Chapter Text
There’s tears streaming down her face and her nose is dripping; she looks absolutely miserable and you have no idea what to do. She looks up at you, bright pink eyes filled with so much remorse and your heart is not just in pain, it’s combusting like lava, firing up your insides as every resentment you held towards her rise to your skin and you’re crying too, when did that happen. She sniffles loudly, a pained moan leaving her perfect lips and whispers:
“I’m sorry dad died and you had to be stuck with me and mom.”
You break down and you wail, dropping into her arms. She catches you easily and hugs you with force, and you’re crying into each other’s necks.
Her perfume is intoxicating and she’s so soft and warm, and all layers of animosity and antagonism melt away, leaving you basking in love and misery, but especially misery because you just want to love her and you can’t and now your lips are on hers.
She pushes you away and looks up at you, her lipstick barely smudged as her jaw drops and her eyes open as wide as possible in horror.
Your name is Rose Lalonde, you are 17 years old, you are in love with your own sister and you just made the biggest mistake of your life.
You’re frozen to the ground as Roxy stares at you horrified.
Why did you do that? Why the fuck would you do that?! Everything was finally looking good and now you’ve gone and ruined everything, oh my god, she must hate you.
“Rose…Rose, why did you do that?”
You shake your head. You don’t know. You just went with the moment. Clearly, you are not as good at reading cues as you thought you were.
You take a step back and then another, soon you find yourself running out of the parking lot.
The city at this time is filled with people walking around. You easily blend in with the crowd. You belatedly realize you left your bag in Roxy’s car. Shoving your hands into the pockets of your skirt, you regret not bringing a coat. You would be home by now on a normal day.
But it’s not a normal day; in fact, you doubt you’ll ever have a normal day again. The complacency of your life is soon going to be completely shattered. You wouldn’t be surprised if Roxy never spoke to you again. The small moments of sisterhood, where you felt so happy with her, will never happen again.
You remember when you were younger and sat on her lap when it was cold.
You remember the first time you beat her at a videogame.
You remember Christmas, and drawing together, and stealing snacks at midnight.
You stop walking and look around. You had long since stopped paying attention and the crowd that surrounded you is now gone. You somehow found your way to the one place you wish you would never return to.
Once it was just a place you two used to play in. A playground. Your mother used to work in the shop across the street (it closed for good a few years ago), while you were at school. You and Roxy would walk here afterwards and play here if she wasn’t able to go home yet.
A couple years ago, when you had an accident at school, your mother was pretty upset and you ended up running here to escape from home for a while. Just like now, you’re not sure why.
You think it might’ve been because there’s never anyone around anymore and it’s associated wholly with good things.
Once you got beat up at school. To be fair, it might’ve been your fault. A little. Kids that age just couldn’t appreciate your highbrow snark. And by snark you mean you might’ve insulted a few thugs, namely, you insulted their mothers.
It was hilarious and you’re sure that if they were a bit more intellectual, they would’ve found it as amusing as you did.
Okay, to be fully, honest you were a dick. Not even being a relatively small girl saved you from getting the ever living crap beat out of you. Roxy put bandages all over your wounds, while you sat on the swings and drank chocolate milk.
You sit on the very swing you sat on as a kid and just a couple of years ago. It’s small. You’re kind of scared it will break. You’re not exactly light and the whole park has rusted over with age.
There are small bounces; one is broken and lying sadly on the floor. The slide has a huge hole in the middle. The monkey bars look like they’re about to fall apart. The spiny thing, whatever that is called, looks like it is completely unable to spin with all the vegetation growing around it.
This used to be a really good playground, you think, reminiscing about times with your sister.
You start swinging weakly.
Things change you guess. And you doubt they will ever be the same again.
“Rose?”
Your head shots up. Without you noticing, the sun is setting.
Roxy stands in front of you, hands shoved in her pockets. Her eyes are red and puffy, eyeliner smudgy.
“What are you doing here?” you ask.
“You ran off. I didn’t know where you went but then I remembered the time with the chemistry lab and I thought you might be here.”
You let your head drop and stare at the ground.
“Why here?” she asks softly. You know she’s just trying to put off talking about the kiss but you answer anyway.
“Don’t you remember when mom worked at the store there.” You say, more of a statement than a question.
You know Roxy is looking around trying to remember.
“Oh! Oh. That was a long time ago…I’m surprise you still remember, you were really little. Kindergarten maybe.”
“Up to 2nd grade.”
You sit in silence.
“Geez, I can’t believe I forgot this place, everything’s coming back to-“
“Are we gonna discuss what happened or can we just go home. I want to read before dinner.”
“Rose…Why did you…”
You shake your head.
“It seemed appropriate at the time.”
“…How in the world would that seem appropriate?”
You shrug.
For once, you don’t know what to say.
“Are you mad?”
“I’m…Not happy.”
“Ah.”
“What…What are we going to do?”
“Go home, I guess.”
You look up at Roxy. She seems to be as lost as you but she doesn’t look like she’s going to disown you or beat you up or anything. You know she’s too good for that, but you were still afraid.
She’s not just your sister. She’s too good for you.
You should’ve known better than to ever entertain any hopes she would like you.
She opens her mouth to speak but doesn’t say anything, just turns around and walks towards the car. You get off the swing and follow her.
The ride home is silent.
-
It’s late at night. You’re not sure how late, your alarm clock has been broken for months. You search around for your cellphone. Old as it is, at least it makes a pretty good clock.
3 am.
You whine, rolling over. You haven’t been able to sleep all night, thinking about Roxy.
Not even “thinking” like you sometimes do, when the need is high and your room is dark.
You sit up, throwing your feet over the side of the bed.
The look in her eyes when she pushed you away. It was like she was hurt more than ever before.
It must be so terrible, to know your sister wants you.
You started crying without realizing. Or maybe you stopped crying without realizing and just realized when you started again.
You’ve done a lot of crying tonight.
You get up for a glass of water, a snack, anything to get your mind off her.
It’s a terrible thing to love someone you will never be with.
You close your bedroom door quietly behind you.
The door to Roxy’s bedroom is opened a crack. There’s light coming out. You assume she’s playing some dumb game. You swallow dry and head for the stairs.
“Rose.”
You stop on your tracks.
“Roooose. Come’re.”
Oh no.
She’s drunk.
You walk back to her room. She lying on the floor, surrounded by bottles, a lopsided grin on her face. The whole room smells like booze.
“Rosieee!”
The petname causes your heart to throb violently and you wonder if it’s possible to die of heartbreak.
“Come here, Rosie.”
“I am here.”
“Noo, closer.”
She sits up, still grinning. Her television is on behind, flashing some game over screen from a game you don’t recognize, but looks fairly old.
You tentatively take a few steps forward, avoiding stepping on any bottles. You stand in front of her as she pats the floor next to her. You sit down on the fluffy carpet, trying to look anywhere but her.
“We…Need to talk, Rosie.”
You try to curl into yourself. You want to disappear right now.
“I love you.”
Your eyes shot up.
“But…Not like that.”
Oh. Of course not.
You let your gaze return to the ground. You’re not sure of what to do so you do nothing.
You gasp as her arms surround you and pull you down.
You’ve somehow managed to end up lying on the floor in her embrace. It’s very awkward. At least the carpet is comfy.
“Roxy, what…Roxy?”
A loud snore is your only response.
You roll your eyes in exasperation.
“You have to be kidding me. You can’t just…Hug me and fall asleep, you…”
She looks happy when she’s sleeping. You’re guessing that’s the booze.
You blink a few times and attempt to move. She’s holding on pretty tight…You don’t really want to wake her or anything…Maybe you should just…
You let yourself stay. You’ll cherish the moment and go back to your room in the morning.
After all, you doubt you’ll get any more of these moments soon.