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"I'm not your bloody wife!"
The way it came out of his mouth made him regret it all at once, but there was no way to take his angry outburst back, now. The hurt look on Robert's face was there, and it made him feel like a total douchebag for causing it, but what was said was said.
"No, you're not", the singer said, slowly, and dear lord, the hurt was even more clear in his voice than it was on his face. Jimmy wanted to slap himself, he really did.
But he didn't.
Instead he just said: "Good thing we got that settled, then", and headed out of the room, and, grabbing his jacket and boots, he was out of the whole house.
You fucking twit! Look what you've done now, he thought to himself as he walked in the crispy morning air. How much longer do you think he'll put up with that kind of behaviour? You snapping at him like that, calling him stupid names when you're angry, showing that horrible temper of yours...? It's a wonder he's put up with you even for this long.
He stopped only once he realised he'd almost run out of breath. He'd been almost running. Running away. From Robert.
And who in their right mind would choose to run away from someone who was so gorgeus?
Only you, Page, he bitterly told himself. Only you.
He should have been happy with what he had and he knew it. After all, it was not like he'd ever be able to be with him openly, with the lives they led. It wasn't as if they had any kind of choice. This was how it was supposed to be. Stolen moments, secret touches and kisses, all well hidden from the world, all so wrong yet right at the same time.
It was not Robert's fault that this was the way it had to be, that this was all they could have, and nothing more.
Besides, Jimmy reminded himself, he had known right from the beginning how it was going to be between them. There was no reason to act like a total git, yet he did it anyway.
Maybe he was not Robert's wife but he damn well acted like one. A bad one, at that. He, Jimmy Page, was acting like a nagging, snapping and bitching travesty of a wife. And on top of that, he was jealous too, over Robert's real wife. Nice one. He was a total moron.
Better get back and apologise, you wanker. What are you waiting for?
He turned around, finally noticing at the same time how chilly it actually was, and of course he had forgotten to take his scarf and gloves in his hurry to foolishly get away from Robert's presence. Jimmy wrapped his arms around himself in a vain attempt to try and keep warm as he started to make his way back towards his house – only to bump into his golden haired friend.
Robert offered him a careful little smile and before Jimmy had the time to even open his mouth, long arms reached out and a warm woollen scarf was wrapped around his neck. Oh.
"You're not my wife, Jimmy", Robert said quietly, looking him in the eye, and now there was no smile at all. Robert was completely serious. "And of that I'm glad." Jimmy cringed inwardly, but he didn't get defensive. It hurt to hear that, but he deserved this. He knew he had his faults and he was not perfect, but maybe he needed to hear Robert say it out loud for it to finally, truly, sink in.
"I'm sorry", he said quietly. " I wish I could be more to your liking but -"
He was cut off when Robert actually started to laugh. Jimmy fell quiet, feeling even more hurt than a moment ago and turned away, but was spun around again by Robert's strong arms.
"Jimmy, you great fool. I'm not laughing at you!" the younger man exclaimed, smiling. "It's just that you got it all wrong."
Jimmy furrowed his brow.
"I did?"
"Yes. I'm glad you're not my wife and never will be because you mean so much more to me than that."
"I do?"
"Yes. You do. And I know what made you snap at me like that earlier at the house and I know you didn't mean it the way it sounded."
Jimmy felt his cheeks burn from embarrasment and he avoided the younger man's gaze. Yeah. He had been pretty obvious, really. More than obvious, actually, now that he thought about it.
"Yeah, I know, baby, I know", Robert's voice could be heard from the living room. Jimmy cringed inwardly but the curiosity won - and so he moved as quietly as he could by to the door and started listening. Robert was talking on the phone, and there was no doubt it was his wife Maureen with whom he was talking.
"I love you baby. Say hello to my little girl for me. Yeah. I miss you too, baby, so much. Okay. Yeah. Bye."
Yes, definitely his wife, Jimmy thought bitterly and stalked back to the kitchen before Robert could find him eavesdropping in the doorway. He took the tea kettle and filled it with cold water, all the time fuming inside his head. He shouldn't have let it get to him, he really shouldn't, but damn, after the great night they'd just spent together, Robert and him, how could he just say stuff like that to Maureen over the phone and sound so bloody sincere?
I wonder if he really cares about me at all, he thought as he stared into the space. I wonder if I'm really only fun and games for him. If he loves Maureen so fucking much then why is he rather here with me and not there with her and their baby girl?
That's when Robert made his way into the kitchen with a wide smile, placed his hand on Jimmy's backside and whispered in his ear: "Morning, darling. What's for breakfast?"
Jimmy turned to face his young lover with his eyes blazing.
"I'm not your bloody wife!"
Once back at the house Robert took him straight to the kitchen and started making tea from where Jimmy'd left it when he stormed out earlier, while Jimmy sat down and started studying his hands. They didn't talk. Not before Robert poured them both some tea and sat next to him, giving him that kind of knowing look no one else ever gave him. The "I know you and I know what's wrong but why don't you say it out loud anyway so I can fix it and make it all better"-look. Jimmy realised he had grown to love that look. Only Robert could take his childish fits and want to solve the problems that wouldn't even excist without him. Only Robert.
And I suspected that I'm merely fun and games to him. Hah, yeah, right. Because being with me is always so fun...
"I was stupid", Jimmy said. "I heard you talking with Maureen on the phone and I guess I got... Well, I got jealous. Because you said you miss her and love her. And you sounded so sincere. I wondered... what am I to you, then? A good shag? If you love her so damn much, then why are you here with me?"
"That's easy", Robert said and smiled, touching Jimmy's hand with his own, taking his long fingers inside his warm palm. Jimmy shuddered. The little things Robert did... Sometimes he thought he could live only for them.
"You know, Jimmy. I do love Maureen. And then I love you. Man can love more than one person at a time, right?" Jimmy bit his lip. Yeah, maybe. He wouldn't know, now would he? Not when the only person he'd ever harbored this strong feelings for was sitting right there beside him.
"Jimmy. Answer me honestly, now. Why do you think I married Maureen?"
What? Jimmy blinked.
"Because you love her."
But Robert shook his head, sighing.
"No. Not because I love her. I married her because I was a careless twat and I knocked her up and I needed to take responsibility for my actions. I love her too, yeah, but I didn't marry her because of that. I never would've married her because of that."
"But-" That didn't make any kind of sense to him.
"She was my first love. She was also the one who took care of my sorry arse and kept believing in me when I was a good for nothing penniless sucker. She was – and still is – a good friend. Whom I knocked up. And that's the truth, Jimmy."
Jimmy looked into Robert's sincere blue eyes, and he knew Robert wasn't lying. Letting out a breath he hadn't even realised he was holding, he asked, his voice hoarse: "And me..? What about me?"
"You're my mate. But you're also so much more." Robert smiled. "And you should know it already, you daft twit. Why else would I be here with you? Maureen may be my wife. You are my home. And where is home?" Robert gave him goofy a grin. Jimmy swallowed.
"The home... is where the heart is", he said weakly.
"Exactly. And from now on you'd better remember that, Pagey, because as flattering as your jealous little fits are, I'd rather not go through this every other time someone even mentions Maureen."
Those words were said with a light tone, but somehow Jimmy knew just how much Robert meant them. This was it. The moment of truth.
If you screw this up, Page, it will only serve you right if you're miserable for the rest of your life. Say something. Now.
"I promise to try", he said, and laid his free hand on Robert's own hand which was still gently holding his fingers. "I know it's not much, but that's all I can give. You know me, and you know how I am and you know I can be... possessive." He closed his eyes for a moment, gathering his strength to say the words that needed saying. When he opened his eyes again, he met Robert's steady, waiting gaze and a warm smile.
"Sometimes I just need you to show me that you care", he whispered, feeling quite stupid for saying something so sappy, but by the look on Robert's face it seemed like it had been the right thing to say, anyway.
Robert was absolutely beaming. He leaned closer, so close that their legs were touching, and then Jimmy could feel a warm hand squeezing his thigh, gently, yet firmly.
"How about I'll show you right now, then?" Whispered in his ear, huskily. Jimmy let out a breathless sigh. The hand on his thigh kept slowly moving forward, towards his groin, and dear lord, yes, this wasn't exactly what he'd had in mind, but he wasn't going to complain either...
Then the hand was drawn away and Robert stood up, grinning down at him, saying happily: "Right. How about I'll cook you good old fashioned English breakfast?" Jimmy could only stare open mouthed.
"You're a tease, Robert Anthony Plant, that's what you are", he told him. "A great, big tease." But he was not able to keep a smile from his lips as he spoke. Robert answered his smile by smiling even brighter himself.
"Yeah, but you wouldn't want me any other way, now would you."
"No. I wouldn't." And it was true. He really wouldn't. Not now, not ever.
Because he is my home, too. As I am his, so he is mine. And we compliment each other. We're different: he's the carefree young tease and I'm the old, cranky and boring one, but that's the whole point. He is the light to my darkness.
"Well, then, maybe I'll let you have your wicked way with me after we've had breakfast", Robert finally promised, leaning down to softly caress his stubbled cheek. "But, you know, I've never made breakfast for Maureen. So this is kind of special, too."
Something moved in his chest at those words, and not in a bad way, either. In a rather good way, actually. He could simply just nod.
~*~
Later, after great breakfast and even greater, mind blowing sex, Jimmy was lying on his bed next to a sleeping Robert, watching the peaceful face, listening to the soft, steady breathing. Carefully he tugged one strand of golden hair behind his lover's ear, smiling affectionately.
"You are my home too, Robert", he whispered softly. "You are my home, too."