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There were things Steve Rogers never expected to see when called upon by JARVIS during an emergency. Tony Stark on his knees with his upper body under one of the benches in his workshop making calming cooing sounds was definitely on the top of that list.
“It’s okay, little one. No one is going to hurt you. Won’t you come out of there?”
“Stark?” Steve asked incredulously. “What on Earth are you doing?”
Stark crawled out of the tight space with surprising agility. His hair was in wild disarray, cheeks flushed, eyes wide, that by itself was unnerving.
"Cap, thank god! Baby! Come here!"
Steve blinked. Did Stark just called him baby? Is this one of his pranks? He scowled. "What do you think-" he began in his full Captain America mode but was cut off by Stark's wildly gesturing hands.
"Shhh! Don't yell; he's scared enough as it is!" Genius nearly shouted himself, apparently not realizing he does the one thing he's berating Steve for. Then he bent back down and softly repeated his previous words. "It's okay, kiddo. That's Captain America over there. Do you know Captain America? He's going to help you. Just come on out of there. It's all a-okay."
Steve blinked. And then he blinked again. Well, he should probably expect it. They always say genius and insanity walk hand in hand.
"Stark, what are you doing?" he inquired little desperately. He is not in any way qualified to deal with any higher level of craziness than what was the strictly necessary minimum undeniable in their lives. If Stark lost it, he was not the right guy for the job of bringing him back to the land of relatively sane.
"Baby, Cap! Baby!" Stark stood up and hissed in a mild panic, which was genuinely unnerving for Steve. Stark did not panic He was always calm. Almost irritatingly so.
"What?"
"There is a baby in my workshop!" Stark gestured wildly in the general direction of the space behind him, still hissing.
Steve sucked in a startled breath. "What? Stark, your workshop is not a place for a baby! And where did you even get one?"
"I didn't!" Stark barked quietly, but with the same amount of irritation as usual. "He just appeared. Out of thin air. Then we both freaked the fuck out, and he crawled under the work table." He sounded mildly ashamed about the freaking out and inadvertently scaring the kid part.
Steve stared at him for a few seconds before asking: "It appeared out of thin air? Just like that?"
"Yeah! Well, there was a flash of multicolored light, but yeah, just like that."
Steve stared for a few seconds more and then covered his face with his hands and groaned. That's what he gets for thinking it might be a good day for once. Mysteriously appearing toddlers. Just great.
---
It had taken several long minutes before they managed to coax the child out of the tight space under the table, and by then, Steve was nearly at peace with the thought there was even a possibility human being could just appear out of nowhere. So, of course, that was the moment the little boy turned his grime-streaked face upwards, and Steve nearly swallowed his tongue out of shock.
He was looking into his own eyes. Big, blue, tear-filled eyes were shining out of a face that couldn't be older than two maybe three years.
Stark next to him stiffened, and Steve could hear the sharp intake of breath.
"Cap?" the brunette asked unsurely. "Did you by any chance forgot to tell us about your secret kid?"
Steve shot him a dirty look. "No!" The boy in front of them twitched, and Steve made his voice sound a little softer. "No. That's not- I don't have any child."
"So, who does he belongs to? Don't take me wrong; I trust you know best if you have any kids, but this one looks just like you." He nodded where the boy sat and stared at them both with an expression somewhere between fear and awe.
"Yeah," Steve couldn't but agree. "Yeah, he does." He turned to the child, who seemed to be more inclined to awe than fear now. "Could you tell us y-"
"'ony?" The boy chose precisely that moment to turn his face to Stark. The inventor's face blanched. Steve felt his jaw fall a little against his will. "'ony?" The kid repeated a bit surer.
"Y-yeah?" Stark tried uncertainly, still flabbergasted.
"Wha' happened?"
"What do you mean, little guy?" Stark asked, and tentatively sat a little closer.
"S'eve!" Sounded indignant answer.
"What?"
"Name is S'eve!" Then he put his arms up in a universal gesture for 'pick me up'. Stark instead of taking him turned his horrified face to Steve and said what Steve pretty much guessed five minutes earlier.
"He's not yours; he is you ."
There were lots of responses Steve could give him at that, but for some reason, his brain chose. "Ma always said 't' gave me trouble."
---
To Steve, it seemed it was ludicrously simple for Stark to get a hold of himself after the big reveal. Suddenly his panic was nowhere to be found. Later Steve learned it was simply because this was something unnatural, something that fit into their strange lives because, this was no ordinary lost child, this was baby Steve suddenly appearing in Stark's workshop. Little Steve, who knew Tony and apparently trusted him, if the increasing amount of physical contact was anything to go by.
It's left Steve with feeling like someone snatched up the ground under his feet.
In the meantime, Stark managed to consider four different possible scenarios of how did little he appeared in their reality and let's just say, Steve did not deal easily with the theory of the multiverse. And he thought waking seventy years into a future is crazy. How much stranger could his world get?
It also irked Steve that for Stark, Stark seemed to be effortless to find his way to little him, but Steve could barely stand the closeness with the kid when they were in the same room. It was he as a child, for crying out loud! A really really young child at that, so it shouldn't be so hard, he still kind of remembered what it was like to be a kid. Probably not that young, but still. It was him, so why did Steve felt like he shouldn't be anywhere near him?
It embarrassed him how grateful he was when Stark brought up the matter of food and informing other available Avengers. Preferably Banner if he was in, to take a look at mini Steve and determine if he's healthy and not a clone or some crazily masked trap that could kill them all.
He found Bruce deep in research that went right over Steve's head, but he was content with knowing it was in no way connected to the serum. Bruce's face went from politely neutral to curiously neutral in a second after Steve told him what happened, but that was it. No shock, no panic, nothing. But then again, if you regularly turn into a big green creature with a different personality and about twenty times more muscle mass than should be possible, there aren't many things that faze you.
He watched Banner's back disappearing around the corner and then looked up to the ceiling. "JARVIS?"
"How can I help you, Captain Rogers?" AI asked politely, his courtly British accent slightly soothing Steve's frazzled nerves. A reminiscent of his past life, he was sure and tried not to think about too often.
"Do you know where can I find Thor and agents Romanoff and Barton?" he asked making his way to the kitchen, where he hoped could be found something for a three-year-old. What do three-year-olds even eat?
"Agents Barton and Romanoff had been called by their SHIELD liaison an hour and twenty-six minutes ago. They should be due to return in a day or so; they were not particularly generous on details or specifications.
Master Odinson left the premises in the late morning to, and I quote, 'discover the joys of food standing on the streets of the new city of York' unquote. He did not yet return."
"And he probably won't for another few hours, great." Steve pinched his nose, because if there was magic involved in this mess - and how insane is that this is an entirely normal thing to say in his life now - Thor's help would be useful. But trying to find him and then get him back from wherever he was enjoying the best or worst hot dogs New York has to offer was something Steve just hadn't had any time for, now.
Instead, he put together something that hopefully wasn't hurtful or poisonous for toddlers to eat, put it on a tray with juice and a pot of fresh coffee next to it, and headed back down.
When Steve stepped out of the elevator, he heard voices and laughter.
"'ony! Up!"
"He sure does like you," he heard Bruce say in mildly amused tone.
"Right? It's so weird." Stark laughed lightly, and then grunted presumably because of the weight he was hauling up. "Hard to believe there is a universe where Captain more than politely tolerates me, not to say even likes me enough to demand cuddles."
Banner audibly sighed. "It's not like you are making it easy for him. The guy is probably still in shock from the lost years. And, you know, everybody he knew being dead or close to it."
"So, you are saying it's my fault?" Stark asked sounding teasing, but there was an undertone of bitterness in it, which surprised Steve. He would have expected anger or maybe wounded pride. "You are probably right."
"No, Tony. That is not what I'm saying. You are both pains in the a- uh, in the butt, to be frank with you," Bruce groused.
"Aw, Brucie-bear, you say the sweetest things." There was a muffled choking sound. "Hey, kiddo, I need a little air here."
That was when Steve realized he's listening in on a private conversation and flushed with embarrassment. What would his Ma said, if she could see him now? She would slap him upside the head that's for sure.
He ventured into the workshop food and coffee in front of him almost as a peace offering, even when he knew there is no need for one.
---
Alright, so the kid was him, but not him from the past. Also, not a clone. Bruce proclaimed there was no doubt about the serum being present in little Steve, he was healthy and obviously on the bigger side for a two-year-old. It sure did explain the appetite mini he had. There was no doubt it was a supersoldier level of food inhalation. The apple juice he picked had an enormous success, which didn't really surprise him, since it's his favorite, too. But the bottom line was, he's everything Steve himself was not at his age. He ignored the wistful almost envious feeling in his gut. Instead, he focused on the fact it shortened the list of Tony's possible reasons for his presence.
Bruce left them a while ago, saying he's going to try to get ahold of Richards, because 'he's the resident expert on the multiverse, Tony. It doesn't matter that you don't like him, we need his help'.
Tony wanted to go through some math, while Bruce tried to find 'Mr. Fantastic', but was abruptly interrupted by little Steve, who basically ignored Steve's presence and toddled after the billionaire like an imprinted duckling. Steve found it acutely disturbing, bordering with horrifying.
"'ony, up! Up, up!" Hollered the kid waving it's little but strong arms in the air. Stark didn't hesitate even for a second. It shocked Steve at the beginning, but with each passing minute, it seemed more and more like a norm. It just... he seemed so natural, hoisting the child on his hip, talking a mile a minute to him about everything he clearly attempted to do. It was almost unguarded; Steve never saw Stark like this before.
"Hey squirt, would you like to see the robots?" Stark asked in an almost conspiratorial whisper. The kid perked up.
"Dummy?!" He nearly yelled in excitement and Stark blinked in surprise.
"You know about Dummy?" he inquired slightly hesitant as if it was much harder to believe it than there is a two-year-old Steve Rogers in his arms.
"Dummy!" Little him yelled again excitedly and clapped his hands. Stark smiled a blinding smile.
"We clearly have to be pretty close in your world, huh? Damn," he shook his head as if he couldn't believe it, probably not even realizing that Steve, his version of very much adult Steve, is standing nearby seeing and hearing everything. "Okay, Dummy it is. And what about Butterfingers and U? Do you know them, too? JARVIS? Would you deploy them from their charging stations?"
"Right away, sir," was the clear, crisp answer, but Steve would be willing to bet his sketchbook he could hear hints of humor and fondness in the AI's voice.
Just a minute or two later there were three one armed machines, rolling their way in their direction and Steve could only stare. He remembered seeing them before, but never truly paying any more attention to them, since most of the times he found himself in Stark's workshop, it was in the middle of an emergency. Or close to one. Now, on the other hand, there was no emergency, except the fact there was a child version of him from some other world, a that was now more of a mystery than a real emergency. So he got to stay put and watch what was unfolding in front of him.
The robots gathered around Stark, their claws rotating slightly from side to side with quiet whirring and occasional clicking of their claws. The child in Stark's arms did not seem scared in the slightest, on the contrary, he was trying to grab the claw closest to him.
"Alright, guys, this is Steve, and he's not from this world, but he seems to know you all in his own world, and he obviously likes you." He was interrupted by another excited 'Dummy!' and smiled. "Would you like to say hi?"
To Steve's astonishment, all three machines nodded with their claws and Tony beamed at them.
"You have to be careful, though, he might be a little super soldier and probably would heal, but no need to test that theory, okay? Okay. Steve-boy, want to play with the bots?"
The answer that followed couldn't be any more enthusiastic. Stark chuckled and sat little Steve on the ground between the bots. The kid seemed to panic for a moment grabbing his pant leg, but Tony kneeled next to him and with soothing voice reassured him. "I'll be right here, kid. No need to panic. Anytime you need, just turn around, and I'll be there, 'kay?"
"Okay," was all that he got, before the kid turned back to bots, who were carefully prodding into his sides and legs and belly. It made the child giggle and soon even shriek with laughter.
Stark silently chuckled as he watched for a few more moments, shaking his head fondly. "What a kid." Then he turned around. And froze.
Oh. So he did forget Steve was still standing there like a single post in a field.
"Uh, Cap-" he started, but Steve hastily interrupted.
"You are good with him." He nodded to the child quite unnecessarily, because he was apparently useless when it came to talking with Stark instead of yelling at him. Huh, Banner was probably right, they both could try more.
Stark startled a little as if Steve did yell at him, but then relaxed a bit and shrugged. "Kids are easier than adults. Especially kids who like me before they even meet me. It's a nice change of pace," he threw a grin over his shoulder at little Steve who was happily ignoring them both in favor of holding with both hands on a claw and letting himself being softly swung from side to side. Steve snorted at the sight, surprising even himself.
"Any idea how to find out where he came from?" Steve asked, but only Stark shrugged.
"No, not yet. But now that he's occupied, I can go through some of the ideas." He mindlessly grabbed the pot of now at best lukewarm coffee and poured himself a cup, slurping noisily. Steve took that as the hint it was meant to be and let him work, pouring a cup of his own while keeping an eye on his younger version. He, too, had some things he wanted to think about.
---
It happened during dinner preparation when Banner referred what Thor told him and what he managed to get from Sue Storm because Richards was out of the city. "Fucking typical, every time he's needed he's conveniently somewhere without a cell signal." Stark groused, but quietly, shooting looks to the couch where little Steve was watching Wizard of Oz, giggling at the flying monkeys.
"So, we have nothing?" Steve asked. Bruce shrugged.
"Few theories and even more guesses, but nothing we could use as a quick fix of this. Unless Thor shows up with a magical solution, I think we should find little you a place to sleep and something to wear because this could be a bit more long term than we hoped."
Stark was still frowning but didn't protest, which only made Steve surer there is no way they could set it all right before bedtime. Great.
He put the huge bowl of pasta salad in the middle of their now half empty table and began to fill everyone's plates.
Stark turned around and bellowed. "Hey little monkey, it's dinner time!"
"No' a monkey!" was the shouted answer he received and Steve noticed the wide grin that spread across the inventor's face.
"Are you sure?" Stark asked while walking to the couch and making an attempt to grab the giggling child. "I would swear I saw you climb Dummy just like a monkey. Or was it someone else?"
"You!" The boy shouted still giggling like crazy.
" Me? " Genius asked in a mock outrage. "I would never. I am Tony Stark, and Stark men would never do something so undignified," he proclaimed and Steve had to bite his lip, because really? The billionaire made at least four undignified things in a week.
Peel of laughter was all Stark got for that. "'ony S'ark! Iron Man! Superhero!" Screamed then the little version of him and threw his arms up in a wild gesture of pure joy. That wasn't what Steve was looking at, though.
Tony Stark, genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist, looked utterly stricken. Shocked into stillness Steve never even thought he's capable of.
"Oh." Bruce's quiet breath pulled him from his silent reverie.
"'ony?" The kid asked when there was no loud reciprocation from the adult in front of him.
"Yeah?" It was said so quietly even Steve had to try to hear it clearly.
"Hug?" Small Steve stretched his arms even more, and Bruce next to Steve audibly hold his breath.
But as if something broke in the inventor, Tony just nodded and breathed still quiet "yeah" and scooped the child into his arms. Little he automatically wrapped his extremities around as much of Tony as possible and cuddled into his chest, where Stark's arc reactor shined through his t-shirt.
Bruce let out his breath with a whooshing sound and Steve looked over his shoulder to see the scientist smile one his rare honest smiles. Banner gave him a sideways glance. "I guess you never saw him with any children?" he asked quietly and turned so he could finish distributing drinks. Steve got the hint and turned his back to the still hugging pair.
"I- No. Not really. He meets a lot of them?" Steve asked not able to hide his surprise completely.
Bruce shrugged. "Enough. He likes children. Tony is an affectionate person, but he doesn't trust easily. Children don't mean him any harm."
Steve felt like Bruce kicked him in the stomach. He could barely stop himself from looking over his shoulder back at the two, but then reminded himself he has no right for that private moment. He did not deserve even what Bruce had told him. But maybe he could. Maybe, if he actually tried, they could move past the cold professionalism to something warmer. Maybe even a friendship of sorts.
He didn't say anything when the pair joined them at the table, and neither did Bruce, but the atmosphere changed nonetheless and it was the most comfortable Steve could remember in a long time.
---
The alarm was what woke him up.
"JARVIS, what's happening?" Steve barked as he quickly grabbed a yesterday's pants and a t-shirt.
"Intruder at level 98, Captain Rogers."
Stark's workshop, Steve connected immediately and took off down the corridor, past the elevator, and down the stairs. He was faster anyway.
He wasn't the first one to arrive, though. Stark was already there, looking around.
Steve wanted to ask what's going on, but then he realized. There was no one else there. And Stark did not seem in any hurry to figure out what caused the alarm. He also appeared to be a little taller and bit broader in shoulders than he was last night.
"Who are you?" Steve shot instead, when he finally entered the workshop, JARVIS letting him in automatically.
"Steve?" Stark's head perked up with a grin, but then it dimmed a little as he narrowed his eyes at him. "Huh. You are not my Steve, are you? No. Different hair and too pissed look. Also, Richards said my Steve is in a bit tinier package right now."
Before he could say anything, the door of the elevator opened, and Tony run out of it.
"Cap, what's hap- Oh," he stopped in his tracks, staring at the familiar but more than just a bit different figure standing in the middle of his sacred space. "Oh." He said again a little less shocked as if he was already getting on terms with the fact another Tony Stark is standing in front of him as if they just knocked into each other in a bar.
The intruder smiled. "Hey me," he waved with a cheeky grin. "Mind if I ask where my Steve is?"
Stark blinked, then frowned a little, but it smoothed out almost immediately. "He's in bed, probably screaming his little lungs out. He wanted to go with me, but, well." The shrug he gave covered all he didn't consider necessary to say out loud. They all understood anyway. "Bruce is with him."
The other Stark looked surprised. "Bruce Banner?"
"Yeah?" Stark seemed a bit confused by the other Stark's surprise.
"You mean human Bruce Banner?"
"Well, duh."
Other Stark chuckled and waved his hands placatingly. "Sorry, sorry, I just that our Banner is never around. Like a human, I mean, he's permanently hulked out. But I guess it's only logical there are going to be differences between the realities."
Steve was a little horrified. "Permanently?"
Other Stark chuckled. "Yes. It's high maintenance; I'm not gonna lie. He trashes the Tower a lot. But it's not that much worse than what Thor does, so, meh." He shrugged again.
Steve still tried to wrap his head around Hulk that's around twenty-four seven, when his Stark- Oh blast it, Tony turned to Stark and asked. "So, I guess Steve isn't usually a toddler in your reality?"
Stark laughed. "No. Not really, that would make everything way too creepy. No, he's over a hundred actually. As grown up as he's gonna get I think."
"Yeah, that makes sense. It's similar here."
"I can see that," Stark smirked and gave Steve a lingering once-over, which made him want to run out of the room. What the heck? Tony looked similarly flabbergasted but shook it off almost immediately.
"So, you want me to take you to him? He's probably apoplectic by now, so it would be for the best, I think."
Stark beamed at them. "Great! Let's go; I miss that idiot. But seriously, I can't let him be alone for an hour."
Steve stared after them for a few seconds before Tony waved him into the elevator with them. He went.
---
As Tony said, the little Steve was almost hysteric from being left behind, so it's not a great shock for Steve when Tony tore from them and rushed to the bed to scoop the kid into his arms.
"'ooo-ny-yyy," the child hiccuped between tearful sobs, calming only reluctantly when Tony rocked him gently from side to side.
"It's okay, monkey, shhh. It's all just fine. Look, who found his way here and is looking for you?" He turned so the little Steve could see who's at the door. Seeing Stark seemed to shock him into almost complete silence.
"'ony?" He ventured after a short minute, blinking the tears away confusedly.
"Oh for fuck's sake, he's absolutely adorable!" Stark all but whined beside him and then proceeded to coo at the kid shamelessly. Tony seemed a bit taken aback by the display as well.
"'ony!" Tiny Steve squirmed and stretched his arms to Stark, who took him without hesitation.
"Oh baby, I missed you, too. It's okay, and we are gonna fix everything. But first, we need to do about a thousand photos because look at you, you are the cutest kid that ever existed! You are so fathering all our children when we get you back to shape." Stark was clearly on a roll, stopping only for a second and grimacing. "Which we are going to talk about when you are not a kid yourself because that's just so many shades of weird and disturbing. But you are not gonna sway me, no way. Not when I know how fuc- fricken' adorable you were as a kid!" It was after that he seemed to realize Tony and Steve are both staring at him.
"Um, sorry? I might have been freaking out a bit more than I let on?" He shrugged minutely before looking back down at tiny Steve, who was now grinning happily, nuzzling into Stark's chest. "Worst anniversary ever, Captain. You are so gonna make it up to me. Why did I marry you again? Such a troublemaker." He kissed the toddler's head softly, hugging him little closer.
Steve stared. He was pretty sure he couldn't do anything else even if he tried. Did Stark just say he was married to his Steve? Like married married?
Tony next to Stark appeared similarly astonished. But he, too, was unable to do much more than stare.
"Oh Christ, look at those baby blues, you could enslave the whole world you cute little fu- erm, darling." Stark planted another kiss on the top of the tiny Steve's head, and the toddler squirmed happily, nuzzling into Stark's neck.
"'ony, home."
"Sure thing, Steve-o. We can go home. And then we will make you big again. And I'm going to yell at you like you have no idea," Stark crooned quietly, smiling a bit dopily.
"Well, let's get to it then," Tony finally found his voice again and proactively started shuffling them all back to his workshop. Not even glancing in Steve's direction.
---
The Tower seemed so much quieter, now.
It wasn't even a full day they spent with the kid him from the other reality, but it appeared to change everything and everyone who got to meet him. Mostly Tony, though.
The inventor went silent like he wasn't before. Staying mainly in his workshop or leaving the Tower for business meetings. Obviously, he tried to stay away from them, but it felt different than before because he did that even before the kid Steve appeared in their lives. Now it just seemed more disquieting, less of a defiant rebellion, and more like mourning. Which didn't make any sense, Steve thought. There was nothing to mourn. Everything ended well, and everyone was happily back where they belonged.
Except for the fact that nothing seemed to be well.
That was probably the reason why he stood in front of the door into the workshop waiting to be let in, a plate of sandwiches and a pot of fresh coffee in his hands. Bruce smiled his little honest smile when he met him on his way, walking in the opposite direction. He didn't say anything, but Steve could almost feel the approval rolling off of him.
He tried to ignore that. He was getting better at that since he woke up in the future. Ignoring things was a good way to cope. Until it wasn't anymore.
So now he stood here, waiting, and as nervous as he'd ever been.
Finally, JARVIS let him in. He could immediately see Tony bent over one of the tables, working on something with one of his bots. Butterfingers? Or maybe U? Steve couldn't tell. Yet.
The air was thick with the scent of melted metal and grease, and that somehow helped to ground Steve a little. He took a two more deep breaths before walking up to Tony.
"Hey," he ventured, stopping only a step and a half away. "I brought you something to eat. And some coffee."
Usually, Tony perked up every time someone as much as mentioned coffee, but not this time. His muscles were visibly tense, his whole posture rigid.
"Thanks," he said, not looking up from his work. "Just put it where's space, okay?"
Steve wanted to push but thought better of it. Instead, he put the plate and the pot on the table close to Tony's monitors and sat in the empty chair. He waited. Probably longer than he should or even wanted, but he was determined to do something about the unnervingly tense atmosphere. So yeah, he waited.
When Tony finally put his work aside and stretched his back and arms, Steve was feeling almost relaxed. That, until Tony turned and saw him sitting there and waiting.
"What are you doing here, Rogers?" He asked frowning, and wow, that stung. He's been used to being called Captain, or Cap, or by any number of Tony's other mildly insulting nicknames, but his surname was not on that list. They've been past it, weren't they?
Or maybe not, he realized with a stab of guilt. He still called Tony by his surname.
"Waiting to have lunch with you," he shrugged as if his head wasn't full of thoughts about how much he managed to fuck up their relationship by being stick-in-a-mud Bucky and he used to laugh at back in the days.
Tony frowned. "What?"
"Lunch?" Steve repeated. "You haven't eaten anything for almost a half a day, Tony."
Steve could see the small flinch at the name. He wanted to punch himself.
"I made some turkey and tuna sandwiches."
Tony glanced at the plate bit taken aback. "I love tuna," he said as if surprising himself by it. Yes, Bruce mentioned, very unsubtly. He wasn't going to mention it, though.
"Good. Want some coffee?" Steve asked and gestured to the pot. He could see Tony's resolve breaking as he stared at the full pot of still mostly hot coffee, even if not steaming anymore.
"Don't you have anything better to do, Rogers?" Tony still asked, but it was weak, more like the last attempt of those who already gave up. He didn't grin, or even smile, but he wanted to.
"No, I really don't," he couldn't completely stop himself. Tony gave him a disbelieving look, but something in his face softened a little.
"Okay, Cap. But don't whine to me when there is no coffee left for you."
Steve finally allowed himself a little smile. "I wouldn't dream of it."