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“can we try something?”
dongmyeong’s voice cut through the buzzing in giuk’s head, pushing his thoughts right out of his mind. they were laid out on giuk’s bed, curled up together under a blanket and watching a movie that he couldn’t remember the name of. it wasn’t uncommon for him to not be able focus on anything but dongmyeong when they were together.
he actually wasn’t sure when it began; likely somewhere between late school nights spent giggling over videos and the countless amount of hours spent talking about everything and nothing in each others company.
unfortunately he hasn’t been the only one sucked in by dongmyeong’s gravitational pull. the man was gorgeous and brilliant, witty but with a flair of sensitivity that seemed to attract the worst kinds of people. there had been too many nights spent convincing dongmyeong that he did deserve love, and that one day he would find someone who would make everything worth it.
giuk had never indulged himself enough to tell dongmyeong that he thought he deserved the universe, and maybe giuk could be the one to give it to him.
“hello? is anyone home?”
giuk feels something poke at his cheek and he swats dongmyeong’s hand away. he had taken too long to answer.
“sorry, what were you saying?” “i want to try something.” comes dongmyeong’s sweet voice again and giuk recognizes that look in his best friend’s eyes. he knows he will have no other option but to say yes to whatever he has planned.
“okay…” he draws out the word, uncertain of what dongmyeong could mean while looking at him like that, but he’d genuinely do anything for him, so he eventually decides to go with it.
“what do you want to do?” his question is answered with dongmyeong crawling on top of him, straddling his hips. his mind whites out almost instantly as he stares up at the other male.
“what-” “i was talking with hwanwoong the other day, and he was talking about he’s kissed all of his best friends. i didn’t know that was a thing people do! we’ve never kissed so i wanted to try it out.”
dongmyeong tends to talk with his hands when he’s nervous; giuk has always noticed this, but there’s something about seeing it from this angle that makes it feel like he’s seeing dongmyeong do everything for the first time ever.
“so, can i kiss you?”
he was expecting the question, but he was not expecting their faces to be so close. he hasn’t fully had time to process this–dongmyeong’s questions or the sudden intimacy of their position–but he frankly doesn’t want to. maybe he’s fallen asleep, or maybe he’s having one of those maladaptive daydreaming episodes; in his mind, he doesn’t really care because he has wanted this for so long.
so he nods, whispering a quick ‘yeah’ while he lays there, terrified of moving and breaking whatever spell he is under.
the first thing that he notices is that dongmyeong’s lips are soft, softer than he had thought they would be, which is funny considering that he’s seen the man’s lip balm collection. giuk has kissed maybe a handful of people in his lifetime, but none of them could compare to this.
it could be the way dongmyeong sighs that makes butterflies flutter around his stomach that makes it so special, or the way the other man reaches to run a hand through his hair while they shyly deepen the kiss. it feels like everything is coming into place as their lips part and slot together once more.
it’s a dream, it has to be a dream, and yet giuk feels like his heart is beating out of his chest; it’s constant pounding reminding him that this may be real after all. he’s alive, he’s awake, and his best friend is kissing him like he needs to in order to stay alive. he kisses back gently, but still enthusiastically. he takes advantage of the opportunity that has quite literally fallen into his lap.
dongmyeong pulls away eventually, face flushed and lips swollen. if giuk was a weaker man he’d chase after his lips, grab his face gently and bring him back down to kiss him again. unfortunately, he is fighting to control his desires; he wants this to be on dongmyeong’s terms and his terms only. he’s afraid to speak, he opens and shuts his mouth several times. dongmyeong giggles and pets his hair, pressing a quick kiss to his lips.
“thank you, giukkie. that was nice.” he says as he rolls off his lap, resting his head on giuk’s shoulder as he turns his attention back to the movie.
-
it’s been weeks giuk can’t stop thinking about it. on the surface level, everything seems eerily normal between them. neither had mentioned the kiss, and it’s almost like it had never happened. giuk is all too aware that it happened, though.
his mind is plagued every waking moment by the memory of feeling of dongmyeong’s lips on his, the weight of his body on top of him. the moment has even invaded his dreams, creating scenes where giuk doesn’t pull away, he pushes himself closer and tries to see how much more dongmyeong is willing to give him.
midterms being over means parties every weekend. giuk knows this, just like he knows how much dongmyeong enjoys said parties. so it really isn’t a surprise when he’s dragged to the house of a friend of a friend, dongmyeong’s hand wrapped around his.
he’s greeted by music so loud that it nearly makes his head throb. there are people everywhere in varying degrees of what is considered suitably dressed, pressed against each other, sitting on the couches and chairs.
it’s hard to hear what dongmyeong says to him, but he knows it’s likely something along the lines of wanting to head towards the drinks. it was their party routine at this point; drinks first, then he follows along quietly while dongmyeong says hello to every person he knows, and finally giuk finds somewhere to hide while dongmyeong dances with a hot stranger.
giuk follows him closely, the forced proximity setting him on edge as they weave through the crowd. he recognizes some faces, mostly people from his courses, but his close circle is limited enough that he feels like a complete outsider.
dongmyeong looks so pretty under the terrible kitchen lighting. there’s just something about the way he does his eyeshadow that frames his eyes perfectly, pulling everyone into his orbit. giuk is no stranger to falling into the background while his best friend greets every person who walks into the kitchen. he nods his head when dongmyeong tries to introduce him to a guy from his dance club, but decides to make their drinks in order to save himself the anxiety of forced conversations.
after he hands dongmyeong his, giuk takes a long sip of his own; the alcohol burns his throat on the way down, but he continues anyway. once dongmyeong has had enough, he once again wraps his hand around giuk’s and pulls him along. it turns out they’re headed to a living area, it is much less populated than the kitchen.
giuk finds a comfortable place to sit while he waits for dongmyeong to find his dance partner for the night. which, unsurprisingly, only takes about five minutes before he’s whisked away into the arms of another.
giuk feels sick watching them press close together, and he doesn’t even think it’s from the alcohol. he hasn’t had that much, but he drinks the rest of it in hopes that he’ll forget that he even cares. he doesn’t know how much time passes with him angrily staring at his feet before the couch dips beside him.
“you know, this is a party, you shouldn’t look so down.” an unknown voice starts, a drink in their hand. giuk doesn’t think he recognizes the voice, even without the alcohol.
“i’m not feeling down, just a little sick.” he answers lifting his head up.
they’re unbelievably pretty, hair bleached white and glitter placed over the bridge of their nose. “thought so, that’s why we’re going to get some water.”
-
finding his way back to the kitchen is a little easier, but it feels weird holding a hand that isn’t dongmyeong’s.
“i’m changmin, by the way. i don’t think we’ve ever been properly introduced.” the stranger says while they pour giuk a cup of ice water and hands it to him. giuk murmurs a quiet thank you as he accepts the drink.
“so..why did you decide to talk to me?” giuk asks while he cradles the red cup close to his chest.
“trust me, i’ve seen the whole ‘lovesick over someone so i’m going to pout about it in stead of saying anything’” changmin says, laughing like the situation hits a little too close to home. “that’s why i needed to get you out of there.”
giuk is thankful, though he can’t quite verbalize it.
him and changmin move to a much quieter part of the house, another area where there’s only a few scattered couples in deep conversation.
“so what’s his name? tell me what is so special about him.”
“his name is dongmyeong and he’s been my best friend since we were children. i don’t think anyone could ever know me as well as he does. we’ve seen the best and worst parts of each other and just…he completes every missing part of me that i didn’t know were even missing until i think about not having him in my life.”
changmin lets out a hum, nodding his head as giuk speaks.
“i’m afraid you have it bad, my friend.” he sounds sympathetic, but not condescending. it makes giuk want to cry.
they speak a little longer, though eventually the subject switches from dongmyeong to everything they can think to discuss. giuk finds out that changmin is a early childhood education major, and he talks about his own courses. they have several mutual friends, which makes the conversation feel a little more comfortable.
they exchange numbers after deciding that they should meet up on more sober terms, but changmin says giuk is welcome to text him at any time, of course. giuk feels so distracted that he almost forgets that he came here with someone. this false reality is broken when dongmyeong walks in front of them with a strange look on his face.
“giukkie, there you are! i was looking all over for you.”
out of the corner of his eye, giuk can see changmin’s eyebrow raise, but he’s smiling.
“sorry, giuk said he wasn’t feeling well so i got him some water and we got lost in conversation with each other. i’m changmin, by the way.”
dongmyeon glances at changmin and giuk still can’t decipher the look in his eyes, but his best friend flashes his infamous bright smile and nods.
“thank you for taking care of him! i don’t know what i’d do if my giuk was lost.”
-
traveling home half drunk is a feat, but giuk is a little more sober thanks to changmin, at least. they take a taxi, because their apartment is a little too far to walk back to in their current state.
“why have you never introduced me to changmin before?” dongmyeong starts, his hands playing with giuk’s fingers in his lap. the sort of skinship wasn’t uncommon between them, but it feels especially grounding as the taxi turns corners. his head swims a little less, thanks to the press of dongmyeong’s knee against his.
“oh, i didn’t know him before the party. he just kind of sat down and took pity on me.”
dongmyeong makes an affirmative noise, laying his head against giuk’s shoulder.
“next time you should let me know if you need me, okay? i’ll take care of you in stead.”
-
dongmyeong giggles as he presses against giuk’s back, his arm wrapping around his middle. giuk is trying his best to unlock the door to their apartment, but it’s a struggle with a clingy dongmyeong.
finally, he manages to get it open and he tugs dongmyeong along with him.
“giukkie, can we try kissing again?”
the question makes him pause as he’s sliding off his shoes, and he takes a deep breath trying to think of how he wants to tackle this situation.
he decides to play stupid.
“what? you’re half drunk, myeong, let’s get to bed.”
“i’m mostly sober, i promise.”
he stands up and dongmyeong is there, in his space, cornering him against the entryway wall. his heart drops.
“why?”
“because i really liked it last time.”
“are you..sure?”
he wants to, so badly, but he wants to make sure dongmyeong wants it too. he wants to ask ‘why me? why now?’ but every questioning thought goes out of his mind when dongmyeong kisses him.
his stomach flutters, a gasp leaves him, and dongmyeong licks his way into his mouth. his brain is frozen, time running in half speed as their bodies press closer. he kisses back, because what else is he supposed to do?
they eventually break for air, and giuk is a little too distracted by the rise and fall of dongmyeong’s chest to break the silence first. or maybe he’s scared.
“giukkie, look at me.”
and he does, because he’ll do anything for his best friend. he’s sucked into his orbit, as always.
“can i be honest?”
giuk nods, and he realizes his hands are shaking.
“i never talked to hwanwoong about kissing people, i just wanted to kiss you.”
dongmyeong looks nervous, eyes looking anywhere but giuk. it feels raw, and he can tell that it’s taken a lot of thought for him to say this.
“and when…when we were at that party and i saw you talking to someone else…i was a little jealous. it’s selfish, but i’m so used to your attention being on me. it’s always been on me, and feeling you pull away made me realize how much i can’t deal with things without you.”
oh. okay, they’re doing this. giuk can do this. he can say it.
“myeong, i wasn’t– changmin and i aren’t like that. we just met and he’s in a very committed relationship. plus i..have really deep feelings for someone.”
dongmyeong lifts his gaze and seems to hang onto every word giuk is saying.
“i have had feelings for this person..” he stops, correcting himself immediately. “i have had feelings for you for the longest time. i didn’t want this to ruin our friendship.”
dongmyeong gasps and giuk can already see the beginning of tears pooling in his eyes.
“why did you never tell me?”
“i was scared…you were always with other people and i thought- i was worried you wouldn’t want me like that.”
“oh, giukkie, i’ve always wanted you.”
the confession makes his stomach flip, and he realizes he’s close to tears too.
he kisses dongmyeong first this time, just because he can. hand cupping his cheek, pulling him in gently.
dongmyeong kisses back eagerly, his arms around giuk’s waist.