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“Alright, done.” he said, a sense of finality in his voice as he collected the trash. He didn’t want to leave, not really, but there was no excuse anymore, no logic, no reason behind that want, and if Vlad couldn’t explain it then he figured it would be easy to ignore it.
Unbeknownst to him, Joss didn’t want Vlad to leave either. He had been by himself for days, not going on vacation with the rest of his newfound family was far from a smart move on his end. Sure it was weird being around someone again, someone he knew, but he craved human interaction, especially if it was Vladimir’s. He shouldn’t crave him like he does. Especially not after what he did. But he does, and he’s miserable with it.
If he could, he would travel back to when they first met in a heart beat. When it was so simple, when they were able to sit and read comics together or rewatch old movie DVD’s and laugh at them no matter how many times they already saw it, when they could play video games together and not have to deal with the stress of their impending doom, not knowing they were destined to kill each other. When Joss’s only problem with his and Vlad’s relationship was what they were. Not whatever the hell it was now. Vlad wasn’t here anymore to read comics and play video games, to hang out with a friend, or whatever it was they were. He was here out of pity. Just like he said, no one else had come to check on Joss — mainly because most of the people in that town that even liked him were gone — so Vlad did, because that’s the kind of person he is, even though Joss had attempted to kill him, multiple times he might add, Vlad still took fucking pity on him and crouched on his knees on a dirty bathroom floor taking care of his wounds.
Joss hated pity. He was given it his entire life, people pitying him for his sister’s death, for how his parents acted. But now he couldn’t bring himself to hate it, at first he did, when he saw that all to familiar look in Vlad’s eyes when he first opened the front door earlier, he wanted to scream. But now, he knew it was all he deserved, nothing more than thoughtless pity. Vlad was likely the only one who would show him even that, he knew damn well what was left of the residents in Bathory wouldn’t show him anything short of hatred. Especially Otis, even moreso Nelly. If Cecile was there she probably wouldn’t even spare him a glance. Not after the treatment he’d made all these people endure. It had only been barely a month since everything went down, he shouldn’t expect people to move on so quickly, god knows he hasn’t.
He didn’t want Vladimir to leave. He craved to be alone, to drown and suffocate in his own misery, but another part of him, a louder part, craved Vlad. His presence, his laugh, his smile, his scowl, his scarily sharp fangs, he wanted it all. Needed it, even. Possibly more than he needed his damn bandages changed.
And Joss McMillan wasn’t weak, far from it, but the way Vlad looked up at him almost made Joss believe there was some sort of god out there that didn’t fully hate him yet. Joss McMillan was strong, but for Vladimir motherfuckin’ Tod of all people, for Vladimir Tod he was weak. Pathetic even. He sure felt like he was after;
“Hey… hey uh, Vlad?” he inquired, only to get no response. He almost, key word ‘almost’, swallowed the rest of his dignity and would settle for silence. But Joss was stubborn, he wasn’t giving up that easy.
“Vlad?” he questioned again, tilting his head to the side and a little bit closer, a look of concern, almost panic, maybe. Thinking maybe Vlad had finally come to his senses and realized Joss wasn’t worth any of this, that he was going to get up and leave, never coming back. Joss couldn’t blame him, honestly. He was a failure.
“Huh, what?” he seemed to have ‘snapped out’ of whatever state he was in “What’s up, man? You alright?”
Moment of truth.
But maybe not. If he did this, Vlad might laugh in his face. Tell Henry all about how pathetic he is, convince Henry to disown him as a member of his family and kick him out or some bullshit like that, force him to leave Bathory and never come back. So many ‘buts’ accompanied by ‘what ifs’ clouded his head, stirring up all the dirt that had settled at the bottom to make it all murky again. Joss felt like he was going insane, why would he even want that? So much had happened over the past couple years, it was all just fucking with his emotions. That was the only logical explanation. He was never able to be at peace before, not like this. Not since Cecile.
“Dude, c’mon, you make me answer and then you get to go all silent?” Vlad said in a strangely friendly, familiar, tone, and looking up for a brief moment, away from the first aid kit he was repacking so intently.
“Nah, it’s nothing, don’t worry about it, man.” Joss attempted to vacate the topic, he shouldn’t be trusted with speaking privileges anymore. He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t risk Vlad’s friendship over something so dumb and trivial.
“Don’t lie to me, I’m not gonna offended if the bandages are like, uncomfortable or something, I just needa know.”
Fuck Vlad and his stupid ‘I care’ act.
“No, it’s — it’s fine. It feels fine .” he was doomed. Done for. “I was just gonna ask if you like, wanted to read some comics or something. You know, for old times sake… I just mean since you’re already here you know — wouldn’t want you to have come down here for nothing.” he nervously muttered out.
May god strike him down already.
Vladimir stayed silent for a good, solid couple of seconds. And Joss practically went through the five stages of grief during it. God why was he so nervous?
“It’s fine if not, man.” he started “just forget I said anything.”
Why was he acting like this? He felt that stupid burning feeling in his throat again, it made him choke back tears that threatened to roll down his cheeks unforgivingly.
“Yes — yeah, sure.”
What.
“What.”
Did he say that out loud?
“I mean sure, man, I’ll read some comics with you. Got any new ones?” Vlad asked, closing the now reorganized first aid kit and standing up, resting the case on the sink and extending a hand for Joss to Vlad.
“Oh — uh, yeah. I got another Spider-Man one, one about Moonknight, and I even found my old Deadpool mutant comic.”
So? Call him childish, god forbid a man has a hobby.
“Awesome, dude.” Vlad replied awkwardly.
Joss debated taking his hand, he couldn’t decide if taking the help was admitting he was weaker, or admitting friendship. Before he could decide, though, Vlad had already taken back his hand, fiddling absentmindedly with the other one until Joss stood up and shifted around him, out the door and towards his bed room.
It didn’t matter where they were, really. It’s not like anybody was home to interrupt them or anything. Not his mom, asking if they wanted snacks, not Cecile, pleading to be included, not his mom standing next to Cecile trying to get Joss to include his little sister, though she never had to, anyway, he would never leave her out. God, if he could, Joss would let Cecile share his damn room with him now, never leaving her side, not again. But he couldn’t anymore. Because it was to late. Cecile, his mom, his dad. Everybody. Everybody was gone. His entire family. He missed when he actually had a mom and a dad, it’s been so many years but something like that seemed to be an ever healing wound, never quite closing all the way before it’s ripped open again. Living with his favorite cousin could never fix that, unfortunately.
Joss wasn’t religious, not anymore, but when things got really bad he would yell up at the sky, talking to some higher deity, blaming it for his miserable life. He would ask why, why it wasn’t him that died that day. Why was he the sibling that was spared? He pleaded to swap places with Cecile, give her another chance. Everyday he woke up still breathing just confirmed to him, God was a lie. It had been years since then, Joss didn’t know if he’d ever be able to move on.
“Joss? You good, man?”
Shit. He was crying. Again. Of course he was fucking crying. His dad was right, calling him a crybaby.
“Yeah — no dude I’m good.” he sniffed, going to dry his eyes on his sleeve when he realized; he wasn’t wearing a god damn shirt. Ah fuck. How had he forgot that, like seriously.
Score, though. He found his comics. Joss’ room was a bit of a mess, so he honestly didn’t expect to find them so easy.
“Hell yeah, here ya go, take your pick, Tod.” he said, a half forced smile on his face and a sniff as he stuck the bin of comics out towards Vlad.
Joss sat down on his bed, Vladimir on the beanbag chair, he felt it would be to awkward to sit next to Joss.
The two passed comics back and forth, laughing at the shitty or cringey ones, dissing on each others favorites, Joss even let Vlad borrow some of his Moon Knight comics.
Joss was hunched over the bed, Vlad leaning up on the bean bag so they could read a comic together.
“Do you wanna come sit up here?” Joss asked, very obviously without thinking, because the rooms atmosphere immediately went tense again. Just as it was finally starting to unwind, too. Good job, Joss.
“Sure.” Vlad replied, also very obviously not thinking. He stood up awkwardly, shuffling in his raggedy converse over to sit a good foot away from Joss on the bed, stiffly holding the comic back out between them.
There wasn’t anymore laughing or reading back and forth to each other. Just long, uncomfortable silence. Vlad hated silences like that, and he knew Joss did to.
“Uh, so…” he started, reaching a hand up to fiddle with the front of his MCR t-shirt.
“So…”
God. Why were conversations so difficult.
Vlad made the grave mistake of looking over at Joss, really looking at him. Somehow even deeper than when he was changing the blonde’s bandages. He was studying his face like he was seeing it for the first time all over again. Memorizing every little detail, filing it away in Joss’s own corner of Vlad’s brain.
Until Joss looked back. Vlad should have looked away. Why didn’t he just look away?
Brown eyes slowly shifted up to meet Vlad’s black ones, his looked like dark chocolate, swirling around aimlessly in his iris’. Vlad knew he could stare into them forever and never get lonely.
He moved an inch closer, just a small shuffle, nothing dramatic that would frighten Joss, but enough to let him know he wanted to be there. And also just because he craved to be as close to Joss as physically possible. But that wasn’t important.
What he didn’t expect, though, was for Joss to move closer to. Possibly even farther than Vlad had.
Vladimir broke eye contact, it was to tense to look Joss in the face. Instead, he focused elsewhere. Joss still didn’t have a shirt on. Which would have been awkward in virtually any other situation. Vlad had never seen him in anything less than a baggy t-shirt or button up and raggedy, torn up jeans. He wasn’t paying sole attention to the fresh-ish wounds anymore, thankfully and unthankfully. Vlad noticed his back, his arms, biceps, neck, waist, the discoloration on them, the raised, scarred skin and the small white lines surrounded by uneven holes to show the stitch lines. The combination was everywhere. Especially along his back, like he had been whipped.
He wanted to reach his hand out, drag his fingers down his scarred shoulder, and apparently he did, because when Joss’s breath hitched he realized his hand was in fact on the other’s shoulder.
Vlad looked up, meeting Joss’s eyes once again. He thought he had seen all of Joss’s emotions, but there was something mixed in his eyes that Vlad couldn’t come up with. But nothing in it told him to stop, or Joss would have shoved him off or tensed up by now. But no, he was…relaxed? Something along those lines. Had he taken some sort of muscle relaxing pain med? Were those even a thing? Would he even be able to find them? Probably not, actually. Well, maybe.
Vlad trailed his fingers across Joss’s shoulder, the skin didn’t feel to different, a little rougher, but nothing to extreme. He made his way down past Joss’s biceps to his elbow to his forearm, almost chickening out when he reached his hand. Almost.
His fingers grazed the back of Joss’s hand that still rest on the bed. Or it did, anyway, until Vlad picked it up and flipped it over.
He didn’t really know what his deal was, or what he was even doing. He traced along Joss’s palm, slowly gliding his own hand down to meet it, just barely resting them on top of each other, almost like he were comparing hand sizes like a teenage girl.
It felt like an eternity before their fingers interlaced. It felt strikingly similar to how Vlad thought it would. Joss’s hands were rough, calloused, his palm still barely scratched with the scrapes of the ground. It felt strangely right. Like holding hands with Meredith, almost. But this wasn’t Meredith. This was Joss. And for some unknown reason that made it better.
Instead of his fingers this time, he trailed his eyes back up to Joss’s face, who looked just as confused but just as comfortable as Vlad felt.
Vladimir couldn’t help but admire his face again, he was only human after all, or half human anyway. His eyes locked on Joss’s lips this time, though. Out of all the things he loved — liked about Joss, his lips were arguably one of his favorite features. He loved the way Joss smiled, how you could always see in his eyes when he was happy, the way his cupids bow curled whenever his lips would curve into that damned smile that Vlad thought about for hours. It was evil. More evil how bad he wanted to kiss him.
“Can I kiss you?” he muttered, breathlessly.
It felt weird not to ask. Now seemed like the proper time, anyway. Vlad didn’t even know why he wanted to, he just knew if he didn’t he would fall to the floor and die.
“Please.” was not the answer Vlad was expecting, but he would definitely accept it.
He would have kissed him like in the movies, fast and quick like he just couldn’t wait. And the truth was; he honestly didn’t feel like he could. But he would make himself. He was going to enjoy this. To savor every last second of it.
Vlad leaned forward with the same speed of a slug, looking between Joss’s eyes and his lips, scanning for any sign of hesitation, fear, any hint that he didn’t want to be doing this, really. Their noses bumped together when they got close enough, making them both stop a second to laugh while Vlad made use of his other hand and took it off before moving it to Joss’s waist, the burning skin of his torso felt like a hot iron, and honestly Vlad didn’t hate it.
Finally, barely a couple seconds later did their lips meet. Vlad had read the stories, seen the movies, they all describe your first kiss as the world stopping, or fireworks going off. The fireworks were correct, but the whole world didn’t stop, it spun, faster and faster with each press of their lips against each other, making him dizzy.
Vlad leaned back a few moments later, he needed to see Joss’s face, he knew that good or bad this moment would be engraved on the backs of his eyelids for the rest of his life, however long that may be.
Something he didn’t expect, but welcomed profusely was Joss’s smile. Joss was smiling. Joss was smiling because Vlad kissed him. Holy shit. Joss McMillan was smiling because Vladimir Tod kissed him. Joss McMillan was reaching a hand up and cupping Vladimir’s face in it, looking at him with such a soft, gentle expression that he almost evaporated in that moment.
Now he would let himself be a cliche. Vlad practically lunged forward, smashing their lips together again with all the pent up emotions he’d been storing for months on end. And Joss kissed him back just as eagerly, tilting his head to the side to deepen it, even.
Vlad was sad to feel their hands separate, but that feeling faded as quickly as it came when it repositioned itself on his shoulder, the other still cradling his face. He struggled with where to put his other hand for a second, Joss had his hands in separate places, should Vlad do that to? Or would both on his waist be fine. Yeah, that would be fine. He overthought this way to much.
They kissed for what Vlad considered to be to short, not that he wasn’t happy to see Joss again, he had just finally realized why he had been so weird about the boy for so many months, and needed to express that. But if Joss wanted to wait, he could wait.
Thankfully, though, it seems Joss didn’t want to wait after all, because one blink later and he was sitting up, shifting one leg over Vlad’s until he was hovering above him. Vlad briefly worried about Joss losing balance and falling, considering how much taller he was, so Vlad tightened his grip on Joss’s waist just a bit, not enough to hurt him. God, he would never want to hurt him. Not again. Words could not describe how much he loved this. He needed Joss close to him. Needed them to morph into one and all that romantic bullshit, he understood it now. If he ever got separated from Joss again he genuinely believes in that moment he would cry.
Vlad moved his head up ever so slightly, and Joss got the hint to lean back down and kiss him again, and he did it with a smile, that was what made it so great. How happy Joss was because of this.
The two just kissed and kissed until their lips were kiss bitten and swollen red, it was fucking magnificent.
Vlad grabbed onto Joss firmly, rocketing himself backwards to lay down on the bed, careful to make sure Joss didn’t fall as he landed beside him, laughing, fucking laughing. It was a genuine miracle to see Joss so happy.
“Well, I guess this explains why I’ve been so weird about you.” Vlad said, a laugh of his own breaking through.
“Ditto.” was all Joss said, and honestly he didn’t really need to say more.
They laid on top of Joss’s covers, without AC it was to hot for a blanket anyway, plus, with Joss basically being a portable heater with how much body heat he produced, Vlad couldn’t ever really see the appeal of using a blanket again.
Vlad messed and played with Joss’s shaggy, overgrown hair, running his other hand up and down Joss’s back. Said blonde laid close-eyed on Vlad’s chest, breathing long and steady with his arms snaked around the other’s torso, holding him like he might disappear if he let go for even a second.
It was perfect. Not in any movie way, but for Vladimir it was more than he could have ever dreamed of.