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The first thing Sam and Dean heard as the opened the bunker’s door was your shouting and the noise of things being thrown across the library.
Sam sighed and rushed down the staircase, ready to save Castiel from your rant. Dean’s eyes closed in a hurt expression and followed after, though not as quickly. There was a heavy burden in his heart, and he just couldn’t carry it anymore.
“GET-OUT!” you shouted as you threw books against Cas, tears flowing down your cheeks and your face completely red. He was standing there, his were eyes lit with anger and he just let the books hit him without even wincing. “I-DON’T-WANT-TO-SEE-YOU-AGAIN!”
“Y/N!” Sam shouted, and both you and the angel looked towards him “Would you calm down? Please?”
“No, Sam! I’m not calming down!” you turned towards Castiel again “NOT UNTIL HE’S OUT OF MY VEIW!”
“Okay, that’s enough!” Dean’s voice roared in the chamber, echoing down the hallways. “This is not how we deal with things, Y/N!”
“Are you kidding me? The guy betrayed us!” you screamed, pointing at Castiel with your hand. “I think that two weeks of living with a traitor is more than enough!”
“I did not…” Cas muttered, filled with rage.
“You sold me to them! YOU USED ME!” And another book flew across the room exactly towards his face, but Sam caught it in midflight.
“I said ENOUGH!” Dean shouted, and his rasped voice resonated even louder, managing to calm you down. “Cas, buddy, I think it’d be a good moment to go take a walk.”
“Dean, I…” he turned his head a bit to the side, furrowing his brow in confusion.
“Now, Cas. A walk.” And he shot him a significant look.
“Fine.” The angel spat, he fixed his coat pulling from the lapels, and then walked away.
The Winchesters and you stood in silence until the door clanged closed, and you immediately started to pick up de books you’d thrown.
“You need to give him a break, Y/N.” Sam sighed, helping you with the mess you’d created.
“I still can’t believe you stand on his side!” resentment and pain all over your words.
“Y/N…”
“No! I don’t understand, Sam! He sold me to those bastards, he used me as bait and didn’t even try to get me out of there! If it weren’t for you…” your voice broke down, tears filling your eyes again.
“Nothing would’ve happened to you, sweetheart, he was looking after you, he was…”
“He fled, Dean! He left me there…” the sobs coming up your throat were stronger than your will, and soon enough you were crying on Dean’s shoulder, barely keeping it together.
Sam and Dean exchanged angsty looks, and Dean just shook his head at his brother, who passed a hand over his face and sat down, looking away.
“Y/N, you need to calm down” Sam tried again in a soft voice “that’s not how things went…” he was clearly trying to ease the situation, but you were just too angry and hurt.
“YEAH, YOU KEEP SAYING! Still, that’s what I remember, so…” you hesitated for a moment and then looked at them both with a dead expression in your eyes “I just can’t trust him anymore.” and you threw your hands up into the air, holding back the tears starting to build in your eyes, and walked away from the library heading for your room.
The tears were still pouring down your cheeks, and the pressure in your chest just kept growing until the sobbing invaded you, pulling you down to the floor. You still couldn’t believe that just two weeks ago you and Castiel had been the perfect couple. You couldn’t believe he’d sold you to those damn angels just to save himself.
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“You there, buddy?” Dean asked to the empty room, and soon enough Castiel was standing in a corner, his face contorted in pain and his hands nervously fidgeting inside his pockets.
He walked slowly and sat down in the couch, holding his head in his hands.
“I’ve run out of ideas… I just…”
“Cas…” Sam tried, but stopped when the angel pulled up his head and showed them his eyes red and glittering.
“I’ve lost her… There’s nothing I can do anymore. She’s just too far away from my reach.”
“No, man, come on, don’t say that” Dean said patting his shoulder “There’s got to be something we can do!”
“I… there’s not, Dean.” There was a moment of silence and the he stood up. “If she doesn’t want to see me anymore… then I shall fulfill her wishes.”
“Oh, come on!” Dean was angry again “You’re not even going to try?”
“She doesn’t want me here, Dean. She hates me…”
“But you still love her man!”
“I do, that’s why I’m going to respect her will.”
“Cas, are you sure..?”
“Sam, we’ve been trying to bring her back. There’s no way. Let’s just let her regain her life where she left it.”
“But…” Sam’s complaint was interrupted by the sound of fluttering wings, and Castiel was gone.
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The pain in the back of your head woke you up to an old barn, filled with hay and covered in holes that allowed the last rays of the setting sun pour inside the building. Your hands were tied on your back to a wooden post, and your feet were stranded together quite strongly.
“Cas?” you whispered, trying to turn your head to peak at your back, but no one answered. “Cas, are you okay?”
You remembered the angels jumping on you, and both of you fighting until you were finally defeated.
“I’m fine” a growl came from somewhere behind your back, and your heart jumped in your chest.
“Oh, thank God! Are you hurt? We need to get out of here…” There was a flash of light somewhere outside, it looked like it was raining now. Odd.
“Oh, I’m fine” he interrupted with a cold tone that didn’t sounded as his own “And I’m getting out of here…”
On the corner of your eye you could see him walking freely, and someone else with him.
“So this is her, then?” a male voice asked.
“That’s her.” Castiel stated.
“And you’re willingly handing her to us.”
“I just want to be a free angel again, Zacharias. If the cost of that freedom is handing her for punishment… Then so be it.”
You couldn’t believe what you were hearing, Castiel wouldn’t… he would never… You closed your eyes as a wave of pain filled your head again.
“You understand she’s going to die, Castiel.”
There was a second of tense silence. “I do.”
“NO! Cas, no! What are you doing!” you screamed, trying to untangle the cords on your wrists, but accomplishing nothing but cutting your own skin. “No, Cas! Why?” you cried, and there he was, standing in front of you. The tears made everything blurry, and the pain in your head in your chest didn’t let you focus on his face.
“My name, human, is Castiel, and I am an Angel of the Lord!” he raged, thunder and lightning filling the barn and making him look imposing and terrifying with his eyes lit on white light and his wings spread across the walls.
Tears jammed in your eyes again and pure terror filled you, looking at the man you loved so deeply menacing you.
Zacharias made his way to you, filling his hand with light and an awful smirk in his lips, and you could barely see Castiel in the back, and though you thought you saw panic and desperation in his face for a small second, the next instant he was gone and you were left alone with the murderous angel.
And at that exact moment, the doors to the barn opened and Sam and Dean rushed in, angel blades shining in their hands, and all the fire of their hearts in their eyes. A second later Zacharias was gone, and you fainted in Sam’s arms as they made their way to the car.
“She’s lost too much blood!” you hear Sam shouting to his brother “The cuts in her wrists and arms are too deep! We need to get her to a hospital.”
“You got it!” Dean answered and hit the pedal.
That’s funny you thought I barely tried to escape… And you fainted.
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You opened your eyes and sat on the bed, crying again, and suddenly you realized breathing was getting harder and everything was going dark. With all the strength you had left you tried to reach for the door but though you managed to open it, screaming for help wasn’t in your list of abilities in that moment.
Your legs finally gave in to the lack of oxygen and you collapsed, knocking over a small table and everything that was on it.
Sam and Dean appeared seconds later in a run, grabbing your face and talking to you.
“Y/N, breathe, come on, breathe, you’re having a panic attack, you need to breathe...” Sam was telling you, but you couldn’t. You lungs were shut and the black mist clouding your view was growing, lights almost going completely out. “Dean! Do something!”
“I can’t man, I’m… I can’t, I’m tired of watching her suffer like this! It’s been four months and…”
“What?” you managed out, and suddenly the pain was going away. You stopped trembling and fixed your eyes on Dean “What are you talking about, Dean?” you inquired, your breathing regulating as your brain found another thing to worry about.
“I’m… nothing” he stuttered out, fixing his eyes on some place on the ceiling, as Sam sighed and rushed a hand over his face.
“Way to go, Dean, perfect.” He said darkly.
“Would any of you please tell me what’s going on? What’s been four months?”
“Four months since the barn, Y/N.” Dean muttered darkly, looking straight into your eyes now. “Four months since the angels.”