Work Text:
Can you read my mind?
Or:
Five times Gabin understood what Tobias was thinking without him having to say anything, and one time he needed it spelled out
1.
Something was wrong. Gabin was pretty sure of it, mainly because it was 6:02 on a Sunday morning and he was no longer peacefully sleeping, as people should be doing at 6:02 on a Sunday morning. Instead, he was staring at the screen of his phone, Tobias’ name flashing impossibly bright.
«Allô?» he muttered, still more than half asleep. He was probably a little hungover too.
«They’re not working.»
Gabin yawned and tried to pull himself up. «Hello, Tobias. Do you know what time is it?» he tried. Maybe he was still asleep after all? And if he tried hard enough, he could still get back to the very nice dreaming he was having…
«It’s six, and the interview is at eight, and they’re not working» Tobias’ voice remarked, urgent.
He was a good boyfriend, Gabin reminded himself. He was a boyfriend and he was good at it. He was happy and in love (although those words had yet to be pronounced out loud, but give it time, yes? Gabin was sure they were getting there). Point was, he was a very good boyfriend: he was supportive and kind and eager and discretely good at sex, if he could say so himself. And if that meant that he had to be awake on Sunday at six, so be it.
«Okay, I got it» he said, trying to focus. «I got it. You’re still at home, right? I’ll be at your place in about forty-five minutes. Can you wait?» He stood up (too quick, too quick) and started looking for clothes while keeping the phone between his shoulder and his ear. «Tobias, can you hear me?» he asked, as he received no reply.
«Yes,» said Tobias after a few beats, his voice uncharacteristically small. Gabin was immediately filled with a wave of fondness: was Tobias expecting more resistance? Was he really so not used to people simply wanting to help?
«Okay, I’m on my way » he said empathetically. «Just hold on, Maverick. See you soon» he promised, and hung up.
He basically ran all the way to his boyfriend’s apartment, hopping from train to train (he really should invest in an apartment closer to the center of the city, or at least closer to Tobias) and he rang the bell at exactly 6:41. «It’s me!» he announced, opening the door with the usual fanfare.
So. It was Sunday, and it was still before seven in the morning. He wasn’t expecting, say, a hug and a shower of praises and thanks (although, would it be that hard?), but he wasn’t really ready for Tobias’ frown either. «What’s wrong?» Gabin cautiously asked.
«You didn’t pick up. I tried calling you about ten times» Tobias said, still looking inexplicably upset. Gabin blinked, and looked at his phone: it was dead. «Ah, shit, sorry, I must have forgotten to charge it yesterday night. Tonight. Like… four hours ago? When I went to sleep?» He was a good boyfriend, a very good boyfriend. «I’m sorry for not picking up! But it doesn’t matter, right? I’m here!» he smiled, arms wide open. «And I got you covered!» he added, as he suddenly remembered the whole reason he had been summoned.
Tobias was still frowning, but again, it was not yet seven in the morning, on a Sunday, and the situation was dire enough as it was. «I have them, so it’s all right! You’re lucky I already had a pair at home, you know? There’s no way you would have found an open store. This is France. And it’s Sunday morning» he added, while opening his backpack.
«But that’s the thing!» Tobias blurted, looking at Gabin as if he was about to go completely mad. «You hung up before I even told you what-» but he stopped as Gabin triumphantly took a brand-new pair of headphones out of his backpack. It was the exact same brand that Tobias used, although they were visibly less worn out. «… what I needed» he finished, dazed, his eyes stuck on the headphones.
It was Gabin’s turn to frown. «What? No. You told me. You told me they were not working, yes?» He tried to focus on the conversation they had on the phone, but it was all a bit blurry. He hated to repeat himself, but it had been six in the morning.
«Well, I’m quite sure I didn’t even get to tell you what was not working, and you hung up on me, and you know I hate when you do that, and then you wouldn’t pick up and- how did you know?» His voice was getting higher and higher, and his eyes were still fixed on the headphones. Gabin suddenly felt very self-conscious. «I just- you cannot leave the house without your headphones, right? It’s because of the noise on the metro, and the streets, and all that shit, and the interview is on the other side of the city (by the way, you should really hurry), and your current headphones were already basically destroyed, I’m certain we spoke about it at least twice already, so I just… assumed?»
Tobias was still not saying anything, and Gabin felt like he was going crazy. This was still good boyfriend behavior, right? Or was he going towards clinically insane territory? «And-and, since when we talked about it, you said you didn’t want to buy a new pair until yours broke down, I thought I might get you a spare? For emergencies, like today? I wanted to keep it as a present for, like, Christmas or something, but when you called… I’m sorry I didn’t wait for you to finish, I just… »
And finally, Tobias took him out of his misery to pull him into a fierce kiss. That was more like it. Gabin eagerly kissed back, his hands running to Tobias’ hair. «You are perfect» Tobias breathed onto his face. «I don’t know how you do it.»
He was looking at him so open, so blissful, so raw, that Gabin felt almost overwhelmed. «It was n-nothing» he panted. «I just… You don’t always need to spell everything out, with me. I got you» he simply said, adding a little wink.
Tobias was looking at him with that expression he only got when Gabin pulled off a very difficult dance move on the first try, and if that was the reward, he figured he could even get used to being woken up at 6.02 in the morning on a Sunday.
At the end, Tobias was late to the interview, but he got there with a shiny new pair of headphones and in a very good mood, so Genevieve didn’t really mind that much.
2.
«Uhm… Excuse me? Gabin?»
He raised his head, sweaty from the rehearsal. He was still not used to being actually treated as a dancer, a good one, and not like a background character in his own company. Ever since the performance of “Whatever this is”, and his following roles written by Tobias, everyone suddenly seemed to take him seriously, finally.
It was now more and more common for younger dancers to stare at him from a distance, or to ask him for advice, for the explanation of a particular move, or something like that. He might even start to have real friends, in the company. So, when a young girl (Marie, maybe?) approached him as he was putting his equipment back, he wasn’t really that surprised.
«Yes?» he replied, smiling brightly.
«I’m so sorry to bother you, but, like… It’s Tobias» she muttered, a bit embarrassed. That caught Gabin’s attention immediately.
«What about him?» he asked. «Did something happen?» He asked, his mind already flying to the worst outcomes possible.
«No, no, it’s just… Today is the first day of rehearsal, and we don’t understand him» she just said, looking more and more embarrassed. «He keep saying stuff like.. “more swoosh?”» she tried. «Nobody is getting what he is saying, and people are starting to get annoyed, and we thought, before calling Genevieve, that maybe you...»
Gabin sighed. He knew Tobias was working on another small piece, this time without a part for Gabin: he knew that, and as much as he didn’t like that, he understood that it was supposed to be a piece for a younger cast, so he hadn’t complained. It wasn’t the first time that Tobias composed for someone else, but it was the first time the whole cast was completely new to him, and under eighteen years old.
«Of course, I’m coming» he decided, and quickly stood up. Sure enough, when he reached the room, the situation was a bit out of control. Tobias was screaming at a young boy, who was loudly replying in angry French. «You need to- More like “woosh” and less- whatever you think you are doing with that leg! I keep saying that! And for the love of God, stop with the French!» Tobias shouted, throwing his hands in the air.
«What did he say?» «Is that even English?» someone was whispering, and that was Gabin’s cue. «Hey, Top Gun, what’s wrong?» he smiled, interrupting the very vulgar reply that the young guy was screaming in his face.
«Come on, shut up now, and let’s discuss this as civilized people» he said in French, patting the boy on the shoulder.
Tobias sighed, as if his all of his strength left his body. «You know I don’t like when everybody speaks French. I swear it’s an evil language. Everything you say sounds evil.»
Gabin couldn’t find it in himself to completely disagree. «And that’s why we’ll try with English, yes?» he said in English, giving a side look at the guy in front of him. The kid was angry, and almost as tall as him, but he was Gabin Roux. He was an etoile, a good twelve years older than him, and apparently, the very best Tobias Bell Expert in the whole building. This gave him some advantage. «I’m sure we can solve… whatever this is, right? What happened exactly?»
About five students started shouting (in French) at the same time, and Gabin began to feel a newfound respect for all the teachers who had to deal with the 14-18 age group. Thinking about it, it was insane that they left Tobias alone with almost fifteen of them. «In English?» he tried again, and Marie, the girl from before, stepped up a bit warily.
«We don’t- we don’t understand what he means. We are doing the steps he says» she tried to explain.
«You are most definitely not» Tobias replied, affronted. «You» he started, pointing at a girl Gabin had never seen in his life, that looked like she was about to start screaming, «Are getting the middle part completely wrong: it was supposed to go high, high, then low-flash-low, and high again! And you» he pointed to Marie, who immediately stepped back, «You should go way more swoosh after the jump, and land more like I showed you before, like- way more calmly, and don’t even get me started on you» he added, pointing at the guy that was screaming before. Gabin could see a dangerous light in his eyes, and decided it was time to step up.
«Okay, I get it» he said, because he actually sort of did. «What if- you explain the steps from the beginning again, then we see the cast perform, and we all go through Tobias’ notes together? Is it okay for everyone?»
Truth was, he was getting really annoyed with the way those kids were acting, all entitled as if they were owed everything spoon-fed to them. Couldn’t they see how lucky they were to be working with Tobias? Yes, you needed to take some guesses to understand what he meant sometimes, but- wasn’t it worth it? To see Tobias’ face when you finally got it right? To feel the steps coming together with the music and realizing your body was doing something you didn’t even know it could do? How spoiled could they be not to appreciate that?
Some of those feelings must have been a bit too openly readable on his face, because a few of the dancers close to him took a small step back. So, they did exactly as he told.
«Do you see? It’s high-high-law» Tobias whined, stopping the music.
«The plié is after the second landing, which should be on your right foot, no?» Gabin told the first girl, because frankly, it was obvious. «Try doing it a bit more slower?» She looked a bit spooked, but nodded, and did the series of steps again.
«Yes» Tobias breathed, putting his hand on Gabin’s arm. He went still for a second (touches like those didn’t really happen, okay? He had to cherish them), then smiled. «Cool. Go on!»
Gabin saw the next problem before Tobias could even open his mouth. «No, no, you need to jump on the second beat, you are going way too fast, and maybe try going like this with your right arm?» he suggested, demonstrating.
«That’s the swoosh» someone whispered with something that Gabin could only read as admiration. «It’s like his translator» someone else said. He tried not to smile too bright.
Before they knew it, the session came to an end, and it was time to leave the ballroom. «It should be easier from now on» Gabin said, helping Tobias with picking up the music sheets after everyone left. «Maybe it’s also the barrier language? But still, they should have put a little more effort. It’s not that hard to understand what you’re saying.»
Tobias sighed, but he was smiling a bit. «It’s always hard to understand what I’m saying» he said quietly.
«Well, to me it’s not» Gabin replied, raising his chin proudly. And it was true. Sometimes, he felt as if it was clearer to understand Tobias’s thoughts that his own. He turned around and found Tobias looking at him with something in his eyes that made his heart skip a beat, and what he read in those eyes- he could only pray, pray, pray that he was reading it right.
Gabin was not nervous. There was simply nothing to be nervous about: he was an étoile, he was beautiful, smart, funny, he was objectively a catch. He had a bright future ahead of himself, he had a lease, a mostly clean criminal record, a boyfriend that loved him (or at least, Gabin was pretty sure of it, okay? It was all about the little unsaid things). The fact that said boyfriend had very casually told him to join him on a double date with his ex-boyfriend and his new fiancé who apparently were in town for the weekend was no reason to be nervous.
No reason at all.
Gabin took a deep breath. It was of course okay for Tobias to have ex-boyfriends. Even better if those ex-boyfriends were safely engaged to be married with someone else. He would have preferred that those safely engaged ex-boyfriends were also safely stationed on the other side of the ocean, but you couldn’t have it all, right? And even if he hadn’t known about it until that afternoon, Gabin was fine. It was cool.
All right, he was a bit nervous. But come on! Everybody would be, if their partner would casually say something like oh, did I tell you? My ex-boyfriend Kevin and his fiancé are in Paris and asked to meet up, do you want to come? Tonight? Perfect, see you at eight!
Gabin wanted, needed to make a good impression. It was the first time Tobias introduced him to someone from his life, from his home (if you don’t count a very awkward and quick phone call with Tobias’ sister, that somehow had found his phone number after Tobias had ignored her for calls for too long, and Gabin didn’t count that).
Anyway, ex-boyfriend or not, he wanted to show up for Tobias, to make him look good, to make him proud. He was also dying to know what this Kevin was like. At some point, Tobias had been in a relationship with him, right? He must have told him that he… that he loved him. So, what did it take to get to this point? Was he beautiful? Was he smart, was he talented, was he reliable? What do you need to be for Tobias to be in love with you?
Gabin couldn’t help but wonder how he was going to measure up with him. Would Tobias compare them? Would he regret being with Gabin? Would he…
«Here you are! You’re late.» Tobias was waiting for him in front of the restaurant he had chosen. He had made an effort, Gabin noticed with a very faint knot in his stomach: he was wearing a shirt, and he had combed his hair. He took another deep breath. «The metro wasn’t coming» he mumbled, but Tobias had already stopped listening, going straight into the restaurant.
«Right behind you» Gabin sarcastically muttered, and followed him inside. It was a fancy little place, typical French style, and quite small: it was easy to find what he was looking for. Soon enough, a man stood up and greeted Tobias with a smile that made Gabin’s skin crawl. «Tobias! I’d say it’s been a while, but for your standards it must have felt like five minutes, right?» he joked, with something that Gabin could only assume was an inside joke between them.
Tobias’ smile faltered a bit, which made Gabin immediately tense, but nothing else betrayed any discomfort from his partner. «It’s actually been a while» he simply conceded. Then he sat down. «He’s Gabin» he added, as an afterthought. Gabin cleared his voice, and offered his hand to the guy before him. «Nice to meet you! You must be Kevin, right?» He flashed a smile. «And you’re the lucky partner?»
«How you say? Enchanté. My name’s David» the other man joked, shaking his hand.
«Tobias, I’m impressed, you found a charmer! When I saw the video, I couldn’t believe you had pulled off such a star. He’s a catch!» Kevin said. Gabin felt flushed from the praise, but he still kept a careful eye on Tobias’ reaction. Was he agreeing? Or was he remembering on when Kevin was the catch he managed to pull off?
They soon ordered their food, and from then on the conversation went on pretty normally. Gabin knew he had a way of entertaining strangers (it was the “keep people close and prove that you are reliable and not a fuck-up” part that he was still working on), but still, he put extra effort to appear at his best: they spoke about Paris and the differences between America and France, he asked pointed questions regarding Kevin and David’s relationship, he made jokes and talked about his life at the Ballet National. And all along, he could see why Tobias would fall for someone like Kevin: he was confident, and bright, and charming. He laughed at the right places and asked questions at the right times. When he spoke, everything seemed easy: it was as if he could not be wrong, as if everything would be all right as long as he was there. If it wasn’t for the very big ring in his hand, Gabin would definitely be spiraling. Maybe he still was, a bit.
He was in the middle of a very funny story about one of their last rehearsals, when the food arrived. It only took him a quick glance to realize that something was wrong, though: he quickly called back the waiter and told him so in French. The waiter excused himself, and took back Tobias’ plate.
«What happened?» Kavin asked, frowning.
Gabin shuddered. «Tobias’ fries had mayonnaise on the top? We asked it on the side, so they’re fixing it. It should only be a moment» he explained. It was a bit of a pain, but sometimes it happened in small restaurants, and it wasn’t a big deal. He was ready to get back to the story he was telling before, but Kevin rolled his eyes and made a small laugh that Gabin didn’t like at all. «Really, Tobias? Again with the food quirks?»
Tobias didn’t look up. «It would have been fine» he mumbled, but Kevin clearly had more to say. He smiled at Gabin as if he was looking for some kind of complicity, and said: «Oh my God, I’m sorry you have to put up with that! I certainly don’t miss it!»
Gabin was officially confused. «What do you mean?» he asked.
«Come on, I mean, love the guy,» Gabin’s mind short circuited for a second, «but some of his requests! What was it? He wouldn’t eat cheese if it’s too yellow-»
«There’s plenty of white cheese-» Gabin frowned.
«No pickles in hamburger, it still doesn’t work if it was there and then got removed-»
«I don’t really like pickles either-»
«No fruits anywhere close to the main course-»
«Fruits are supposed to be eaten after meals anyway-»
«And don’t get me started on all the other quirks! What was the thing with his backpack, it couldn’t weigh more than ten pounds-»
«It’s twelve, and it’s not good for your back-»
«And the headphones-»
«Plenty of people need headphones-»
«And the way he just starts speaking by himself when he is on his iPad-»
«The first times he could startle you, okay, but by the time you get how he works- Listen, I don’t understand, what is this?» Gabin was seriously starting to lose it. What was wrong with having clear boundaries, or knowing what you liked? Why was Kevin insisting on listing all those things?
The man was still smiling, but looking more closely to his face, Gabin could see that he looked almost… annoyed? «Well, you can’t tell me that’s completely normal, can you? It’s just a lot! For God’s sake, we didn’t talk for a year before he even remembered to break up with me! How about that for a quirk? I am a very patient man» he stated, while David took his hand as if to try and calm him down, «but you’ll have to admit sometimes he can get a bit extreme, won’t you?»
Gabin’s eyes flashed towards Tobias, and what he saw made him feel a sort of cold anger in his stomach that he really didn’t want to explore. He took a shaky breath to calm down (he had promised no more fights, and although sort of poetic, a fight with his partner’s ex-boyfriend was not the way to go), but Kevin seemed to take his silence for something else. «He did tell you of how we broke up, right?» he asked, looking as if he was enjoying it a bit too much. «We had not talked for thirteen months, not since he just left one day without bothering to say anything. I thought, okay, life goes on, you know? And then he asked to meet up, it must have been about a week before your viral big screen kiss, and I was afraid he was going to tell me he was sick, or dying! But instead, he just wanted to break up with a guy he hadn’t heard of for more than a year? Thinking about it, it is simply just like him: he is a beautiful soul, don’t get me wrong, but some of his things… It would be just like him to not even mention it.» His voice was still a mix between mocking and condescending, as if he was expecting a small laugh and an agreement, a shared moment of understanding, as if having to deal with Tobias was something bond over, to complain about. As if it was a chore.
Gabin was pissed.
«Of course he told me» he replied coldly. Tobias’s head snapped towards him, but Gabin kept his eyes fixed on Kevin. «And don’t you think that, all things considered, you are the one to come out short in this story? Communication goes both ways. You could have broken up with him too, instead of getting into another relationship, and being already engaged after a year! Life goes on? Wow, well, he didn’t really break your heart, eh? At least, he thought you deserved to know it, before he went up to the next guy.» Seriously, who did this guy think he was? «I’m genuinely sorry for you if you think that being with him was a lot. Maybe you weren’t cut out for it. He deserves better anyway. Now, if you want to excuse us.» He quickly stood up and left a couple banknotes on the table. «We have far better ways to spend our evening.»
He dragged Tobias out of the restaurant while still feeling his head pounding into his ears. The cool air did very little to calm him down. «Unbelievable» he hissed. «How dares him? Such an asshole. No, but did you hear him? The cheese, and the fruit, like, sorry for caring about things? And the way he was looking at us…»
Then he glanced at Tobias, who was still being dragged wordlessly by him. Gabin abruptly stopped. Maybe he got it all wrong? Maybe Tobias was angry at him, for making such a scene? He was already starting to apologize, when Tobias quietly spoke. «You know, I don’t think I even ever told you about the mayonnaise on fries thing.»
Okay, cool, they could start from that. From the beginning. That made sense. «No, but you never really like it when it happens, right? I see you avoiding the fries with the sauce. And anyway, I’m sure it’s not the first time we send back food. But it’s not a big deal!»
«Yes, like last week, the crepes with the wrong cheese» Tobias agreed.
«See? I knew about the cheese, and I knew about the fruit, and all that stuff, so it was easy to assume about the fries. The thing is» Gabin quickly added, «I don’t care! Nobody in their right mind would care! Everyone has their things they like and don’t like!»
The other still didn’t look convinced. «Also, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about how me and Kevin broke up. You didn’t have to lie and say you knew about it just to make me look better.»
Gabin scoffed. «He was getting on my nerves! All smug and arrogant! And also, I stand by what I said. Even if it’s objectively a bit… unusual, to break up with someone after all that time, well, he didn’t reach out for the whole year either, did he? And who gets engaged one year after he stops talking with his previous boyfriend? Is he pregnant?» This finally got him a small laugh.
«Seriously though, I would never do that» he added, serious. «If you for any reason at all stopped talking to me, I’d bang on your door until we spoke about it. I’d fight. I wouldn’t be all, life goes on, like that asshole. You know that, right? He was wrong, about everything.» He really needed Tobias to understand how much better he deserved. He could only hope to live up to it.
In response, Tobias took a stronger hold of his hand, and started absentmindedly caressing it. Gabin felt shivers all over his spine. «I know you wouldn’t do that» he said, sounding tired. «It’s just… Most people I met had a problem with those sorts of things. It’s clear Kevin had a problem with it, he always had. But that’s why I’m trying to get better! I didn’t tell you about the fries!»
Gabin rolled his eyes. «Listen, nobody’s perfect. I’m most certainly not. I have anger issues, and most of the times I am a mess, and so what if you have your… what did he say, quirks? If he couldn’t handle it, then it’s his problem. You can tell me about fries, and cheese, and fruit, and breakups, or you can also just not tell me. I’m getting pretty good at guessing what you are thinking anyway. At this point, it’s like I can read your mind» he grinned.
Tobias just smiled. «Like you guessed I couldn’t wait to leave that table?»
«That I didn’t need to guess» Gabin smiled, as his heart was filling with joy. Was it childish? Was it selfish? He didn’t mind all that much. «You know, the trick is, most of the time we simply already think the same things. For example, now that we have the whole evening by ourselves and we’re so close to your apartment…»
When, a few days later, an apology letter came into their mail with a wedding invitation attached (for a very expensive location on a day that Gabin was already busy with a show), Tobias threw it away, saying something about time zones and bad taste in character fonts and Gabin thought, I love you. He thought it so hard he was afraid Tobias heard it anyway.
4.
It wasn’t unusual for Tobias to get quiet. It wasn’t unusual for him to disappear, from time to time. It was, however, pretty unusual for him to get quiet with Gabin and disappear from Gabin for the whole afternoon, especially on the day of a premiere.
It was just a small production (one of which Gabin wasn’t even included), a very classic piece that was supposed to be performed for charity: but it was obvious to anyone that had spoken with Tobias for more than two minutes that he would put all of himself into any of his pieces, regardless of the perceived importance.
So, that made it even more weird that he had just completely shut down all communications for the whole day. At first, Gabin hadn’t really thought about it much: he was busy rehearsing for his next piece, and they had agreed to meet directly at the theatre. But when Genevieve reached him telling him that Tobias was not answering his phone and was nowhere to be found, he started worrying too.
Once they found him, (after an almost funny adventure involving a staircase, a frightened seven-year-old girl, a parrot and a whistle, a story that Gabin will surely enjoy telling at dinner sometimes in the future), it only took a glance to realize that something was very wrong.
«Tobias, are you sick?» Gabin asked, worryingly brushing his hand on Tobias forehead. He was sitting on the floor of an empty classroom, and looked like he could drop dead any second.
«Did you catch the parrot?» Tobias only mumbled. «The Sophie girl was very noisy about it.»
«We caught the parrot» Gabin confirmed, wondering idly how that had become his life. «The girl is called Lucie though, and it was very nice of her to tell us where you went. But you should apologize to her for the thing with the whistle.»
«Yes, it has been a very joyful treasure hunt, looking for you» Genevieve said, frowning. «And we are all very glad to have found you in this… empty music room?»
«I needed a quiet place to think» Tobias mumbled.
«But need I remind you that your next piece is going to be performed in about two hours? And, forgive me for my bluntness, but you look like shit.»
Gabin didn’t want to agree, because, well, boyfriend duties, but he really was starting to get worried. It looked like Tobias was going to faint, or vomit, or both. Genevieve took a careful step back. «Okay, you need to go home. I’ll call a taxi? Do you want to go with him?» she asked Gabin, her phone already in her hand.
But Tobias immediately tensed. «What? No, I need to see the piece! It’s the premiere!» He tried getting up and faltered a bit, and Gabin was quick to steady him by his arm.
Genevieve shook her head in disbelief. «You can barely stand! We’ll videocall you, or you can see it tomorrow, it’s not a big deal» she tried to argue, and Gabin would have loved to agree. But he caught Tobias’ pleading eyes, and he sighed, and resigned to how the evening was going to go.
«Maybe we can take him to the theatre? See how he feels?» he tried, hoping against all hope that the parrot and the girl were already well out of their way.
It took a bit of convincing, but at the end the three of them went back to the theatre, behind the curtains where Tobias usually stood for the best view of the performance. Once they reached their position, Tobias’ face was definitely green.
«Okay, that’s it, you need to go home» Genevieve stated after Tobias failed to reply to her questions one too many times, looking pretty worried. A few people had gathered around them, and it took Gabin less than two seconds to realize that he had to do something, and do it quickly. «Could any of you move that couch here?» he asked, nodding at an old scene piece that was laying behind them. It was at least couch-shaped, and he figured it was the next best thing.
A couple dancers complied quickly, and Gabin helped Tobias to sit down. «Tobias. Are you sure you can make it through?» he asked seriously. Tobias nodded firmly. «I know I can. I just need…» he started, trailing off. His eyes looked a bit unfocused, he was sweaty and his hands were trembling.
Gabin nodded, then looked at the others. «All right. I have to go get something. Can you wait for me before deciding to send him away? Please? He doesn’t even have the keys of his apartment, they’re in my bag» he said, and before waiting for an answer, he took off. He could do it. Some part of him was screaming to just say fuck it all, take Tobias and get him safe in their bed, at home. But sadly, he knew better.
Once he got back, about thirty minutes later, he thankfully found Tobias where he had left him. Less thankfully, Genevieve was there too, and she looked like she wanted to kill them both, or in Tobias’ case, give him the final blow.
Tobias raised his head to look at him, tired, exhausted, but also somehow trusting, and Gabin just smiled «Hey, Top Gun, I’m back!» he said, dropping his bag in front of the couch.
Tobias raised his head. «I need…»
«Here’s the paracetamol, the brand you say works, and I also have a bottle of room-temperature water.» Gabin quickly said.
Tobias nodded. «And that…»
«Yes, this is warm soup. I got it from the place you like. You have to take at least half, okay?» Gabin ordered, searching for the small wooden spoon he had specifically asked.
Another nod. «Also…»
«Yes, I have this spray for the throat, I asked the pharmacist for a brand that tastes like those toothpaste that you like: I got a few options, but if none of those works, the soup should be fine for now.»
«If…»
«If you get cold, I got a blanket. The one from the infirmary at the second floor, I know you don’t like the smell of the third one.»
«And for the show…»
«I got your notebook. I also got the old one, since you started this one a few weeks ago, if you need it. You already have your iPad, yes?»
«And those…»
«The sound guy and the light guy will be there at the intermission and also at the end, so you won’t have to hunt them around the theatre. I’ll make sure of it.»
«And then…»
«I already booked a taxi for the end of the performance, and I moved back all your appointments for the next couple days.»
Tobias blinked, as if he was about to say something, and Gabin wordlessly passed him a handkerchief right before he sneezed in front of everyone. «Right, so you stay here, take the medicine, eat the soup, see the performance, get all your notes, then we go home and we email the dancer with the points for tomorrow’s show, okay?»
Tobias nodded, his eyes a little bit more focused, and Gabin finally took a deep breath. «Is it okay for you too, boss?» he jokingly said looking back at Genevieve, and stopped in his tracks. About six people were staring at them with their mouths slightly open. «… What?» he asked.
«This is insane. I give up.» Lucien was the first to get himself back together.
« It’s like a superpower. It’s literally mind reading» someone whispered. « Do you think they practiced this?»
Finally, Genevieve regained control over herself. «If you’re sure you don’t want to go home… This could work, yes» she said, still a bit stunned. She looked like she wanted to add something, but at the end she decided to just shake her head and leave them to it.
Gabin took a long look at his boyfriend, all set up with his equipment, and finally a bit more at peace. «You’ll be fine, yes?» he asked, passing a hand on his forehead and then slowly caressing his cheek. It was still very hot. «You’d tell me if it was too bad, right?» Maybe he should have listened to the others, maybe the best thing was to actually stop listening and take him to a hospital? What if…
His train of thoughts stopped abruptly when Tobias took his hand and pressed on his face. «Gabin?»
«Yes?» he quickly answered, getting down so that his face was at the exact same height as Tobias’.
The other faced him with the most intense look he had ever seen. «Thank you.»
He blinked, and for a second he also forgot how to breathe. «I-it’s nothing» he said, placing a quick kiss on his forehead. «You just focus on getting through tonight, yes? Can you not pass out? For me?»
«I’m not gonna pass out» Tobias mumbled. «Not now that I have my stuff. Nobody gets it, when I say I know what I’m doing.»
Gabin stood back up, flashing a smile. «I know, it was a joke. You’ll be fine, yes? With your soup, and medicine, and notebook and everything. You know what you need. And I know it too» he added, feeling a bit proud. Sometimes it felt like such a privilege, to be able to get a glimpse of that wonderful mind.
Tobias’ eyes trembled slightly. «Gabin, I…» he started, a bit tentative.
Is that it? Is he going to say it? Gabin felt drunk and high and sick and ecstatic and-
«One minute! Everybody get ready!» somebody shouted, and Gabin tripped and almost fell on his back. «Why are you still here?» Lucien asked, magically appeared next to them. «Go do your thing with the light man and the sound man, yes? Or are you still practicing your weird co-dependent mind reading skit?»
Gabin nodded, his ears ringing: he sent a quick smile to Tobias and headed back. He felt like he could fly up to the top of the theatre, up into the sky.
When, a few days later, he felt the first hits of a very nasty cold, he couldn’t find it in himself to feel too sorry.
It was just stupid, really. It was a stupid fight and Gabin didn’t even really know how it had started. One second they were having dinner at his place (which was still new by the way, and vulnerable, so he would appreciate to be cut some slack) and the next they were on each other’s throats. It was happening a bit more frequently in the last few days: they were both tired, and there was a piece that Tobias was choreographing on which they were disagreeing.
For Gabin, it was also because they were getting close to their four months anniversary without having said I love you, and it was starting to get into his head, but that was another issue altogether.
«If you could just listen-» he shouted, feeling as if he was going crazy. «But no, the great genius is always right, never in his life he has been wrong, no-»
«You’re insufferable! You don’t get it, nobody ever gets it, you think you get it but-»
«Oh, of course, I’m sorry, I forgot you’re this unknowable, unreadable genius, but guess what? Sometimes you are not as mysterious or special as you think you are! You’re human, and humans make mistakes!»
«I don’t!»
«You do! And in this case I am telling you-»
«Stop talking! Just stop talking!» Tobias threw his hands in the air and started walking towards the door. «You are not getting it! You never really do, when it matters! I don’t know why I thought that you- Anyway, I’m leaving!»
Gabin was out of his mind, but not enough to fully ignore the shiver that those words sent down his spine. «Fine!» he shouted anyway. «Go! See if I care! Go find some other idiot that never disagree with you and kisses the ground you walk on!»
«Maybe I will! And I’m serious, don’t come after me!» Tobias shouted, and left the apartment.
The sudden silence that followed made Gabin’s ears ring in a way that he really didn’t care for. He stood still in the middle of the living room, with a very strong urge to punch something, or maybe cry.
He settled on screaming, and that calmed him down a bit. He screamed a bit more, then did it again into a pillow, threw the pillow on the ground, and nodded to himself. He was going after him.
The neighborhood Gabin lived wasn’t a good one. It wasn’t even a neutral one. Taxi drivers usually made faces when he gave the address, but what else was he supposed to do? He grew up there, after all. And also, the apartment was given to him by his aunt, which meant it was free, and he really couldn’t afford the price of a nicer place, in Paris.
He and Tobias had walked through those streets a few times already, but never that late at night, and especially never after a fight. He was going to find him, lead him safely to the bus stop, wait for the bus with him, and they were going to make up. It was going to be fine. Every couple fought, right? It was normal. Healthy, even.
He was so busy repeating those words to himself, that he almost missed it when he saw a group of people on the other side of the road. It looked like two men were… pinning someone against a wall?
He was running even before he had fully grasped the shape of the headphones around the guy’s neck. «Hey!» he screamed, one hand frantically going through his bag until it got hold of a very hard and heavy object he never left the house without.
Three heads turned towards him. «Oh, see? I told you, this is our Gabin’s new little boyfriend! Didn’t I tell you? We saw the video!»
Of course, Gabin recognized them. They were from the same neighborhood, after all, and they were close with the guys that almost got him to prison. And one of them was holding onto Tobias’ hoodie, pinning him against the wall.
«That’s right, assholes. It’s 2025, and he is my boyfriend, big shock. You know, making fun of me for being gay must have been entertaining when I first came out, but now? I can’t believe it isn’t getting old. And speaking about my boyfriend, I’d really appreciate it if you let him go. Now.»
«Wow, so bossy» the first one laughed. «We were just talking, weren’t we, Wonder Boy?» he said, putting a hand on Tobias’ head. Gabin wanted to bite it off his arm. «Come on, tell him, we were just having a bit of fun!»
«Gabin, go away.» Tobias locked eyes with him, and Gabin felt like he could die by how much he cared for him. There he was, probably scared shitless, but still clearly thinking about him and his criminal record and his future and-
«Yeah, that’s not likely» he said, and took his rock out of the bag. He had already made sure none of them had a weapon, so he felt the tiniest bit confident. «Anyway, if you don’t want to end up like Robert and Gabriel, I would strongly suggest leaving him the fuck alone.»
When Gabin realized they were at least a bit startled, he knew it was now or never. He pushed the guy closer to him as hard as he could, took Tobias’ hand and yanked it, getting him free from the hold of the other guy, and then he started to run as if his life depended on it.
He didn’t turn back until they were in a bigger street with enough people around, and like a fucking miracle, he saw a bus getting closer to a bus stop. «Let’s go» he urged, without even checking the destination of the bus. They quickly hopped on, and only when the doors closed behind them Gabin allowed himself to breathe.
The bus was almost empty: Tobias quitely sat down in a free two-person seat, choosing the one closer to the window. Gabin sighed, and sat down next to him. «Well, shit. Let’s never do it again, yes?»
Tobias let out a laugh that sounded a bit hysterical. «Well, I don’t plan on it!» They were quiet for a while, the city of Paris flashing before them out of the window.
Gabin felt like he had to say something. «They were friends with those I fought the other time» he said, hating how vulnerable he felt. «They must have recognized you from the video, I’m sorry. I don’t really think they would have hurt you too bad, they are not criminals like the others, but they are homophobic as shit and they used to beat me up a lot as a kid, and… I’m really sorry they attacked you. It must have sucked. But hey, at least we made it out, right?» Why was he still talking?
Tobias shook his head. «You didn’t even have to use the rock» he said, still looking outside the window.
Gabin grinned. «Lucky them» he smirked. «I am a very fearsome man. And I have deadly aim.»
«You shouldn’t have threatened them anyway» Tobias muttered. «Or even pushed them. The Ballet wouldn’t take you back if you got into another fight.»
«So what, I should have left them beating you up? Please» Gabin scoffed. «I love dancing, but I l- Tobias, it’s- Of course I had to do something. And look, it all turned out well, right? You’re okay, I’m okay, and we didn’t even have to use the rock!» Truth be told, he had been a bit scared -okay, really scared- because of the implications that another fight would have on his career. But, when he had seen them holding Tobias against that wall… The Ballet National was the furthest thing from his mind.
«It’s not the same rock as before» Tobias noted, like an afterthought.
Gabin frowned. «You mean, the one I wanted to throw into the critic’s window? I told you, I didn’t throw it, the charges were dropped, I just switched rock because I liked this more and-»
«I know, I know you didn’t throw it» Tobias interrupted him. He waited a bit, and then: «I did.»
Gabin blinked. «You did?» he repeated, because he had just thought the night couldn’t get more insane. «Like, you mean, you threw the rock into the critic’s window? The night I was arrested?»
Tobias just nodded. «I was angry and I couldn’t get your idea out of my head. It just took me a while to find the right rock, and the right window, and also to take aim.»
Gabin considered smashing the rock he was holding now into his own head. «You know I got accused of that, right? They thought it was me? Because the charges were dropped, but it could have been bad-»
«I’m sorry.»
«You better be! And when they found the rock in my bag- it was like they couldn’t decide if it was proof in my favor or against me, and-»
«No, not for that. I mean, also for that, but- I’m sorry. For before. I don’t think you are insufferable and all that. And I definitely didn’t mean the things I said about… About you not getting it.»
Gabin stayed quite for a while. «Thank you» he said at the end. «I’m sorry too, you know. For the things I said.»
«I didn’t mean to run away. It was stupid of me, and I put us both in danger. And I’m sorry I told you to not go after me. I didn’t mean that. I meant- of course I wanted you to come after me, right as I was saying to leave me alone, what I actually wanted was to ask you to come after me, and you did! You showed up and got me out of there, and- And you always do, you know what I want and what I need without me having to say it. I really shouldn’t have said any of that. No one’s ever got me like you do.»
Tobias was still not looking at him, but he sounded like he was about to cry, and that simply wouldn’t do. Gently, Gabin put his hand on Tobias’ cheek, forcing him to look him in the eye. «Hey, it’s okay» he softly said. «Of course I knew you wanted me to come after you.»
Tobias sighed and leaned his face completely on Gabin’s hand. «Of course you knew» he repeated, almost disbelievingly. «Sometimes it’s scary, how much you know me» he admitted. «Maybe that’s also why I lashed out. I think I’m all difficult and mysterious and hard to get, then you look at me, and bam!, it’s like you can read my mind. It’s so good, but it’s also so scary, because keep thinking, what if it’s gonna stop, and how can I even- I wonder, do I make you- like, I’m trying. I’m trying so hard, but sometimes I fear I’m- Just tell me, is it hard, being my boyfriend?»
Gabin blinked. «If it’s- are you serious?» But Tobias just looked at him as if he was preparing for a blow. It was heart wrecking. «Tobias, you have been the first, the only person to actually see me. It’s like other people looked at me and only saw… a time bomb, a disaster waiting to happen, or nothing at all, which was worse! You- you only took a look, and I felt… like someone finally, finally understood. And you somehow made other people understand too! You gave me a job, a reputation, a purpose. Everyday, you make me feel important. You- half of the time I don’t understand how someone like you could l- could be with someone like me» he stuttered, desperately trying to find the right words. «You are a genius, and a marvel, while I’m just- And it’s not all about dancing! Sometimes you just look at me and- and I feel like, like I matter, like I want you to always look at me. You don’t have to do anything, or to try. Being your boyfriend is- is a gift. Like a prize I won. Being able to get you it’s- like a privilege. As if I have got a job a million people were applying for. I’m sorry, I’m shitty at explaining it» he admitted, feeling defeated.
«You’re not shitty at explaining it» Tobias softly said. He then took Gabin’s hand, and put his head onto his shoulder. They were quiet for a while, and then he spoke again. «I’m still sorry about the rock thing».
Gabin just laughed. «I think it’s kind of sweet, actually.» And he did.
«I knew you would» Tobias mumbled, sounding as if he was falling asleep. «Sometimes, I can read your mind too, you know.»
Gabin placed a kiss on his head, and prayed it was true.
+1.
Gabin hated it. Don’t get him wrong, he loved working on Tobias’ pieces, he really did. Nothing ever felt like finally getting a series of step right, and those Tobias wrote seemed to fit him like he was the first person to have danced in the whole world, like they were inventing something there wasn’t even a name for.
But.
The Ballet National had just hired another dancer, and he had been cast in the same piece they were working on. The ballet in question was supposed to have two main male dancers, and Gabin knew it was supposed to be like that, and he had expected some sort of competition, of comparison. Seeing Tobias choreograph for someone else always sent a shiver down his spine, but he was secure enough to know his position to know that it wouldn’t change anything. Sort of. He just hadn’t expected him.
The new dancer, whose name was Sébastien, was perfect. He was beautiful, breathtakingly so: he was tall, and had amazing hair, and was built like a demigod. But he was also funny, and smart, and he got everything Tobias said basically on the first try. That was what bothered Gabin the most: the way Tobias’ eyes would lighten up as soon as Sébastien executed the right combination of steps at the first try… and he was always smiling as if it was nothing, and laughing even when Tobias didn’t even mean to make a joke. It made Gabin want to scream.
«Yes, exactly like that! Very good, Sébastien» Tobias would say, and Gabin would feel like throwing up. Unsurprisingly, none of that helped him performing up to his standards: every step he landed wrong, every beat he missed, he could feel his frustration building up, especially when Sébastien was seemingly not having any troubles.
It all came to worst after one particularly hard rehearsal, when Gabin was insisting he was right (when he very clearly wasn’t), which ended with both him and Tobias screaming at each other in front of the whole company.
«Maybe we should all take a break?» Sébastien suggested, his beautiful eyebrows arched in a worrisome expression that made him look even more like a Greek sculpture. Well, fuck him, Gabin was out of there.
«Yeah, great idea, as usual» he hissed, and promptly left the room. It took him about ten minutes to cool down, and to admit to himself how bad he screwed up. Again. He resolved to be as honest as possible with Tobias, and apologize for his outburst, but as he was coming back to the room, he found that Tobias wasn’t alone. Instead, Sébastien was talking with him. Just the two of them.
Without making any noise, Gabin came closer and started to listen.
«… I have an idea, and I really think the piece would benefit from it. I mean, you saw how it turned out today, and it’s clearly not getting better, so…»
«I don’t take suggestions» Tobias’ voice replied, bored. Gabin frowned: was Sébastien offering his ideas on the piece, now? Didn’t he know that was the surest and fastest way to make Tobias mad?
«But you’re not thinking straight!» Sébastien replied, conceited. This made Gabin even more confused, and he tried looking through the semi-open door: the two men were very close, sitting together on the floor. «Listen, everybody knows about you and Gabin, yes? I’ve read the article on Le Monde, we all know about your fairytale viral kiss or whatever. But- but that doesn’t mean he gets to be on every piece, right?»
Gabin felt his blood turn into ice. Was that what all this was about? Sébastien wanted to… cut him off the production? He dared a glance towards Tobias: he was working on organizing some music sheets, but he looked like he had just stopped in his track. «Excuse me?» he said, voice dangerously low.
«He’s clearly not good for you» Sébastien insisted. «He’s loud, and angry, and mostly wrong about everything. I get that he was the first person you met in Paris, and I read something about him killing a rat for you in one of your interviews? But come on, you deserve a real étoile! Someone who can actually keep up with you!»
And then, Gabin couldn’t believe his eyes, Sébastien took Tobias’ hand. «This piece will work just as well with only one person. And then, well, think of what we could do, you and me, together! You’re amazing, I’m amazing, and you can’t deny we have a connection that goes beyond dance. What do you and him have? He’s gonna let you down eventually, you must know that. He is a time bomb, and it’s the last thing you need. Before, when he stormed off? I knew what you were thinking, I could see it in your eyes: you were thinking about ending it. You looked done.»
Gabin felt like he was having a panic attack. Was it real? Yes, it had been a bad fight, but he didn’t think it was that bad. They’d had gone through worse, right? But still… He didn’t really know everything about Tobias, did he? And he had a history of driving people away, of being too loud too angry and not worth the trouble and too much and- what if he had read it all wrong, and Tobias really wanted to end it? After all, he had never even said…
Gabin shook his head: he had to do something: he had to fight, to beg, to storm into the room and punch that fucker in the face- but a loud noise made him stop: Tobias had shoved Sébastien back, standing up and glaring at him in a way that even Gabin, safely hidden behind the door, felt like stepping back. «That’s enough» Tobias said, voice cold as ice. «Yes, this piece will work even with only one lead dancer, that’s right. I’ll speak to Genevieve to remove you from the cast starting today.»
«W-what…»
«You thought you understood what I was thinking? Don’t make me laugh. You can dance, but you lack everything that really matters. You are entitled, selfish and arrogant, and you should watch your mouth before you say Gabin’s name.»
Gabin felt like he could faint. And from the look of him, Sébastien too. «I-I get that you’re together! He is beautiful, in his own way, and I’m sure you must find him funny, a nice pastime, but-» Sébastien tried, and Tobias laughed at him. «You don’t get it. You couldn’t even try to understand what he is to me. It’s like you don’t even see him! How stupid can you be? The way he dances, the way he’s passionate about things, the way he cares. He is a star. And it’s not even about the dancing! Even if he stopped dancing tomorrow, I wouldn’t mind. He’d still be the only one who gets, me, and I get him. I don’t “find him funny”, he is not a pastime. I love him. I’ll always love him. And I won’t work with anyone who disrespect him the way you have before. Have I made myself clear?»
Love. Tobias had really said… Gabin felt like he could cry. Or laugh, or both. The realization that Tobias loved him flooded him like sunlight, like a tide. Of course, he knew. In a way, he had known all along. It was so clear, in everything that Tobias did, in the small gestures, the touches, the conversations, the choreographies, the way he tried, over and over, to let Gabin in. He knew, he had always known. But God, was it good to hear it out loud.
«Fuck you» Sébastien uttered, storming off the room and almost tripping over Gabin. «I don’t know how you did it» he hissed. «But great fucking job. You have him wrapped around your finger. You must be happy now.»
Gabin just blinked, but Sébastien was gone before he could reply. He realized he was smiling like crazy. Tobias loved him.
He took a few steps inside the room: Tobias was back to his music sheets, as if nothing had happened. «Hey, Maverick» he said.
Tobias raised his head, looking annoyed. «What.»
«I’m sorry for before» Gabin tried, feeling like his insides might explode any moment now. «I overreacted.»
«You don’t look very sorry» Tobias noted, arching an eyebrow. Ah, yes. Gabin was still smiling.
«Oh, you’re right. But, hey, I really am sorry. You were right about the steps. And, well, when I saw the look into your eyes… You looked so done…»
Tobias widened his eyes in understanding. «Were you listening? He’s an idiot. You’re an idiot too, and I’m still angry, but he is a bigger idiot» he simply said, rolling his eyes. «He’s not even that good of a dancer. His stance was always leaning to the left. And he smelled bad» he added.
Gabin closed his eyes for a second, savoring the moment. «Yeah, I was listening, but I don’t mind. I mean, he was an asshole, but I sort of deserved it a little bit. And also, it was kind of nice hearing you get all defensive» he said, feeling so happy he could die.
«Yeah, don’t get used to it. If you ruin another rehearsal…»
«It’s not going to happen anymore!» Gabin quickly assured, still smiling.
Tobias seemed to realize that something was happening, because he frowned a bit, looking confused. «Are you feeling all right?»
«Well, yes, obviously. My honor just got defended by my boyfriend! He got all mad and scary, kicked someone out of the production for me, and more importantly, he said that he loves me! » he said, putting his hands behind his head and starting to walk around the room. He felt drunk. He felt like laughing, like singing, like climbing a mountain. He hated to repeat himself, but Tobias had said that he loved him. He loved him!
«Yes, big surprise» Tobias scoffed, going back to his work.
Gabin couldn’t stop smiling. It was starting to feel weird. His cheeks hurt, but he didn’t care. It was so clear that for Tobias this was already obvious, he couldn’t help but tease a bit. «Well, since it’s the first time you say it…»
«What? No, impossible» Tobias said, still working on his music sheets, but Gabin could see him frowning.
«It’s not! This was the first time!» he happily corrected.
Tobias stopped his work and stood up to face Gabin. «It can’t be true» he insisted, but he was clearly starting to doubt himself.
«I think I would remember my boyfriend saying to my face that he is in love with me» he teased. He really should do something about his smile. It was probably stuck. «But you didn’t! This is the first time!»
«No, but, like, even if I never said it, you had to know» Tobias insisted, a sort of alarmed light in his eyes. «You- you knew, right? That I love you?»
It was so good to hear it, Gabin could cry. «Well, it’s not like I can actually read your mind» he joked. Tobias looked about to self-combust, though, so he took pity of him and put his hand on Tobias’ shoulder. «But yeah, I had my suspicions. Still, it’s nice to hear it out loud.» He pulled him into a kiss, and then: «By the way, I love you too» he breathed.
Tobias went still in his arms, and Gabin made peace with the fact he would never get his face back to normal. «See? Nice.»
Tobias trembled behind his touch. «Say it again.»
Gabin would gladly do that and nothing else for the rest of his days. «I love you» he said, softly, adoringly. «I love you so much I feel I’m going crazy. Nobody in the world has ever loved anyone else as much as I love you» A beat. «I love you.»
Tobias shook his head. «You were right. You cannot read my mind after all. You’re so far off» he seriously said. «I love you more.»
Gabin laughed, and kissed him again. «Do you know what I’m thinking?»
«We should cancel the rest of the rehearsal and go home?»
«It’s like you read my mind.»