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"You’re staring again."
Kudou sighs, leaning back on his hands lazily. He’s in nothing but his briefs and it was a late night, no, early morning? Well past curfew, well past when the night walkers wander outside looking for mates.
But for them, the night hasn’t ended yet.
Yoichi’s feet are cute (when did he find them cute?) shuffling across the messy floor. Is he looking for something? He’d know if he’d look up, but his eyes stop at Yoichi’s legs, skinny, pale, stronger than they used to be.
Yoichi has already found his underwear, shame, but that doesn’t stop Kudou from ogling the crease of his thighs where it meets his hips.
Yoichi stops abruptly, mid stride and it pulls Kudou out of his thoughts. Kudou doesn’t have to look up to know Yoichi is peering at him, head tucked, cheeks a little pink, arms around himself as if it’ll hide what he’s already seen. Shy still. Self conscious still.
But Kudou does eventually, look, because he wants to see it.
And he sees exactly that until their eyes meet and Yoichi quickly turns away. Yoichi unfolds a wrinkled shirt. He takes his time putting it on, he always does with most tasks, one arm, then the other, head next, fabric over his head then carefully smoothing it down at the front. That’s his shirt.
Kudou tilts his head to the side and winces, "Yeah?" He finally replies, absentmindedly. He wills himself out of the mental fog he’s in, running his hand through his bed mused hair. He’s tired and his head hurts, but he doesn’t want to go to sleep yet.
"Yes." Yoichi’s lips are a little puckered, like he’s not sure if he should pout or not. In the end, Yoichi smiles small.
"Sorry. Can’t help it."
"Well then," Yoichi’s smile grows bigger, a huff of a laugh escaping his lips. He sits on the old armchair opposite the bed Kudou’s on and crisscrosses his legs. "Look to your heart’s content, then."
Kudou scoffs, eyebrows raised. He can’t help, but smile back. "Come closer, then. So I can take a better look."
Yoichi hums, "But I was just over there." He says, teases. He rests his hands behind his head and arching his back. Kudou watches the sleeves slip down his thin arms, can see the slight perk of his nipples through his shirt.
Yoichi reaches up to give himself a nice, good stretch and his head falling back until it hits the back of the chair. His back arches even more, exposing the jut of his hips, the band of his underwear, the column of his neck. Kudou can’t breathe.
Yoichi’s confidence shows itself very seldomly, but when it does, it never fails to make Kudou’s heart flip. Yoichi looks relaxed, content, like a cat. A cat that has been loved, spoiled, well taken care of. He’s comfortable here with him. This isn’t the same Yoichi that he found in the dark of the vault. This isn’t the Yoichi who curls into himself, hates his own existence because he doesn’t believe he deserves to take up space. Here in the dark of the room, illuminated by the moon, he is sexy, satiated, safe. Yoichi knows he can do whatever he wants, is free and can go anywhere and be with whoever he wants, yet he chooses to be here with him.
Kudou is staring at Yoichi like it’ll be the last time. Like he’s in awe that Yoichi is alive, in awe that he’s here and that he loves him because most days Yoichi is not here. Mentally anyway. Most days Kudou’s voice can’t reach him and his touch isn’t felt. Most days Yoichi is in a corner, his mind still in the vault.
But tonight, they were finally together— are together. Tonight, Yoichi felt him.
Yoichi’s eyes open mid stretch and they widen at Kudou’s unwavering stare. He lowers his arms and as he does, a slow, knowing smile tugs at his lips. His cheeks grow a darker shade of red, but his features become softer, kinder. Yoichi understands, somehow. Catches onto the heat Kudou is emitting, the want for him that makes him shiver. Kudou watches every movement and Yoichi watches him back. He sits upright in the chair and when he does, his hair falls over the right side of his face.
Then Yoichi stands up slowly, carefully, eyes set on a predator that’s tracking him right back. It’s not fear that keeps him watching, but there is that acute sense of danger, that raw want that Kudou suffocates him with sometimes that keeps him cautious. Yoichi is only a few steps away and yet it feels like it takes forever for him to come closer.
Yoichi stops when his knees hit the edge of the bed, between Kudou’s legs, and he looks down at him with a gleam in his half lidded eyes that he gets when he’s caught onto something.
The air is thick in the room, the windows haven’t been opened all day, space filled with the scent of them and their activities from the past few hours. But they don’t care. Somehow the world has been reduced to just them again, everything outside of these four walls nonexistent as they take in each other.
A persistent heat settles in Kudou’s stomach. He wants to grab Yoichi and hold him, keep him here, in his arms, deep in his chest— something that’ll make him stay. This Yoichi who’s awake and sees him and, ugh— this is embarrassing. Kudou feels something burn at the back of his eyes and he looks away. He’s never felt this sentimental about anything. It’s strange, it makes his chest tight and his body shake with the thought of running. But he doesn’t want to run away from this, from Yoichi. Not when it leads to nights like this.
This is rare. This is new. Everything about them is new because they are new— this relationship— Yoichi. Even Kudou. Whether he’s grown soft because of Yoichi or Yoichi has grown tougher because of him, he doesn’t know. But he wants to know. And he wants to know how much more different they both can be.
So he looks at him again. He wants to look like he can keep his composure, that he isn’t desperate to touch him, but the tightness of his briefs, the stiffness of his shoulders, the way his eyebrows draw together betray him and Yoichi sees, of course he does— his own heated stare burning holes into him like he can see right through him.
"Will you… keep watching?" Yoichi asks. His voice is small, like if he talks any louder, something will shift.
Kudou wants to touch him, "Yeah."
"Oh. Okay."
Kudou tilts his head down, "Do you not want me to?"
Yoichi looks away then, just for a second, ears red under his tangled hair, "No, I… do." He turns around and heads back towards the chair. It’s really not far at all. "I want you to." He keeps his back towards him for a minute, for two, hands rubbing along the back of the chair before turning around again.
"Kudou. Do you… like what you see?" And it’s not meant to be suggestive, it’s not an attempt at talking dirty, but a genuine question that Yoichi needs answered.
He clinches his jaw, "Yeah."
Yoichi opens his mouth to say something, Kudou knows it was meant to be something else, but a small, hm comes out instead.
Kudou huffs, "You don’t believe me?"
Yoichi hugs himself, hands rubbing up and down his arms. Kudou stiffens. Sits up a little because he knows what Yoichi does when he starts to close himself off. He’s not ready for that yet.
Yoichi sits down, eyes to the floor, fingers indenting his fragile skin. "I’m not sure. You don’t lie, you… always tell me the truth, it’s just…" Yoichi laughs awkwardly, ruffling the back of his hair. Kudou can’t stop staring and it makes his head throb more.
This is the most they’ve talked in days. They spent the night together— are spending the night together, but it was quiet, affirmations and affection in the form of touches and kisses. But now they’re actually talking and Yoichi is still shy and mousy, but above all—
He’s here.
Kudou doesn’t waste time today. He won’t be a coward today. He can’t be. "You’re beautiful, Yoichi." He’s never said this outside of lying above Yoichi, when he’s too drunk off the pleasure to brush it off. But he wants to say it now while he’s lucid, while they’re still sharing this night together. "You’re beautiful. That’s why…"
Yoichi looks back at him wide eyed and speechless. His green eyes shine even in the shadows of the room. Kudou can see Yoichi is thinking about what to say to that. Kudou expects him to deny it, but he smiles bright and warm. Beautiful. Like he said. He’s known before Yoichi’s ever known, will ever know.
He swears he feels heat on his neck, the light from the rising sun shine behind his eyes. He almost curses that the night was over, but he blinks and it’s Yoichi. Yoichi can be so bright if he was just given the chance.
"Kudou, you," Yoichi looks away, brushes his hair back behind his ear, "thank you." His voice is shaky, wet. He’s shaking and Kudou realizes how much effort it’s taking Yoichi to stay here in front of him. To not run. They’re both trying to be brave. "But you, Kudou, you’re beautiful. I can’t even compare when I’m next to you. Me, I’m..." He doesn’t finish his thought and Kudou is grateful he doesn’t. Yoichi always has a sad smile on his face. It’s beautiful too, but it isn’t the smile that can be as bright as the sun.
It’s irritating how fleeting Yoichi’s happiness can be.
Yoichi rests his head in his hand, "You always know what to say. You’re wonderful, my hero.” Ahh, his head won’t stop hurting— “You’re like a shining star. I watch you all the time. How can I not when you’re so— oh, is that okay? That I watch you?"
He almost rolls his eyes, "I already knew you did."
"So you don’t mind?"
"Woulda stopped you if I did."
Yoichi smiles wider, the smile that made light shine behind his eyes. It’s not gone—
"I see." Yoichi hums, pleased. Kudou’s mouth goes dry. "So can I? Keep watching you?"
Kudou shifts and the bed creaks, an ugly, loud sound. It’s old too, the bed. Everything in this tiny apartment is old, used, barely functioning. He spreads his legs a little, slouches more. It’s hot. The bed sheets are damp where his fists have been clutching them. His head feels full, the throbbing pain now a dull ache deep in his skull. "As long as I can keep watching you too."
"Hm," The sad smile is back, he actually looks like he’s thinking about it. "Okay," he relents. "Thank you."
It feels like his chest has been split open.
Because what has he done for Yoichi to thank him for?
No movement. Barely there sounds. So late, even the cicadas are sleeping. A cough from the next room over, a single water droplet splashes into the sink bowl. Their eyes stay on each other, red and green flickering in the dark. Kudou isn’t sure how long they keep this up for, but the light from the moon eventually shifts to the space between their feet. Yoichi keeps his small smile. His eyes scrunch at the edges. He looks so happy. Like there’s no other place he’d rather be, but Kudou finds himself feeling the same.
Kudou is the first to break the eye contact. Yoichi’s arms are wrapped loosely around his legs, hugging them close. He thinks about how, earlier in the night, Yoichi’s arms were wrapped around his neck, how his legs straddled his hips.
Yoichi’s kisses were soft, his fingers were gentle, guiding him to touch him and pull him close. And Kudou pulled him closer, felt Yoichi’s heart beat against his chest, listened to Yoichi whisper about his day. And Yoichi let him dip his hand under his shirt, rub along his bare back—
"Kudou?” His eyes flicker back to Yoichi’s. He wants to feel Yoichi’s warmth on him, around him. He lets out a deep sigh. His cock stirs. “What are you thinking about?"
He wants to always hear him say his name. He wants Yoichi to stay safe, with him. He doesn’t want Yoichi to go back to the cage in his mind— "Want you back on my lap. Wanna touch you again."
Yoichi tries to hide his surprise by ducking behind his knees, but Kudou catches the deep blush high on his cheeks. "You want to touch me?"
"Yeah."
"Will you do that now?"
His grip in the sheets grow tighter. His nails dig into his palms. The heat grows stronger, "If you come over here."
Yoichi hums. He puts one foot down on the floor. They had just been holding each other not even an hour ago and yet it feels like it’s been an eternity. Yoichi does that to him. Yoichi makes him lose his sense of time. Makes him wish the sun never rose and he’s never liked the darkness.
His palms sting.
"I’ve missed you." He says too quickly, too desperately and Yoichi doesn’t understand the full implication of it. That sometimes Kudou loses him to his head. That Yoichi’s mind skips meals, conversations, whole days. Kudou never knows which Yoichi he gets when he opens his eyes and it scares him. "I wanna see you." He breathes. It wasn’t something he meant to ever say, but his brain has only just caught up and it’s too honest and too raw and everything just hurts.
Yoichi’s eyebrows furrow, breath caught in his throat. Both of Yoichi’s feet are on the floor now and Kudou can see all of him again. His lips part, quivering, hesitant. He sees a shine in his eye, like he’s about to cry. "You see me. I’m here." He whispers and yet Yoichi doesn’t come to him.
What does Yoichi want? What does he want Yoichi to do? He’s poured his heart out to him, but he doesn’t move.
Yoichi looks so pretty, flushed face staring at him with a look of need and desperation. Oh. He’s waiting for him. But Kudou isn’t sure what he should do.
Having Yoichi watch him, waiting for whatever it is he thinks Kudou will do just makes him hotter, makes the hole in his chest feel wider, deeper. And he can tell Yoichi sees it, how open and vulnerable he feels. He’s always been observant.
Kudou can’t think right now. Doesn’t want to. He could take the lead like he always does, move Yoichi how he wants him to. It’d be so easy. Should he get him? Scoop him up and drag him onto his lap? Pin him down and crush him under his weight? Command him, tell him what to do?
Shit. It’s hot. Everything hurts and the room feels too stuffy now. His leg is bouncing and it’s making the bed creak and, wow, it’s so loud how did he not notice until now—
His eyes find Yoichi’s again. When had he dropped his gaze? Yoichi flinches when he does, legs closed tightly, hands fisted at the front of his shirt, body rigid. Yoichi is unused to not being told what to do, but he’s not giving up this hold he seems to have over Kudou right now. But Kudou has his own hold on Yoichi. Kudou’s gaze is daunting, nerve wracking, filled with so much heat Yoichi fidgets in his seat.
Kudou isn’t sure what he should do. What would be the right course of action here? He doesn’t know. So until he does, he tries something without thinking because he just needs to calm down a little. He reaches down and before he can even do anything, Yoichi gasps. It was a silent thing. Lips parting slightly as his eyes follow Kudou’s hand then back up to his face with an expression he can only describe as fascination.
His shoulders immediately relax when he palms his clothed cock. Just that takes most of the tension away and when he wraps his fingers around himself, it only intensifies the haze that has been clouding his mind. He’s never touched himself with Yoichi around, never gave into his desire for Yoichi without thrusting into him right after. He’s not the type to do this, but Yoichi makes him feel not like himself sometimes and— Yoichi started it.
He’s slow about it, makes a show of it. The fabric of his briefs dampen fast and the wet friction against his skin feels strange. He shoves his hand in his briefs and the initial warmth of his hand wrapping completely around himself makes his stomach curl with a renewed stoke of heat. He can feel the wet spot on the fabric against his knuckles, pre spreads on his palm when he tugs up and squeezes the tip.
Crap, he can’t help himself. A low groan rumbles from deep in his throat, his legs part more.
All the while his eyes stay on Yoichi. He’s blurry, vision hazy as he gives into the pleasure, but he still sees the outline of Yoichi’s body, how his ankles hook around each other in an effort to stay still, how his hand cups himself through his shirt. He greedily takes in his quivering form as he strokes himself nice and slow.
He wants Yoichi. He wants to hold him. Wants Yoichi’s voice in his ear and his breath in his lungs. He thinks of how small he is under him, how hot his skin is against his fingertips. Yoichi always gives him what he wants.
Yoichi is the fascinating one. Yoichi is the one that should be ogled. And yet, here he is, being watched by him like he’s a god and not some degenerate having a mini meltdown right in front of his eyes.
He’s barely started and already Yoichi is a mess, flushed all the way down his neck, eyes half lidded, lips parted in silent whines. His hands are resting on the chair between his trembling legs. He sees his thighs squeeze around his arms, how he struggles not to jerk his hips into them.
"Ku—" Yoichi stands up abruptly. Kudou groans loudly, embarrassingly, cock throbbing at the sight of Yoichi finally coming closer. He grips himself tight to keep from falling over the edge too soon.
Yoichi didn’t even last five minutes.
Then, Yoichi is standing in front of him again. His shirt is falling off of one shoulder and Kudou appreciates the curve of it, where shoulder meets neck. He wants to bury his face in it.
Kudou can tell it’s a challenge for Yoichi to keep his eyes on him, sparkling green eyes cloudy and unsteady. He’s panting like he’s the one touching himself, face so red it’s a wonder how he hasn’t passed out. Kudou’s stare is too intense, too much— Yoichi always tells him that, but does he look like that now when he can barely handle Yoichi just standing over him?
Kudou’s breath hitches when, from the corner of his eye, Yoichi moves. His hands go down the front of his shirt, smoothing the wrinkled fabric down until he grabs the hem of it.
With a confidence that can easily break just from breathing too loud so Kudou doesn’t— breathe that is— as he watches Yoichi pull his shirt over his head. He just put this shirt on and yet, watching him pull it back off was just as rewarding. His hair becomes more mused in the process, fluffy and full of static as it falls to frame his face. The bend of his hip, the curve of his spine, the flush of his skin, everything just as breathtaking as he saw it not even an hour ago.
He eyes the bite marks along Yoichi’s neck and chest, the sharpness of his shoulders, his pronounced collarbone, his pink, perky nipples. He sees them so clearly now that he’s in front of him, right where he wants him to be.
Yoichi’s hands are gentle when they land on his shoulders. The dreadful bed creaks when his knees go up to hug Kudou’s hips. Kudou waits for his weight on his lap, but Yoichi doesn’t lower himself.
Kudou groans, "Yoichi—"
"Keep going," he whispers, breathlessly. He leans over so he can see better, "keep… keep going."
Kudou lets out a heavy breath.
This is a special night. An important night. It’s another day in the slow growing list of days they enjoyed each other’s company. Here in the comfort of their room, they can be themselves without the judgment of others. There is no long, faraway mission. There are no deaths, no murders. Yoichi doesn’t have to work too hard to prove he belongs here. Kudou doesn’t have to pick up the pieces.
The smell of mold and freshly washed clothes drying on the curtain rod. Their clothes from yesterday scattered around the room. Stacks of papers and old, busted equipment line the thin walls. Two half empty tea cups forgotten on the nightstand. It’s not luxurious, it’s not perfect but it’s domestic. It’s almost normal. Kudou never thought he could have something like this, even in a shitty safe house apartment.
There’s a draft somewhere and it gives Yoichi goosebumps. His thighs tremble with the effort of holding himself up above him and he finally settles on top of him. It’s close, Yoichi’s weight carefully placed on his thighs, but dammit, it’s still not close enough. Yoichi’s skin smells more like sweat than soap now. He smells like him, from when their limbs were tangled under the duvet.
This is weird— new, again. It’s embarrassing, being this exposed in front of Yoichi is embarrassing and heat licks up his spine from the thought of it all, how far it’s gotten, but he’s too far gone to stop. Yoichi wants him to keep going and he won’t deny Yoichi of what he wants tonight.
Kudou leans forward and their lips brush, but Yoichi keeps them just out of reach, eyes fixated on the way he moves his hand between them.
Yoichi’s breaths are so heavy, Kudou feels them against his cheeks. His eyelashes are so long, his lips are swollen from biting them too hard, his eyebrows furrow in concentration. Yoichi’s cock is just within reach, hard and leaking through his underwear, right in front of him—
"Yoichi." His voice is breathy and choked sounding and he doesn’t mean for it to be, but he’s close, heart in his throat from Yoichi watching him so intently, from being so open tonight. What did Yoichi think when he said all that? Did he understand? He moans with a particularly harsh tug, his thumb brushing the sensitive underside of his cock.
Kudou feels himself lean forward more, tilting his head so their lips can meet, but he stops just shy of them touching, panting into Yoichi’s mouth. His hand is on autopilot, wrist jerking and hand moving without so much as a command from his fogged brain. He rests more of his weight onto the hand still curled into the sheets.
Yoichi seems to take pity on him. He smiles and gives Kudou an acknowledging hum as he carefully pushes Kudou down onto his back. Hands cup his heated cheeks and Yoichi kisses him, closed mouthed and sweet, but it’s also hard, insistent. Different from how Yoichi usually kisses him. It’s filled with the heat that has been building between both of them for the past half hour.
Kudou will take anything Yoichi is willing to give, pushes up and kisses him deeper, parting his lips in a silent plea for more.
Yoichi responds by taking his bottom lip into his teeth and pulling. Kudou moans like he’s never been kissed before.
Yoichi smiles against his lips and finally, finally puts his weight on him, grinding against the hand still around his cock. Kudou lets go immediately and grips Yoichi’s hips tightly. He pulls him down onto his lap and when their cocks rub together they both moan. Kudou’s stomach is coiled so tight, heat so deep in his belly, it burns. Kudou grinds up into Yoichi clumsily, restraint all but gone. He needs to be inside Yoichi now.
Yoichi huffs a laugh, and fuck— that makes the heat worse— hand going down to pull at his underwear. It’s harder than it should be with Kudou’s continuous rutting, his possessive hold of his hips, his tongue lapping at the side of his neck.
His underwear is barely off of one asscheek and that’s all either of them have time for. Yoichi pushes on Kudou’s chest and sits up, sliding up further until his still covered hole rubs against Kudou’s cock. The friction feels good and Yoichi’s mouth parts on a silent moan as he grinds against him.
"Kudou, help me."
Kudou doesn’t need to know with what. He pulls Yoichi’s underwear to the side until his hole is completely uncovered. His other hand goes between his ass, rubs at Yoichi’s sensitive rim. His thumb dips into it easily, sucks him in like it remembers him. It’s still loose and wet from their earlier activities, too lazy to clean Yoichi up all the way or perhaps—
They knew it would come to this again.
"Come on." Yoichi whines, impatient, desperate too as he reaches between their legs and grabs Kudou’s cock.
He sinks down agonizingly slow. Yoichi is still so tight and hot it makes Kudou see white already. The grip on Yoichi’s hips is bruising, the nails digging into his skin burn, but it’s worth it to hear Yoichi’s whines, to feel him around his cock, to have him on top like he’s a throne worthy for Yoichi to sit on.
Yoichi is fully seated when Kudou finally opens his eyes and he sees Yoichi bent over, overwhelmed by the sensation of being utterly full.
"Hey, are you okay?"
Yoichi doesn’t open his eyes, "Mmmm, yeah.” He says between helpless pants and mewls, “Just… hah, slow. Okay?"
"Mm." He agrees, "Slow."
And that was fine because Kudou can watch.
Yoichi takes a deep breath before he grinds his hips once, slow and tentative. Yoichi shivers as his nails dig into the swell of his pecs. Kudou’s breath is stolen when Yoichi leans down and gives him another kiss, and another, and another. It feels good, taking it slow, letting Yoichi take his time. Because he has the privilege of watching Yoichi become comfortable with himself.
Breathless, he watches Yoichi’s furrowed eyebrows slowly relax, his spine straightening into a beautiful arch, his hesitant thrusts become harsher, deeper, his mouth open more and more, held back moans slowly becoming higher and louder, and then his eyes open and—
Kudou knew he wasn’t going to last long, but the sight of Yoichi completely in the throes of ecstasy tips him over the edge. Kudou’s hips move before he can think about it, chasing the heat as he thrusts up. His eyes roll back, it’s so good, the fleeting pleasure coiling so tight in his gut it bursts and he cums, body stiff as it sinks into the sheets. From the corner of his eye he sees Yoichi’s smile widen at the sight of him and he keeps going, hips moving with a renewed sense of vigor, grinding down on him faster, deeper, mewling at the sensation of his insides being coated and filled. Kudou hisses and arches his back when Yoichi tightens around him, body buzzing and too, too sensitive. He helps Yoichi bounce on him, hands tight around his hips as he guides him to move in the way he knows will get Yoichi there. With a breathy moan, Yoichi stutters to a stop, cock buried deep inside him, body twitching and thighs tightening around Kudou as he cums too.
Time passes where they just bask in each other’s presence. Sweaty skin stick where they touch, the bed creaks when they move in too fast to kiss, hands wander to trace old scars and familiar creases.
They clean up the little they can tolerate right now to not feel completely disgusting later. They push the soiled sheets on the floor. They steal kisses and touches as they roll onto bed. Their eyes never leave each other’s.
Kudou can see the colors of the rising sun on Yoichi’s skin. He hears the birds singing as they fly by the window. And his eyes, he can’t seem to keep them open. He rubs his heavy eyelids, but it’s no use. He really doesn’t want to close them.
He pets at Yoichi’s sides, up his waist and down his back. Yoichi’s eyes are closed, fingers gently tracing the scratches across Kudou’s slow heaving chest. The small smile is back on his lips but it isn’t sad. It’s full of fondness, patience.
Kudou doesn’t want to stop looking.
"Hey."
"Hm?"
Kudou swallows thickly. "I’ll see you… in the morning." He doesn’t say it as a question. He wants it to be true. He’ll will it to be true.
Yoichi opens his eyes the little bit he can and nods, "Yes." He say it so easily. He wishes it were that simple. "Good night, Kudou."
Kudou isn’t sure which Yoichi he’ll wake up to, but he hopes he can share a cup of tea with him.
That’s the wish he makes when Yoichi’s lips meet his one more time before drifting off to sleep.