there was no Sans. Instead, a very loud and boisterous Papyrus looked up from whatever he was mixing and gasped.
“Nerd Heaven Human!” he called out affectionately, “It is so good to see you again!” You grinned, feeling very out of place, “But what are you doing here?” he asked, looking confused.
“I...uh...I found Sans' wallet,” you started, then started to sweat, “On the street. His address was on his license so I thought I'd be a good person and drop it by...”
“What a kind and admirable act!” he proclaimed, and you felt a blush starting on your nose.
“Oh it's...not that big of a deal...” you muttered, “But do you know where he is?”
“I believe he went up to his room almost twenty minutes ago! That lazybones is probably sleeping during the party! Come Nerd Heaven Human, we will wake him together!” He grabbed hold of your shoulder and, much like the blue monster, dragged you down a hallway until he stopped in front a door. Papyrus jiggled the doorknob. Finding it locked, he yelled out, “Sans! Get your butt out into the party! A nice lady came by to return your wallet to you and you were not there to greet her!”
“go away papyrus,” a sleepy voice sounded from inside the bedroom.
You really did not feel like you belonged here at all. All these people...all these monsters...it felt like you had just walked into some big family ordeal. You didn't want to encroach anymore.
“Don't worry about it,” you told Papyrus, “I'll leave his wallet with you and you can give it to him.”
“Nonsense!” Papyrus cried, drawing himself up to his full height, surprising you into submission. The guy could be intimidatingly big...
“I'm coming in and forcing you out!” he cried. With a very specific twist of the doorknob and a shove with his shoulder the door popped open.
And there Sans was. Sitting on his bed. His eyes wide in horror. Your eyes wide in horror. Papyrus' eyes wide in horror. A glowing blue dick between Sans' fingers, midstroke.
It couldn't have been more than a second, but for you it felt like an eternity. With a cry of despair the skeleton grabbed a blanket off his bed and covered himself and with a cry of despair Papyrus slammed the door shut and turned his back to it, barricading himself between you and that awful, awful situation. With a silent, gut-wrenching stare you handed the wallet over to Papyrus, who took it without a word, and walked down the hallway, through the kitchen, past the crowded living room and out the front door. You blared the radio on the way home and didn't say a word until you passed your front door.
Then you began to laugh. Hysterically laugh. This was one of the most awkward goddamn situations you had ever been in and it was hilarious! The look on his face. The horrified shriek that Papyrus made. You felt a bit guilty for taking so much pleasure in their pain but good god, you couldn't have timed that better.