Chapter Text
Sam was loving it. Their Improv group had been performing for two days, and all of their shows had been going amazing: great audiences; great prompts; great laughs; potential content for their social media. It may have been chaotic having to run to new stages, having back to back shows and occasional hecklers, but everyone was having fun, and Tom was coping. That's what matters.
Their next performance was sold out, with at least 650 people coming to watch them, which Sam was absolutely amazed by. They had started off as a small uni group and somehow had grown to global online sensations! What wasn't there to love? Everything was going perfectly and they were all having an amazing time. Everyone was having fun, right?
From his backstage chair, Sam could see Luke practicing with Tom, a pre-show ritual they didn't really need anymore but still everyone didn't have the heart to let it go. Anyways, Tom needed stability at these shows. AJ was nowhere to be seen, but he was probably sorting out sound somewhere. Though it was 10 minutes before the show started, so he wasn't entirely sure- he was usually back now wasn't he?
"Hey! Have any of you seen AJ? We're about to let people in." Tom frowned. " No, not in a while, he said he was going to sort the sound didn't he?" He checked his watch. " Though it is a bit late for him." " He said he was going to the toilet I think, about umm.. oh- about 30 minutes ago..." Luke trails off. " We should probably go look for him, it's not like him to be late."
As the three walked backstage towards where the toilets were, Sam couldn't help but feel worried. AJ wasn't normally late, so what could have- Oh. Oh no.
"AJ? Hey, are you ok? AJ?" The man subject to Luke's question was leaning against the wall outside the toilets, curled up with his knees against his chest. Sam felt a pang as he took the sight in. But what was wrong with his breathing? It was shallow, fast, like-. Was this- no it couldn't be. Tom is the one who has- AJ doesn't have- What? How the hell did he manage to miss this. How could he have been so goddamn-
"AJ. Hey bud," Tom started. Oh God this must be so stressful for him. "Hey, I think your having a panic attack." AJ's breath hitches. "It's ok. It feels a bit scary right now, yeah? That's fine. It's ok to be scared sometimes. I want you to try to.. umm.. squeeze my hands, so I know you can hear me. Can you try that for me? " Tom puts his hands on AJ's and Sam thinks he gives a squeeze. Did he? God he felt so useless.
"Good." Ok. He did. He can hear us. "Now, breathe with me, ok? In. 1,2,3,4,5. Hold, 2,3,4. And out, 2,3,4,5,6,7,8." AJ tries, Sam can see that." Ok let's try that again..."
They spent 3 minutes repeating the same pattern, with AJ getting closer and closer to normal. Sam checked his watch. 5 minutes till showtime. 5 minutes to get AJ back on his feet. 5 minutes until they have to to go on stage and pretend everything is fine. 5 minutes. 5 minutes.
"AJ? You feeling better?" Luke asked.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry" AJ collapsed against Tom. "I've ruined the fringe. And we were doing so well-"
" Hey, you didn't ruin anything. Don't say that." Sam finally had the courage to speak. Finally he wasn't being so bloody- Not now, he thought.
"We have 5 minutes until showtime. That's 5 minutes that we can spend relaxing before we need to go out there. No pressure, ok? We can do this. Now, do you want to tell us what happened?" Tom, the calming presence Sam AJ needed. Not Sam. It wasn't about him. Why was he being so-
AJ was silent for what had felt like hours but was only probably 1 minute. "I- I just want everything to be perfect. It has to be perfect. Everything has to be perfect all the time and I can't- I-" AJ trailed off.
Sam understood. Of course he did. It's never easy being someone who is constantly on show. Sam knew how hard it is to get up every morning with DMs and Emails from strangers who just seem to forget that the people they are talking to are human. That the people they send messages to make mistakes. That they're not just a punching bag for haters who have nothing else to do but hate. That he isn't what she said he is. That Sam isn't just a-
"I get it." Sam said. WOW he was just smashing this wasn't he? With his belittling his friend's feelings and making it all about him, like she- Stop. Stop. "I really do. But we have 4 minutes till the shadow starts and we need to move otherwise we'll not get onstage on time." Another point for Sam! He was doing great at finding the right things to say, wasn't he.
"Now, let's not rush, but I can see where you're coming from. AJ, can you stand up for me?" Tom, gentle, Tom. Everything that Sam wasn't.
AJ had stopped crying by that point. Wait, when exactly did he stop? Sam couldn't remember He was probably too busy just thinking about himself instead of the one who actually- ughhhhh.
"Yeah. I think so. I'm sorry."
"It's ok, AJ. You didn't do anything wrong, we promise. We just want you to feel better before the show. Just like you do for me. -And no need for you to apologise about that either. Just because I struggle doesn't mean you're not allowed to as well sometimes, understand?"
"Yeah. Thank you. I mean it."
" Sam? You want to say anything before we go on stage?" Tom turned his direction to Sam.
"Oh, uh, yeah, um, don't apologise, and... Um let's have a good show?" He was just great at this wasn't he. Gold star, wonderful performance, amazing to see that drama degree didn't go to waste, huh.
"Yeah, let's..." Luke looked at Sam quizzically. "Shall we go on stage?"
"Yeah."
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Showtime. "LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, CLAP YOUR HANDS AND STOMP YOUR FEET TO WELCOME SHOOT FROM THE HIP!!"
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After all that, Sam thought that the show went well. But wait.. what was up with Luke looking at Sam like that?
Oh God. He knows about-