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Mandy knows she should feel sorry for what she did, but she's a Milkovich, and Milkovichs don't do remorse, so she doesn't. (She knows Lip's life is worth more than hers ever could be, so it was an easy choice to make.) She's feeling victorious as she sneaks in through the Gallagher's back door, wanting to surprise Lip (and to get one last night in before he figures out what happens, because of course he'll figure it out, he's a goddamn genius). (Lip's so smart it makes her want to cry sometimes, or maybe just scream.)
His family's in the front room, laughing and shrieking, (she knows—she peeked in the window) and she figures that means they can be loud (or, well, louder than usual). She dashes up the creaky kitchen stairs, high on adrenaline. He's not in their room. (She smirks as she pushes the broken door or screen or whatever aside. Mandy's not good at much but she's good at being sexy and that's enough, at least for now.) Mandy tries the boys' room next. Lip's not there, but Ian is lying on his bed, so she walks over, nudges his side.
“Lip home?” she asks, and Ian doesn't answer, so she nudges him again.
“Leave me alone, Mandy, fuck,” he spits, but he doesn't sound angry. He sounds like he's crying, so Mandy leans over to check, and yeah, he is. Holy shit. (Ian's the strongest person she's ever met. Stronger than Lip, stronger than Mickey, even stronger than Fiona.)
She closes the door, latches it. Climbs into bed next to Ian, who shoves her away, but not very hard, so Mandy decides that's a good sign.
“What's wrong?” she asks. No answer.
“You alright?” Silence. She tries a different tactic.
“Did I ever apologize for siccing Mickey on you? Because, you know, I'm sorry.” Ian seizes at this (sobs) and Mandy connects the dots.
“Did Mickey do something?” Mandy asks (and it feels like there's a brick in her stomach, because she already knows the answer). In place of an answer, Ian turns to face her, just for a second, and she sees how busted his face is. He turns back to the wall.
“Shit. Mickey did that?” It takes a minute for Ian to answer, but he finally rasps out a “yeah”.
Mandy grabs for his hand, and Ian lets her hold it, limp and clammy.
“I'll kill him, Ian. I mean it. He acts all tough, but he's a shit fighter. I'll hit him with a fucking bat, I swear.”
“Don't,” he says weakly, a protest.
“Why?” she asks, “He won't come after you, I won't let him.” He pulls his hand out of hers, scoots towards the wall.
“Jesus Christ, Mandy! Can't you just fucking mind your own business for once?” (She can't, he should know that.)
Neither of them speaks, the silence hanging heavily in the room, tangible, something she can feel. Finally, Mandy says, just to say something,
“I hit Karen with a car.”
“What?” Ian croaks, incredulous, and Mandy shrugs, though he can't see.
“She was gonna get herself pregnant. On purpose. So Lip wouldn't go to college. Was gonna fuck up his whole fucking life and she didn't even give a shit.” She takes a deep breath, exhales (wishes for a cigarette).
“There you go. You know something that could send me to jail for the rest of my life. You've got that to hold over me, so you can tell me anything.” Ian rolls over onto his side, meets Mandy's eyes. Sniffles, wipes the snot off his nose with the back of his hand. (In that moment, he's ugly, but he's also, always, the most beautiful thing she's ever seen.)
“You really hit her with a car?” Mandy nods.
“She gonna be okay?” She scoots towards Ian until their foreheads are touching, holds on to his hand like she's falling off a cliff and he's trying to pull her back up. (She feels like there's a million miles between them and it makes her sick to her stomach.)
“Think so. Called 911 right away.”
“Mickey's gay,” he blurts out, and Mandy wrinkles her eyebrows, confused. (She can never keep up with the Gallaghers, she's just too fucking stupid to follow them wherever it is they're always running off to.)
“Yeah, I know—was he trying to keep you quiet? Is that why he...?” she lifts their entwined hands, gestures vaguely to his face.
“No, he. We've been together. For a while now. And your dad caught us and beat the shit out of Mickey and now he's getting married to some girl he knocked up. And we got in a fight about it, because he won't admit he cares about me.” He says this rushed, all in one breath, and then grimaces (like he expects to be hit). Mandy grimaces as well, because, obviously, holy shit.
“He didn't really knock her up,” Mandy volunteers, though she doesn't know why. (She can't help herself, it's the curse of the Milkovichs—no self control.) “He made me swear I wouldn't tell anyone, but. He said he was in love.” Ian makes a strangled sort of noise at this, and Mandy feels like complete shit for fucking this up (even further).
“Sorry, I.” (deep breath) “What do you want me to do about this? What do I need to do? Just tell me.” Ian grabs the back of her head, threads his fingers through her hair. Kisses her, hard. (She's wanted this for years, would lie awake at night and fantasize about it. She never imagined it would make her feel so dirty.) An eternity later (and no time at all) Ian pulls away, panting for breath.
“Marry me,” he says, through his tears. Mandy swallows tears of her own, hot down the back of her throat. She feels them plugging it up, like cement. Feels herself choking, gasping for breath.
She loves Lip, she does, but Ian was (is) her fairytale. Her and Lip were real but they were messy and brutal and everything in her life was messy and brutal and she was fucking sick of it. Ian is so pure he doesn't seem real, like a dream, and Mandy knows she would pick him in a heartbeat if he wanted her. Would pick him over anyone and anything in the whole world, every time, and never look back.
“Yeah, alright,” she agrees, and brings him in for another kiss. She knows he doesn't mean it, not really, but she wants one for the road (and that doesn't make her a bad person—it just doesn't).