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cyrano de bergerac: a CORRECT version

Summary:

fuckass jehovas witness school made me si-rano the burger rack. the whole time i was begging for cyrano and christian to kiss. THE WHOLE FUCKING TIME. AND THEY NEVER DID. WHAT STRAIGHT MAN tells another man DEADASS "we complete eachother" OF COURSE, IN CONTEXT, ITS DIFFERENT. BUT STILL, WHILE MY SCHOOL WOULD DISAGREE, I BELIEVE CYRANO FUCKING CHRISTIAN IS STILL MORE SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE THEN CYRANO FUCKING HIS COUSIN (rocky racoon or whatever the fuck her name is) in this fic i "fix" cyranos and christians relationship. WORK IN PROGRESS

Notes:

dyslexic so spelling WILL suck

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

act 5 scene 5 i think

"nononononononono my love i didnt love you" cyrano cries, which is the most ironic line in that book ever, because why call someone your love, if youre attempting to convince them you dont love them?
"so you wrote the letter and everything" rocky raccoon i mean roxane interrogaytes
"erm wjat the siggma....the blood on it is his." cyrano was talking abt christian who is diered just like cyrano is diering. christian was SEXY and roxane loved him.....but cyrano secretely wrote those letters. all of them. the magnificent (fancy) words of love and affection came from cyrano. and he meant them. he loved her.
or he thought he did, before christian died. but now isnt time to open that discussion.
"ew"
"why"
"were cousins"
"proshipping"
"no" roxane then sticks a bagette up his ass because this book is french. it causes intense pain and his body consulves
scene 6, two guys come in idgaf abt

cyrano dies
everyone cries
i hear eyes
eyes get styes
dont tell me lies
or you will dies
(i know i spit bars)

scene 7 that was never released but edmond rostand wrote trust me he sent it to me in the mail

"cyrano wake up" christian shakes cyrano softly
"huuhuuuuuuuh......."
"youre in yaoi heaven, wake up"
cyrano sits up, he was on a fluffy, plush cloud. just like in the movies....

"wow this place is so cool" says cyrano
"yes this is yaoi heaven yuri heaven is over there..." christian points to the big golden gates whith the big fancy neon sign that says yuri heaven on it
"whats yaoi" cyrano asks cutely
"its when two boys kiss."
"huh😇😇😇😇😇😇😇😇😇😇😇😇 "
"like us nya" then christian kisses cyrano😇😇😇😇😇😇😇😇😇😇😇😇 😇😇😇😇😇😇😇😇😇😇😇😇 😇😇😇😇😇😇😇😇😇😇😇😇 😇😇😇😇😇😇😇😇😇😇😇😇 😇😇😇😇😇😇😇😇😇😇😇😇
"omg" says cyrano, "but i love roxanne"
"nuh u h yew love me now"
cyrano flushes embaressed
then they have gay sex

 

the end i have no motivation migt update later

Notes:

leave kudos if its fire