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This is how Kindaichi dies.
Now. He's not just being dramatic. There have been many occasions in his life that he's thought this to be the case, but this time, truly, there can be no other foreseeable outcome.
See, there's this thing he really likes called familiarity. Kindaichi can do familiarity, and is comfortable with it. That's why he still hasn't changed his hairstyle despite the continuous stream of shallot comments, and why he still plays volleyball despite having the height and build to play a range of other sports, if he so wishes.
That's why, even in his head, he's gotten into the habit of calling himself by surname, and this - this unfamiliarity:
"Yuutarou?" Kunimi blinks slowly, long lashes fanning soft as he tips his head to the side. His eyes are imploring, searching, and then a sigh escapes him, along with the tiniest of smiles. "You're spacing out again."
... this, indeed, is how Kindaichi Yuutarou dies.
He doesn't have a crush on his best friend, and he doesn't like Kunimi in that way.
Two of the biggest lies he could ever tell anyone, honestly, because Kunimi is going to be the death of him and Kindaichi knows it. Knew it long ago. Knew it the moment Kunimi fell asleep on him during a bus ride in their Kitagawa Daiichi days, and poor little Kindaichi had still deluded himself into thinking he only thought Kunimi was pretty as a friend.
It's almost funny to look back at moments like those, because now not a day goes by without Kindaichi thinking Kunimi is pretty in some way, shape or form, and that's how he knows he's utterly screwed. And then there's this issue again:
"Yuutarou," Kunimi had said one day, out of the blue. His face had been passive, as always, and his tone casual. "I'm calling you Yuutarou from now on."
Kindaichi had nodded, unable to speak because he had food in his mouth, and glad for it, too. He wouldn't know how to respond to that. Or how to respond to Kunimi stealing his uniform blazer with the excuse that he had left his own indoors, and couldn't be bothered to go get it.
The problem is, now that he is finally gaining his bearings at their new high school, Kunimi had thrown the first-name curveball at him, and Kindaichi is going to die. He knows he's mentioned death at least four times already, but he can't help it. Cut him some slack! This is a perfectly acceptable cause of death, and he won't listen to reason. Not now, not ever. Not until Kunimi decides to stop being torturously adorable (help) and stabbing him in the heart daily (help) with platonic affection (help) that could easily be mistaken for otherwise.
There's no way Kunimi is doing this on purpose - but the way he says Yuutarou is enough to make Kindaichi weak in the knees, and send his heartbeat into overdrive; chest pounding, face flushing, the lot. It's enough to persuade Kindaichi to do absolutely anything in the world for Kunimi - not that he wouldn't already - and that's a fact that scares him. Kunimi has too much power. And the guy doesn't even know it.
Belatedly, Kindaichi realises that he has been staring at the blank page in his notebook for far longer than he should have. There's no way he can get any work done, if all his traitorous mind ever thinks about is his stupid crush. He contemplates smacking some sense into himself, but is made aware of his door being opened and someone stepping in, saving him from the embarrassment of being caught in the act.
"Yuutarou," there's a tap at his shoulder and so he turns, and oh God, Kunimi just got out of the shower. He's radiating warmth, his skin is tinged pink, shirt slipping off his shoulder and his hair is still wet - a great image, really, but Kindaichi is a teenage boy with a crush and cannot deal with this right now. Oblivious, Kunimi tugs at his sleeve, and says with a roll of his eyes, "Either go take a bath or get changed already. You got all sweaty at practice. It's gross."
"Yes," Kindaichi replies dumbly.
"Yes, what?"
"Er, I'm gonna," he stammers. "Bathroom."
Kunimi raises an elegant eyebrow and shrugs. It rustles the towel around his neck. "Okay?" He gestures towards the door, as if it were his own house. Judging by the amount of time they spent together, it might as well have been. "Go ahead."
So Kindaichi does go ahead, not without an accidental glance at his friend's exposed collarbone, and swallows nervously. His movements are mechanical and awkward, as he wonders not for the first time how his life had gotten to this point. Beyond a strange look or two, Kunimi doesn't comment on his behaviour, and instead settles down with a book and lets him go about his business in peace.
He showers in record time, not really in the mood for sinking into hot water to drown his worries away - not today - and curses fate once more when he returns to his room to find Kunimi curled up, fast asleep on his bed. His friend has his towel pillowed under his head, and Kindaichi has half a mind to wake him up and scold him for going to sleep with wet hair, but one look at that sleeping face, and Kindaichi already feels himself letting the issue go.
Kunimi really can't be doing this on purpose. He's not that evil. He isn't.
Kindaichi groans, quiet as to not disturb his companion, and throws a blanket over the other's sleeping form. He resists the urge to do anything else, especially something incredibly dumb like kiss the boy on the forehead or thread his fingers through that silky looking hair, and sits at his desk with his head in his hands. His notebook remains untouched.
He is in need of desperate help, he decides, but doesn't know the first person he'd go to get help from. Maybe he can ask Oikawa. The captain always has a solution for everything.
Oikawa laughs at him.
He full-out laughs, guffawing even as Iwaizumi steps in and throws his bag at the captain's face, and just keeps laughing while Kindaichi can feel himself blushing red to the tips of his ears. This was a mistake.
"I'm sorry, what?" Oikawa heaves, cunning smile returning to his lips. "Say that again?"
"Stop bullying the first years," grumbles Iwaizumi, but he goes ignored.
"Kindaichi. My honey, my child," Oikawa pats the middle blocker on the shoulders, eyes lit bright with knowing glee. "You are in way over your head."
"I know," Kindaichi squeaks. He fidgets nervously, still regretting telling his senior about his crush.
"You've fallen in love with a minx," the captain continues, and Kindaichi freezes.
"W-what?"
"Kunimi doesn't do it on purpose, you say?" The brunet laughs again. "Oh no, he does everything on purpose. Have you ever seen Kunimi unnecessarily expending energy? He's not that type of person! Every action has to benefit him, or benefit an idea he has; otherwise, why would he bother?"
"It's not like saying a name is that much effort..." Kindaichi reasons, "And we've been friends for long enough."
Oikawa shrugs. "Iwa-chan doesn't call me Tooru. And for that matter, you don't call Kunimi, Akira, do you?"
"I guess not..."
"You should try it!" Oikawa suddenly perks up. "Call him Akira. Make him sweat."
"He's not gonna -"
"Him calling you by first name already has you in a mess like this," the captain leers, "So you really think it won't have any effect?"
"Well, in the first place, nobody but my parents call me by my first name..."
"Ooh, so can I call you Yuu-chan?" The topic change is rather abrupt, but Kindaichi has learnt not to question Oikawa too much. It's just better for everyone's sake.
He rubs the back of his neck, embarrassed. "If you want to..."
"Yuu-chan!" Oikawa chirps, just in time for Kunimi to step foot through the door and stop in his tracks.
His resting expression steels ever so slightly, as he makes his way over to his locker. There's a glint in Oikawa's eyes that Kindaichi doesn't like, but he knows he is helpless to stop him, so he does what he does best instead - ignore it, and hopes it goes away. He turns to fuss over Kunimi, on instinct holding onto the boy's bag while he opens his locker.
"Good morning," Kindaichi says, a wide smile playing across his lips before he can stop it. He must seem so painfully eager, he laments internally, and he hopes Kunimi is still too sleepy to notice.
"Morning, Yuutarou," Kunimi replies through a yawn. He takes back his bag, nods in acknowledgement, and shoves it into his locker non-ceremoniously. "Why did you come to practice earlier today?"
"Assignment," Kindaichi lies, at the same time knowing that it isn't even an excuse that makes sense, and knows that Kunimi knows it too. Kunimi purses his lips slightly, as if contemplating whether or not to call him out on it. Kindaichi wants to pinch himself.
"Yuu-chan came early to get some extra tips from me!" Oikawa says cheerfully from a fair distance away now, and the two first years look over at him - one jittery, one calm. "He really is dedicated, isn't he?"
Kindaichi feels his cheeks burn up again, and nods wordlessly, hoping, at the very least, Oikawa won't dig him into a hole he can't get out of. He, of all people, should know how much Kindaichi hates hiding things from Kunimi.
"Too much effort," Kunimi complains, thankfully not prying any further, and Kindaichi shakes his head fondly.
"Did you sleep well last night?" He asks, while Kunimi has his shirt half-off his head.
"Fine. You?"
"Yeah, good!" Kindaichi can feel Oikawa's gaze still, and suppresses a shudder. It's only when Oikawa skips off, Iwaizumi in tow, the telltale yelling echoing through the gym nearby, does he let himself relax. Too bad it is short-lived.
"Yuu-chan?" Kunimi asks, flopping down on the bench. Kindaichi jolts.
"Um, uh, yeah?" He flusters, "You know Oikawa-san. Always with the nicknames..."
"He didn't call you Yuu-chan, before."
Kindaichi stops to consider. One, the longer this conversation goes, the more Kunimi will keep saying that dreaded nickname and Kindaichi really will die an early death. Two, why does Kunimi even care?
"I guess not," Kindaichi shrugs. "Maybe he never thought about it until recently."
"What happened recently?"
The middle blocker winces. He decides that the truth is as good as it is going to get. At least he doesn't stutter. "You started calling me Yuutarou?"
Kunimi looks up at him, face blank. He doesn't even look a hint ashamed or confused, and Kindaichi - having known him for all these years - thinks he can see a speck of amusement in the other's gaze.
"I see," Kunimi says quietly. He doesn't elaborate.
Kindaichi opens his mouth, wanting to finally be able to ask why Kunimi even started calling him by first name in the first place - when the doors slam open, and Yahaba walks in.
"Oh, you guys are still in here?" The second year asks, and Kindaichi stiffens. Kunimi sighs, and gets up, heading towards the gym. "Hey, listen when I'm talking to you! Kunimi!" Yahaba sighs. "Alright, whatever, just - just go in. You're already changed, so there's no point in staying here."
Kindaichi nods rapidly and scurries after Kunimi, not wanting to get in his senior's way.
"Yuu-chan," Kunimi says when he reaches him, and Kindaichi almost wants to clap a hand over his mouth. "Help me stretch."
Kindaichi obliges, of course, cursing Oikawa with as much of his mind as he can - and forbids the rest of his mind to wander when he's got his firm hands on Kunimi's shoulders, feeling the straining muscle underneath the fabric of his t-shirt.
"Don't hurt me," he hears Kunimi say, and leaps back like he's been burned. "Honestly, Yuu-chan, pay attention."
Kindaichi tries to ignore the team's questioning looks, most probably at the use of nickname, as he hurries to correct his form.
In the end, despite everything, he still takes Oikawa's one and only piece of advice. Just to make it fair.
"A-akira," he calls, as Kunimi is pulling his jacket on. He sees the other boy still.
"Yuu-chan?" Kunimi asks, eyes half-lidded but curious.
"Can I call you Akira?"
"You just did," he points out, but there's a certain unease in Kunimi's posture that wasn't there before.
"I mean, forever," Kindaichi cringes at his own wording. "I mean, not forever. But. You know. Just in general."
"Okay," Kunimi assents, turning away. "Yuu-chan."
"Akira." Kindaichi says, with finality.
He doesn't miss the way Kunimi flushes, just before a palm makes contact with the back of his head. "Shut up," he murmurs.
Kindaichi thinks he's finally starting to piece the bigger picture together.
"You like me," Kindaichi says one day, out of the blue. Kunimi rolls his eyes, the only sign of his embarrassment being the way he sank deeper into Kindaichi's jacket he had stolen again, almost pulling it over his head.
"Took you long enough."
Kindaichi blushes. "How was I supposed to know?! It's not like you were being obvious about it!"
"You think I enjoyed calling you Yuu-chan in front of everyone?" Kunimi hisses quietly, voice dropping lower with each word. "Talk about mortifying."
"Why didn't you say anything?!"
"Because you wouldn't get the fucking hint," Kunimi groans.
"Can't you confess to me like a normal human being?"
Kunimi presses his lips into a line, and repeats in complete deadpan, "Talk about mortifying."
"Akira, you have been torturing me for weeks -"
"You think it hasn't been torture for me, either? I stole like five of your shirts and I pretended to fall asleep in your bed!"
"You what?!"
Kunimi buries his face in his arms. "Nothing. Forget it."
Kindaichi inches closer towards him, nerves significantly calmed after just being reminded that the guy he had a crush on was just as hopeless as he was. "Akira, hey, I'm not mad..."
"I know, idiot."
"You can keep the shirts if you like...?"
Kunimi twitches, but doesn't reply. Kindaichi is suddenly reminded of one very important thing he overlooked.
"Oh my god, did I ever tell you I like you, too?"
Kunimi peeks up at him, glaring. So, no, then.
Kindaichi really does slap himself. "Oh my god, I didn't! Did you think I was going to reject you?! Shit, I'm so sorry, you are literally the only thing I ever think about, I have failed you, I'll pack up and move countries, I'll do anything -"
"Stay." Kunimi mumbles. "Stay with me."
He stops, staring at Kunimi, and Kunimi stares back. Slowly, the other unfolds himself and rises, clambering into Kindaichi's lap. He's clearly flustered by his own actions, but there's a determined set in Kunimi's jaw - as if he knows exactly what he's doing to Kindaichi and is making the most out of it. He's just that brand of evil, Kindaichi realises.
His chin rests on Kindaichi's stiff shoulder, and he tilts his head, smiling against Kindaichi's neck. "You'll stay with me, won't you, Yuu-chan?"
Kindaichi takes it all back. This. This is how he dies.