Archive of Our Own

The fire house was eerily calm, the A team was 24 hours into a very q-word shift. Bobby was in the kitchen getting started on the mornings breakfast, Chimney and Hen were sitting in their usual seats at the table scrolling on their phones and texting their partners good morning. Eddie and Buck were situated on the couch in front of the TV, sitting close enough they were touching from knee to shoulder. What the rest of the team didn’t know was the two men has both come to terms with their feelings for each other 4 weeks ago, but were keeping things quiet. This wasn’t hard as their behaviour hasn’t changed by being together, well except when home and behind Eddie’s bedroom door. Neither man wanted to deal with the ribbing and the gossip of the 118, they both loved their team they were family. But the 118 was the biggest bunch of gossips in all of downtown, and Chim couldn’t keep anything to him self. So the only people who knew were Chris, Carla, Tia Pepa and Abuela. Buck wanted to tell Maddie but didn’t want to have to ask her to hide something from Chim.

They were discussing their weekend plans. Dinner with Tia Pepa and Abuela after a full day at the aquarium. Eddie was just going along for the ride Buck and Chris really wanted to see the new leopard shark babies that had hatched over the last weekend. Eddies ear pricked up to the sound of boots coming through the bay doors, they moved with precision reminding Eddie of his time in the army. He felt Buck tense next to him.

A voice boomed through the station “I’m looking for Commander Evan Buckley”.

Buck sighed as his shoulder drop for a second before standing up back suddenly rigid as he moved towards the stairs. The whole team watched eyes wide and jaws agape. Hen and Chim sprinted to the railing looking down over the bay, Bobby calmly walk over from the kitchen to join them as Eddie followed Buck down the stairs.  They saw a man dresses in full blue military dress, the man surveyed his audience as other members of the 118 watched from every advantage point they could find.

“Smoke, there you are”

Buck stepped up to the man, stood at attention and saluted “Vice Admiral Carson sir”.

“At ease Smoke” Buck relaxed his stance keeping his eyes on the Vice Admiral “I’m sorry to do this to you Smoke, but i have to call you back into duty. I know it’s been a few years but your skills are needed”. The Vice Admiral handed Buck an envelope “This is a number to call to confirm your pick up location for tomorrow night at 2200 hours. You’ll get your orders on your way to base where your team will be waiting. Again I’m sorry Smoke, you have a nice life here but this couldn’t be helped”.

Eddie could hear the dejected tone in Bucks voice “yes sir”. “Staff Sargent Edmundo Diaz sir, can we ask how long Buck” Eddie coughs “I mean Commander Buckley will be gone?”

“I’m sorry Staff Sargent that’s on a need to know basis, again I’m sorry to have to take him away from you all. LAFD command has already been informed”, the Vice Admiral said as he turned and left the fire house.

Buck stood in his spot for a minute then turned and walked up stairs to the kitchen, grabbed a drink and sat on the couch. “What the hell was that” Chimney barked. “Me receiving my marching orders, something I thought I left years ago, before I joined the LAFD”. Eddie knelt on front of Buck and took his free hand “I’m guessing by his dress uniform and rank you were navy?””I was a navy SEAL, or should I say I am a navy SEAL” Buck clarified.

The rest of the 118 stood around in shock as Eddie pieced bits of information together from his time in Afghanistan “Wait..... Your not that Smoke. Please baby, please tell me that’s not you?”. Both Eddie and Bucks faces showed their despair. Buck sighed, “I knew we were both over there around the same time, but i had hoped you’d never heard that name. But at least you know why I haven’t and can’t talk about it”.

Buck rested his head against Eddie’s “Bobby I’m sorry I have to go get things in order, Chim put your phone away and let me tell Maddie what’s going on, she needs to hear it from me not you”. “Of course Buck do what you need to do” Bobbie replied as Chim reluctantly put his phone away unsure as to how Buck knew he had it out in the first place.

“I love you baby, I’m sorry I’m going to leave you with all of their questions. I know it’s a school day for Chris tomorrow but can we pull him out and take him to the aquarium so I can spend the day with you both before I tell him and so he doesn’t miss out on the leopard sharks?” Eddie lent forward and kissed Buck. “Yeah I’m sure that’s going to be one of the questions” Buck giggled “we can do that mi amour, I think I’ll need a day with my boys before you go as well” Eddie wrapped his arms around Buck and nestled into Buck neck. After a minute of them holding each other Buck stood, walked to the stairs where he stopped and looked back at his team/family as a single tear ran down his cheek, turned and left.

The loft was silent, Eddie didn’t know for how long. Suddenly all the questions were fired at him all at once.

“How long?”

“Did you know?”

Baby?”

“What the hell was that?”

“SEAL?”

"Deployed?"

"Does Chris know?"

"Does Maddie know?"

Eddie stood up dragging his hand down his face “one question at a time please”. Hen was the first “how long have you two been together, does Chris know?”.”Almost a month and of course Chris knows, he found out 2 days after it started. The shit walked into my room and found us in bed together asleep, he turned to Buck demanded pancakes gave us both a hug then went out to watch TV. We were planing to tell him that afternoon, but he beat us to it”. Eddie laughed. “Did you know he was a SEAL?” Chimney demanded. “No Chim I didn’t” “aren’t you pissed he didn’t tell you?” “I’m not happy but I also understand”. “Yeah you seem to be really calm about it like you know something” Hen chimed in, “I know rumours from my time in Afghanistan, I’ve heard of Smoke before”. “What is Smoke” Bobby questioned, “that would be his call sign, a name they would of used so they cant be personally identified over the radio by those listening in” “like top gun?” Chimney asked. “Yes Chim like top gun” Eddie laughed, of course Chimney would use a pop culture reference to understand. Bobby had a puzzled look on his face “I knew he had gone to SEAL training, but I was under the impression he washed out” “he would have had to enlist in the navy to be able to do BUDS, so he would have been in the navy even if he washed out of SEAL training”. “So what were the rumours you heard, like what did he do?” Hen asked,  “what he did I have no clue, but even if I was privy to that info I wouldn’t be able to tell you. All I can say is Smoke and his team were legend around base. No one knew who they were but they were the best, they did things no one else could do. All their missions were at least top secret, and if scuttle butt was true a lot were off book”. “Off book?” Bobby looked a little concerned, “no records, not even redacted. If caught you’re alone the US government knows nothing”.

“Well crap” Bobby was flabbergasted “We’re offline for two hours so I can get someone in to cover Buck, I know everyone is confused and reeling but use this time to get our heads back in the game, and don’t bombard Eddie with questions Let the boy process”. Bobby walked off to his office as everyone went back to their chores. Eddie decided to take him self off to the bunk room, sat on the edge of the bed with his head in his hands. The uncertainty of his and Bucks future weighing heavily on him, he pulled out his phone and found a text from Buck “I love you and I’m so sorry”.

20 minutes before they came back online Bosko walked through the bay doors, After changing she found Eddie sitting at the table in the loft. “What’s going on there’s a weird vibe in here, and where’s the golden retriever who’s normally glued to your side?” she asked. “He’s been deployed” “WHAT.. When was he enlisted, to be honest he’s not the type I’d expect” Eddie knew what she meant “Years ago, he had a Vice Admiral show up and reactivate him. Hey you were a marine, did you ever hear of Smoke?”. Bosko’s face screwed up in thought “heard of yes, do I know much about them no. He was some kind of black ops I think” “Buck is Smoke” Eddie told her. “WHAT????? No, No, No the blue eyed puppy can’t be Smoke, he can’t be” Eddie just nods his head “Fuck” she exclaims as the tones go off.

The call was an average MVA, 3 cars nose to tail, a concussion, a broken wrist and a woman trapped in her car with some minor scrapes and bruises. As they all rode in the engine on the way back to the station, Hen and Chimney kept looking over at Eddie obviously looking for more answers to their questions. Finally having enough Eddie sighed “You obviously have more questions, just bloody ask them”. Hens face lit up making Eddie regret his statement, “So when Chris found you and Buck in bed together, what did he say?” Bosko’s eyes shot to Eddie her jaw dropping. “I already told you he crawled into bed demanded pancakes, got hugs, and then went and watched cartoons. Though after breakfast we sat him down and asked how he felt, he asked when were we getting married so Buck could be his other dad for real”. Bosko finally got her jaw off the floor “and how did Buck respond to that?” Eddie couldn’t help the massive grin that appeared on his face “he burst into tears and hugged Chris, for the rest of the day any time he looked at Chris he’s start crying. It was that day Chris came over to yours for a night”. Hen burst out laughing she remembered that night, she knew Chris was more bubbly then usual “who would have guessed our big softy teddy bear was a big strong military man” “I’m still pissed he didn’t tell us” Chimney grumbled. “He couldn’t” both Eddie and Bosko replied simultaneously.

“If rumours were true, he couldn’t say anything. His personal file would have very little in it or be full of pages all blacked out” Bosko added. “Still he could have told us something” Chimney whined, “No he really couldn’t him talking would be treason” Eddie provided, “and it’s not like you can keep a secret Chim” Hen added. Chimney huffed and crossed his arms over his chest “fine, it’s just Maddie’s asking me what i know and that’s nothing, I have nothing to relieve her stress” “tell her she won’t be the only one waiting for him to come home” Eddie hung his head, “unfortunately that’s how it is for the family of a soldier or in this case SEALs” Bosko added. “ Do you think he has time for a family barbeque before he goes?” Bobby asks “I’ll sent him a message” the rest of the shift is a sombre affair, the hole team runs on auto pilot until the shift is over and they head home.

Eddie was looking forward to his day with Chris and Buck and that was all he could think about for now, well that’s what he told himself. He now understood how Shannon felt... He hated it and Buck hadn’t even left yet, but he was just a medic Buck is doing the hard stuff, Buck will regularly going into danger. Yes their daily job put them in dangerous position but not an active war zone. Eddie was spiralling, as he drove up his street he saw a familiar jeep in the driveway and the tension in his shoulders released. He pulled up into the driveway next to Bucks jeep and made his way inside.

As he walked in Eddie could hear Chris’s giggles coming from the dinning room, he could see buck in the kitchen making Chris’s favourite breakfast chocolate pancakes. “Hi babe” Eddie called out as Buck flipped the pancake in the pan “Hey, how was the rest of the shift. Sorry I left you with all their questions, were they bad?” Eddie laughed to himself “not really, Chim seemed a little put out but when isn’t he when he hasn’t been told something about someone else’s life” Eddie could see Buck holding back a laugh “of course he was, but how are you I know this is a shock and something really hard to deal with” “I get through it, I understand why you didn’t share. I’m just not looking forward to how ever long this is going to go on for”. Buck finished plating up the pancakes walked over to the table and put them at each of their places, walked over to Eddie and wrapped his arms around his man “I love you and we will get through this” Buck lent forward and kissed Eddie “EEEEWWWW” Chris screeched “I don’t need to see this, its weird seeing your parents do the sappy stuff” Eddie laughed and glared at his son who had a twinkle in his eye “Shhhh you and eat your breakfast, you’re getting a day off school today so  we can go to the aquarium”. Chris cheered then his face turned serious “whats going on, I never get to miss a day of school” “we’ll talk about it after breakfast superman” Buck was not looking forward to this conversation. After breakfast Eddie padded of to have a shower while Buck cleaned the dish’s and Chris watched a cartoon.

After he had is shower he sad down on the opposite side of the couch from Buck, with Chris sandwiched between them. Buck looked at Eddie his eyes asking are you ready for this, Eddie took a breath and nodded. “Hey superman” Buck bashfully trying to get Chris’s attention “Yes Buck?” “so I have so news that I need to tell you about” Buck took a deep breath as Chris turned to look at him. “Do you remember how your dad was in the army and had to go overseas for a while” Chris nodded his head “well i was in the navy, and they’re telling me I need to come back because they need me”. Buck and Eddie saw Chris’s frame drop as the realisation hit the 12 year old “but dad got hurt when he was over there, he got shot. Are you going to be shot?” “I hope not superman, It hurts like hell and I want to come back to you both in one piece” “How do you know how being shot feels like, I would know if you’ve been shot, I’ve seen every inch of you” Eddie quizzed. “You have seen every inch” Buck emphasised the last word, Eddies face going red “tattoos can be helpful, I’ve been shot 4 times” Buck laughed “so we’re even on that front, and I don’t plan to take the lead on that one” Eddie glared at him. “How long?” Chris asked, “I don’t know buddy they don’t tell me that and even if they do it doesn’t mean I wont have to stay longer” Chris’s eyes started to water, Buck pulled him into his arms “can you call every night?” Chris asked “I don’t think I can little man, when we go out on missions we go radio silent, that means we can’t talk to anyone” Eddie could see Chris’s eyes glisten “I know superman its going to be sad for all three of us, but I’ll do what I can to let you know I’m safe” Buck continued. Chris wasn’t happy with his Buck going somewhere far away where he couldn’t talk to him, but he also understood. The three of them wrapped their arms around each other as tight as they could, holding one another for a few minutes before they separated to get ready for the days adventure.

The three of them walked into the aquarium Buck and Eddie flanking Chris as they approached the ticket booths. They were here regularly enough that the staff knew them all by name, “Hi guys” Jemimah welcomed “what are you doing here today Chris? Isn’t it a school day?”. Chris shuffled his foot on the ground as he answered “I got to have the day off, Bucky is going away with the military for a while” Chris sniffled “so we came to see the baby leopard sharks before he leaves tonight”. Jemimah’s face sunk “Oh that’s sad, well the aquarium is pretty empty today so you’ll have the place all to yourselves” she handed them their tickets and left them to their day.

The aquarium was set up so you really had to follow the path set for you and the leopard sharks were right near the end. First stop was the penguins, Chris really enjoyed seeing the penguins. He loved watching them waddle around on the ice self and than zoom through the water as they played. He particularly liked two penguins, Chris had named them Zip and Pop, he was seven at the time. He didn’t understand why they fascinated him until a couple of years ago. The two reminded him of his dad and his Buck, as the two penguins were a bonded pair of male penguins that had raised a chick together, it always made him happy to see them. The three continued following the path visiting the seahorse exhibit, they had weedy sea dragons from Australia. Next was the octopus and cuttlefish, followed by jellyfish. 

They sat down in the cafeteria which was strategically place half way through the exhibits. Buck had gone to grab the food, when he came back he had a puzzled look on his face “Something weird is going on Eddie, they wouldn’t take my money when I ordered the food. They just handed it too me and told me it was covered”, “weird but have you also noticed every staff member we have come across has been chattier than usual?” Eddie replied. “Yeah its weird, but than we don’t usually come when its this quiet” Eddie laughed “true, maybe we’re reading into things”.

Once lunch was eaten they continued on through the exhibits. Next was the touch tanks and the ray ponds. Buck loved the touch tanks he loved feeling the different textures of the different animals, Eddie liked looking at the small rays in the ray ponds. He was fascinated with how they moved so elegantly without actual fins, he especially love the babies Buck liked to call them demon ravioli Eddie like the comparison but still thought they were cute. The next room was finding nemo themed, even though it was set up for children the three of them loved this exhibit, it held a lot of sentimental value. Not only did it remind them of quiet nights on the couch watching the movie, but “just keep swimming” kind of became a family mantra. Particularly after the tsunami. Buck even had two clown fish and a blue tang tattooed over his heart. The characters kinda suited them. Eddie was Marlin the over protective father, Chris was Nemo the kid hell bent on giving his father a heart attack and Buck was Dory the lovable dork that never left Marlins side. The three hugged before moving further along.

The next stop was the open water tank, the one with the sharks, rays and other big fish. They stood on the moving platform watching all the creatures swim around them as they where moved through the tunnel. As the fish and rays swam around them Chris and Eddie both leaned into Buck, a moment he will always cherish as he wrapped his arms around them. As they left the huge tank they moved into a room with one decent sized tank which housed a handful of little baby leopard sharks, Chris and Buck stood as close as they could without smoshing their faces on the glass. Eddie chuckled as Buck called out to him “Eddie look, you need to come look” “dad they’re so cute, I wish we could have one” Eddie walked over and through his arms around them. He had to admit the babies were cute. They heard someone clearing their throat, they turned and saw the general manager Luke “afternoon Diaz-Buckley family, I have a little surprise for you if you just follow me”. Buck and Eddie looked at each other confused then followed Luke through a side door marked staff only.

Luke took them to the space above the baby leopard shark tank “I heard from a little birdy you’re being deployed and you wont be visiting for a while Buck” Buck just nodded his head “well we have to give our best customers a send off, Jesus here is going to show you the leopard shark nursery and answer any questions you have. You two” pointing at Buck and Chris “are always full of questions” he laughed. As Luke stepped away Jesus introduced them to the hatching tank where four brown sacks rested on the bottom of the tank, he spoke with a thick Latin accent “these are the shark eggs, every species has different shaped egg casings. We call these casings a mermaids purse”. “this is so cool” Chris was jumping in place “can i touch one?” “not these ones, we don’t like to touch them while they are in their eggs or during hatching. But i do have a mermaids purse over here that a baby has already hatched from”. He showed them the empty egg casing than placed it in Chris’s hands “wow” he exclaimed. Just at that moment one of the mermaids purses in the hatching tank moved. They watched in aw as the baby leopard shark slowly worked its way out of its egg, Chris was vibrating with excitement “oh my god, its so cute, look at the spot on its head” everyone smiled at him, Luke stepped up “did you guys want some group photos? We could get some with the baby leopard shark in the shot before we move it to its observation tank” Buck and Eddie both looked at each other smiled and nodded “that would be great, thank Luke”. Luke took Eddies phone as the three of them stood behind the hatching tank, the mermaids purse from before still in Chris’s hands. After a few photos were taken Jesus turned to Buck and asked “Would you like to help move this one into its observation tank?” Eddie thought Buck looked like a kid in a candy store as he agreed and Jesus handed him a net “this is the tank we’ll move it too”. Eddie and Chris watched as Buck scooped up the leopard shark and placed it in is observation tank, Eddie noticed Luke taking photos the whole time.

Luke walked them back out and down to the suvaneir store, Buck and Chris ran off to find a new stuffed toy for Chris’s room. “The food was you” Eddie whispered to Luke “Yeah, can’t have our best customers go without a proper send off” Luke’s face dropped “my wife is army so I know what it’s like, I tend to not take the kids to places we enjoyed as a family when she’s deployed. So I thought if you cant come without Buck at least you guys will have a great memory till he gets back” Eddie thanked the man and left him to his duties as Chris and Buck ran up to him both holding a Leopard shark each, “what are you going to do with that Buck?” “Take it with me, it will be the first shark in combat” Eddie shook his head “and how are you going to get it where you’re going, its not like it would pass regulation” “I’ll find a way” Buck said with a massive grin on his face.

As they pulled into the drive way it was obvious the excitement of the day had made Chris exhausted, Buck carried him into the house and tucked him into bed. While he waited for Buck, Eddie grabbed two beers and sent a message off to Maddie and Hen before sitting on the couch. Buck plopped down next to him and grabbed one of the beers off the coffee table “thanks babe” Buck rested his head on Eddies shoulder “whats the plan mi vida, I know i cant know all the details but what are you going to do with your loft and all your stuff?” Eddie questioned. “I actual wanted to talk to you about that, can i leave the jeep here? All my stuff is in storage and I’ve broken the lease on the loft, I sorted all that out yesterday while you were still at the station” “yes you can leave the jeep here, but how did you empty the loft so quick, you only found out you were leaving yesterday” “you’d be surprised how easy it is to get movers in LA, plus other than my kitchen, couch and bed I really didn’t have much” Buck said as he nestled into Eddies side. “I’m tired, I’m going to craw into bed. Did you want to join me” “sure mi vida, I would love to snuggle with you before you go. Plus I want to find these bullet wounds I’ve missed” Eddie followed Buck into the bedroom.

“Alright so where are they” Eddie asked as they closed the door, “give me a second, I know you like to get me naked but it takes more than half a second” Eddie shot a look at Buck. Buck removed his shirt “two shots in my right shoulder here and here” Eddie looked at the intricate tattoo on Bucks shoulder, he could just make out the texture of a healed would but the details of the tattoo hid them expertly “that’s two next one”, Buck sighed leaned to his right and pointed to the side of his ribs “this one is technically a graze but still” “I have seen this one before but i thought it was from when you were a kid doing stupid things for attention”. Buck laughed “technically i was still a stupid kid when I got that one, I was 18” Eddie glared at Buck “18, what do you mean 18?” “I enlisted at 17 and went on my first tour straight out of BUDs, you don’t get to be the youngest Commander with out starting early. Plus I was rarely stateside, I had no one waiting so I didn’t care when they kept sending me back” “You love breaking records don’t you, youngest Commander, LAFD certification and then again when you re-certified after the ladder truck. Plus you may hold the record for the LAFD employee that has spent the most time in a hospital bed” Eddie laughed at the last one “now enough stalling where is the last one?”. Buck shook his head, undid his belt and dropped his pants. He pointed to a spot on the thigh on the opposite leg to the ladder crush injury, where a koi fish tattoo sat. Eddie got down on his knees and ran his hand over Bucks leg. He felt the small ridges of the scar hidden amongst the scales of the fish. Eddie stood back up and wrapped his arms around his boyfriend “how many of your scars are not from your childhood or LAFD?” Buck pulled Eddie into a tighter hug “probably two thirds, but can we not talk about scars. We’ve got to be at Bobby and Athena’s in four hours and I’d like to snuggle my partner before then” “snuggles sound good” Eddie replies as they both turn and crawl into bed, facing each other arms resting across the others body.

The barbeque is in full swing when Buck, Eddie and Chris pull up in Eddies truck. Buck is pulled into Athena’s arms as soon as the door opens “my boy is going off to war, I don’t like this Buckaroo. I can’t keep an eye on you over there” “I know ‘Thena but unfortunately it can’t be helped, Eddie would have done something if it could” Buck laughed “about that, why wasn’t I told this was happening?” her pointed finger shifting between the two of them “we just wanted privacy from the 118 gossip mill before we were ready to come out to everyone and announce our relationship” Eddie responded, Athena sighed “I understand, the A team is full of gossips particularly a certain two” her face lighting up with a smile “come on in everyone’s outside and Bobby is at the grill”.

As they walked out the back, everything went dead quiet “uummmm I’m going to go find Harry and Denny” Chris whispered to his father “they’re in Harry’s room hun” Eddie knew Athena’s ears were good but damn. As Buck scanned the room he saw the whole team, their partners and Bosko with their eyes directed at him “hi everyone” Buck said sheepishly. Maddie huffed and stormed he way up to Buck “what do you mean you’re going away for an undetermined amount of time, what do you mean you cant tell me where you’re going or what you’re doing” tapping her foot “Maddie I don’t even know those details yet and even if I did it would be classified” “but I’m your sister that shouldn’t matter for me” “but it does matter I can’t talk about classified information with anyone, I can’t tell Eddie who’s my partner and ex-army so I definitely wouldn’t be able to tell you” Maddie sighed “I’d figured this was going to happen” she pointed to both Buck and Eddie “but why do you have to leave tonight?” “It’s the marching orders I was given, I don’t have a choice” Bobbie stepped forward “why doesn’t everyone take a seat, the food is ready and I’m sure Buck will answer what he can.

As everyone grabbed their plates and served themselves a thick quite stretched over them all. Chimney was the first to break it after 5 minutes “soooooo have you killed someone?... What was it like?” Eddie and Bosko shot daggers at Chimney “he was spec-ops of course he has, but that’s not something that anyone wants to talk about particularly those of us who have served” Bosko growled, Buck looked at her and sent her a non-verbal thank you she nodded her head in reply. After Chimneys question it was a few more minutes until Athena asked a question “what skill do you have that you’ve kept hidden” Buck smiled “there’s been a few, but one I can talk about is the fact I’m multi lingual, I can speak and understand 7 other languages besides English”. Chris pipped up from next to him “what languages can you speak? Can you speak Spanish?” “yeah buddy I can speak Spanish, Portuguese, French, Russian, German, Turkish and Arabic. But I can also speak a little Japanese and Italian. One time I went on a deep dive and learnt Latin and Babylonian but they’re both dead languages so I don’t count them”. Chris’s eyes were wide like saucers, when Buck looked up everyone elses matched.

“Wow just wow” Bobby was stunned, after a few beats he continued “so was Buck 1.0 a lie?” “the sleeping around no that wasn’t a lie, in my head I was making up for lost time. The recklessness as you guys like to call it was all in your heads” “what do you mean” Hen asked “well each time you guys thought I was doing something reckless, I had assessed the situation and derived the best way to get as many people out safely as possible. Did you not notice every time I made a reckless decision” Buck used air quotes on reckless “I always came out safely, the only times I have been injured was accidents out of my control”. The team thought about it and he was right, the ladder truck, the embolism, the tsunami all were freak accidents. “you were still a bit reckless with that baby stuck in the pipe with the young mother” Athena reminded him “On that one I wouldn’t say I was reckless, more blinded by my past and being rejected as a child” Buck turned to Maddie “I’m sorry Maddie but I’ve known about Daniel since I was 17, questions were raised when my medical file didn’t match the military’s investigations” Maddie sucked in a breath her eyes watering.

The rest of the evening flowed along relatively calm, the questions where generally easy to answer when he could but everyone seemed to be ok when he said he could answer. Chimney still asked a few questions that were obvious he couldn’t answer, it was starting to annoy Bosko. When Chimney asked for the second time “how many enemy diplomats have you taken out?” Bosko snapped “Christ what part of those sort of question are terrible to ask even if he could say do you not understand, it’s a toddler inside the body of a 40 something year old. Sorry Buck I thought you were the child of the 118” “Thanks Bosko” Buck laughed as Chimney stood up and stormed out. Maddie was annoyed, she grabbed Jee and said goodbye to her brother, handed him a photo before leaving. “We might leave too” Hen announced to the table. Both Hen and Karen hugged Buck and wished him well, Denny ran over to him and wrapped his arms around Buck “can you bring me something back from your trip?” he asked “I’m not sure if I can but I will try” Denny smiled up at him “bye uncle Buck” Buck waved at the Wilson family as they left.

“Well it’s 30 min till I leave, is it ok if I change in the spare room ‘Thena” “sure baby, you know where it is”. While Buck got changed Eddie, Bosko, Bobby and Athena sat quietly around the dinning room table “it’s going to be quiet while he’s gone” Athena said quietly “the station wont be the same. That reminds me are you good to stick around the 118 Lena?” “yeah Bobby, after Ronnie retired the 136 hasn’t felt like home. So I’m yours as long as you need me”. Bobby turns to Eddie “don’t worry your not going to get the shovel talk from us, you two have been in each others pockets way too long for that to matter. But are you going to be ok?” “I have to be, it’s not like hes walking out on me. I understand whats going on, I just never thought I’d be on this side of the situation. I was thinking earlier today that I now know how Shannon felt when I went away, but I also know he’s going to a way worse place than I was. So the knowing kinda makes it feel worse in a way” Eddie rest his head on his hands “you know just as much as I do about his reputation, he wouldn’t have a reputation like that if he couldn’t handle things” Bosko trying to lift his spirits. “I know, it’s just I asked him to show me his bullet wounds today and it really made it real. Than I found out that over two thirds of the scars on his body are from his time deployed. I will admit it shook me a bit”. “Come here baby” Athena wrapped her arms around him “we’re a family and we will get through this together” Eddie gave Athena a quick squeeze and looked over her shoulder to she Buck coming out of the spare room.

Buck was dressed in his full blue dress uniform, it was a little snug in areas like his chest and arms, but fuck he was mouth watering. Eddies eyes trailed up Bucks frame till he landed on his face, a single tear running down the mans cheek. Eddie let go of Athena and moved to Buck wrapping the man in his arms “whats wrong mi vida?” “ you had Maddie print this didn’t you?” Buck asked, “I thought it would be something to keep close to you while you’re away” Buck kiss Eddie on the cheek. Eddie stepped back “I have something else for you too” he reached into his pocket and pulled out a chain with a small medallion on it, Buck gasped “is that your saint Christopher medallion? I can’t take that, its yours, it makes sure you come home to Chris” “no baby Hen picked this up for me today, this is yours, so you can come home to our boy. To both of us”. Buck looked at the photo, one of the images of the him, Eddie and Chris taken in the leopard shark nursery earlier in the day. He placed it in his breast pocket right next to his heart, then bowed his head so Eddie could put the medallion around his neck. The pair walked back to Bucks surrogate family and Bosko.

Buck hugged the Grant-Nash family, May and Athena not letting go. Buck was shocked to feel Athena’s tears on his neck, the strongest person he’s ever known was crying for him. He squeezed her tighter and whispered in her ear “love you mamma, I’ll come home”, sobs wracked Athena’s body as Bobby stepped up and turned Athena into his arms. As May stepped back the stuffed shark on top of Bucks bag caught her eyes “what’s that?” everyone's eyes turned to the leopard shark in a blue uniform, Eddie burst out laughing. With a grin on her face Bosko asked “is that shark in regulation uniform?” Buck joined in on Eddies laughter before answering “why yes it is, I told Eddie I would find a way to take it with me. Sooo it has dress blues, a set of desert and forest cams, and a black outfit” Bosko laughed as she spoke “only you Buckley, I’m glad puppy dog Buck is still alive and well”. Ten minutes before his ride was picking him up Buck said his final goodbyes to the Grant-Nash family and walked out the front with his boys and Bosko. “Thanks Bosko for being here, you helped a lot with some of those questions. You’ll probably fielding a few more when you’re back on shift” He looked at the ground “can I ask a massive favour from you? Can you keep an eye on my boys, you’re the only one I can trust that also understands what they will be going through” Bosko reached out and put her hand on his shoulder “we all bleed for this country sir” even though Buck was younger than her she knew he out ranked her “I will always help those of the uniform plus I like Diaz here, hes fun to keep around” Buck laughed “just no street fights please, I don’t need to come home and find him locked up” The three of them laughed as Chris wrapped his arms around Buck as a black SUV pulled up. Buck bent down and pulled Chris into a massive hug “love you superman” Chris nodded his head unable to form words. Buck stood up and pulled Eddie in close “ I’ll miss you most of all scarecrow, I love you Eddie, amor de todo mi universo” “love you too, mi vida. Come home safe” Buck stepped back put his bag in the back and jumped into the passenger seat. Eddie and Chris standing there watching the car head down the street as tears run down their faces.

Its been 6 weeks since Buck had been called back to service, Eddie hasn’t heard a single thing about what's going on. No letters, phone calls or face time, not even carrier pigeons, Eddie was climbing the walls but Chris was probably worse. The boy was surly and morose, his school work had suffered and he barely hung out with his friends. If it wasn’t for the weekly 118 gatherings Chris wouldn’t of spent any time with kids his age except at school. The weekly 118 gathering were a mandated affair so the 118 could keep an eye on Chris and Eddie. Chim always ask a few questions about Buck, the majority of which neither Eddie nor Bosko could answer. “What kind of stuff would he be doing” Chim asked Eddie dropped his head in his hands as Bosko rolled her eyes “look Chim we don’t know” Bosko sighed “one of the stories I had heard back in the day, but remember these were just rumours. Someone on Smokes team took out an entire convoy with a rocket launcher as they hung out the side of a med bird, filled with guys they pulled out of the shit” “that sounds like something Buck would do, wouldn’t surprise me if that was our Buck” Athena smiled. Eddie laughed “he’s always been able to handle things, even if we didn’t know it all the time” Maddie shot daggers  at Eddie “what do you mean? His always been reckless, look at how many times he’s been in the hospital” “Maddie each time Buck has been in hospital has never been from recklessness, its always been wrong place wrong time or someone else’s mistake. You can’t blame him for that” Maddie crossed her arms with a huff “and she thought Buck was the childish one” Eddie thought to himself.

Bobby turned to Eddie “I remember Buck said something similar but i didn’t understand what he meant” “think of the ladder truck he was sitting in your seat Cap, Chim would have been in that seat as intrum Captain but he was in the Ambulance and so where Hen and I. He wouldn’t have been in that seat and it was a perfect storm of events to have the ladder truck land like it did on his leg. If he had been sitting different or not as solid and heavy as he is, he could have been thrown further and not been crushed. The embolism was caused by the cobalt screws not him overworking himself like people like to believe he was” Eddie looked around the table “but if the hospital had actually looked at his file they would have seen cobalt has cause blood clots for him before, he was just too loopy on pain meds to really take in that they use cobalt screws until he threw that blood clot. He got a nice little settlement from that” Eddie smiled “and the Tsunami was a freak accident. If you think back any time we’ve thought Buck was reckless, he’s always made it out without a scratch and someone hes rescued” realisation hit everyone around the table.

“But what about when he was a kid he was always reckless and getting hurt” Maddie piped up, Athena looked at the woman “you mean all the times he did something stupid to purposely hurt himself to get the attention of his parents who only paid attention to him when he was hurt? Thats not recklessness Maddie, that’s a cry for help. I agree with what Eddie has said, in a way we undermined that boy. We all need to do better when he gets back, and Chimney stop asking stupid questions they can’t answer”. You could hear a pin drop after Athena’s words as everyone reflected on what both she and Eddie had said, Chim and Maddie pouting like a child after Athena’s words. The silence was broken by Bobby “well this makes me look even worse with how I acted after the ladder truck incident, plus I always wondered how he has so many accreditation with only being a fire fighter for a handful of years, guess we’re going to have to get to know him with the knowledge we now have”

Eddie pulled up to their home on Bedford st after the 118 gathering, he felt raw and just wanted some quiet time to think and wallow  in Bucks absence. Eddie checked the mail and found a blank envelope, as he walked inside he opened it to find a single polaroid photo of a stuffed leopard shark in a desert cam outfit on the bonnet of a hummer in the same type of desert cam. On the back written in black ink were the words I love my boys. Inside the envelope Eddie also found a small note

Eddie called out to Chris “Chris he sent us something quick”. Chris rushed out to the living area as quickly as he could, Eddie handed him the polaroid and Chris instantly broke down crying “what else did he say” Chris eyed the small note in Eddies hand “he says he misses and loves us, that he’s doing ok” Eddie wraps his son into a tight hug as they both weep with relief. After he calls Maddie to let her know, he can her crying through the phone. He’s glad she has Chim no matter how much he’s being a dick with his questions.

The polaroids always of the leopard shark in different places shows up ever few days in a blank non-descript envelope. Each polaroid had a note on the back showing how much Buck misses and loves his boys. Chris has each hung off multiple lines of string, though they’re all of a stuffed shark they make Chris feel better that his Buck is safe. Occasionally they show up with a note for Eddie, there’s always very little information but each shows Eddie how much he is loved and missed, and will tell Eddie before he goes dark again. With the arrival of the polaroids comes a change in the house, Chris’s joy has returned and he’s returned back to his usual habits. He’s going out with friends and his grades have come back to their usual high level. The team at the 118 especially Bosko noticed Eddie’s mood improve.

4 months after Buck had left a corp man shows up to the 118, Eddie paniced until Bosko pointed out that they send officers if someone has died or been gravely injured. Eddie relaxed as the corp man handed him a familiar non-descript envelope, till he opened the evelope to find a polaroid of the leopard shark which appeared to be trying to eat the fluid bag of an IV line. Eddie ripped open the envelope to find the note

The Back side of the polaroid had the words “I’m ok, no stress Superman” in black ink.

13 months after Buck had left, the wall behind Chris’s bed was covered in polaroids, and a corp man showed up to the 118 two more times, each week Maddie would show up and look over the polaroids Chris received that week. Eddie could see she was a little jealous of his son receiving for frequent notice from her brother than she did.

This particular day the 118 was about to sit down to dinner when Eddie hear a familiar voice call out from the equipment pay “Staff Sargent Diaz get your sexy ass down here so i can kiss you”. Eddie was instantly out of his seat and down the stairs. Buck stood their in his fatigues on crutches with a cast on his left leg. Eddie pulled Buck into his body “what did you do to yourself idiot” before pulling Bucks face into his. “Last mission went south but we still completed out objective” Buck whispered in his ear. “Come up and join us for dinner soldier” Bobby called out from up in the loft, Hen, Chim and Bosko watching on. Buck sat down with his family and ate a meal half way through Maddie and Athena showed up wrapping their arms around Buck. Once dinner was done Bobby told Eddie he was done for the day and would have the next fortnight off. They both left with the plan to pick up Chris from his Abuela,

On the drive to Abuela’s Buck turned to Eddie “I’ve beaten you now” “in what way” Eddie asked, “I have three more bullet wounds” Eddies arm swang across his truck backhanding Buck in his chest “ahh fuck Eddie why are you beating up a cripple” “you aint not cripple your an idiot” Eddie sighed “at least the leg in the cast is your bad one I guess” “Actually they were able to fix it so I’d never have chronic pain from it again, so you can’t get mad at me for that one” Buck said turning his puppy dog eyes on him. “Fine but if I’m going to marry you, your not aloud to get hurt again” Eddie snapped. Buck turned to Eddie a softness in his voice “you want to marry me?” “yes idiot” Eddie responded “lets pick up Chris and head to Vegas and do it this week, we can take Tia Pepa and Abuela and make a trip of it” Bucks eyes shone “Yes Buck lets do it”