Work Text:
Tomorrow is Rick’s birthday. Well, we actually don't know if it's really his birthday. We don't even know if it's really June. But we’s pretendin’. We been at the prison relatively safe for so long now. So we tryin’ to live again as best we can and we decided one day to make a new calendar. Well, Maggie and Glenn decided. We usually all just do what Maggie says. Hershel calls it A.W. instead of A.D. or B.C. That means After Walkers. And we’s startin’ in the year 0001.
After we made up the calendar and decided what day to pretend it was, Maggie wanted to fill in everyone's birthday and we did. It was kinda awkward for me though since I never known when my birthday was and never had no party. When we made our calendar and decided the day was June 1st, Maggie made me pick a birthday that would be all my own special day. I don't like no fuss. So I told her May 31st so’s no one would have to fuss ‘bout me for a whole year. She was mad. But she let me have my day like I wanted.
When we went around the room I couldn't believe my luck because Rick, my Rick now since we’s married, his birthday is June 3rd! And that was right around the corner. I never gave no one no birthday party before. So I was excited, but I pretended I barely noticed ‘cause I knew right away I wanted it to be a surprise.
Keeping a surprise is really hard especially from Rick because I always want to tell him everything. I do tell him everything. Told him stuff I ain’t never told no one before and sometimes he’d get me talking and I’d start talkin’ ‘bout stuff I didn’t even know I thought about. Like sometimes ‘bout Merle. How much I miss him. How mad I am sometimes ‘bout stuff that happened to me. Rick listens good. He says all the right things to make me feel better. So keeping a secret from Rick is hard cause he always makes me want to talk and I ain’t never been much of a talker. But I am now cause I like when Rick listens to me and looks at me and sees me.
I made Axel come on the run with me to go get some supplies. I never had no birthdays or nothing but I ain’t stupid. I know you need hats and b’loons and candles and shit. And a present. You definitely need a present. I ain’t no good at pickin’ stuff out for people so’s I had to ask Carol before we left what I should get for Rick for a present. She said that I do a great job pickin’ things out cause one time I brought her a new shirt ‘cause hers was all lookin’ tore up. But I didn’t pick it out special. I just grabbed the first thing closest to the door at a Tourist trap we’s raidin’. She said somethin’ ‘bout thoughts countin’. I dunno really what that means. Thoughts ain’t gonna keep her warm on cool nights in the prison. Ain’t gonna give her somethin’ to wear when the threads from her only three shirts fall completely apart. She also told me that Rick loves my rock I gave him one time more than anything. But...It’s a rock. I just found it on the ground.
So she wouldn't give me no real good ideas. She just said that my thoughts no matter what it was would make Rick real happy. She seemed so certain that I decided to go ahead and believe her. Sometimes Rick seems happy about weird stuff. Like when we was strugglin’ to find food over the winter and he and I’s out huntin. Which wasn’t easy ‘cause he still don’t know how to walk quiet in the woods. Might as well be out there blowin’ a kazoo the whole time I’s trackin’. But anyhow, I got a deer finally after weeks without none even in sight and I was so excited ‘cause we’s gonna eat. I was lookin’ at it, takin’ my gear off ta’ start skinnin’ it cause it was so important to bring food back to the group. But Rick weren’t lookin’ at the deer at all. He was lookin’ at me with his big, pretty smile. I asked him why he weren’t getting everythin’ ready to start workin’ on the deer ‘cause he knows now what to do. We can skin and butcher a deer now together like we’s one being. But he said he was just happy to see me so happy.
I asked Carol ‘bout that cause that’s what I do when I’m confused ‘bout why people do weird things. She’s real good ‘bout expainin’ things most times. But sometimes? Sometimes I think she don’t think I’ll ever understand somethin’ so she just pets me on the head like a child and tells me not to worry about it and that people’s all different. I don’t mind. I don’t mind that she does that to me and I don’t take it condescendin’. She’s just bein’ nice. And one thing I learned in the ‘pocolypse is that I really like when people are nice to me. ‘Specially people that I like a lot like Carol and Hershel and Carl and everyone really. But mostly Rick, of course.
So Axel and I went out for supplies and Rick tried ta’ come but I told him that I’s worried about Judith and that she seemed like she had a cough and he should stay with her. It was a little white lie. I felt pretty bad ‘bout it. I told Hershel. He said a little white lie was ok for a surprise party. But I’ll tell Rick later how sorry I am that I lied. Rick smiled at me when I told him ‘stead of looking worried ‘bout our baby so maybe he was gettin’ suspicious anyway.
Axel is hard to shop with cause he don’t have no opinions. He just says “Yeah, that sounds good.” or “ok.” That ain’t no help. I got blue balloons cause a’ Rick’s eyes. And I got party hats. And I found a whole case of Reese's Peanut Butter Cups in the back of a drug store and got candles to stick in them. I asked Axel what he thought Rick would want for a present and he rolled his eyes at me so I punched him in the arm. Carol’s probly gonna be mad ‘bout that but it happened too fast for me to stop myself. He said Rick don’t want stuff or thangs. That Rick just wants me and he already got that so there ain’t nothing he needs. That makes me mad cause this is my first real present and I got no ideas.
I asked Axel what he’d want from Carol since they’s a thing now. He just waggled his eyebrows and made innuendo that I don’t like to hear ‘bout my best friend so’s he got punched again. But he had a point. So’s I got some lube since I knew we was gettin’ low. We went to another place that had lots of books. I thought maybe Rick would like that so we walked up and down the aisles lookin’. I found some books for Judy with the alphabet and she’s gonna need to start learnin’ soon so’s I get them. Then I got some comics for Carl ‘cause he don’t have a lot in this life and it’s sad that he don’t get to have things that his daddy did when Rick was his age. Carl has pretty much what I did. Dirt to play in. Some food to eat if he helps to get it. And somewhere dry to sleep. That ain’t much. But at least his daddy is nice to him and that’s good. I got some Hardy Boys books for him too. That would be fun for him to read about some adventures and be able to disappear from the walker world.
I found some books about herbal medicine and homeopath-something so’s I got that for Hershel in case we have trouble gettin’ real medicine in the future. I got a book ‘bout how to play card games. That’s for all of us, cause Carl ain’t the only one that sometimes needs a distraction. I found a section ‘bout gardens and Rick really loves his garden so I got him a whole lot of books. I started to read one in the store and Axel started to whine. I didn’t punch him for that. I know he was probably startin’ to want to get back to Carol. So’s we loaded up all our stuff but I still felt like I needed somethin’ more special than books.
We took some roads we ain’t been on before lookin’ for places that might have stuff. I’m not stupid. I ain’t just lookin’ for birthday stuff. We’s gonna pick up food or supplies too. Whatever we can find. We found a store in a small town to the west called “Gardiner’s” and it had all kinds of stuff for gardens and farmin’ and stuff. Axel started moanin’ soon as we walked in cause the store was huge and he knows I ain’t good at makin’ up my mind. He said I’m like a woman that can’t make up her mind. So you know how that ended. He got three fresh bruises in one afternoon. Sometimes I think he pisses me off on purpose so he can get symp’thy from Carol.
There was a few walkers in the store so we had some excitement at first but once it was cleared out I’s overwhelmed. Axel took a nap in a hammock that was set up. I walked all over the store. When we left I had a big floppy hat so’s Rick wouldn’t get no sunburn. Hershel says sunburn can really make you sick and I don’t never want Rick to get sick. I got him some overalls but they’s mostly for me ‘cause I thought he’d look so cute in them when he’s workin’ in the garden. And I also got that hammock cause Axel said it was very comfy. We packed up all five hammocks they had so’s maybe everyone could enjoy a nap in the fresh air sometimes ‘stead of the stale, dank prison cells.
We was almost home when I forgot ‘bout wrapping paper and bows. Axel knew better than to try to talk me outta needin’ it, so I turn ‘round and drove all the way back out to that little drug store and found some by the cards. And thank god we turned back because I totally forgot about a card!!! When I looked up and down the long aisle of all the choices, Axel sighed and said he’d wait outside. At least he didn’t try to rush me.
I started lookin’ for just the right card. I picked up all the ones with puppies first ‘cause they were real cute and I ain’t seen no puppies in a real long time. Then I picked up ones with gardens on the front but they’s all overly-sappy. There was some with Star Wars and football and fancy sports cars. But none of that shit is our world anymore. And I don’t even really like lookin’ at those kind of pictures no more. All the ones I looked at had words in them that wasn’t quite right. Finally at the end of the aisle I found blank cards. That’s what I needed. I picked one that had a pretty picture of woods and a lake cause lots of times Rick and I will go out and sit by our lake and talk just to get away for a while and Rick likes that. I grabbed a pen and decided I’d think a’ somethin’ to write that was better than all these other cards. Me and Rick’s different than all this stuff. Maybe it's just all outdated ‘cause people wrote the messages when there weren’t no walkers and you didn’t need to be afraid of losing your family every day you was alive.
I was ‘sprised when we got back that Rick stayed in the garden ‘stead of tryin’ ta help us unload. I was glad though cause I ain’t worked out how to chase him off. Couldn’t have him seein’ all my presents and the party hats and stuff. He’d figure out the surprise!
That night I told Carl to keep his daddy busy cause I needed to make all the plans for the party the next day. I made sure everyone knew my plans. I blew up all the balloons myself even though Maggie offered to help and a few of the others at the prison wanted to too. But this was my surprise for Rick so I had to do it myself. I put all the Reese's cups in a cake pan and put a candle in each one. I ate one myself cause I had extra. I felt guilty ‘bout that so I snuck a pack to Carl when I tucked him in that night. I asked him if he thought Rick had any idea ‘bout my surprise and he just laughed at me. Not at me. I know now that my family don’t laugh at me. They only laugh if somethin’ is really funny or if they are laughin’ with me or if they think I did somethin’ sweet. Carl probably thinks it’s sweet that I’m making a big fuss for his daddy’s birthday. I gave Carl the big floppy hat and told him that present would be from him and Judith.
Before I went to me and Rick’s cell that night, I snuck off into the Prison library where I hid all my presents. I wrapped all of Rick’s books and his overalls. I wrapped one of the hammocks that would be for him. The hammock was for Rick but I seen it on display and I know we can both fit on there. I’s excited about laying with Rick in the sun like that. The wrapping was a little tricky cause I forgot ‘bout the scotch tape but the duct tape we had in our supplies worked just as good. The wrapping paper I found had hearts on it and that was good cause I love Rick so it fits for his birthday even though I couldn’t find none that said happy birthday on it. I snuck back to Carl’s cell so I could wrap the floppy hat for him. Then I wrote out my card to Rick and went to go to bed.
Going to bed with Rick is my favorite part of the day. Cause it’s just me and him and I get to hear about everything he done all day. And I can tell him ‘bout stuff I did and stuff I thought about. That ain’t the only reason I like it. I like layin’ with Rick and havin’ him touch me. I used ta not like things like that so much. I ‘memeber the first time Rick touched me and he was so careful ‘cause he already knew me so well and knew I’d be scared. Now, he don’t need to be careful at all. He knows I like his arms around me and his hands on me. He knows I like kissin’ after I ain’t seen him all day. And he knows all the other stuff too.
I like that it’s summer ‘cause we don’t sleep with no clothes on and if feels good to have Rick’s bare skin against mine. He always has a hand on me when he’s sleepin’ like he’s ‘fraid I’ll disappear while his eyes is closed. There’s been some times that I don’t get to sleep with Rick since we been together. When one of us is on a run that goes overnight. I don’t sleep too well when that happens and my stomach gets anxious. I don’t never let myself forget how lucky I am to be layin’ next to my best friend who’s now my husband. I think about that every night. I was not born a lucky man. And I did not grow up a lucky man. But I am a lucky man now. And I like to remember that a lot. I have everything I would ever want. If it weren’t for the walkers, my life would be perfect.
It’s hard layin’ next to Rick and keeping my secret. He tells me ‘bout some pepper plants that’s growin’ strong now. Tells me that Judith doesn’t seem to have a cough after all. Tells me that he missed me while I was gone during the day. I remind him that I’s only gone ‘bout five hours. But he says that’s long ‘nough to miss someone. Sometime I don’t even realize when we start doin’ stuff. Rick’s hands was all over me ‘fore I even knew we was gonna have sex. Used to be such a careful, nervous thing. But now, we move our bodies together like we’s two pedals on the same flower. We tight against each other. We know what feels good. I know what Rick likes and he knows what I like. Not just the obvious stuff, like when he’s in me, and stroking me and looking into my eyes and we come apart together. Not just that. But other stuff too like suckin’ on earlobes, brushin’ back each other’s hair, soft kisses on the back of Rick’s neck. Nice things that aren’t giant explosions but are like little firecrackers.
When he’s in me, it always feels like the first time. Like I forget every time how good he feels, how intimate it is to be together like this, with him inside of me, together and connected. I like the sounds Rick makes when we’re together. Sighs and groans and whimpers that makes me feel like I’m doing a good job of making him feel good. When he kisses me I get butterflies. Even now after a thousand kisses. Because I don’t ever let myself forget what it was like not to ever have no one love me.
The next day, I don’t see Rick after breakfast, which is fine cause I’s busy making sure everyone remembers to come to dinner at the right time for my surprise. I get all the presents in the dining area and I asked Maggie a half a dozen times throughout the day if she’d start the Happy Birthday song cause I’m too shy to start by myself. I put the pretend cake out with the candles and have balloons duct taped all over the room. I put a party hat at everyone’s seat. Carol said we’s got deer stew for dinner with lots of vegetables from the garden and I think that’s nice cause it’s part from me and part from Rick.
I was so excited and I made sure that Hershel kept Rick occupied in the sick bay askin’ him questions ‘bout Judith’s make-believe cough until everyone was in the room and had their hat on. Then Hershel came in with Rick when everything was ready and Maggie started singing just like she promised. I lit the candle on the Reese's and I just moved my mouth to the words cause Dixon’s don’t sing. Even though I’s not a Dixon no more. I was born one.
Rick smiled and said he was very surprised. He asked if I did all that myself and I pretended I didn’t know what he was talkin’ ‘bout and he thought that was so cute. I can tell when he thinks I do somethin’ cute cause I can read all his expressions. I know him like like I know the trail of a deer or the curve of my crossbow. He blew out his candle and said he already got all his wishes but I know that ain’t true cause everyone’s real wish is no more walkers. It’s probably one of those little white lies to make me feel good that I gave him a nice birthday. When he kissed me after the singing and blowing out the candle I whispered in his ear.
“Judy ain’t sick, Rick. I’m sorry I pretended.” He laughed. It was the kind that means he thinks I’m sweet. And he kissed me like a way that probably shouldn’t be in front of nobody else and I heard Axel wolf-whistle at us so I make a mental note to deal with that later.
Rick likes all his presents. He likes his floppy hat and his books and his overalls. He said he wanted to set up his hammock the very next day so we could lay out in the sun together. I told him real quiet that I got us some more lube too and that I was real excited to see him in those overalls. Rick was real happy ‘bout his party and I love to see him smile so I decide that Rick’s birthday is my favorite day of the year. Better than Christmas or Thanksgivin’ or even the first day of huntin’ season. Course every day is huntin’ season anymore. And we’s never gonna have enough food for another Thanksgivin’. And Christmas just means it’s terrible cold and dark too soon. But Rick’s birthday is now what I will be excited for every year that I get to be alive with him. I hope it’s a long time. I gave him my card when everyone was busy bein’ excited for all the other Hammocks me and Axel brought back. I re-read it over Ricks’ shoulder hopin’ I wouldn’t have no regrets about sayin’ somethin’ stupid or spellin’ somethin’ wrong.
Rick,
I hope you have a very good birthday. I know what your candle wish was. It was no more Walkers. I’m sorry I couldn’t get you that. But I hope you liked all my presents. I love you very much. Thank you for loving me.
Daryl
Sometimes when people are happy or they really like things, they cry. Carol told me ‘bout that. And Rick’s eyes got blurry from my card but I know enough now to know that means he’s happy. When we go to bed that night Rick walks slow to our cell. He holds my hand and flirts with me. He says he hopes he did things right cause he knows I’m much better with people now but that he thought I would like this better. I don’t know what he’s talking about and I worry that I zoned out and missed something. But then he pulls the sheet back for me as we walk into our cell.
There are green balloons everywhere. There is a banner with Carl’s handwriting and Judith’s hand prints in blue paint. It says Happy Late Birthday, Daryl. There is a present wrapped in Christmas paper, a card with my name on it and plate on the desk with a Butterscotch Krimpet and a candle.
“Hey!” I say. “That’s a Butterscotch Krimpet like we had together when you said we should get married!”
Rick nods. “I was hoping you’d remember that!” Rick knows better. He knows that I don’t forget nothin’, but suddenly I realize he’s as nervous as I was ‘bout if I’d like his birthday surprise.
I think I better smile so he knows I’m happy but then I realize I’s already smilin’! “Where’d you get all this stuff, Rick? I had to go on a run to get everythin’ for your birthday.”
Rick smiled. “Axel. He was right behind you gettin’ everything on my list. You took all the blue balloons so he he had to go with green. He said he picked that cause you like the woods.”
Huh. That was really nice, I thought. Because I’s fairly certain that it was ‘round the b’lloons where I punched him one of those times. I don’t punch hard, really. They’s really just love taps cause Axel is my friend.
“He didnt’ do to great on wrapping paper and the card is for Hanukkah. But it’s the thought that counts, right?”
Huh. I got it now. I didn’t care if the card was for Hanukkah. It was a card that Rick wanted to give me for my birthday so I already loved it.
“I didn't’ think you’d really want to have a big fuss with everyone. They are going to tell you happy late birthday tomorrow. But I told them I just wanted a private party this year.”
“This is just what I would like best,” I tell him. And it’s the god’s honest truth. He lights the candle and sings terrible off-key and I blow it out. I wish for no more walkers so me and Rick and our kids can have a good life. I open my present. It’s a new knife and it has angle wings on the handle to match my vest!
“Where did you get this?!” I ask him. It’s almost too perfect to imagine.
“Months ago. Found it when we were out on a run. Been trying to think of a special occasion to give it to you. Do you really like it?”
My cheeks hurt from smiling so much. That was somethin’ new. I ain’t never had that problem in my old life, my before-Rick life. Now it happens sometimes.
“I love it.” I open my card and I like Rick’s hand-writing right away. It’s much better than mine. I know I’m gonna keep this card forever before I even read it. There is a Menorah on the front of it and it says Happy Hanukkah, but Hanukkah was scribbled out and Rick wrote Birthday in big square letters to try to match the way it looked on the card.
I opened it and the words inside was scratched out and replaced with Rick’s own words right to me.
Daryl,
I know what your candle wish was. It was for no more walkers so our kids can have a better life. I love you for that wish. I love you for everything you do for me and our kids and our whole family. I love having you and I love you having me. I have everything I could want. I am not afraid of this life here in 0001 A.W. I have you by my side and that is everything.
Rick