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“Vanitas?” Noé asks, leaning against his back as both of them sit up on the roof. It was a chilly, winter night, and there just so happened to be a blue moon tonight.
Vanitas, who had been enjoying the quiet atmosphere, replied, “What is it?”
Noé thought for a moment before speaking, “Thank you for everything. I just want you to know that…I appreciate you.” Vanitas went silent. He thought to himself.
You appreciate me? When all I’ve been doing is bringing you trouble? When I almost killed you? When I left you in dangerous situations so many times before? How could anyone, especially someone as kind as you, appreciate me?
After hearing Vanitas’s silence, Noé spoke up again. “Just because you don’t think you're worthy
of love yourself, doesn’t mean it’s the case. It just means you can’t accept yourself yet.”
“Shut it.” Vanitas’s hand formed into a fist.
Noé went silent. Moments passed, the air growing colder as the sun set and the moon rose. Although silent, it wasn’t awkward, but rather calming. Murr came up to join them on the roof, but soon left after realizing how cold it was, leaving the two alone again.
“I love you, Vanitas.”
Tears formed in Vanitas’s eyes. He didn’t know why they formed, or why he was sad. He didn’t even know how he felt about Noé. He stayed there, leaning against Noé. After a while, Vanitas spoke.
“Did you hit your head on something?”
“What-?”
“Why?”
“What do you mean by why?”
“I mean, why would you love someone like me? Someone who’s undeserving of love, or of any warmth or kindness. Someone-”
The tears started to stream down his cheeks. He hadn’t realized it, but a frown had grown on his face. Noé had noticed this, and turned around. Seeing this sorry state of Vanitas, he embraced him from behind.
“I love you, Vanitas. No matter what truth or secrets I learn about you in the future, I’ll stay with you and still love you. I’ve realized how afraid I am of losing you, and if I were to lose you, I wouldn’t know what to do with myself. From the moment you told me you wanted me to be the one to end you if you ever lose control, I realized you had put your trust in me. So please, Vanitas. I’m not asking you to return my feelings. All I’m asking is for you to stay, or at least stay for a little longer. All I’m asking is that if I ever close my eyes, you’ll be there when they open.”
Vanitas, who was previously frozen, slowly but surely returned the hug. Noé didn’t mind Vanitas’s tears on his clothes. At that moment, nothing else mattered. After a while, Noé released him. Vanitas spoke.
“Noé…. I-”
“It’s quite late, in fact, I’ve gotten tired. Good night, Vanitas.”
Noé headed back into their hotel room. Vanitas spent a while on the roof, thinking, before heading in. By the time he was there, Noé had already fallen asleep and was mumbling in his sleep like usual. Vanitas took off his outer coat. He got into bed and tried to sleep, but he couldn’t stop thinking about what Noe had said. He spent the next day as usual, as well as the days after that. But soon he couldn’t take it anymore. So one night, after Noé had gone to sleep, Vanitas lightly shook his shoulder.
“Noé”
“Hnn, five more minutes.”
“Noé, it’s important.”
Eventually, Noé, who was previously on the floor and had his blankets all over him, woke up, or was at least half-awake. Once he realized it was still night, he groaned and tried to go back to sleep, but Vanitas stopped him.
“Vanitas, it’s too early for me to be woken up. Let me return to sleep.”
“No, Noé. This is something you need to hear.”
“Just get done with it so I can go back to sleep.”
Vanitas sighed, got his thoughts together, and began.
“Noé, I will never understand why you chose to love someone like me. Someone so horrible and disgusting as me, but-...Although there’s a chance you won’t be happy even though you deserve to be….I’m too much of a selfish person to let you go. I’m sorry, Noé, that I love you-”
Noé hugged Vanitas. Although it was a rare thing for Vanitas to do, for the first time in a while, he let out a genuine smile. Soon, Vanitas felt something wet on his shoulder.
“What the-Noé are you crying?”
“I’m sorry, Vanitas. I just thought that-I don’t know.”
Vanitas burst out into laughter, and Noé began to pout. Vanitas wiped away Noé’s remaining tears with his thumb and kissed his cheek.
“Don’t cry, mon cherie.”
Noé put his face on Vanitas’s shoulder. Vanitas chuckled, running his fingers through Noé’s hair. For a while, they stayed like that. The light from the blue moon poured in from the window. Noé lifted his face from Vanitas’s shoulder, he looked like he would fall asleep. His purple eyes were brighter than all the stars. A gleam of hope? No…something else. Something else is shining in those beautiful eyes of his. Those eyes that shine like amethyst and draw me in Vanitas thought, getting lost in Noé’s gaze.
“Vanitas.”
“Yes?”
“You’re so beautiful.”
“Where is this coming from?”
“I just thought how everyone only compares you to the blue moon, but your beauty is so much more.”
Vanitas looked a little surprised, as he responded. “Oh?”
“Your eyes are as blue as the deep ocean. Your hair resembles the midnight sky that you adore so much.”
He was right. Noé was the first person to see him as more than just the kin of the blue moon, more than just a test subject, more than just a weapon. It was almost as if he saw him as, well, human. At that moment, Vanitas cupped Noé's cheeks, bringing his face up to his, before kissing him. Noé returned the kiss with just as much love. Once again, it had been a blue moon, but this time, the kin of the blue moon would not spend the night lost in thought or zoning out over something foolish. No, this time he would spend it embracing and giving his love to the one he loved. To the one who loved him back. On this night, that would soon end, the moon realized that it would not be alone, like it had been for so long. It realized the stars would be there to admire it and give it affection.
The moon is lonely
Although so many people see it and acknowledge it
Most only see it and acknowledge it because it revolves around earth
The moon is delicate
Although made of rock
Rocks can still crumble if too much force is applied
The moon is ignored
By earth
And by the sun
However it is not completely ignored
It is not completely alone
In case you’re wondering
The stars
Whether they are far away
Whether they are close
Will always be there for the moon
They will always be there to admire it
And to offer it love
This is not about the planets that orbit around the sun
This is not about the moon
This is not about the stars.