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Vane wakes up alone for the third time this week. He rubs his hands over his face and blows out a breath. He sits up on the edge of the bed, feet swinging to the floor. His body is sticky and sore in all the right ways and it just frustrates him further.
Over the past month and a half Billy has started leaving in the middle of the night. For damn near six months he's had Billy in his bed almost every night and every morning. Now, despite Vane all but begging him to stay, Billy has begun creeping out like a thief.
He understands Billy's hesitance. He understands that this is all new for him. But Vane is tired of waking up alone. He’s tired of Billy fighting what he’s feeling. He’s tired of being the only one giving in to this.
He knows Billy feels it. Vane sees it in his eyes when Billy’s so deep inside him Vane thinks he’ll split in half. He feels it in Billy’s touch when his hands slide over Vane’s body. He tastes it in the way Billy lets himself get lost in their kisses.
Without a doubt he knows Billy feels the same as he does. Getting him to come around to it is another thing completely and he’s at a loss as to what to do.
A knock on his door startles him. When it opens Jack is leaning against the frame.
“I thought for sure you’d be otherwise occupied.”
When Vane says nothing, he sees Jack’s eyes take in the empty bed.
“He left again.” It’s not a question and again Vane says nothing. “Have you tried talking to him?”
“And what would I say that wouldn’t have him running back to The Walrus at lightening speed?”
“The truth?” Jack shrugs at him.
“Because I hadn’t thought of that.” Vane snaps.
Jack opens his mouth but Vane holds his hand up, “Send a message to the tavern, when Billy shows up there they’re to send him here.”
Jack salutes and shuts the door.
Vane presses his palms to his eyes. He could go find Billy himself. He probably should, but he knows that if he does they’ll end up right back here, in this very bed with Billy fucking him into oblivion and Vane not caring about anything else.
When Billy’s with him, Vane forgets where he is, who he is. He loses time. When they’re together all he knows is the stinging bite of Billy’s teeth and the way they fit together seamlessly.
He forgets anything exists outside the hard press of Billy’s body. There’s nothing but the blinding pleasure Billy gives him.
It’s the kind of pleasure he’s never found before. The kind that allows him to fully let go of himself. The sex itself is exceptional but it's more than that, it's the way that when they’re together nothing else exists for them.
Vane never has to wonder who or what Billy might be thinking of because it’s written on his face that it’s only him that Billy sees. It’s only him Billy is thinking about.
He sighs once more and reaches for his pants.
He spends most of the day thinking about what he should say, how he should approach the subject. Billy’s skittish and too much too soon will send him running again.
It's dusk by the time he walks out onto the top level of the fort. He’s standing at the wall looking out into the bay too caught up in his own thoughts to hear Billy approach until Billy’s pressed against his back. Billy plants his palms flat to the stone on either side of Vane’s head and leans in to press a kiss to the side of Vane’s neck.
Billy’s lips are warm and soft. Vane’s skin prickles at the touch and he hums in the back of his throat. He can’t keep himself from exposing more of himself to Billy’s eager mouth. He can already feel the way his body is heating up from just this small contact.
He turns slowly in the cage of Billy’s arms until they’re facing one another. He doesn’t know if he’ll ever get used to the way his heart immediately starts to beat faster or the way his body instantly reacts, his skin buzzing, blood roaring, whenever Billy is near him.
They’ve barely touched and already he’s half hard at just the promise of feeling Billy against him, of feeling Billy in him.
They stare at each other for long minutes, Vane’s eyes search Billy’s before he asks, “Are we ever going to talk about this.”
“About what?” Billy’s eyes cut to the side briefly before meeting Vane’s again.
“This. What’s happening here.” Vane motions between them.
“What’s there to talk about?” Billy’s shrugs, “We’re fucking. I enjoy it, you enjoy it. There’s nothing to talk about.”
“Billy--”
He’s cut off when Billy kisses him and Vane is powerless to resist. Every part of him is desperate for Billy. He’s so easy for this, for the way Billy makes him feel. And maybe that makes him a fool, but he’d rather be here, with Billy’s mouth on his, than anywhere else.
Billy’s tongue pushes into his mouth and Vane can feel his knees give way. One of Billy's hands slides around Vane's waist, his palm pressing warm and steady as his fingers splay across Vane's lower back. His other hand other cups Vane's check, fingers tangling Vane's hair as he angles Vane's head to deepen the kiss. Billy's tongue touches his, strokes across it before sucking gently.
The way Billy kisses him, the way Billy touches him, it makes him dizzy and breathless.
It makes him feel things he never thought he’d feel again. The things he thought dead and buried rise up in him like a tidal wave. The things he tells others he doesn’t believe in. The peace he never thought he’d have, the life, the love, it all comes crashing to the forefront of his mind.
Vane has never been good at not giving his entire self away. He can’t give Billy this kind of trust, this kind of capitulation half halfheartedly. Vane has always been all or nothing. And Billy has it all even if he doesn’t know it yet.
He wonders if Jack was right, maybe he should just say it, just tell Billy. But the fear that comes with that confession runs deep. It’s a jagged scar that still stings. It fills him with what if’s he can’t answer.
What if the next time Billy runs it’s beyond The Walrus, beyond where Vane can reach him. Vane can’t have that. He’s not willing to sacrifice this, to lose this if this is all Billy can give him.
He’s broken out of his thoughts as Billy brings their bodies together. He pushes Vane back against the wall pressing his leg between Vane’s thighs.
Vane gasps breaking the kiss as Billy’s thigh presses up and the friction on his cock makes all the blood in his body rush south. Vane grinds against him, panting, fingers clutching Billy’s biceps as he rubs his thickening cock against Billy’s thigh.
Billy licks down the side of Vane’s neck and Vane lets his head fall back. He’s sucking across Vane’s throat, teeth leaving marks that Vane is desperate for. Billy bites down on Vane’s jugular and sucks hard. Vane arches, pressing himself further forward.
His fingers grab at the back of Billy’s head holding him in place as Vane feels his body shake. Vane can hear himself as he whines at the hot pinch of Billy’s teeth and the hard press of his thigh. Vane can feel his pants becoming wetter as his cock pulses precome.
His hands go around Billy’s waist pressing them together. He pulls Billy’s shirt from his pants and skates his hands up Billy’s back. Long strokes of his fingers over smooth skin and hard muscle.
Billy’s skin is tacky and damp from the humidity. He digs his fingers into the rippling muscles under his hands and Billy moans against his neck. The sound reverberates through Vane’s chest.
Billy’s body was made to be worshipped. Vane has never seen a man with a body more desireable than Billy’s. Everywhere he touches is smooth, hairless skin over solid sculpted muscle. He loves the way Billy feels. Powerful and dangerous yet soft as silk.
He’ll never get enough of feeling him, of seeing Billy’s body move. Watching the hard lines of Billy in motion is like poetry to him.
Billy’s hand is working Vane’s pants open and Vane doesn’t stop him, doesn’t even know if he wants to despite the fact that he knows they need to talk. He needs to know he’s not giving himself and his heart away to someone else who will destroy it.
He tries one last time, “Billy.”
Billy must hear the tone because his hands still and his head drops to Vane’s shoulder.
“I want you. I want this with you. Isn’t that enough?”
Vane hears the tremor in his voice, the uncertainty, the fear. For now, he thinks, it's enough for now. He pulls Billy to him, lips ghosting over his neck, across his collarbone. He runs his tongue along the sharp edge of Billy's jaw.
He feels Billy sigh against him before Billy seals their mouths together again.
The kiss is hot and hard and Billy is devouring him. It's all lips and teeth and tongue and Vane can’t keep up. He’s losing himself in Billy the way does every single time. Vane lets himself go, he knows that in this, like this, Billy will always catch him.
Billy pulls Vane’s shirt over his head. He hears it drop beside him just seconds before Billy pulls away and discards his own shirt. Billy pauses, eyes scanning Vane’s torso. He licks his thumbs and runs them over Vane’s nipples.
Vane moans and pushes into the touch. Billy’s fingers circle around and around as he watches Vane’s nipple harden under his hands.
Billy bends replacing his fingers with his mouth. He licks across across Vane’s right nipple, waits for it to become so hard the skin around it starts puckering before sealing his mouth over it and sucking.
Vane feels his cock twitch in time to the pull of Billy’s mouth. His hands hold Billy’s head in place as he pushes up into the touch.
Billy’s teeth come down gently at first, the pressure becoming harder with every second until Billy seals his mouth around Vane’s nipple and tugs, teeth digging in deep. Vane cries out at the pain radiating down his chest. It’s so good his mind blanks for several seconds and all that's left is white hot pleasure.
When Billy pulls back Vane is panting harshly. When he looks down his nipple is shining with spit and even in the dark Vane can see how swollen it is. Billy licks over it once and Vane hisses at the sensitivity.
Billy’s hands work his pants the rest of the way open before pushing them down to his ankles. Vane kicks off his boots and his pants go with them to the side.
Billy turns him and then drops to his knees directly behind Vane.
Vane feels himself being pulled apart and then Billy's tongue strokes over his hole. Vane’s hips shove back on a moan.
His eyes squeeze shut and he bites his lip at how good it feels. It’s like fire shooting up his spine as pleasure thrums through his body. Billy’s tongue is rough and wet as he licks over Vane’s hole again and again.
Stroke after stroke the flat of Billy’s tongue has Vane’s hole fluttering open trying to suck Billy in. Vane shivers as he watches his cock get impossibly harder, the foreskin sliding back even further, the head fully exposed as small drops of precome form and slide down the shaft.
A thousand fires light under his skin and he goes hot all over as Billy seals his mouth over Vane’s rim and sucks. Sweat starts to prickle at his temples and the hair on the back of his neck stands up. Vane pushes back for more.
He can feel Billy’s tongue probing at him, trying to lick inside. He reaches back and holds himself open for Billy’s tongue. Billy moans around him. When Billy finally gets the tip of his tongue inside, Vane’s whole body jerks and he cries out.
Billy slides a finger in next to his tongue. He reaches up and rubs in slow circles over that sweet spot that makes Vane see stars. Billy pulls out and Vane feels him moving and then he hears Billy’s pants hit the ground.
Vane whimpers when Billy molds himself to Vane’s back. Billy’s hot against him, body damp with sweat as Billy’s cock nestles into the crack of his ass. He pushes Vane’s hair to the side and bites at the base of Vane’s neck. Vane’s head drops forward on a moan.
Billy’s hips are hitching, cock head snagging on Vane’s rim with every slow thrust. He slides through the spit and sweat easily but It's not nearly enough. He needs Billy in him.
He feels Billy moving behind him again and then there are slick fingers sliding across his hole. Vane puts his hands on the wall, bends slightly and shuffles back to widen his legs. Billy presses in with two fingers and Vane hisses at the sting. He pushes his ass out further wanting more.
Billy works his fingers in and out slowly. He stretches Vane’s rim, fingers pulling and twisting, before driving in faster and harder as Vane loosens around him. Soon enough Vane is fucking back against Billy’s hand, his body demanding more.
Billy pulls back and slicks his cock. Vane feels the pressure as the head of Billy’s cock starts squeezing in. Vane loves the sharpness of Billy stretching him wide like this.
Nothing has ever felt so good or made him so mindless. He blows out a breath, bears down and then Billy’s cock head pops in.
Billy moans, teeth scraping against Vane’s back. Billy’s breath is hot as it ghosts over Vane’s body causing goosebumps that raise the hair on his arms.
Billy twines their fingers together, his palms flat on the backs of Vane’s hands, and stretches Vane’s arms up as he presses flush against Vane’s back. Billy’s hips stutter in short, sharp bursts that punch breathless moans out of Vane.
Billy presses his mouth to Vane’s shoulder, teeth sinking in as he presses in and out in a languid rhythm. Vane brings one of their entwined hands down. He rubs across his stomach, up over his nipples tugging them to tight peaks. Billy frees his hand to grip Vane’s hip and keep him steady.
When vane grips his own cock, Billy says, “Slowly.”
Vane trails his fingers along the shaft, down to his sac, he pulls down gently. He can feel Billy’s heavy breath ghosting down his chest as he watches Vane’s hand. He’s barely moving behind Vane, hips grinding in circles.
Billy takes Vane’s hand, licks across his palms and around his fingers getting his hand wet before putting it back on Vane’s cock. Vane grips himself loosely, fist sliding slowly back and forth. Billy matches his hips to the rhythm of Vane’s hand.
Vane lets himself rest back against Billy. He’s purposely keeping his pace slow, giving Billy a show. It feels good like this and he loves being Billy’s focus.
He holds Billy to him to keep him still. Vane rolls his hips back and then forward, fucking himself on Billy’s cock before pushing forward into his own fist. Billy bends his knees, changes the angle. Vane sucks in a breath sharply as Billy slides right over his prostrate.
His eyes slide closed. Billy’s tongue traces his shoulder and Vane shivers. He feels so good inside and out. His body is vibrating, cock throbbing as he twists his hand, fingers separating, cock sliding through them. He pinches the head, and squeezes tight on the down stroke.
Billy groans behind him, Vane knows it’s torture for him, staying sill.
Vane tips his head back against Billy’s chest and whispers, “Fuck me.”
He grips Vane’s hips as he starts fucking in forcefully. Billy’s fucking in as deep as he can get at this angle and Vane knows Billy needs more.
Vane can hear the frustration in Billy’s huffing breaths. Without warning Billy pulls out and turns Vane to face him.
Before he realizes what's happening Billy’s hands are sliding down his legs, cupping his thighs and he’s being lifted off the ground. He gasps as his back hits the wall.
Vane’s legs go around his waist. He feels Billy’s fingers reaching back and spreading him open. Billy’s cock is nudging at him almost immediately.
Vane isn't sure how this is going to work. He’s not a small man and he’s not exactly light. He doesn’t know how Billy is going to be able to keep him up.
Billy starts to let Vane drop onto his cock, splitting him open as Billy leans into him pressing his back harder against the wall.
Billy’s lowering him so fucking slow that Vane thinks he’s going to go mad before Billy gets all the way inside him. He can feel every inch of Billy’s cock as it slides into him. It’s the most exquisite torture he’s ever felt.
Billy’s face is buried in Vane’s neck, he’s panting hot and fast against Vane’s skin. He can feel Billy’s heart beating quick and strong against his lips where they’re pressed to Billy’s temple.
Vane sweeps his hands over Billy’s biceps. His fingers traces the veins and tendons standing at attention. Arousal pools in his belly at the strength under his fingers.
Billy lays his forehead against Vane’s. It’s dark, only a few torches lit and Vane can just make out the glittering of Billy’s eyes as they take him in.
“You want me to talk about this. What do you want me to say? What do you want to hear? That I need this, I need you? That I can’t stop thinking about how you feel? That I wake up hard and aching for you? Is that what you want?”
Vane bites his jaw, licks across Billy’s chin to suck at the skin beneath his ear. He whispers a single yes that he knows Billy hears. He can feel Billy’s jaw clenching beneath his tongue.
When he finally bottoms out Billy presses Vane flat to the wall. They stay that way for long minutes, just feeling each other. Billy’s chest is pressed to his, their breathing syncing.
Vane brings their mouths together. Their lips slide against each other, tongues meeting in the middle. Billy thrusts up as he lets gravity bring Vane down.
“Oh, fuck.” Vane feels himself start to shiver. He’s losing control of his body, of his mind. He can’t catch his breath. Billy’s so deep inside him, reaching places he hasn’t before.
His eyes roll up in his head and his legs tighten around Billy’s hips as Billy starts to thrust faster, pushing up in short, sharp punches that have Billy’s cock pressing perfectly inside Vane so that every single time he moves Vane cries out.
He feels so fucking good. He’s stuffed full of Billy’s cock. Billy’s hard body is pressed against his, his mouth sucking bruises all over Vane’s upper body and Vane just lets himself go, let himself feel it.
Vane feels scratches forming on his shoulders and back as his body rocks up the wall with each twist of Billy’s hips. The sting only adds to the pleasure. Vane hums as he runs his hands over Billy’s biceps feeling the hard muscle beneath.
Billy holds him like he weighs nothing. Vane can admit to himself the thrill he gets knowing Billy can lift him like this. It makes him a little breathless knowing the leashed power Billy posses. He knows that Billy could truly overpower him should he so choose.
“So good.” Vane’s words are slurred and his eyes are hazy. He can’t focus on anything but the feeling of Billy’s hands on his ass holding him up as his cock plunges deep and fast inside him.
He’s riding a wave of desperate need, every nerve ending lit up. He can’t think, he can only feel. Pleasure rolls through him, the hair on his arms and legs standing up.
Billy’s biting over his collarbone, up his neck, across his shoulders. All he can do is beg for harder and don’t stop. He can hear the high pitched whines and moans and he’s powerless to stop them. He feels too good.
“Jesus fucking Christ, if you’re going to make him sound like that gag him will you. Some of us are trying to sleep.”
Vane’s head turns slowly, eyes barely focusing on Anne as she stands at the top of the stairs, arms crossed against her chest. Billy’s still pumping his hips as Anne stares them down.
“Its his fucking fort. If he wants to scream it down around you it's his fucking business.” Billy’s voice is hard making it very clear how he feels about being interrupted.
All Vane can do is close his eyes and claw at Billy’s back. He’s past caring who hears them, or who knows about them. He’s past caring about whether or not everyone knows how soft he is for Billy.
Vane can’t see the glare she shoots at him before she walks back down the steps.
Billy put his head against Vane’s chest and fucks in faster, hips pounding into him as Vane begs for it. Every thrust jolts Vane’s body, sends him careening further into a place where nothing matters but the hot hard slide of Billy’s cock into his body.
Vane gets a hand between them, fingers going tight around his cock. He barely has to move, Billy pumping into him so hard and fast that his cock is pushed through his fist in the same rhythm.
Billy’s head is bent, eyes trained on Vane’s hand. He’s gasping, breath hot and humid as it floats across the very tip of Vane’s cock.
Vane’s sets a fast rhythm, his thumb catching on the slit as he rubs over the head. He’s so close. His cock is throbbing, getting harder as he feels his balls start to pull up. Billy’s hips slam home faster and faster.
Billy’s lips trail across his shoulder, up his neck. His tongue traces behind Vane’s ear. His teeth latch on and he sucks a mark into the thin skin there. It sends a shiver down Vane’s spine, his nipples tighten into hard little peaks.
Vane wets his own fingers and runs them over his nipples before tugging one sharply. He can feel Billy’s lips moving against him, can barely make out a word here or there as he whispers softly. Words like so good, and beautiful and what sounds suspiciously like mine.
He bites Vane’s earlobe before whispering to him, “I love the way you touch yourself, how you take your own pleasure, how shameless you are about it.”
Billy’s voice is dark and hot. It makes Vane moan against him. His fist speeds up, squeezing harder, he feels himself start to shake apart. Can feel warm heat curl in his stomach, feels his cock start to jerk as it fills even further. His chest goes tight and fire rolls down his spine before his body goes rigid.
Vane feels himself come across his fist and up his chest. It hits him in hot drops all over his torso and he hears himself keening, head tossed back, body clutching Billy tightly to him. He feels his ass clenching as Billy fucks in harder, rhythm going erratic as he chases his own end.
Billy’s teeth sink into Vane’s shoulder and Vane can feel the pulse of Billy’s cock as he comes deep inside Vane’s body. Vane hums as he goes lax. Billy’s panting harshly, breath breaking across Vane’s chest as he sucks in gulps of air.
They’re both slick with sweat and the come on Vane’s chest is transferring to Billy’s chest as his body sinks against Vane’s. Vane’s back presses to the wall and he hisses, pain radiating down his back.
Billy lowers him gently and turns him. He hears a small sound from Billy, it sounds like remorse.
“I need to tend your back. There are a few cuts that are bleeding.”
Billy gathers their clothes in one arm and takes a torch in the other. They carefully make their way to down to Vane’s room. He lays Vane out on his stomach with an order to stay still.
After washing Vane’s back gently, Billy smooths salve over Vane’s skin. His fingers are gentle and his touch is light. He kisses softly along the marks that didn’t break the skin and it loosens something in Vane’s chest.
Billy may not have said exactly what Vane had wanted to hear, but he’d said enough. Vane heard what he needed in the tone and the words. He can let Billy have his space for now.
After Billy sets the tin on the table he slides up behind Vane in bed. He’s careful to keep his chest away from the cuts as their lower bodies fit together, but Vane is having none of it. He pulls Billy’s arm across his chest and forces Billy’s chest to fit to his back. He cover’s Billy’s hand with his where it rests on his chest.
“Be here in the morning.” Vane’s voice is strained and soft, pleading.
Billy says nothing, but squeezes his hand.
Vane wakes up alone once again and he has to contain the urge to scream. He aches for Billy inside and out.
Maybe if Billy had never stayed to begin with. Maybe if Vane didn’t know what it was like to feel Billy pressed against him when he woke.
Maybe if he didn’t remember what it felt like to have Billy surround him with his body and his scent and the way he breathes. Maybe if he didn’t know the taste of Billy’s mouth first thing in the morning. Maybe then he could pretend like it didn’t matter. And maybe the sun could start rising in the west.