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Soulmate memories had always been existent, although they were rare. Many say they started to show up as Quirks began to appear, little flashes of someone else's life springing up in your eyes. You knew when you met your soulmate because your souls just... clicked together. Pieces of a puzzle. Your soul would reach for your partner's and you could recognize them, even if it took some time.
Todoroki had somewhat always had those memories. There was orange, bright brown eyes and a smile and excited yelling. There was competition and passion, but there were quiet moments too. Shouto held these memories close to his heart and cradled them, let them grow. Sought them out to avoid his father's cruelty. As he got older, the memories grew more persistent and he kept them locked away, a treasure to adore when he found himself in an emotional situation he couldn't escape. Those memories of sunlight were his most precious treasures.
They got more intimate. Soft words whispered and fingers brushing together in hallways. Warm fingers wrapping around one another's. Soft lips and fingers twined in softer hair, and an overbearing amount of love that had Todoroki's heart constricting. There were ordinary words said by others that somehow felt special. and Todorki heard his past life's name far too often.
“Toss to me, Kageyama!”
Yeah. It was special. It always had been to him, even if he couldn't play volleyball to save his life. The bond he had with his soulmate at one point as deep and strong and unbroken. And it was comforting.
Class 1-A. The first day.
Suddenly orange wasn't orange anymore. Orange became green the moment that Midoriya Izuku stepped through the door of that classroom, and Todoroki resisted the urge to stand up, to reach for him and display rare amounts of emotion. Todoroki's soul recognized Midoriya's, but... The feeling didn't seem to be returned. Whenever they were near one another, Todoroki's eyes were drawn to green and he never found Midoriya looking back at him. They did end up on better terms, though, and Todoroki would almost call them friends.
First year passed and Todoroki told himself that maybe Midoriya would recognize it next year. Their souls would click and Todorki could get some of that love and warmth that he so deeply cherished from his childhood.
Instead, that fantasy shattered like glass. Second year they were once again in the same class, and the troublesome ball of rage known as Bakugo started drifting towards his childhood friend once again. “Deku,” which Todoroki had gathered as once being demeaning, suddenly turned affectionate. Uraraka, his competition since the very beginning, also was drawing close. he had caught the two of them arguing about Midoriya on more than occasion.
“Oh! Todoroki!”
The hero paused in his tracks, turning to look at who had called for him. Midorya was jogging towards him, waving and giving a friendly smile.
“Hello Midoriya,” Todoroki answered politely, his voice calm and hiding how quickly his heart was beating now. “Do you need something?”
Midoriya blinked.”Oh, uh... No, not really. I was wondering if you wanted to come have lunch with me.”
It was Todorki's turn to blink, quirking an eyebrow as his pulse fluttered. “I... suppose so. Don't you have Bakugo and Uraraka?”
“They're doing something and Iida is a sick,” Midoriya shrugged. “Plus, I think we're friends. And... you normally sit alone.”
Todoroki flushed, heat rising to his face. “... Yeah, alright.”
Lunc had actually been... Somewhat nice, really. They had chatted away and learned little bits and pieces about each other, and Todoroki found himself falling in love once again. Midoriya and Hinata may not be the same person, but there were similarities that made him realize why he had loved this soul in the first place.
After school, Midoriya had followed Todoroki out with a smile, saying he wanted to keep him company. Shouto was flattered really.
He found his eyes drawn to his companion, Midoriya talking about something and making rather large gesticulations. Something sparked in Todoroki's brain and green was replaced with orange in a very different memory.
“You're amazing, Kageyama! I love you!”
A lump formed in his throat and he only realized that he had stopped in his tracks when Midoriya's voice trailed off and he turned around.
“Todorokun? Are you alright?” Midoriya was facing him now and Shouto couldn't bring himself to hold the other's gaze. He looked down, fingers curling into fists.
“... Midoriya, do you believe in soulmates?” The words just came out, blurted out uncharacteristically. Heat and ice rose at once and his stomach was swirling, making him feel nauseous. He swallowed and found his mouth dry, throat squeezing and words no longer able to escape.
“Soulmates?” Mismatched eyes rose from the floor and focused on the green-haired boy. Midoriya's expression had gone soft and he was holding his hands together, thumbs rubbing over his index fingers. The faint rays of sunlight coming through the windows lit Midoriya up in a glow and Todoroki's heart skipped a beat at the sight, even if Midoriya was looking out the window instead of at him. “Yeah... I suppose I do.”
Todoroki's throat constricted and his own gaze darted through the window to see what Midoriya was looking at. Uraraka and Bakugo were out in the courtyard, appearing to be having an intense conversation, and Midoriya's face held an amazing amount of affection for them.
“You love them, don't you?”
Midoriya's head whipped around and his facial expression was one of surprise, his cheeks flushing red. “W-what makes you say that?”
Todoroki didn't say anything, just took in a deep breath and felt his heart go numb. He swallowed, closing his eyes and decided he needed to leave. “... I really hope they make you happy, Izuku.” He turned and started walking away.
“Todorokun---“ He heard Midoriya take a step forward.
“Goodnight, Midoriya. I will see you in class tomorrow.” Todoroki bid him a curt goodbye and kept walking until he was out of sight and out of hearing range. He arrived home and stayed silent as he made his way up to his room, sinking down against his door and burying his face in his arms. Taking in a shaky breath, he tilted his head back and rested it against the wood of his door, staring out into space. The memories drifted across his mind and hot tears dripped down his cheeks and chin.
“As long as I'm here, you're invincible.”
Todoroki acted as though nothing happened the next day. He said hello to Midoriya and ignored the waves of hatred and jealousy radiating from Bakugo. It was fine - he and Midoriya were paired together for sparring and he acted as he normally would, but he got knocked off guard and sent to the ground and just... didn't feel like getting up.
It was fine.
Midoriya smiled and held out his hand, and Todoroki took it and promptly sent ice in the direction that flames were coming at him. Uraraka gave him a blank look and it turned almost sad.
It was fine.
“He just... he looked like he was in pain. Like I had shattered him somehow.” Todoroki stopped himself from rounding the corner, bile clawing at his throat because he knew exactly what Midoriya was speaking about.
“I'm sure it's not your fault, Deku...”
He went to Uraraka. Of course. He turned to go the other way and found himself face to face with Bakugo, who had red eyes trained on him with an intensity he hadn't expected. He leaped forward, grabbing a fistful of Todoroki's shirt and slamming him into the wall. The thud resonated through the hallway.
“If you hurt him in any way---”
Todoroki calmly placed a hand on Bakugo's, pushing him away. “I'm afraid it's the other way around, Bakugo.”
Bakugo stood there as Todoroki stepped around him and walked off, scrubbing at his eyes furiously.
It wasn't fine.
He hated crying. He hated this feeling in his chest. He hated feeling so strongly about this.
He hated that he wasn't his soulmate's soulmate anymore.
“I love you.”
As if.