Chapter Text
Tradition, honor, discipline, excellence. Another year at Welton was about to begin, and all of the students and teachers as well as family members were more or less attentively listening to Mr. Nolan's yearly welcoming speech. He talked about a "fervent dedication to the principles" and praised the school and its history.
After the ceremony, the school lawn in front of the building got crowded as parents said goodbye to their sons.
Neil and his parents had already thanked Mr. Nolan for the speech and were now standing underneath a tree not far away from the entrance. While Neil's mother was looking at him and keeping herself from fixing his hair and the slightly askew tie, Neil's father had started his own yearly speech of telling Neil to "be a perfect student" and to "make me and your mother proud", nothing Neil hasn't heard before. At one point he furtively looked into the direction of the building and caught Charlie's eyes, who was also talking to his parents and had obviously stopped listening as well. Charlie smirked and raised one of his eyebrows in a "why don't they just leave and stop telling us what to do" manner. Neil returned the smirk and then looked back at his father who luckily hadn't noticed the lack of interest of his son.
"Yes, sir," Neil simply said when his father stopped talking. It was always the right thing to say to him. Neil's mother smiled at her son and then reached out to fix his tie before they would leave. It frustrated Neil that she never really spoke to him, especially not in situations like this and in presence of her husband.
Other parents were leaving as well, and Mr. and Mrs. Perry got back to their car after telling Neil one last time, "You will not disappoint us." He looked after his parents and then joined Charlie and Meeks who were standing near the entrance, waiting for their friends.
"Are you ready for another year at Hellton?" Charlie asked as Neil approached.
"You should be careful, Nolan might still be around," Meeks said and looked around to make sure that he was wrong. Charlie only replied with a shrug. Let Nolan hear about Hellton, he didn't care.
"Have you been to the dorms yet?" Neil asked and squinted into the sun. It was a lovely fall day, far too nice to be going back to school.
"We were just about to leave," Charlie replied, and because Knox was still talking to his parents and receiving lots of kisses from his mother and Pitts was nowhere in sight, they decided to go upstairs.
In their respective rooms they started to unpack their suitcases and were interrupted by lots of students passing by and saying hello. Tom, the school annual's editor, knocked on the doorframe to get Neil's attention.
"Hey Neil, good to see you. Just to remind you, there is going to be a meeting tomorrow to discuss our plans for the annual, so make sure not to miss it."
"Thanks, Tom, I'll be there," Neil replied with a smile. He was looking forward to this year's annual because last year he did a great job and got told so by the people in charge, who also said if he keeps going like this he might get the opportunity to be assistant editor next year. Last year when he proudly told his parents about his participation in the school annual, they weren't as thrilled as he thought they would be. Immediately, his father asked him if his grades would be affected by that, but Neil assured him that that wasn't the case. The school annual was his favourite extra curricular activity and he wouldn't want to miss it.
There was a shuffling noise coming from the corridor as Neil's roommate Peter carried two suitcases into the room. "Hey Neil, nice to see you."
Neil smiled at Peter and sat down on his bed to make room for him to move. "You too. How was your holiday?"
"We went to visit family, so it was pretty boring. How about you?"
"I missed Welton."
"Sure you did." Peter shot a glance at Neil and could tell that he was joking. "Didn't we all?" he added and then started to unpack his luggage.
Neil got up to leave the room and patted Peter on the back as he did. Charlie spotted him leaving and joined him to go to Knox' room. The boy was standing with the back to the door, but Charlie's low "Knooox" made him turn around. His face lit up and a smile spread across his lips as he saw his friends.
"Hey, how's it going?" Abandoning his open suitcase, Knox joined his friends at the door. "It's nice to be back, isn't it?"
"Speak for yourself, Knoxious," Charlie replied and received a playful hit on the shoulder which just made him laugh more.
"Did you have to do summer school, Neil?"
"Luckily not. You?"
"Kind of. My mother got me a tutor for trig because I only got a B last year, but I wasn't complaining because my tutor was Nancy and she –"
"Is your girlfriend now?" Charlie received another hit on the shoulder, but this time not as playful.
"Shut up, Charlie," Knox grunted. "I don't want to talk about girls with you."
"Ouch, that hurts," Charlie fake-cried and pretended to have gotten hit in the heart.
Neil was smiling to himself because he had missed being around his friends all day, no matter how childish they sometimes behaved. But he really didn't want to talk about girls now, so he offered to get Meeks and Pitts so they can all go and have dinner.
The group walked to the cafeteria and sat down at their usual spot. On the first day back at Welton Academy, the school offered a particularly fancy meal to welcome everyone back. The conversations between the students and teachers died down as everyone filled up their plate and started eating.
After dinner the boys slowly went back upstairs, taking their time wandering through the halls. Neil was particularly anxious in that moment because he had set his mind on doing something he was dreading. He was even dreading simply thinking about it because he was legitimately scared about what might happen.
At home he had a lot of time to think and he had a sort of revelation about something which had been bugging him for a long time. What frustrated him the most was that he didn't have someone to talk about it with because he wouldn't dare tell his parents. Charlie was his obvious first choice, and now that they were reunited at school, Neil was overwhelmed again and couldn't get himself to approach his best friend.
Before he could get a hold of himself, they were all back to their rooms and Neil found himself sitting on his bed, silently and barely moving. His heart was racing and kept him on edge, and Peter was eyeing his roommate suspiciously.
"Is something wrong?"
His question startled Neil and he looked up as if he had been caught with his hand in the cookie jar. "Yeah no, it's fine. I just –" He gesticulated with his hand in front of his head. As if in trance, he stood up and made his way to the door. "I'm gonna go and try to clear my head."
Peter was about to ask if he needs anything but Neil had already closed the door behind him. Outside in the hallway he leaned against the doorframe and took in a deep breath to mentally prepare himself for what he was about to do. Occupied with his own thoughts, he didn't even notice the strange looks he got from other students who were returning to their rooms. But Neil couldn't care less, he was scared and excited at the same time, but he also couldn't wait to finally get this off his chest.
For a while he just stared at the door to Charlie's room which was slightly ajar. Gathering up all of his courage, he made a step forward and knocked on the door, tentatively. He pushed it open and leaned into the room. "Charlie? Can I talk to you?"
Charlie was rummaging through his wardrobe and stopped to turn around. "Sure," he replied and then continued with whatever he was doing. He didn't notice the look on Neil's face, but when he did he closed the wardrobe and focused on his friend. "Wanna go some place else?" he asked, motioning at Cameron to indicate that he would only disturb them. Neil nodded thankfully and took a step back so that Charlie could leave the room. Cameron looked up from his books with a confused look on his face, probably wondering if they would be back in time for study group, but he didn't say a word.
Sensing that it was something serious, Charlie suggested that they could go outside to have some privacy, and again Neil simply nodded. He followed Charlie down the stairs, passing a few other students and some teachers. For them it was just another normal day in their life, but not for Neil. Every step he took resonated through his whole body and he was painfully aware of everything that was happening around him.
He couldn't think of another time when he was as nervous as he was now, there was nothing compared to what he was going through at that exact moment.
They made their way outside to walk down towards the lake. Some shouts from a game of soccer filled the air, and the wind was making a rustling noise as it blew through the trees.
"Do you want to sit down somewhere or walk?"
"Walk," Neil replied, as the adrenaline that was running through his veins wouldn't let him calm down.
For a while they just walked silently beside each other. Charlie had his hands in his pockets and was looking up at the sun that was about to set, and then he looked at Neil, who was intently staring at the path in front of his feet.
"Is it something about your family?" Charlie broke the silence between them and felt that if he started the conversation then it might be easier for Neil to tell him what was bothering him.
"No," Neil replied and took in a sharp breath to prepare for what he was about to say. "It's not about my family, at least not directly."
"Did something happen during the summer break?" The more agitated Neil behaved, the more Charlie was concerned that it was something serious. "Did you kill someone?" he joked and laughed, and thankfully he could see that Neil laughed as well.
"If only. That would be easier to explain." Neil ran his hand through his hair and tried to put the strands of hair back into place because the wind kept blowing them into his face. "You have to promise me that you will not talk to anyone about this. Not your friends, not your family, anyone."
"Why would I even want to tell my family?"
"I'm serious about this, Charlie. It's taking me all my courage to even tell you about this, but I need someone to talk to," Neil explained and the tone of his voice made sure that he meant every word he said. "And I know I can trust you," he added.
Charlie stopped and put his arm up to grab Neil's shoulder to make him stop as well. He wanted to meet Neil's eyes, but he was still staring at the ground. "Neil, look at me," he said, his voice demanding but yet full of concern. Neil sighed and then raised his head and looked at his best friend, whose eyes seemed to be staring right into his soul. "You can trust me with everything, Neil, and you know that damn well."
Neil noticed that he was nodding and then smiled at his best friend because in that moment he believed that everything would be fine. Charlie will understand him, won't he? Now he just had to find a way to put this into words.
"You know how you always keep talking about girls? And about all those girlfriends you have at home that I'm sure are totally not made up?"
"They very much exist, but keep going."
"I just was never interested in that sort of thing, and I think I know why."
"Maybe you –" Charlie began to say but Neil interrupted him before saying one of the worst things he could say in a situation like this.
"Don't try to tell me that I just haven't found the right girl yet," Neil said, his voice quite stern and bitter. "I know that's not true," he added in a softer tone. He wanted to say so much more but he could feel his throat tightening and making it difficult to speak. His attempts to try and make it go away or even just ignore it were in vain.
Charlie had gotten quiet and turned around to face Neil who was wiping at his eyes. It surprised both of them that he was crying, and Charlie felt a pang in his chest when he heard the first sob. As he was processing this, it dawned on him what Neil was probably trying to say to him, and he instinctively put his arms around his best friend who was completely breaking down at this point. With one hand on the back of Neil's head and the other one on his back, Charlie felt close to tears as well when he realized how serious this actually was.
All of the emotions that Neil had bottled up were finally disclosed, and he was just relieved that he didn't have to keep his secret all to himself anymore. Once he had calmed down a bit and processed that he was still clinging onto Charlie as if he was the only thing keeping him alive, he slowly backed away from him so that he only had Charlie's arm around his shoulders. He liked it that way, he felt protected.
"Just to make sure I understood it correctly, are you telling me you're not interested in girls?"
Neil turned his head around and looked him into the eyes. There was so much desperation in Neil's eyes that he didn't have to answer for Charlie to take it as a yes.
"That's okay," Charlie continued, starting to rub Neil's shoulder in comfort. "So you…" He gesticulated with his hands instead of elaborating.
"Please don't make me say it out loud," Neil said, "I just can't, not yet."
Charlie cleared his throat and started to keep walking because he didn't want any of the other students to stare at them and wonder what was happening. "Did I ever tell you about my uncle Walter?"
Wondering about the relevance of that now, Neil replied, "I think so?"
"Well, he, uh," Charlie began, "he's also never had a girlfriend or a wife, but the most important thing is that he's happy. There are a lot of people who disagree with his lifestyle, as does my father. My uncle's only been at our house once ever since he told us, but he sends me a lot of letters which my parents don't know."
Neil was listening with rapt attention. A part of him had expected Charlie to freak out and end their friendship right away, which had scared him the most and was the reason he almost didn't tell him. But now, feelings of fear and concern were taken over by relief and joy. Neil was incredibly happy, considering how miserable he had been at home.
"He's also found someone," Charlie continued. "He likes to call him his better half, which is just sweet. My parents don't even say that about each other."
Neil couldn't help but smile at that. What he was feeling was something indescribable, and he finally felt that his feelings have been validated. "Thanks, Charlie," he said for lack of better words.
"You're perfect the way you are, Neil. I know it sounds stupid, but it's the truth. You're my best friend and I love you no matter what," Charlie said and tightened his grip on Neil's shoulder. "But, sorry, not in that way."
Neil was happy that Charlie was already back to joking, so he played along and clenched his hand into a fist to show his disappointment. "Damn, all of my flirting with you was for nothing!"
Charlie laughed out loud and gently patted his back. He was flattered and thankful that Neil trusted him enough to tell him about this in the first place, and he was proud of his friend. "You'll be fine, Neil."
"I do hope so."
"Just take care and surround yourself with nice and accepting people."
"You make it sound so easy," Neil sighed. "I'm scared of telling my parents, I'm sure they'd hate me and disown me and –"
Charlie interrupted him. "You don't have to tell them, Neil, not as long as you don't want to. I know your father, and let's just say that he's not the nicest person on this planet. So if you feel that he will not approve, don't tell him as long as you still depend on him."
Neil shook his head. "I won't."
"Only tell people you know you can trust. I need you to take care of yourself."
"I will," Neil assured him. "Thank you, Charlie."
"You'll be fine, I promise. I'll make sure of it."
"You know what? I have never heard you say such nice words before, I'm a bit worried about you. Are you even the real Charlie?"
"I can stop if you want," Charlie said and shrugged. "But if you ever need to talk to that sensible version of myself again, I will be there for you."
Neil laughed out loud. "I'm very glad to have you in my life, both the sensible and the real you."
"Aw, you flatter me!" Charlie put his hands on his heart and batted his eyelashes jokingly.
"Now you know what Meeks always feels like when you do it."
What started as a scary day turned out to be a nice and exciting day, thanks to Charlie's words of comfort and encouragement. And now, as it was getting darker and colder outside due to the lack of sunshine, the two boys went back to the dorms and their respective rooms. Charlie stood in the doorframe to Neil's room for a short while and just watched him.
"Stop staring at me like that," Neil said and flung his pillow at him which Charlie caught easily.
"I'm just thinking about who I should set you up with because this changes all of my plans that I had for you. Is there anyone around who you fancy? You have no idea how lucky you are that this is an all-boys school." If looks could kill, Charlie would have dropped dead right then and there. This only encouraged him more, and he had no intention of stopping. "I always thought Meeks is kinda cute, so what about –"
"Alright, enough for today," Neil interrupted him and grabbed him by the shoulders to make him turn around. "I think it's time for you to leave, Charlie, thank you very much for what you said earlier and not so much for what you said just now."
"How about Knox?"
"Good night, Charlie." Neil shoved him out of the door and back into his own room. "See you tomorrow." Instead of saying anything, Charlie just smiled mischievously and winked, which caused Neil to groan and close the door right in front of his face.
Back in his own room, Neil quickly sorted out his clothes when the door opened and Peter was entering the room with a frown.
"What have you been up to?"
Neil quickly picked up the pillow that was still lying on the floor. "I just went for a walk with Charlie."
"A walk?"
"You know when you're somewhere and then your legs take you from one place to another and –"
"No need to be so defensive, Neil, I just assumed you were studying with your group as you always do."
"I had more important matters today."
"Okay then," Peter said and shrugged. "None of my business, I get it."
"Sorry, it's just that it's private."
"You do know that we share a room, right?" Peter laughed. "But no, it's fine. And by the way, you only have to endure my presence for another year because my family is going to move next summer."
This took Neil by surprise and he sat down on his bed, watching Peter as he was putting some clothes into his wardrobe. "Really?" This was sad news, he liked Peter.
"Yes, I'm not thrilled about it, but I won't be shedding a tear about having to leave Welton."
Neil huffed a laugh and nodded. "Now I'm jealous, I'd appreciate it if you'd take me with you."
"Well, you can try and make yourself small enough to fit into my suitcase when I leave next summer."
"I'll consider it," Neil laughed and got up to fetch his dressing gown. "But only because you're going to leave me here alone."
"But you will get a new roommate and maybe you'll be as lucky as Charlie and get someone like Cameron." The smile Peter had on his face was mischievous which made Neil gasp theatrically.
"How dare you," he whispered and shook his head as if this was the worst thing Peter could have said to him. "I hope your next school is exactly like Welton."
Now it was Peter's turn to act offended. "I hope your next roommate is even worse than Cameron."
Neil held on tight to his dressing gown and then flung it across Peter's head who quickly put up his hands in defence.
Little did Neil know…