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Tomorrow was the start of Todd Andersons seventh year as a teacher for English literature. Being a teacher wasn’t necessarily his dream - rather something he felt obligated to. He wanted to give other children what he received from Mr Keating; confidence, passion and love.
He looked through all the documents provided to him by the school; materials for lessons, important dates for meetings and a list with all the names of his upcoming students.
He skimmed through the pages until something struck his eye.
Louis Perry.
One of his students was named Louis Perry.
His mind shut down upon reading those five letters as he started remembering what they once meant to him. He thought back to his days at Welton, with Neil being his roommate, best friend, secret crush and savior all in one.
Could this really be his son?
He remembers the day Neil came to say goodbye. The day he packed all of his belongings with watery eyes, telling Todd to never forget how talented he was. Todd wished nothing more than to pull Neil into his arms, tell him it would all be alright and keep him close. But he couldn’t. Mr Perry was standing in the doorframe, ready to leave at any moment. Neil had to leave Welton, heading to a place called “military school”, which wouldn’t only take a toll on his physical but especially on his mind, his creativity, his soul.
Todd felt a his heart break a little at the thought of that memory. Was he really going to see Neil Perry again?
He put his papers down on his desk and decided to head to sleep early, he had to be up at five in the morning anyway, so getting a little bit of extra rest surely would help him tomorrow.
He thought of the time him and Neil rehearsed the lines to A Midsummer Night’s Dream at the dock as he slowly drifted off to sleep.
The next morning he took a little longer than usual to get ready, really paying attention to the details.
“First impressions are what matter most!” He thought to himself, knowing he actually put in the effort for a different reason.
He found himself at the opening ceremony of the school he worked at, scanning the crowds for those brown eyes he still remembered so vividly - yet he couldn’t find them.
After the school principal welcomed the students with a small motivational speech, Todd headed to his dedicated classroom, ready to prepare upcoming material. He started organizing some papers and skimmed through the pages of some of the books he’d have to force his students to read.
Suddenly, he heard a knock on the door.
“Come in!” he yelled across the room, a slight smile on his face at the thought of what kinds of students he’d come across this year.
The door opened and suddenly his smile dropped. Not because didn’t like what he saw - he was just shocked to see Neil Perry infront of him.
“Hey Todd, haven’t seen you in quite a while, huh?” Neil said, wearing the same grin on his face as he used to when he was sixteen.
Next to Neil was a blonde woman, blue eyed with a fresh blowout and a cute patterned dress. She was gorgeous, her kind smile highlighted by red lipstick. She had that kind of look on her face from which you could tell that she was a smart woman.
She seemed like the perfect woman.
The perfect wife.
“God Neil it’s been years!” Todd managed to get out.
“Yeah… this is my wife Alice, and that’s our son Louis.” Neil smiled at his small but adorable family.
Adorable they were, though Todd felt something inside him break. Seeing Neil so happy next to a woman, it didn’t sit right with him.
He now looked at his new student, Louis. He had the same eyes as his father. The ones you could get lost in for hours, the ones that burned with passion, the ones that could smile and cry all by themselves.
“Pleasure to meet you!” Todd shook hands with Alice and Louis.
Alice’s touch was soft and delicate, though still firm enough to let herself be known. Louis’ was that of the average teenaged boy, a little rough but he’s getting there.
“Dad has told me a lot about you. Apparently you’re very good with words he said, I’m looking forward to your lessons!” Louis exclaimed, the same fire in his voice that Neil used to have when he was his age.
That son was definitely Neil’s. Todd could tell just by hearing him speak.
“I’m sure you will be just as passionate about this class as Neil used to be about his English class back then” Todd said with a smile on his face and the look of excitement in his eyes.
“Oh he sure will be!” Neil exclaimed. “We’re gonna have to leave now. Hey Todd, why don’t we go out for coffee some time? I’m sure it’d be nice to properly catch up after all those years.” the brunette spoke, that same unforgettable smile on his face that made Todd a bit weak in the knees.
“I’d love to Neil.” Todd couldn’t think properly anymore. He hadn’t seen Neil in years and now, looking at him, all of his past feelings started flowing over him, as if they’d never left.
“Do you have a piece of paper for me? I can give you my phone number.” Neil looked around the desk.
Todd pulled out his notebook, skipped through some of the pages until he found one that wasn’t drowning in words.
After watching Neil scribble something at the top of the page, he took it back and looked at the line of numbers and the phrase “call me” along a tiny little heart.
He felt his heart skip a beat at the sight of the small doodle.
“I’ll make sure to call” Todd smiled back at Neil and his family, now feeling a little hotter than before. “It was nice meeting you. And Louis, I will be seeing you tomorrow, 9 o’clock!”
“Yes, sir” Louis smirked at him.
That same awful smirk.
Todd couldn’t help but grin at it.
“So… how have you been?”
Neil took a sip from his coffee, giving Todd a hopeful yet curious look.
“Well you know, a lot of work but honestly - it’s worth it. Not for money or success, but because I get to show so many children the meaning of literature, art and poetry. That’s a beautiful thing to see you know?”
“Yeah, I’m sure you’re a great teacher. Louis told me about your first lesson together, he really enjoyed it. But Todd, let me ask you this; do you still write yourself at all? I remember you loved to back in the day”
“I do, with my class, on my own, with colleagues. I’m not too much into getting a book out there - sharing my works with the students is much better”
Neil looked at him. There he was, the same Todd Anderson he remembered, a content smile on his face. He felt proud. Todd finally shared his thoughts, his work, and much to Neil’s belief, they loved it.
He still looked very similar to his past self. His hair had gotten a little longer and his face a bit more exhausted, but it was still Todd, with his soft smile and his loosely fitting sweater.
“What have you been up to? Apart from building a family I mean…”
Todd shook Neil back into reality with his words. Neil sighed, then laughed a little.
“Oh well, I went to military school for a few years and went on to study medicine, much to my dad’s satisfaction. I became a doctor a few years ago, and I do enjoy that, but I soon realized that only that wouldn’t satisfy me in life. So, after my dad passed away, I decided to take on acting again. Not professionally, no, just in my free time. I did a few plays, and now I’m working on a movie. I’ll probably still stay a doctor as my main job, but letting loose and acting from time to time, it really brought back my happiness.”
“I’m glad to hear that you’re back on acting. I always loved seeing you act. Let me know once the movie’s out, I have to watch it!”
They smiled at each other, holding soft yet tense eye contact.
“My wife Alice, she works in the labs. A chemistry girl. We had some courses together at uni and both of our parents really wanted to see us together. We married and soon Louis was born… That son really changed me, you know? He’s more of the artistic kind - even when he was young, he always had a brush or a pencil in his hand. I’m glad he has something he’s passionate about, I’m not going to force him into a different career. If art is what he wants to do, I’ll gladly support that.”
“That’s beautiful, really. I haven’t had luck with love, I don’t really have the time nor energy to go out there. Besides - I’m afraid no woman has ever made me fell in love. Maybe my standards are too high, or maybe I’m just not meant to marry”
Todd laughed at that. He realized way too late into adulthood that he just didn’t fancy women at all. He wasn’t going to tell Neil about that though. While homophobia wasn’t as prevalent anymore, he still feared that Neil would look at him with disgust if he was to know that.
That’s until…
“Honestly, I never saw you next to a woman anyway. You’re just not that kind of guy. Have you ever… you know- looked at the other side? Experimented a little?”
Now what was he supposed to say to that. Could he be honest? Or was Neil trying to figure out if Todd was normal or disgusting? But the look on Neil’s face showed genuine curiosity and honesty.
“What, did you ever do that?” Todd blurted out.
“Wanna know a little secret?” Neil’s soft smile turned into a wide grin. He leaned closer to Todd, speaking in a soft whisper. Todd only nodded.
“You know Alice and I, we aren’t in love or anything. We married in order to have both of our parents off our backs. Don’t get me wrong, I do love her- just not like that. Neither does she. We’re married on paper, but behind closed doors she’s more of a roommate, a friend, almost more of a sister. We did it once, we were curious whether we actually aren’t into each other, and for the sake of having a child. But there was nothing. You smiling at me gives me more of a spark than that entire ordeal did. So we both went our own ways with those things. She meets girls, and I meet guys. No one apart from the closest of our friends knows. But it works, we’re happy and no one is judging us. They call it a lavender marriage.”
Todd wasn’t sure how to react. On one hand he was happy, Neil wouldn’t judge him after all. On the other he was just shocked. He couldn’t comprehend how a lesbian and a gay man could be married and even have a child together.
“So… you’re into men?” Todd asked softly.
“Yeah, that’s why I’m asking… maybe you didn’t have luck with women because you don’t actually like them.”
“Probably… you’re right Neil, but it’s not like I’ve had much more luck with men either.”
“Maybe you just haven’t found the right guy yet.” Neil winked at him, a smirk written across his entire face. That’s when Todd noticed how close their bodies were. “It was only for the sake of no one hearing that conversation…”, he tells himself.
Todd quickly changed the topic of their conversation, and they talked for a few more minutes until Neil got up to pay for their drinks. Todd didn’t want Neil to handle the bill, but he insisted as he “missed Todd so much”. They left the cafe and started wandering around the streets, until they found themselves on a bench right next to a river.
“Neil, can I ask you a question?” Todd stumbled on his words.
Neil nodded.
“You said maybe I haven’t found the right guy yet… have you? You know… found someone who you actually fell in love with?” His words were quiet, soft but nervous, Neil could tell there was going to be a ‘right’ and a ‘wrong’ answer for this question.
“I am in love with someone, yes. But we’re not together or anything…” he said slowly.
“Why not?” Todd’s eyes fell onto the floor, he wasn’t sure what to think and how to feel.
“Because I don’t know if he feels the same way…” Neil looked at Todd’s eyes, he wasn’t sure if he could say it, if he could admit and confess.
“Oh come on Neil! You’re handsome, you’re smart, funny, you have a well paying job and a great body… you could make anyone fall for you!”
Neil’s heart skipped a beat at all the compliments he received from Todd. He moved closer to Todd and ruffled his hair.
Todd looked back at him, right at his eyes. They shared eye contact full of passion, love, admiration, desire.
“She looks a bit like me don’t you think? Alice I mean-“
Todd started, still staring into Neil’s eyes.
“She does. They all did.” Neil interrupted him.
“Did you uhm- Did you know you made me realize that I like guys? Back in our days at Welton. I kind of had a crush on you.” Neil let out a little laugh while saying that, his heartbeat going faster.
“You did? I mean I kind of liked you too, but it wasn’t until my time at uni that I realized I was gay… looking back at it now, I probably should’ve figured out that wanting to touch your roommate all the time isn’t just platonic.”
Todd’s nervous breathing made Neil’s heart beat even faster. He was still the same old Todd, the one that was his first love, the one he thought about when reading love stories, the one he still wanted to kiss.
So he did.
He flashed a smile at Todd, grabbing his chin and pulling him close to his face. Todd didn’t protest, getting hot underneath Neil’s touch.
Neil moved his face closer to Todd’s, slightly touching his lips with his own. Todd reciprocated the gesture, melting into the kiss and giving Neil full control. He felt his hands reaching for Neil’s neck, stroking his face with his thumb. He slowly opened his mouth, allowing Neil to slip his tongue in. Neil’s movement were passionate and confident, yet soft and gentle. It was a kiss of love - not one out of sexual desire or one of uncertainty.
Neil slowly pulled back as a wave of soft, chilly September wind hit him. His face was burning and his lips were red from the blood flow. He looked over to Todd, who gave him a smile so big, Neil considered the corners of his lips would start tearing at any moment.
“Are you still unsure whether they love you back or not?” Todd asked, still smiling.
“Oh shut up!” Neil laughed, playfully hitting Todd on his shoulder.
“Shut up?? Oh I’m sorry, I just wanted to confess my love for you but if you don’t want to hear it..” Todd tried to look petty, he really tried, but his smile was way too big.
“I guess I’ll have to do it first then.” Neil laughed. “I love you. I don’t know when I started loving you, I only remember realizing it when I was on stage for A Midsummer Night’s Dream. You looked at me with so much pride and admiration, I still remember it to this day. I’ve spent my past years finding someone that gave me the same feeling you used to give me, but it was no use. And when I saw you again, in your classroom, it all came back to me. It’s you Todd, it has always been you. It always will be you.”
Before Neil could go on, Todd pulled him into a tight hug. The kind of hug where you could feel the other’s heartbeat against you chest, the kind of hug that would almost suffocate you, though you still wished it never stopped.
“I love you too, Neil. More than anything.” Todd slowly whispered into Neil’s ear.
The next morning, Todd woke up in his bed, the sun shining onto his face as usual, except something was different. He felt the soft skin of a man’s arm wrapped around his waist. He turned around to look at Neil, who still slept peacefully on Todd’s pillow.
Todd planted a soft kiss on his forehead, smiling like an idiot.
Maybe he was an idiot. It didn’t matter, Neil loved him. He loved Neil. They could love each other.