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It was raining.
Izuke had all the curtains in his dorm drawn, but if he concentrated and strained his ears, he could hear it- the soft pitter-patter of water bouncing off the railing and onto the concrete floor of his balcony. He sat curled up on his bed, knees tucked tightly under his chin, arms holding them close to his chest.
He’d woken up about an hour ago. The dream fresh in his mind. He tried to shake it away, occupy his mind with something-anything else. But every time he closed his eyes, he saw him. Dead on the floor. And the panic in his chest rose. His body shaken with fear, anger, heartbreak.
The dream was more of a memory.
One Izuku wished would escape his memory.
They had won. They saved Japan. And they were fine. The war was over.
But Izuku couldn’t seem to shake the fear away. No amount of therapy could make him forget what he saw that day. It was with him every time he closed his eyes, every time he would catch glimpses of Katsuki in physical therapy. But it was always worse when he was alone in his room, with nothing to occupy his mind.
All he could see was his best friend, the man he lived for, dead on the floor.
He could recollect every little detail. The way Katsuki’s dull eyes were slightly opened, his jaw slack, blood dripping from his parted lips. His hero suit in total ruin, chest torn open-
Izuku groaned, smacking his temple repeatedly with the palms of his hands, trying to force the disgusting image from his brain.
“Stop, stop, stop, stop.” He chanted, voice trembling. “He's okay, he's okay.”
And he was, Katsuki had made an almost full recovery. He still went to the hospital every two weeks for his checkups, but he was okay. He was alive.
Izuku knew this. He'd watch Katuski's recovery like a hawk, taking notes of everything the doctors had told Katsuki. But that didn't stop his thoughts from running wild.
‘What if the league managed to survive?’ ‘What if we didn't get all of them?’ ‘What if they come back to finish the job?’
‘What if they come back for Kacchan?’
Izuku couldn't breathe. His entire body felt weak.
The rain grew heavy, Izuku could hear it over the roaring sound of his heartbeat. “He's okay.” He gasped. His vision quickly blurred with tears. “H-hes- God.” He cried. “He's okay.”
Izuku pushed himself off his bed, his body groaning from being curled up for so long. He paced the room in an attempt to calm his nerves. He’d tire himself out eventually. That's what always happens. He'd collapse on his carpet, exhaustion catching up to him, then he'd fall asleep on the cold floor. Just like every other night.
“C’mon, Midoriya.” It hurts to breathe. “Calm down.” With a huff, he began to fan himself, desperate for more air. “I-I can't-” He groaned, rubbing his palms down his neck. “Kac-Kacchan. He's…” Once again, Izuku's body began to move on its own. By the time he realized he was off from the floor, his hands were already yanking the door open, and his feet carrying him down the hall.
“He’s okay,” he whispered. Gasping for air. He turned the corner and ran down the stairs.
‘He’s not going to be there.’ There it was, the voice in his head. The one he heard every night. The one that stayed, no matter how many times Izuku banged his head against the wall. ‘You're going to get there, and he's going to be gone.’
“No,” Izuku whimpered. He could see Katsuki's door now.
‘He's dead. And you weren't there to save him.”
“No!” There was a loud pounding echoing down the hall. Izuku didn't even realize it was him knocking on the door until it had swung open with a loud ‘The fuck?’
For a long second, Izuku's body froze. Eyes trained on the tall figure in front of him.
There he was. Leaning against the door frame, one hand on his hip, the other in his hair. Wearing plaid pajama bottoms and a white t-shirt. His eyes were struggling to stay open, heavy with sleep. Izuku had woken him up, but he was there.
Breathing.
Alive.
“Kacchan.” He blubbered.
“What the hell, nerd. Why the fuck are you poundin’ on my door?” Katsuki snarled, voice groggy. He brought his hands up to his face, rubbing his eyes awake. He looked down at Izuku with a frown. “It's two in the god—Hey, what's going on?” His voice took a softer, more urgent tone. Izuku's arm felt heavy as he lifted it. He placed his palm against Katsuki's chest. His fingers shook as he laid them flat, feeling the soft thud of his heartbeat.
“You're alive.” For the first time that night, Izuku took a deep breath, his eyes fixed on the way his hand rose and fell with every inhale.
“Of fuckin’ course I am, you idiot.” Despite the harsh words, Katsuki's voice seeped straight into Izuku's veins, and instant relief washed over him.
‘Of fucking course he is.’ He thought.
Katsuki placed his own hand over Izuku’s, tapping his finger to the beat of his heart. “Feel that?” He asked. Izuku could only nod. His body felt warm. “Means I’m still kickin’. They can't get rid of me that easily.”
Izuku's breath hitched, he looked away from their joined hands and into ruby eyes. He searched for any sign that this could be fake, that it was part of a horrible nightmare where he would wake up to find Katsuki actually dead. But all he saw were two beautiful eyes looking back at him. The same eyes he fell in love with when they were kids. Katsuki seemed to be searching Izuku's face for some sort of sign that he was okay, that he was calming down from whatever panic he was in. Izuku's heart had slowed to match Katuki's own.
“I-I saw you…in my dream,” Izuku whispered. It still hurt to speak, but he pushed through. “And I got so scared.” He watched as Katsuki’s eyebrows furrowed in worry.
“Izuku-”
“Hey guys, everything okay?” The voice startled Izuku for a split second before he immediately recognized it as Tokoyami.
“Shit, sorry to wake you, man. We’re fine.” Katsukiu frowned at his neighbor, he tapped his finger against Izuku's hand.
Izuku nodded, avoiding Tokoyami’s gaze. His panic was replaced by embarrassment of exactly what Izuku had just done. God, I’m such a loser. Running down the hall just to make sure Katsuki was actually in his dorm, as if he would be anywhere else. He cringed a little to himself, giving Tokoyami his best ‘I’m sorry’ face.
“No worries, take care you two.” He nodded, giving the two boys one last look before disappearing back into his room.
They stood in silence for a minute, Izuku trying to get his breathing back to somewhat normal. Katsuki brought his free hand up to Izuku's cheek, stroking away a stray tear. “You calm now?”
Izuku's eyes fluttered at the touch. Katsuki was warm against his cold skin. Izuku's cheeks began to heat at the realization of just how close they were, how intimate this moment felt. “I'm sorry for waking you. I just needed to-uh- I don't know… I'm sorry, Kacchan. B- but I'm feeling better now, so you can go back to sleep-”
Katsuki dropped both hands from Izuku, “Hah?!” He frowned. “You think I'm gonna let you go back to your dorm? You look like shit, nerd. Have you been gettin’ any sleep?”
Izuku blinked. “Gee, thanks.” He sniffed, “You sure know how to make someone feel better.”
“I'm serious.” Katsuki’s frown seemed to deepen an impossible amount. He smacked both of his palms to Izuku's cheeks. Izuku yelped, trying to frown, but his face was too squished. Katsuki rattled Izuku's face. “You look horrible. Like you haven't slept in days, have you gotten any kinda sleep?” He stopped moving Izuku's head and stared down at him. Izuku blinked, and then shook his head no. Katsuki tsked and continued to treat Izuku like a bobblehead. “Fucking nerd. Why didn't you tell me sooner?”
Izuku didn't have to see Katsuki to know he was feeling hurt, his voice had gone uncharacteristically low, sounding almost insecure. Izuku brought his hands to Katsuki's wrist, pulling them away from his face. Katsuki wasn't looking at Izuku anymore, he was looking down at where Izuku held his wrist. Feeling bold, he slid his palms up Katsuki's arms, soothing him, before going back down to his palms. He watched Katsuki, searching for any sign that Izuku was crossing a line. This was new territory for the two, they’ve touched each other before. During sparring, or when they’d be watching old hero documentary reruns, and Izuku got a little too excited and held on to Katsuki.
But this was different, this was laced with something else.
Slowly, Izuku spread Katsuki's fingers with his own, palms touched palms. If Katsuki was uncomfortable, Izuku couldn't tell. His face was never changing, eyes trained on Izuku's hands. Izuku was just about to pull away and mutter up an apology for waking Katsuki when Katsuki closed their open palms. He caged Izuku's scarred hands in his. Izuku held his breath, scared that if he made any sudden movements, Katsuki would realize what they were doing, and drop his hands like they had burnt him. But Katsuki didn't pull away, in fact, his thumb began to rub small and careful circles against the back of Izuku's hand.
Izuku looked down, and the sight of their joined hands made his eyes sting.
“I'm here for you, Zuku, for anything.” Izuku's lip began to wobble. “Talk to me.”
Izuku shook his head. He had just got done crying, his face was still damp. “I just…” He tried to focus on Katsuki's touch and ignore the tears ready to pour out. “Every time I try to sleep,” he began, voice saddened. “Or anytime I close my eyes, I see you.” His breath shuddered, and both he and Katsuki knew the tears were about to pour. “I see you on the floor, dying. I try to run to you, but you keep getting further a-and further away from me. And there's nothing I can do.”
Izuku watched his tears plop down on Katsuki's wrist, “And when I finally get to you, you’re…you’re…”
“Hey.” Izuku's head snapped up at the harsh tone. Katsuki was staring down at him, eyes burning into Izukus. “Listen to me, are you listening?” He raises a brow, waiting for Izuku to nod before continuing. “I’m here, with you, alive. There was nothing you, or anyone, coulda’ done. I did my part, and it was time for the rest of you extras to catch up, yeah?”
Izuku sniffed, nodding again.
“We had a war to win, and by God, we won that shit. You won the war. You know how badass that is?” Katsuki smiled, tilting his head towards Izuku, who only rolled his eyes, biting back a smile of his own. “Answer me, nerd.”
Izuku's smile broke out, he searched Katsuki's face. Soaking in one of his rare smiles, before giving in with a response. “No, I don't." He teased, heart fluttering at Katsiki's playful smirk.
“It's pretty fucking badass, Zuku. You are pretty fucking badass. You had to win, and I fought like hell to be there when you did.”
“I almost lost you…”
“But you didn't. Izuku, you could never lose me. You're stuck with me forever, for the rest of our lives. Remember?”
Izuku bit his lip, dropping one of Katsuki's hands and wiping away his tears. “Yeah, Kacchan, I remember.”
The declaration was always in the back of Izuku's mind, from the moment Katsuki uttered those words at the hospital, Izuku kept it as a promise. He guarded it close to his heart.
Katsuki nodded. His eyes stayed on Izuku as he brought the hand holding Izuku's up. “And I mean it,” He placed the back of Izuku's hand onto his lips, the skin barely connecting. Izuku's eyebrows furrowed, eyes going oh so soft. “The rest of our lives, Izuku.” The kiss on his hand was soft, and so incredibly warm. Izuku's heart felt so full at that moment, he watched Katsuki close his eyes and place yet another kiss, just as soft as the first.
Izuku couldn't help but laugh, his face pink and eyes crinkled as Katsuki began attacking his wrist with more kisses. He felt Katsuki smile against his pulse.
“You wanna come inside?” He murmured, already pulling Izuku into his room.
Izuku blinked, head snapping to look around the empty, dark halls. He had completely forgotten where he was. “Oh god,” He groaned, “Do you think anyone heard me having an absolute breakdown?”
Katsuki didn't answer at first. He spun Izuku around, “Probably,” He smirked, shutting the door so they were now in the privacy of Katsuki's room, “I’ll blast them if they say anything in the morning, don't worry.
He pulled Izuku close to him, one hand laid on his hip, the other sliding up the back of his head. Izuku's face burned, but he managed to wrap his arms around Katsuki's neck. The two stared at each other for a few seconds, soaking up the giddy looks on their faces.
Izuku had finally gotten some decent sleep that night.