Chapter Text
It was well past midnight and it was quiet in the Haus. A little too quiet for Dex's comfort.
It was the first week of classes at Samwell and had been a couple of weeks since Dex and Nursey had moved into the Haus attic together. It was a tough summer in rural Maine, working with his cousins on the docks. He had worked his ass off on the boats, on the docks, in the gym... trying to ignore this annoying, niggling feeling growing in his chest. No matter what he did, no matter how much he pushed his body, he couldn't stop thinking about his life at Samwell. He couldn't stop thinking about moving into the Haus and his soon-to-be roommate.
Dex now laid on the bottom bunk in their shared room wide awake, tossing and turning, unable to sleep.
Through some rough nights, startling realizations, and maybe some tears, Dex spent the second half of his summer vacation coming to terms with the fact that he liked guys. It wasn't like he never thought about this before. It was just that he desperately wanted to ignore it.
However, a certain irritating poet who happened to be sleeping in the bunk above him had unfortunately wiggled his way into Dex's heart. It was alarming. Not only is Derek Nurse the most agitating person he has ever had the displeasure of meeting, he was his teammate, and now his roommate. This is such a bad idea.
Dex sighed and continued to toss and turn. Nursey had gone to bed an hour ago, but Dex could not settle. Maybe he just had to get this out of his system. Maybe if it's out in the open they can both acknowledge it. Be bros and get over it. Dex knew that Nursey wouldn't be weirded out. Despite his awful personality he was a good guy. The worst this admittance of a crush would do is fuel his ego. And thats all it was, right? Just a crush. No big deal.
"Are you still awake?" Dex whispered, hoping he wasn't.
"Yeah." Nursey responded sleepily.
"I-" Dex stopped himself. "I'm sorry, never mind."
The nerves were getting to him, and he was annoyed at his stupid idea to just come out with it. What was he thinking? This is a terrible idea.
"What's wrong?" Nursey asked, now sounding more awake.
Dex sighed. It's fine, it's fine.
"We're friends now right?" Dex croaked out.
"Oh course we're friends." Nursey paused. "I actually think you're my best friend."
Dex smiled at this and felt a pang of anxiety in his stomach. God, please don't fuck this up.
"I had a really tough summer." He started and paused.
He clearly paused for too long because Nursey was now making his way down the ladder and took a seat at the end of the bed. Dex sat up and took a very shaky breath and looked at Nurse, who had a concerned, but attentive look on his face.
"I think..." He paused again and Nursey nodded silently at him to continue. "I think I'm gay." Dex finally let it out.
Nursey let out a long breath and quickly brought Dex into a hug. Dex couldn't have stopped the tears that started falling if he tried.
"I'm sorry." Dex choked out as sobs rattled his body.
He didn't realize he had been holding so much. Nursey shushed him and held him as he cried.
"Have you ever told anybody that before?" Nursey asked gently.
"No. No." Dex cried. "I have barely told myself that." He admitted.
Nursey nodded into Dex's shoulder, rubbing gentle circles into his back. Dex took a deep breath, trying to calm down and pulled away from Nursey.
"I'm sorry I don't know why I'm so upset." Dex sighed and wiped at his cheeks. "I think I've just been holding in a lot."
"You don't have to apologize. It's a lot. It's emotional." Nursey spoke quietly. "Do you want to talk about it? Do you want to get it all out? I'm a pretty good listener."
Dex nodded and smiled slightly and Nursey smiled back brightly. The two moved so they were facing each other completely, leaning against the headboard and footboard respectively, their legs outstretched towards each other, but not quite touching.
"I'm sorry, I know you were trying to sleep, I just felt like I was going to explode." Dex apologized.
"I was having a hard time sleeping too, don't worry about it." Nursey smiled and nodded at Dex to continue.
"I think I have always known I was different." Dex sighed. "I mean I remember middle school when my friends and classmates were all having their first kisses and were like taking interest in girls. I mean I of course thought girls were pretty, I still do, but... I never got it. I never understood why my friends were so whipped over girls or why they were distracted by girl's at the beach in the summer. I thought maybe I was just like a late bloomer but even into high school... The girls I dated were just girls I was friends with that I really really liked, I loved them. But, looking back, I loved them because they were my friends. I didn't love them like... like how I loved Carter."
Dex can't believe he just said all of that aloud. Nursey was listening intently and looked surprised at the mention of a man's name.
"Have you ever hooked up with a guy?" Nursey asked.
"Not really." Dex sighed. "So... Carter was a guy I worked on the lobster boat with in late high school. His Dad owned the boat and there were a lot of days it would just be him and I out on the water. We worked incessantly in the summer. We were both extremely working class, just trying to make any kind of money. So we picked up any shift we could and they were usually together. We talked about everything. We were so in sync. So, one day we were out on the boat, just the two of us, and I had forgotten to put on sunscreen the day before so he was putting aloe on my back. When I turned around he was giving me this look. And I don't really know how it happened but, we kissed. We both just like melted into it. Before we kissed I don't even think I clocked that I liked him like that, I just knew I loved spending time with him. But it just all kinda fell into place. We made out for a long time that day, but had to get back to work. It kinda became our thing, we would kiss and joke around when we were on the boat alone that summer. But we never really talked about it. It was just... part of our routine, we didn't talk about it meaning anything. But, we got reckless and I gave him a kiss when we were coming in from fishing one day and his Dad was waiting on the docks."
"Oh no." Nursey whispered.
"He screamed at us. We were both so scared. We both told him it didn't mean anything, that it had been a long summer of being on the water, being stressed, not being around girls. That we were confused and we were sorry." Dex let the tears roll down his face. "His Dad fired me. He asked one of his buddies to hire me instead so I still had work but Carter and I stopped working together, stopped speaking to each other. I think we both started to believe that maybe what we told his Dad was the truth, that we were spending too much time together..."
"That's awful Will." Nursey moved his leg slightly so it was pressing against Dex's.
"I think after that I just decided that it wasn't worth the trouble. That even if I did like him, even if I did love him, I was clearly confused. I needed to focus. So, I pushed it so far down. Until this summer it just. I haven't been able to anymore." Dex's voice wobbled.
"What changed?" Nursey asked, sitting up a little straighter.
"I have a crush." Dex laughed lightly, looking up to meet Nursey's gaze. Nurse stiffened slightly, but recovered well.
"Do you want to tell me about him? Do I know him?" Nursey asked, sounding excited as he asked his second question.
"I'll tell you but I don't want it to make things weird. Can you just try to be chill?" Dex asked and Nursey nodded, looking nervous.
"I'm always chill."
"You are not." Dex shook his head. "Fuck this is hard."
"What, you gonna confess your love for me or something?" Nursey laughed hard.
Dex was frozen. He was sure he was beet red and was grateful it was dimly lit in the room. He said nothing and Nursey stopped laughing immediately.
"Wait..." Nursey started, staring at Dex who looked like he was a deer in the headlights.
"Stop. Don't. I don't want things to be weird." He rambled, trying to salvage this situation. He should have never fucking said anything.
"Will. Do you have a crush on me?" Nursey asked gently placing a hand on his outstretched shin.
More tears threatened to fall and Dex was so over this. He has cried more tonight than he has the past several years. It was so embarrassing and so not him.
"I'm sorry." He whispered and nodded a few times. Nursey just stared at him.
"Holy shit." Nursey breathed out. "Dex I am so sorry I didn't mean to tease you, I just, I really didn't think it was me. I am so sorry." Nursey rambled and then stopped himself. "But it's ok, it's ok, don't be sorry!"
He climbed up to the headboard and brought Dex into a tight hug.
"Dex." Nursey cooed. "Dex." He repeated, asking the other man to look at him. Dex finally met his eyes with Nursey's. "Dex, I-"
"You don't have to say anything." Dex sighed.
"Will." Nursey commanded Dex's attention again and this time Dex really paid attention. "I am so fucking in love with you."
Dex stared at Nursey wide eyed, the cogs in his brain working overtime.
"Are you chirping me? Because now really is not the time, that's not co-"
Dex was cut off by Nursey's lips on his. Dex sighed into the kiss and leant into into the other man. The kiss intensified and Dex threw his sheets off and climbed on top of Nurse's lap, straddling him. They barely lost their contact in the position change and Nursey had one arm wrapped tightly around Dex's waist and the other was cupping the redhead's cheek gently. Dex had both of his hands in Nursey's hair. Dex broke the kiss slowly and leant his forehead against the other man's.
"Fuck." Dex let out, both the men breathing heavily.
"Fuck." Nurse repeated, staring at Dex. "I am a little mad at you." Nursey smirked.
Dex pulled his head away so he could see Nursey's face. His hard dropped a little but he didn't say a word. He was sure he looked confused but waited for whatever Nurse would say.
"Now I have to throw my whole seduction plan out the window." Nursey smiled brightly.
"You are such an asshole." Dex whined and began to laugh, resting his head on Nursey's shoulder. Nurse rubbed his back, the two staying quiet and embraced, Will still comfortable on Derek's lap.
"I'm sorry for real though. I couldn't help myself. I just thought I was so obvious with my feelings." Nursey spoke quietly into Dex's hair.
"I was worried I would lose you. That, I don't know you would be weirded out." Dex mumbled.
"You can't get rid of me that easily." Nursey chuckled.
Dex grinned into Nursey's shoulder and pulled back, planting another kiss to the other man's lips. Both of them letting all of their frustration and passion out. Nurse slid his hands under Dex's shirt and the skin contact made Dex shudder. He pulled back, quickly taking his shirt off, and Nurse followed.
"Damn. We should have done this freshman year." Nurse smiled, drinking in all of Will.
"Oh yeah, definitely." Dex responded and brought his lips back to meet Derek's.
They both let their hands explore, both pleased at the lack of clothing. Nursey pulled away and planted kisses down Dex's neck, stopping to nip and suck at the skin.
"Fuck, Derek." Dex moaned, which fueled Derek to keep going. When he was pleased with his work he pulled back to look at Will's love drunk face.
"You are so sexy." Nurse whispered, planting a firm, but quick kiss to Will's lips. "I know tonight was a lot. I know it was emotional. Thank you for telling me, I'm glad we can talk."
"I'm so glad I told you." Dex laughed lightly. "God, I feel so fucking drained."
"I know, that was a lot. How about we try to get some sleep, we can talk more tomorrow, hm?" Nursey asked, rubbing Dex's back soothingly. Dex nodded and unstraddled the other man, slouching back down beside him.
"Can you stay?" Dex asked quietly.
"Absolutely."
They laid down together and brought the blankets back up. Nurse slung an arm around Dex's waist and pulled him close so they completely and utterly pressed together. Derek peppered Will's back with kisses and Will relaxed into the other man.
"Goodnight Will."
"Goodnight Derek." Dex smiled and finally drifted off to sleep with a stupid smile plastered on his face.