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"Hello, Ames.“ I hear myself say but I’m shaking at the same time and my heart beats so loud in my ears that I don’t feel like I’m the one actually speaking. "Ready to go?“
Amy is looking at me now and my heart beats faster.
"Yeah, I just have to put a few more bits of clothes in the suitcase but then I’m ready to go.“
Amy heads up the stairs and I can’t seem to resist the urge to stare at her butt. "God, Tina! Stop! You don’t have the right to look anymore. The last time you did was ten years ago. Why can’t you get over this.“
I wait in the sitting room for her so I can clear my head because the feelings that normally are so subtle have exploded into a storm of emotions since I woke up this morning. I somehow think back to the moment where I knew that I was falling for my bouncy and energetic blonde best friend. Not just lust feelings where you want to feel the person’s skin beneath your hands and have mind glowingly great sex, although I’ve experienced that a few times over the past twenty years. MIND BLOWINGLY GREAT. I always told myself to never fall for someone who might not love me back and yes, it took a few years for me to realise, but I fell..
The year was 1999 and it was new years eve, Jimmy Fallon had decided a week before to throw a new years eve party to celebrate all the great things that had happened in the last year of the 20th century and Amy stayed at my house the night before just because it was easier to get to Jimmy’s place together since we would be at each other’s side anyways. We went to his house and it was fully blooming, people were already drunk enough to forget the names of their boyfriends and were on the dance floor dancing. Jimmy instantly saw us and walked over to me and Amy.
"Hi! I’m so glad you guys could make it! Isn’t this party great?“ I could barely hear him over the music.
"Huh?“ I say. the music was giving me a headache.
"Help yourself to some punch.“ Yeah, they had punch like it was our senior prom. The 1990’s were a rough time for almost everyone.
Amy gladded my hand as she lead me to the drinks table and poured me some really strong alcohol beverage that I couldn’t really identify and I pulled a face that told her it was stronger than I would normally drink and poured herself some to down it. As she did so, I stared at her and decided to down it too. It was New Years Eve and I deserved to celebrate with my best friend.
"COME ON, LETS DANCE!“ Amy shouted. I just nodded and let her take my hand again. I felt a spark go up to my spine and I shivered. I wondered why that always happened when she touched me because that never happened with my ex boyfriends. It was always Amy and it scared me.
We started dancing as I felt the alcohol go straight to my head and after half an hour on the dance floor I noticed that Amy had been dancing with some random guy and at the moment was grinding against him. I felt tears spring to my eyes. This happened a lot recently when Amy started dating another guy and it hurt. Jimmy saw me looking at Amy and came over which I thought was to come talk to me but he passed me, so I decided to go celebrate a little more by drinking something stronger and thats what I did. I couldn’t think straight after a few shots and I lost track of time as this guy was wrapping his hands around my waist and started grinding on me. It felt wrong and gross but I couldn’t make myself pull away, so I thought "Fuck it. Let loose tonight, Fey.“
I couldn’t remember for how long we had been dancing, but he stopped grinding against me and started to lead me outside. Amy must have been staring at me from the table in the back corner, seen just how wasted I was and took control of the situation because she came over and told the guy that I wasn’t in the right mind to consent.
I leaned onto Amy and started kissing her neck while she was telling me "You really are so so wasted.“
"Did you have sex with the guy you were grinding on?“ I asked with the tone of a heartbroken child so even I wanted to cuddle me.
"What? No! Are you jealous?“ she smirked at me.
"No..“ yes.
"You are, aren’t you?“
"No! I was just wondering!“ I wish you were mine to grind on.
"Do you… Do you have feelings for me?“ Her tone had a trace of hope in it but I wasn’t really that sure since I was incredibly intoxicated.
"What?! NO! Do YOU?“ I do, I’m just scared you don’t.
"NO. NEVER.“
"Do you want to dance some more?“ I ask hoping that she’ll get a little more intoxicated so I could dirty dance with her for a bit.
"Hey there, do you guys want some beers?“ Jimmy.
"Yes please.“ Amy.
"I’d love some!“ I exclaim with glee and a little shimmy dance which makes me giggle.
"Tina, are you incredibly drunk right now?“ god, he genuinely cares way too much.
"Do I need to cut you off?“
"NO. DONT YOU DARE. I’LL WRITE YOU INTO A SKIT WHERE YOU ARE BOLD AND HAVE TO WEAR SOMETHING UNFLATTERING LIKE A MINI BIKINI. I SWEAR TO GOD. I WILL END YOU, LITTLE BOY.“ I scream at him. God, so drunk.
"Okay! Fine! Have a beer then!“ Jimmy laughs nervously like I’m going to kill him and Amy’s looking at me, smirking.
"Look, Tina. Our song!“ Dreams by Gabrielle comes on.
She puts her hands on my face and I feel the same spark go to my spine and spread to my toes and fingers and my brain feels warm.
She grabs me, pulls me to her and starts grinding on me, sucking my neck and I lean back into her.
I even move my head so she can get better access to the spot she’s concentrating on.
"I love you, T.“ she whispers in a way that only I can hear. "You are so sexy. God. I missed doing this to you.“ Her hand slowly just brushes past my groin and sits itself on my thigh, teasing me.
I groan. So drunk. "More.“ I whisper.
"Tina, are you okay?“ Amy had somehow come downstairs without me noticing and broke the flashback.
"Oh, Yeah. I must have zoned out for a second.“ I lied. We never talk about that night, ever. "Ready?“
"Yup!“ I lead the way to my car, put her suitcase in the trunk and jump into the drivers seat.
"So, how is everything? Are you dating anyone new?! she asked me and for a second I swore that I saw a hopeful smile from the corner of my eye.
"No… I saw this one cute guy at the store a few days ago but I don’t really want a guy right now.“
I want you.
"Oh, so, you broke things off with that small dude? What’s his name? Um… Josh?“
I chuckle, "Josh is a very gay name and you know it! Also, that’s not even close. But no, Carl and I broke it off a few months back… I thought I told you?“
"No, you didn’t… I heard from some dude at the video store. THE VIDEO STORE.“
Oh no. I fucked up. She looks so mad. Is that a glimmer of disappointment? Damn, I REALLY fucked up… "I’m sorry Ames, I must have forgotten to tell you when he was moving his stuff out of my apartment, I’m so sorry… I love you. WAIT, You still go to the video store??“ I can’t help myself, so I let out a small chuckle.
"NO. You DON'T get to chuckle right now! You should have TOLD ME. I’M YOUR BEST FRIEND. YOU SHOULD TEXT ME EVERYTHING MAJOR OR MINOR THAT HAPPENS. I TOLD YOU WHEN I BROKE THINGS OFF WITH TONY.“
"I’M SORRY.“ I look at her. „I honestly don’t remember much of the breakup, because…“
"Because of what?“ Her anger turns to concern. "DID HE HIT YOU? BECAUSE I SWEAR TO GOD, IF HE HIT YOU I WILL HIT HIM BACK WITH A TEN FOOT POLE.“
Ow. I look over. "AMY! NO!“ please don’t die. I need you.