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He's tempted to lose track like this- hunched over in bed, one hand gripping his chest, the other gripping the blanket.
He doesn't. It's been exactly seventeen minutes he's been heaving for the breath that refuses to come. He knows because that's exactly how long he's been keeping Jody in his peripheral, making sure that his toture isn't going to bother her awake.
Some part of him has this almost instinctual urge to reach out to her, ask her to help him. No matter what he tries not to think about, he can't tear his gaze away from it- or her.
He thinks it must also be because he wants to make sure she's right there, and not a sick illusion of some kind.
A tear slips down his cheek, suddenly, before he can stifle, and he's forced to squeeze his eyes shut, grip his hair tighter. Something strong, urgent, desperate, grieving- shifts in his head, yanks savagely at his lungs. He hates it, deep down, but he doesn't want to stop the hand gripping the blanket from letting go to reach out to her, either.
She stirs, and for a moment, he wants to hide again, make sure he just handles this on his own.
"Jody-" he grits out instead, jaw clenches so hard he swears he hears it creak. "Jody-"
"Colt. . . ?" she says, voice thick with sleep. It's marvelous- just the sound of her voice is relief enough that Colt finds the grip on his hair loosening just a little bit."
And he knows she can see his panic, now, because then she's moving closer, that aura of her care and comfort for him permeating his soul again, like it always does.
"I- I can't-" he gasps in, swallows thickly. He's better at this, he's trying to be better, he can be- "I can't c-calm down, Jod- I-"
"Okay, alright, hey-" her hands are warm, cupping his face, and he whimpers, shaking in her hold.
"N-nightmare, I jus'-" he rasped, huffing out a ragged breath. He flailed out a hand until he found Jody's, gripping it tight. "I can't breathe- I- I can't-"
"I can see that," Jody said, though it's far from unkind.
He grips her hand tighter, hand flying up to grip at his chest, breaths suddenly leaving him much faster than before.
"Okay, darling- come here-" she murmurs, pulling him gently toward her until he's pressed into her side, head nestled in the crook of her neck.
"Can you take a deep breath for me?" she asks, soft and calm.
He shakes his head, almost hysterical- he can't breathe- it's- he can't-
His eyes squeeze shut, face wet and throat sore from the rasping sobs scraping up and out of his withering lungs.
"Oh, my god- god, oh my god, oh my g-" it takes him some time to explain it to her later- all her remembers is feeling like something was coming, like every nerve in his body was on fire, like his heart was going to explode, his hands were going to fly off, his lungs were going to disintegrate if he didn't move-
His back hits something solid, but he doesn't know what it is, just that it feels safer, and that whoever is coming for him will find Jody, and she can't- shouldn't be- he needs to protect her, needs to keep her safe, keep her happy, that's all that matters, really, it's all he's really, really cared about, but he can't even breathe how is he supposed to fight-
He gasps and blinks hard, and there's sweat dripping down his nose, mixing with the tears slipping down his cheeks. Jody's there, too, one hand on the nape of his neck, the other cradling both of his hands.
She's looking him in the eye, mumbling something quiet and gentle, their faces inches apart.
He's still panting, and it's suddenly light out, too.
More than seventeen minutes, now.
"Jody-" he rasps, swallowing around his dry throat.
She smiles softly at him, relieved, and smooths a thumb over his cheek, wiping of the sweat and tears away. She pecks him on the lips- gentle, quick, a little bit desperate, like she's just happy he can feel it again.
"Take a breath, Colt? For me?" She asks, quietly, patiently- and he finds that he can, so he does, over and over until he's slumping against her, exhausted and more than a little ashamed.
"Thank you," he mumbles into her neck, relaxes a little more when she starts to rub little soothing circles into the small of his back.
"Thank you for asking for help, love," she corrects gently, not missing a beat, and-
He doesn't feel so ashamed, anymore.