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The doctors office has aura of sterility that cant be masked by the the plush sofa and leafy green potted plant. Mira and Zoey bracket Rumi on said sofa, a each clenching a patterned hand in their own.
"Ms Ryu, I'm afraid its not good news..."
**********KPDH**********
It had started out small, as these things often do. A forgotten date here, a missed appointment there. They had chalked it up to overworking - even 12 years after they sealed the Honmoon, the girls still have busy lives in the industry. Whilst they dont perform often these days, they still collaborate with other artists and mentor younger idol groups, not to mention solo projects and behind the scenes work.
So they had cut back their schedules, planned in more rest days. At that had worked well enough. For a while anyway. Then the night terrors started. None of the girls are immune to nightmares, but this was different. Rumi was waking up screaming, seemingly unable to recognise her surroundings. It could take hours for her girls to calm her down. All of them were exhausted.
A slew of tests had taken place. Blood pressure a little high but not enough to worry about. Blood results hunting for possible hormonal causes showed mild anemia but iron tablets didn't solve the problem. Neither had SSRIs. Or sleeping tablets.
So the doctor had ordered a CT scan of Rumi's brain. Just to rule that out. Very unlikely to show anything but would help with a differential diagnosis. Belt and braces approach. Obviously it was going to be completely normal.
<Obviously.
Right?
**********KPDH**********
Rumi's stomach drops as she looks at the screen. Dr Yoon has pulled up the CT results.
"As you can see, these white lines indicate an issue within the brain. They almost look like lesions, but not quite. As far as we can tell theres no active bleeding, no encephalitis, no intercranial pressure. Honestly, its nothing like we have ever seen before." The doctor points out the jagged white lines marring the surface of Rumi's brain.
Dr Yoon may not recognise the lines. She does. "Patterns," she whispers. "They are patterns. On my brain." She feels Zoey tense up beside her.
"So what does this mean doc?" Mira presses. "How do we fix this?"
Dr Yoon shakes her head sadly. "Unfortunately, there is nothing that can be done to cure the issue. Think of it almost like a dementia - Rumi's night time disturbances are most likely akin to sundown syndrome. Given her ... unique physiology, its impossible to give any real prognosis. It could take many years to progress. Or it could be short months."
Zoey makes a sound like a wounded animal. Rumi vaguely registers Mira's raised voice demanding second opinions and other options. It sounds like its coming from underwater. Is she breathing? She isnt sure. She feels herself move, arms around her back. Her face feels wet. Her knees shake and she feels strong arms scoop under her legs. She burries her nose into a familiar neck and lets the scent take over her broken mind.
**********KPDH**********
Rumi barely remembers retuning to the penthouse. She come back to herself slowly, first the familiar fluffy blanket, then the familiar arms around her waist, then the familiar head in her lap.
"You back with us, Bubby?" Zoey asks from her position in Rumi's lap. Rumi nods and wriggles a hand out from under her blanket to run through Zoey's loose hair.
"What do you need, love?" Mira holds Rumi's back tightly to her chest. Rumi shrugs.
"I....honestly have no idea," she croaks. "I don't know what to do. What do I do?" She's never felt so lost, so adrift.
"You hang in there. You stay with us," Mira's voice trembles a little.
Rumi blinks back tears. "I would understand.... if this is too much. If you need me to go and stay with Celine or something. This isnt exactly what you signed up for."
Mira jumps up from the couch. Rumi feels herself fall backwards and lands on her back with a soft 'ooof'. "Don't you fucking dare try to pull that shit, Ru! We are here, Tiger, whatever happens, however hard it gets." Rumi feels Zoey nodding rapidly against her stomach.
Rumi tears up. All these years later and her first instinct is still to run. She knows her girls would never leave her. Just as she would never leave them. "I'm sorry! I'm just so... god I'm so scared!" Tears fall down her face.
Mira scoops her into her arms and rocks them gently. She can feel Zoey hug them from behind. "I know love, I know. We are too. We're in this together though. You aren't alone."
"Damn right we are Bubby," Zoey interjects. "I'm never gonna let you go. Mir won't either." The girls sit and cry and draw comfort for each other for a long time.
Eventually, the need for food and drink prevails. Mira runs to the kitchen for bottles of water and Zoey orders delivery of a pile of comfort food. None of the girls want to be away from each other at the moment.
Rumi gratefully accepts the water and takes several long mouthfuls. She didnt realise how dehydrated she has gotten after all the crying. She expects there are more tears to come. "Theres just so much that I still want to do, want to experience. And I want to do it all with you two."
Zoey perks up at this. "Hold that thought!" She jumps up from the couch and runs towards their room, socked feet skidding in the floor. Rumi looks up at Mira, confused, but Mira just shrugs. Rumi sighs. Its usually easier to go alone for the ride when Zoey gets an idea in her head.
Zoey soon rushes back, notebook in hand and perches on the table in front of Rumi and Mira. "We are making a list," she announces.
Rumi raises her eyebrows. "A list? Of what?"
"All the things that we want to do whilst we have the chance. Go!" Zoey sits poised with pen in hand.
"Oh Jagiya, I'm not sure. You heard Dr Yoon. It could be," Rumi swallows, "it could be months." She feels Mira's grip on her waist tighten.
"No."
"Zoey..."
"No! They have no idea how long we have left with you! And we will not be wasting a minute of it. So we are writing the damn list and we are going to be ticking things off it! Now, go!" Zoey is breathing heavily.
"She's not wrong, love." Mira's voice is a little muffled against Rumi's hair. "Making plans, looking forward...it might help."
"Fine, fine let me think." Theres so much Rumi still wants to do, its hard to narrow it down. "Scuba dive," she throws out with a shrug.
Zoey nods and writes it down. "Its on the list."
"Learn to draw properly."
"On the list."
"See the northern lights."
"On the list."
"Mile high club?" Mira suggests with a smirk. Rumi flushes bright red but nods.
"Oh baby, that's on the list!" Zoey wiggles her eyebrows as she writes.
The rest of the evening is spent eating comfort food and finessing their list. It feels strange to laugh after the day they have had. Rumi is still terrified at her uncertain future, but with her girls by her side she knows she doesn't have to face it alone.
**********KPDH**********
Stability is not to be underrated. Its been five whole years since Rumi's diagnosis and, after a lot of teething problems and trial and error, the girls have got their routine down to a fine art. Thats what has been most effective - routine. And maybe things look different for all their lives now, with constant phone reminders and reminder notes dotted around the penthouse, but they still have each other. And they have even made a decent dent into The List (if Celine had wondered why they had chartered the private jet for a three hour flight with only the pilot and co pilot on board with them, she had chosen not to ask).
The last five years have felt like a life time. They have felt like no time at all.
The alarm goes off at 7am on the dot. Mira stretches long arms and rolls over to snooze it. They have 15 minutes of snuggle time before facing the day. She plants a kiss to the back of Rumi's neck and smiles when she feels the shorter girl wiggle back into her.
"Mmmm, morning nae sarang." Rumi's voice is husky with sleep. "Zo, up you get sunshine." Mira reaches over and tickles Zoey's ribs, causing the youngest to yelp and almost tumble out of bed.
"Rude," yawns Zoey but she slumps over and gives both her girls a kiss, morning breath be damned. The trio cuddle close, basking in each other's embraces. Lazy kisses flow like honey. Eventually the alarm chirps again.
"Up we get, loves. Zo, you're at the studio at 8:30, best get moving." Zoey salutes and skips to the bathroom. Mira rolls her eyes affectionately. "You too, Tiger. Get washed up, I'll make breakfast."
Rumi stretches her arms and back like a sleepy cat, then pads to the bathroom to shower. They have found that any more taxing tasks - including the whole process of showering, drying, dressing - is easier in the morning. By evening, Rumi is often exhausted and not able to manage on her own. Over exertion just leads to worse sundowning.
Mira switches on the coffee pot and gets started on dakjuk and eggs. As the porridge simmers, she double checks their calendar on the fridge. As she thought, Zoey will be in post production until 4pm, she had the day off and no appointments for Rumi. Rumi does still work on music, contributing to melody and lyrics, but has taken a step back from scheduled work. It wasnt worth the night terrors and confusion.
Zoey enters the kitchen and presses a smacking kiss to Mira's cheek. "Any plans for today, Bubba?". She grabs three mugs and starts preparing coffee. They all drink decaff these days, easier to just brew one pot.
Mira dishes up the dakjuk. "It's a nice day, maybe the park this afternoon?"
Rumi joins them at the table, shoulder length purple hair still a little damp. Mira slides her bowl over and and hands her a spoon. Rumi gets tremors in her hands, making chops sticks a challenge. All three of their phones chime a notification - morning meds. Rumi grabs the pill organiser and Mira spots her cast an eye over to the TV - the display always shows the day, date, time - before popping open the Friday morning box.
The day passes like any other. Rumi and Mira do some chores together in the morning. Mira makes lunch whilst Rumi plays guitar on the couch, working some lyrics that Zoey has come up with for another group into a workable melody. After lunch, Rumi takes a nap whilst Mira heads to the gym. Its important that the girls make time for themselves.
Later, Mira and Rumi head to the park, hand in hand. They decide to grab some boba from a stand and join the queue. Mira takes a quick call from Bobby about scheduling in a choreo session for his group of girls who are just not getting it. And when she turns back to the queue, Rumi is nowhere to be seen.
Mira makes herself take a breath before she can slip into panic. She unlocks her phone and flicks to the find my friend app. The little tiger emoji shows that Rumi is not far away, just down by the pond. Mira exhales and makes herself jog towards her girl rather than sprint.
She spots Rumi looking across the water, face blank. She approaches the shorter girl, not wanting to startle her. "Ru," she calls out gently. "You with me, love?" Rumi's face snaps to hers, a picture of confusion. She notices Rumi's eyes dart around quickly and realises whats happening.
"Context clues, Tiger. Look around, what can you see?" She lays a steady hand on Rumi's shoulder.
"Tr-trees, grass, pond. The park! We came to the park after lunch, Zoey is meeting us later," Rumi says and her shoulders slump.
"Good girl, lets go sit down." Mira guides them over to a large tree and sets her picnic blanket down in the shade. She pulls out the paperback shes reading and hands Rumi her sketch book and pencils. Mira leans back against the tree and reads whilst Rumi lays on her front, open sketch book leaning on Mira's legs. Mira sneaks a look at the half completed drawing of a duck. Its good.
"It's Saturday tomorrow right? Can we go to the market on the way to Celine's? Pick up some fruit and those cakes she likes?" Rumi asks. On Saturday afternoons, they journey to Jeju to stay with Celine until Tuesday morning. The girls work remotely whilst Rumi spends time with her adoptive eomma.
Mira frowns a little. "You wouldn't have time for a nap, will that throw your day off?"
Rumi shrugs. "I usually sleep on the jet anyway, too much sleep sets my evening back." This is true, its a fine balance.
"Ok, sure. I could go for some of those cream puffs." Rumi beams up at her. Mira cant resist leaning down and stealing a quick kiss. They return to their easy silence.
Zoey arrives just after five, arms laden with take out boxes of noodles and kimbap. Mira grabs the food and begins to set it out on the blanket. Zoey gives both her girls a quick kiss before launching into a story about how the sound tech had managed to get tangled up in wires and no one had found him for over an hour.
"Hey, theres an expo on at the botanical gardens about deadly plants next week. Could be a good time to tick it off the list?" Zoey suggests. Both girls readily agree. Mira opens their shared calendar on her phone and adds it to Wednesday afternoon. Rumi has a check up in the morning, otherwise they are all free. They spend the rest of the early evening talking and laughing and eating as the sun makes its way across the sky.
**********KPDH**********
It was never going to last. They all knew it but it didnt make it any easier to face. Seven years after Rumi's diagnosis, the seizures start. Dr Yoon has her on a medication routine which has significantly lessened the frequency and intensity, but it seems with every seizure, Rumi slips a little further away.
They have moved into Celine's hanok. The back and forward became too much for Rumi and she was having episodes of sleep walking. Zoey and Mira had found her on the roof one awful morning, after hours of frantic searching. Celine has had alarms and cameras fitted to the external doors.
It hadn't been easy to adjust. Rumi needed more and more support with every day tasks. Even buttoning up a shirt was almost impossible on bad days. Mira and Celine had almost come to blows on arranging a nurse to support Rumi around the clock.
("She is my fucking partner, Celine. I'm not palming her off on some nurse just because things are hard. We dont all expect perfection!"
"So be her partner! Not her carer. Don't burn yourself out with all the hard work and be too tired to just be with her. She needs you now more than ever.")
So Mira had reluctantly agreed to the home help nurse. She had even more reluctantly admitted that it has been a good idea. Rumi is more comfortable with a nurse helping with personal cares (especially changing pads) and her girls sleep a lot better knowing that someone will be keeping a watchful eye overnight. Some days are better than others. On good days they can take short trips around the island and walks through the garden.
Today is not one of the better days. Rumi feels like she is moving through a thick fog. She's at Celine's hanok, though she isnt sure why. Should they not be at the penthouse? Or on the road? Where are her girls?
Someone approaches her with a two handled mug with a straw. A nurse? She has nurses now doesn't she?
"Here Bubby, if you aren't going to eat this morning at least try this smoothie," the kindly nurse says as she presses the mug into Rumi's unsteady hands. She must be a regular nurse, Rumi recognises her friendly round face with the laughter lines around her mouth and eyes, and the back hair peppered with charming strips of grey.
She nods politely. "Thank you nurse, " she says then frowns when the other woman's face suddenly turns incredibly sad. "Are you ok?"
The nurse sniffs a little. "I'm ok. Its just my partner, she's very far away and I'm struggling to reach her."
Rumi gives what she hopes is a reassuring smile. "Well I hope she finds her way back to you soon."
"Me too," the nurse replies, before slipping out of the room. Rumi sips absently on the smoothie in her hands. Where are her girls?
**********KPDH**********
Mira is in the kitchen preparing a fish stew with Celine when Zoey comes in. Zoey grabs a confused Mira and drags her into their bedroom. Mira is pushed onto the bed and Zoey crawls onto her lap. Zoey burries her face into Mira's shirt and cries and cries and cries.
**********KPDH**********
Rumi sleeps most of the time these days. They all know that she doesn't have much time left.
Mira sits in an armchair, reading a sci-fi novel with her feet propped up on Rumi's bed. Zoey looks up from the small couch under the window, where she's reading through some contracts on her iPad, and is surprised to see Rumi's eyes looking over at her.
"Well hello there, sleepy head," she says, as she steps forward and strokes Rumi's cheek. "What's got you awake?" Mira leans forward and plants a kiss to Rumi's forehead.
Rumi points at the sunlight streaming in through the window. "Out out," her voice is small and a little slurred.
"You wanna go outside?" Zoey asks. Rumi nods her head and smiles. "Alright then Bubby, I'm sure can manage that!"
Zoey pulls back Rumi's blankets and slips thick socks over her feet. Mira wheels a wheelchair to the bedside and engages the brakes.
"You ready, Tiger?" Mira asks. Rumi gives a shaky nod and Mira gently lifts her from the bed. The half demon looks small, what was once lean muscle is now skin and bone. She barely eats, barely drinks.
Zoey grabs the handles of the wheelchair. "Here we goooo!" Rumi giggles quietly as Zoey pushes her towards the door to the garden, making noises like an F1 car as they go round the corners.
They reach the garden. Mira lays out a picnic blanket then lifts Rumi out of the wheelchair. Zoey sits on the ground and accepts Rumi into her arms, helping her girl to sit up against her chest. "Comfy Bubby?" She feels Rumi nod under her chin.
Celine waves over from where she is tending to a patch of flowers. Rumi tries to lift an arm and wave back but cant quite manage. Mira holds her wrist and carefully raises Rumi's arm to wave back. "Mimi yes," Rumi smiles up at her girlfriend.
They sit quietly for a while, taking in the fresh air and late afternoon sunshine. Zoey starts to hum as she cards her fingers through Rumi's hair.
"Goin up up up," Rumi sings along. "Our moment. Gon' be golden". The words from so long ago are a bit muddled and slurred but to her girls its the most beautiful sound in the world.
"Thats its love," Mira says as she quickly wipes away a stray tear. They sit and sing together as the sun begins to dip towards the horizon.
**********KPDH**********
The funeral is a quiet affair. Zoey and Mira cling to each other. Bobby supports Celine, who appears to have aged a decade in the two years since Rumi's decline. None of them speak at the the grave side. What's left to say that hasn't yet been said?
A white dressing sticks out from under the sleave if Miras black shirt. An old habit left over from her teenage years that hasn't flared up in decade. She hasn't even really been conscious of what she was doing until the blade bit into her flesh. It helped a little. Not enough. Zoey's heartbroken sobs as she cleaned the wound were enough to make Mira never want to go down that road again.
Little by little, people start to drift away. First some of her crew from her touring days, then Dr Yoon and some friends from Rumi's voluntary work. Lastly, Bobby half carries a shell shocked Celine back to the Hanok.
Finally alone, Mira spreads the blanket out in front of the two graves on the hill, one old and one new, both bearing the name Ryu. They sit and hold each other and cry until the sun goes down.