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You blink, and everything is red.
Red like the Houston sunset and your eyes and your text on Pesterchum and red like blood, your blood and your brother's blood and John's blood and everything is red red red you're drowning in it and it won't stop and you desperately try to reverse but you can't before it swallows you whole and everything is so red and then—
Silence.
Darkness.
You gasp as you jolt awake, shaking but relieved to see only the muted colors of your room at night instead of the ugly scarlet that haunts your sleep. You roll over, reveling in the feel of your sheets against your skin, smooth and silky instead of the scorching smoldering burning of your clockwork dreams and are greeted with the sight of someone inhaling softly next to you, quiet and sleeping and peaceful.
John. Whole and breathing and alive, here, with you.
He stirs a bit, probably from the force of your shaking, and opens his eyes to look at you. They're that beautiful calming blue, full of sleep still but bright and piercing as ever and his hair is mussed like the crow's nests outside your window, and he's so stupidly adorable you think you might die.
You hate that you woke him up, he doesn't deserve to have his sleep cut short because of your ridiculous PTSD or whatever this is, you don’t know, you only know that it happens and it won't stop and that it's worse when John isn't there.
You don't realize that you're still shaking until John touches your trembling hand with his own warm fingers, entwining them with yours and moving himself closer to you so you're nearly flush against each other. He lets you bury your head in the crook of his neck, and you hate that you need this but fuck do you need this and John doesn’t care, he just lays there and brings his free hand up to your head, running soothing strokes through the mess of bleach blond he finds there, grounding you as you inhale and breathe him in.
He doesn't speak, just hushes you and runs his hands through your hair and he has to let go of your other hand to do it but that’s okay, everything’s okay now, he keeps telling you and you didn't even notice he was whispering because you’re still shaking and you thought you lost him again like you’ve done so many times in your dreams, in so many other universes and timelines because you didn't think ahead, you were too slow and the clock tick tick ticked down and it was all on you, how could you let him die, how could you—
A pressure on your forehead stops your thoughts and you realize that John is kissing you, his lips defusing your mind like delicate hands on the wires of a time bomb and suddenly he’s moving lower on your face, kissing away wetness on your cheeks that you didn’t realize was there and you feel worse when you realize you’ve been crying this whole time, but he’s here and it’s okay. There is no one here to make you feel weak for crying but yourself.
With that thought the floodgates open and John just holds you tighter, and you feel bad for soaking his shirt but he won’t care because he’s an idiot and he loves you, and you love him too. You love him so fucking much even though you don’t say it a lot because it’s too sappy for your tastes, and you think maybe you should start, because he deserves to hear it. Without him you would fall apart, you would shatter into a million broken pieces and the burning bloody scarlet dreams would drown you and you would be lost but he saves you, cools your mind’s fire with his icy blues and puts you back together with his touch.
You’re so close together now you’re practically one being, joined and inseparable. You cling to him until you start getting drowsy again and your eyes grow heavy, and you don’t remember when you stopped crying but at this point you’re just glad you did. John doesn’t let go of you despite the fact that the worst is over, and silently you really don’t mind because you love that he does this for you. You love him so, so much and the fact that he makes your nights bearable means everything.
You fall asleep in his arms, breathing soft and quiet like he was before. When you dream, you dream of the wind and the breeze and you are, for once, at peace.