Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

2001

Jeonghan is six years old when he meets Seungcheol for the first time. He doesn't get a say in it when his parents tell him that they need to move into a new, much bigger house, for their new job. He doesn't really understand it either. After all, he's only six.

He's much more excited about it when they tell him that there's another boy who lives there that is just his age. If there's one thing he loves, it's meeting new people and making new friends. So he eagerly helps his mom pack the items in his room, already thinking about which toys he's going to share with that boy, looking forward to the time they're going to spend together.

He doesn't complain once about the long drive to their new place. Spending most of the ride looking out the window and preparing what he's going to say to his new friend. He's also the first one who steps out of the car when they get to their destination, earning a scolding from his parents for getting out so recklessly. He can't help it, he's just so excited about it.

The sight that greets him is one that would amaze any kid when being put in front of it. The house is impossibly big— bigger than anything he's ever seen in his life.

"Mom? Is this where we're going to live?" He asks with an edge of wonder in his voice.

"Yes, honey." His mother replies, ruffling his hair. "We're going to stay here for now."

Two people come to greet them while his parents start unloading the trunk with their suitcases, a man and a woman, dressed in work attire. Jeonghan looks around, trying to spot his future friend, even though he doesn't know what he looks like. He can't help the pout that adorns his face when he realises that there's no one is age here yet. He doesn't give up, though. Maybe he's busy and will come greet him later, or maybe Jeonghan will find him first.

Or so he thought. Jeonghan spends the next few days trying to catch this other boy to be able to introduce himself, but to no avail. Even when he meets Seungcheol's parents, he isn't here. Something about staying at a relative's place for a few days, the boy's father says.

So Jeonghan gives up for now, but not entirely. He still puts some toys on the side while he unpacks his boxes in his new room with his parents, and he's still wandering around the estate whenever he can to try to catch the mysterious boy.

It takes a full two weeks before Jeonghan finally has the opportunity to see him.

It's an early morning, the slowly rising sun casting a soft orange glow on the sky. He is walking alongside his mother, who was going to quickly drop him at school when he comes across the man who had welcomed them on their first day here, holding a little boy's hand he can only assume is Seungcheol. The sight immediately makes his face light up and he tugs on his mom's hand to get her attention.

"Mom, is this the boy you were talking about?" He asks eagerly, already ready to sprint in their direction to introduce himself.

"Certainly, yeah," His mom replies, "do you want to go say hi?"

Jeonghan nods, not waiting for his mom's approval to detach their hand and start walking towards them. He doesn't run, because he knows his mom would be mad at him, but his steps are hurried—as hurried as they can be for a six year old—, betraying the urgency of finally getting to know the person he's been looking forward to for a couple of weeks now.

He does end up running a little, his excitement getting the best of him. It's okay if his mom scolds him for a bit on the way to school, it'll be worth it.

"Hey!" He calls out to the boy when he reaches him, panting ever so slightly from the sudden morning exercise. "Hi! I'm Jeonghan! You're Seungcheol, right? Nice to meet you, we're neighbors now!" He introduces himself, smile plastered on his face as he looks at the boy. He's dressed in a different school uniform than him, his chestnut short hair perfectly combed in a way that doesn't let a single strand out. His slightly puffy eyes betray his tiredness, and Jeonghan thinks he probably got pulled out of his bed against his will like his mom did this morning.

There's a second of silence between the three of them, in which Seungcheol doesn't reciprocate the smile, at all. He doesn't look like he's going to reply either. Odd, Jeonghan thinks.

His eyes go back and forth between the tired boy and the man, who both stay silent. The man has a small smile on his face but doesn't do anything to get Seungcheol to speak.

He doesn't manage to get a word out of him before the both of them resume walking, getting further and further away from Jeonghan who can't do anything but watch.

He doesn't dwell on it too much, though. Maybe the boy is timid.

It's alright, Jeonghan thinks, he can always try again another time.

2007

By the time Jeonghan enters middle school, he's already way past getting used to the fact that Seungcheol doesn't care about him. It's not like there's anything he can do about it. It's been six years since he moved in and they probably exchanged an hour worth of greetings whenever they passed by each other. Jeonghan tried to engage conversation in the beginning, to get to lure him out of his silence with toys and promises of fun games, but he was mostly just met with nothing but silence. It didn't take him long before giving up.

He was okay with that arrangement. He has actual friends to care about at his own school. With how little he saw him, there wasn't much he could do about befriending Seungcheol.

That is, until halfway through winter break when his parents sat him down in his room, announcing him an amazing news. He's going to enrol in the same middle school as Choi Seungcheol.

The thought didn't bother him too much at first, until his parents told him they would go in the same car for convenience purposes. He couldn't help the subtle gasp from escaping his lips at the news, already overthinking what they were going to do in the same car twice a day for who knows how long.

"What about my friends?" He asks, worry seeping in his voice at the thought of not being with them anymore. He's going to be all alone in this new school. Seungcheol isn't even talking to him. Is he supposed to make new friends again? He's definitely not as sociable as he used to as a kid, it's not going to be that easy getting to know new people. Especially if they all already know each other.

"You'll be able to see them over the weekend, honey." His mom reassures him. "It's a great opportunity for you, and a very generous offer from them to enrol you in. You'll get one of the best educations in the country." She continues. "And you'll be with Seungcheol, I'm sure you both will be able to navigate this new environment together."

He doesn't find anything to say to his mother to refute her arguments. He knows she's right, that this is the best outcome for him. If he can make it through, study well enough to stay there until he graduates high school, he will be able to get into a great university, if not one of the bests, get a great job and help his family. That's his goal, what he needs to focus on.

This is how he ends up in front of the expensive looking, imposing middle school's gate, uniform meticulously ironed by his mother this morning. He grips his bag's strips, nervousness coursing through his veins. The young teenagers swirl around him, familiar faces greeting each other after not meeting for the whole winter. Hugs and handshakes are exchanged. Laughter is filling the entrance as Jeonghan stays frozen in front of it, reconsidering his plans and wondering if he's going to be able to do it.

He's seconds away from turning around and going back home when he feels a presence behind him, voice reaching his ears before he can react.

"Are you planning on staying in front of the gate the whole day?" Seungcheol asks him in a stern voice, gaze already on him as Jeonghan turns to face him.

"What? No- I was just, contemplating. I guess." Jeonghan replies, only noticing the hint of a smile on Seungcheol's face after replying. Is he being made fun of?

"Sure thing," Seungcheol says, already stepping forward towards the entrance. "Come on, we're going to be late at this rate."

"We?" Jeonghan breathes out. He wonders what Seungcheol meant by 'we' as he starts walking behind him, not entirely sure if the come on meant that they should walk together, or just that he should get going. He decides to walk a few steps behind Seungcheol regardless, just in case. He doesn't want to humiliate himself on the first day of school.

The main hall of the middle school is no less beautiful than the entrance. It takes Jeonghan all his willpower to not let his jaw hang open at the wonderful architecture inside of the building. It's truly nothing like what he could've imagined. The white tile floor looks polishedly clean under his feet, so much that he can almost see his own reflection in it. Columns are decorating the interior in a way that separates the hall in what seems to be different areas. He can already notice a snack stall that has a lot of students gathered in front of it, seemingly craving sweets so early in the morning. On the other side is the reception office, with a lady inside giving papers to each student as they present themselves in front of her.

Just then he realises that he lost sight of Seungcheol. He almost starts panicking before gathering himself. It's not like he was truly following him anyway, nor that they were commuting together. They just rode the same car, that's it. He doesn't need Seungcheol to find his way around.

He makes his way towards the office, getting at the back of the line as he waits for his turn. He continues looking around in the mean time, taking in all of the possible information he can to orient himself in the building. He sees multiple signs leading to different floors and sections of the school, even some indicating the way to club rooms. He wonders if there's any that will be interesting enough to sign in, if he should directly try to go for the student council instead. It would look nice on his resume, wouldn't it?

He doesn't have much more time to dwell on it as the line steadily goes forward and before he realises it, he's in front of the lady in the office.

"Name?" She asks in a bored voice, gaze fixed towards the computer screen in front of her.

"Huh- Yoon Jeonghan. I'm a first year." He replies, slightly dumbfounded. He didn't expect such a direct approach.

The lady doesn't reply as her hands instinctively type his name on her keyboard before moving towards a stack of paper, one Jeonghan would assume is the list of first year students, before separating it in two and rapidly flipping through them. The sight makes his vision slightly blurry with how fast everything is going and before he knows it, a paper is slammed on the desk towards him.

"Here. You're on the ground floor. Next!"

He doesn't even have time to thank her before being shooed out of the reception, paper in hand but no less confused about where his classroom is. He didn't get any indication as to where to go from here. He can only assume this school works the same as others and try to figure out the rest as he goes.

He reads through the information on the paper and his gaze fixates on the room number: one hundred and thirteen. Now, he just needs to find the room the number is corresponding to.

He makes his way around the hall, trying to spot the sign that would lead him to where he needs to go. It takes him another five minutes before he finds it, mentally cursing the size of this school. What facility needs to have thirty rooms on a single floor? And of course, his room just has to be on the very end of the hallway.

The thought is quickly swept away from his mind as he approaches the room and hears the faint mumble of students talking over each other. He stops in front of the door for a second, taking a deep breath in. He can't let himself act intimidated in front of so many people at once, especially ones who already know each other. As long as he looks confident, everything will be fine.

The noises slightly go down as he slides the door open, meeting the gaze of approximately twenty other students who immediately turned to see who was coming in. He doesn't want to interpret what their look could mean as he makes his way inside, looking for a place to sit. He's not sure if they will have assigned seats or not so he needs to find something suitable for the rest of the year, just in case. He settles on a seat on the second row next to the window. A spot close enough to be able to correctly follow the classes while still being hidden away enough so that he won't get noticed easily.

He drops his bag on the desk as the students' conversations pick up in noisiness, already forgetting his presence. There's still about fifteen minutes until the first class starts, so he takes advantage of this time to organise his space in the built in drawer below the table. He takes his blank copy books off of his bag and slides them in the drawer, alongside some leftover school furniture he had at home that he could need here. He puts his notebook on the table with his pencil case, spending an extra few seconds to arrange it just right.

He realises organising his desk will not take fifteen minutes, and that he's already done with his task after just a couple minutes. He almost zones out while looking at the window when the door slides open for the first time since he got in. He instinctively turns his head towards the entrance of the classroom to see who's the new person arriving. The sight makes his stomach drop, just a little.

It's Seungcheol, who is mirroring a surprised look on his face. Jeonghan recovers from his stupor quickly enough, turning his gaze back towards the window. He doesn't know why he's so surprised. After all, they're in the same school, and in the same year. There was a chance they would end up in the same class. He guesses that he just— didn't think about that possibility.

He tries to not dwell too much about it. It doesn't have to mean anything, it's not like it will make them talk more or hang out. Right?

His swirling thoughts are cut short by the sound of the chair next to him scraping on the floor, the sound making him slightly flinch. He almost expects Seungcheol to be the one approaching him when he turns his gaze towards his desk mate and is met with an unfamiliar face.

"Hi," The boy greets him, a gentle smile on his face, "do you mind if I sit here?"

Jeonghan looks at the boy for a moment, before his gaze momentarily shifts to Seungcheol, who's picked a seat on the other side of the classroom. He's chatting with his classmates, seemingly already over the stupor he had when he first entered.

"Sure." He replies to the boy quickly enough, casting back a smile at him which he hopes his friendly enough.

The boy doesn't waste time after his reply to sit down, dropping his bag on the desk and opening it to take his belongings out. "I'm Jisoo, by the way."

Jeonghan is almost surprised that he decided to continue the conversation further than the question he asked, taking a second to reply. "I'm Jeonghan."

"Nice to meet you. I hope we can be friends, I don't know anyone here."

Jeonghan's gaze drifts back to Seungcheol just for a second. "Yeah, me neither."

They spend the remainder of the time having small conversations here and there, commenting on whatever they seem fitting. Jeonghan is glad he already found someone he can hang around with within the school. Even if they don't end up being close, he can do small talk.

Their conversation is cut short when their homeroom teacher enters the classroom, chatter immediately dying out upon his arrival. The rest of the morning goes by excruciatingly slowly for Jeonghan, the homeroom teacher has a monotone voice that has him almost zoning out a lot of times. He almost reconsiders if he should just leave this place all together for the second time since he arrived.

𓆩♡𓆪

The sound of the bell indicating lunch time is like salvation to Jeonghan. Finally relieved he's free from this teacher until at least a few hours. He puts the rest of his belongings in the built in drawer before grabbing his jacket, finding Jisoo already looking at him.

"Wanna get lunch together?"

The cafeteria is just as crowded as Jeonghan imagined it to be, with the size of the school and the amount of students he saw flooding the entrance this morning. Still, the smell of food is drawing him in alongside Jisoo. They both end up at the back of the line which reaches up to the entrance door, and he almost sighs thinking about the amount of time it's going to take them to get their food.

"We're going to be here forever, we won't have much time to eat." Jeonghan comments with a defeated voice, which earns him a laugh from Jisoo.

"You're right. We probably should've hurried more on the way here. Maybe we should eat outside from now on?"

"Too expensive. We should just hurry up and sprint starting tomorrow." Jeonghan sighs. He did think about it too when he saw the amount of people coming in the cafeteria in front of us, but reality brought him back from his reverie quickly enough. He definitely can't afford to eat out everyday.

Jisoo mirrors his sigh, and they look at each other with a desperate look, both their stomach growling. By the time they finally make it to the front of line half of their lunch time has passed. Jeonghan retrieves his utensils from the designated shelves and hurriedly slides his tray in front of the kitchen workers, grabbing the plate of food with a small smile and a thank you. Jisoo is right behind him as he exits the line and turns towards the rest of the cafeteria, almost all of the tables being filled with groups of students chatting while eating. The sound is almost deafening to Jeonghan, who hadn't realised how loud it is until he actually shifted his focus on it.

He spots two empty spots at the very back of the room and nudges Jisoo with his shoulder, indicating with his head where they should go. They make their way towards the table, careful to not drop anything on their tray. Both let out a sigh of relief when they finally sit down after putting the food on the table.

"Finally," Jisoo exhales out, relaxing on his chair. "my legs are killing me, we waited so long."

Jeonghan chuckles at his behaviour. "We did. Doesn't have to stop up from digging in, though." He's already grabbing his chopsticks as he finishes his sentence, taking a portion of rice to stuff in his mouth. The warmth of the rice feels like heaven after such a long wait and he doesn't waste time before grabbing some more food, urging Jisoo to do the same.

They don't get the luxury of taking their time with their food, the clock already ticking towards the end of the lunch period. Their conversation flows as best as it can in the cacophony of voices that fill the cafeteria.

They're still emptying their tray in the designated trashes when the bell rings, making them both whip their heads towards the exit door which is now filled with students hurriedly making their way to their respective classes, both students joining the crowd.

They make it just in time to sit back at their desk just as the teacher walks inside, closing the door behind him. They're almost panting from half sprinting, a playful smile on their face, promising themselves that they won't get caught in cafeteria traffic again.

The rest of the day goes by almost as slowly as the morning did, sun already about to dip in the sky by the time the last bell rings. His head hurts from the amount of information about the material each teacher has dumped on them during the day, massaging his forehead in a desperate hope to get rid of it. He gathers his belongings after that, Jisoo waiting for him so they can walk out of the school together.

"How are you getting back home?" Jisoo asks him and Jeonghan hesitates for a second. What is he supposed to say? He doesn't know how much he should say about his connection with Seungcheol. He told Jisoo earlier that he didn't know anyone in the school.

"Someone's picking me up. I don't think they arrived yet, though. So you can go first." He settles on a vague explanation, which he hopes is enough for now. Jisoo doesn't seem like a nosy person, so he figures he wouldn't ask more.

His reflections are quick to be answered when Jisoo merely nods at his explanation. They exchange phone contacts and his classmate—friend?— bids him goodbye before leaving the opposite way to catch the bus.

Jeonghan is left alone after that, walking towards the designated location their driver is supposed to pick both him and Seungcheol up at the end of the day. The car is already there waiting when he arrives. He climbs inside the car and greets the driver, noticing that the other boy hasn't arrived yet. He hopes that he will arrive soon, wanting nothing but a hot bath to relax after the long day.

It takes another ten minutes of waiting before Seungcheol finally shows up, chatting and laughing with his friends who are also on their way to be picked by their drivers. Jeonghan is mildly annoyed by the sight. Did he really make them wait just because he was talking with people? Delaying his much deserved rest for that? He watches as Seungcheol tells them goodbye, face still lighten up with laughter as he climbs in the car, seat opposite to his.

"Hi- Sorry, I was chatting with people and didn't see time pass," Seungcheol apologises for his tardiness. "did you have to wait long?" He asks both the driver and Jeonghan.

"No, it's fine." Jeonghan replies. He doesn't feel like saying anything else, just wanting to get back home as soon as possible.

They leave school grounds a few moments after that, unfortunately being caught in traffic. Jeonghan sighs from yet another delay to his rush back to bed. He looks out the window most of the drive, his thoughts occasionally being interrupted by Jisoo who's already taken advantage of having his phone number to text him silly updates about his commute home.

Jisoo

jst got home traffic was awful and i couldnt find a seat in the bus :<
we spent 2 much time standing up today m tired
dreamingof a shower rn and nevR leaving my bed ^_^
u home yet?

me

nope. person who picked me up was late n now were stuck in traffic 2
same dream honestly

Jisoo

oh that sucks
stay strong friend im w u

"Who are you texting?" Jeonghan hears Seungcheol ask next to him. It makes him turn his head towards the boy, eyebrow raised.

"My friend?" He replies confusedly, "why?"

Seungcheol shrugs, "Just curious. Is he the guy you hung out with today?"

"Yeah…?" The follow up question makes Jeonghan even more confused. Why does he care?

Seungcheol doesn't have time to ask him another question when the car stops, both teenagers realising they arrived home. Jeonghan takes the opportunity to step out of the car, not waiting for the other boy. He's clutching his bag as he walks hurriedly back to his house further down the path from the mansion.

No one is home when he opens the door. He figures his parents are probably busy. He makes a beeline for his room, dropping his bag on the floor. He mindlessly goes for his drawer, picking pyjamas to change into as he steps out to go to the bathroom, finally getting the shower he's been dreaming of since school ended.

He lets the hot stream of water run from the shower head for a moment, the steam slowly filling the bathroom as he strips out his clothes and enters it. The instant effect on his muscles makes him sigh in contentment, it's a well welcomed relaxation compared to the eventful day he had. He thinks about everything that happened: the school and how intimidatingly big it is, the way Jisoo and him spent the day together and how easy it was for him to relax into a conversation. He's grateful he managed to get familiar with someone so early into the day. Not being alone definitely helped with navigating the new environment he found himself in.

Still, he can't help but think again about Seungcheol. He feels troubled by his behaviour, the surprised look he had when he entered the classroom and saw him by the window, how he ignored him during the day yet seemed to keep track of what he was doing. Did he watch him and Jisoo? Why does he even care about what he's doing and who he is doing it with? They've never been close, and being in the same class isn't supposed to change anything about it. So why?

Jeonghan overthinks about his day until the water starts turning cold, sign for him to get out of the shower. He curses himself out for zoning out long enough to empty all the hot water. His parents are going to kill him. He steps out, towel around his body and hair as he dries himself and dresses up in his pajamas. He keeps the towel on his head as he gets out of the bathroom, retrieving his phone to see even more texts from Jisoo. He notifies him that he's finally home and showered and his friend cheers him on, bringing a smile on his face.

𓆩♡𓆪

The rest of the week goes by just as Jeonghan expected. He wakes up, gets ready for school, goes through an awkward twenty minutes with Seungcheol in the car, finds Jisoo at the entrance, spends the day with his friend, focuses on classes, then another awkward twenty minutes ride before getting back to the estate and going to his room.

He didn't expect anything else, assuming that whatever conversation the other boy had tried to initiate with him was nothing but politeness that day. The morning after that, Jeonghan had wondered if Seungcheol had tried to make friends with him. But seeing how they didn't talk for the rest of the week past greetings, the idea quickly fell back deep into his psyche.

He didn't mind, they never were friends anyway. It's not like anything was going to change just because they were in the same class. And he has Jisoo, who seems determined to become his closest friend. Jisoo is funny and they help each other with homework. That's all he needs.

It's with this mindset that he started the new week, full of 'whatever's in his mind, ready to focus on things that mattered to him: his friend, and school. He says hi to Seungcheol when he enters the car, still wanting to be polite despite it all. He spends the rest of the ride looking down at his phone, texting his friends from his previous school who are filling him in on all the juicy stories from their own first week of middle school, not even casting Seungcheol a single look.

He gets out of the car as soon as it comes to a stop, biding their driver goodbye as his eyes immediately zeroes on his friend waiting for him at their usual meeting spot. He reaches his level with a slight jog and they both enter the school with happy smiles on their faces, continuing the conversation they had by text the night before.

His morning classes go by swiftly. He settled into the middle school rhythm pretty easily, not having a hard time following the different classes. His notebook skills definitely still had room for improvement, but sharing notes with Jisoo helps filling the blanks he doesn't manage to write during the lesson.

Both friends get up as soon as the bell indicating the start of their lunch break rings, quickly tidying up their desks before rushing out of the classroom to the cafeteria. So far they had managed to not repeat what had happened on their first day, catching up to the line before it gets too long.

Today is no different, the line being relatively small as they step a foot inside the cafeteria. Retrieving their food doesn't take more than ten minutes and soon enough they're sitting down in the corner of the cafeteria which is close to the water dispenser. A must to be close to while eating, Jeonghan would argue.

And because his lunch break is going the same as usual so far, Jeonghan doesn't expect anything out of the blue to happen. He's just going to talk with his friend while eating and enjoy his food before it's time to go back to his classroom.

That is, not counting the third tray that he hears being put down on the table to his left.

He doesn't think much of it at first, gaze still cast down to his food as he listens to Jisoo talking. After all, this is a big school and while the cafeteria is large. He noticed that it was full of students most of the time, not giving everyone the luxury of having the table to themselves. It happened to them for a couple of days already. Nothing out of usual.

He notices something is different when Jisoo's sentence suddenly trails off, his train of thought never being voiced out completely. He raises his head, brows furrowing in confusion as he looks at his friend to ask what happened. This is when he notices the slightly alarmed look on his friend's face, his gaze shifting between him and the person sitting next to him.

Jeonghan finally figures he should turn his head towards the person who he assumes could only be a classmate. He turns his head, and his eyes go comically wide when he realises he's face to face with none other than Seungcheol, who's looking back at him with intent in his eyes.

"Seungcheol?" Jeonghan asks, his tone almost sounding like a warning as he's trying to figure why on earth would he come to sit next to him.

"Jeonghan, hi." Is all Seungcheol replies, which makes him even more confused. He casts a glance at Jisoo, his gaze conveying a 'do you know what this is about?' to which his friend only shrugs.

Great help, truly.

He notices in the background Seungcheol's usual group of friends seating down at a table near, looking back at their table with confused glances, whispering to themselves. He already starts imagining the worst, a sinking feeling in his gut. "Do you… need something?" He prompts Seungcheol, thinking that it could accelerate the conversation.

"I- huh, I was wondering if." He stops himself mid sentence, seemingly fighting over a turmoil in his head before continuing. "Can I have lunch with you?" He blurts out.

"Huh." Jeonghan feels like he's going crazy. "I mean, you're already seating here, so…" He trails off, looking over at Jisoo once again in a desperate plea of help.

"Sure, you can." Jisoo finally says. It's not much of a help, but it's something at least.

Both friends never pick their conversation up again, the third person on their side having completely flipped over their routine. Jeonghan picks at his food, occasionally grabbing some rice with his chopsticks to eat, but the setting is uncomfortable. He's already overthinking the situation.

Everything feels so out of nowhere for him. He has so many questions. Why would Seungcheol randomly come to him like that? Leave his friends to come sit with him and Jisoo instead? They're not close and he figures Seungcheol doesn't know Jisoo at all.

He catches his friend looking at him across the table with interrogation in his eyes. He probably has just as many questions as he does. Jeonghan shrugs lightly, careful to not make it too noticeable to the boy next to him.

They continue eating in silence, awkwardness still lingering between all of them as no one is making an effort to actually start a conversation. Jeonghan turns to look at Seungcheol for a second, finding him eyes cast downward at his food.

Their gaze meet as the boy looks over to Jeonghan and he quickly adverts his eyes, heart skipping a bit. He hopes Seungcheol doesn't think he was staring. He wasn't. It's just a coincidence.

He's saved by the bell, quite literally, as it rings to indicate the end of lunch time. He doesn't waste time before getting up, making his chair scrap against the floor. Jisoo is looking at him with amusement in his eyes, seemingly having witnessed the small, chaotic interaction.

He doesn't wait for his friend as he turns around, going to the front of the cafeteria to clear his tray. Still, he waits for Jisoo by the entrance, feet rapidly stomping on the floor as he grows impatient each second.

It's only a few seconds later—way too long for Jeonghan—that Jisoo appears amongst the crowd, Seungcheol trailing behind him. He wonders if they talked after he left, but the distance between them can't give him an intel on that.

Jisoo stops in front of him, a knowing smile on his face. "What are you waiting for?"

"You." Jeonghan replies, grabbing his friend by the arm. "Come on, we're going to be late."

He's about to get out of the cafeteria once and for all when Seungcheol walks past him, turning his head his way and waving him goodbye. "See you later." He says, before walking deeper into the hallway.

Jeonghan stares at his retreating figure with a frown, feeling infinitely confused about what this entire lunch break situation was about. He lets out a sigh. "He's so weird."

"That was definitely interesting." Jisoo comments. "You know you're gonna have to fill me in about whatever this was, right?"

The thought of having to explain everything already gives Jeonghan a headache. He mentally curses Seungcheol for putting him in such a situation before tugging Jisoo forward. "Yeah yeah, later. We're going to be late."

𓆩♡𓆪

The ride back to their place is no less awkward, Jeonghan's thoughts swirling in his head as he tries not to look at the boy sitting on the other side of the backseat. He can feel Seungcheol's gaze on him, which makes it even harder.

He can already feel his phone vibrating in his pocket, Jisoo probably spamming him with questions on what happened during lunchtime. The whole thing is almost giving him a headache. Now he has to explain to his friend why he lied about not knowing anyone at school, as well as explaining why Seungcheol was behaving like this with him.

Well, it's not like he has an answer to the latter question either, to be honest.

They aren't even halfway through the ride when Jeonghan's resolve breaks, and he turns his head towards Seungcheol.

"Why did you do this?" He asks Seungcheol, trying his best to level his tone as they're not completely alone in the vehicle. He figures arguing in front of one of his parents' colleagues probably isn't the best case scenario.

"Do what?" Seungcheol asks back incredulously. It almost makes Jeonghan scoff.

"Why did you come talk to me at the cafeteria? Why did you sit down to eat with us?" Jeonghan continues, hoping the precision would finally make the other boy tell him what this is all about.

"Because I wanted to? I don't understand why this bothers you so much." The other boy replies, scratching his neck.

Jeonghan thinks he must be hallucinating, there's no way this is the only explanation he has, right?

"Seungcheol. We've known each other for six years now and you never even tried to have a conversation with me. You've always acted like I was invisible. Why now?"

He watches as Seungcheol visibly thinks over his answer, his gaze briefly flickering to the driver at the front of the car. "It's- I couldn't, back then. But I've always wanted to. To be your friend, I mean. I just didn't know how to talk to you until now, so I figured going for it would be the easiest option."

Jeonghan figures it's probably not the whole story. There's probably not much he can get out of Seungcheol right now, not in these conditions. He also doesn't have the energy to argue about it. Truthfully, he wouldn't have any argument against refusing to be friends with him. It could always be worth trying, even though the boy is a whole six years late to the whole ordeal. He settles on nodding along, turning his head back towards the window on his side of the car. "Okay, then."

"Okay? Okay what?" Seungcheol replies, confusion in his voice.

"We can try being friends. If you're willing to put in the effort."

"Really? You really want to?"

Jeonghan's gaze flickers back to Seungcheol, an amusing smile on his face. "I already tried to be friends with you six years ago, dummy. You better make it worth it though, it's your turn to work for it."

He spends the rest of the ride listening to Seungcheol babbling about whatever they could do now that they're friends. He can't say he isn't surprised by the sheer amount of enthusiasm dripping off the boy's voice, wondering how long exactly has he been planning on ambushing him at the cafeteria to ask him to be friends.

They bid each other goodbye at the entrance of the estate, Jeonghan going back to his house on the side of the place while Seungcheol goes forward, to the main building. That's when he finally remembers about Jisoo spamming his phone and his chatbox probably being full of texts by now. He retrieves his phone out of his pocket to check the content of the messages.

Jisoo :
hello? m stll waiting on the story???
u bettR not be ignoring me rn >:c
do u guys know each othR?????

He figures halfway through the plethora of messages that it would be easier to just call his friend and explain everything out loud. He brings his phone to his ear, tone ringing twice before Jisoo picks up. His voice immediately filling the line as he fires Jeonghan with the exact same questions he asked by text.

He spends the rest of his evening sitting at his desk's chair, school clothes still on and bag carelessly thrown somewhere in his room as he recounts everything that happened the past six years. Not that a lot happened anyway. He tells him about moving here, about him looking forward to meeting Seungcheol. He also tells him about how closed off the boy was, and he how he never managed to get close to him and gave up on trying to be friends.

"I honestly thought that middle school would be just like the previous years. Even though we drive to school in the same car, he didn't have any reason to talk to me." He concludes his story on that, leaning further into his chair in an attempt to relax his muscles. He definitely needs a hot shower.

"It's so weird, though. Why now?" Jisoo replies through the line.

"That's what I asked!" Jeonghan exclaims, straightening up in his chair. "He said he just couldn't at the time but wanted to. I didn't press further because we were in the car, but it's just- so weird."

"Maybe he did have a reason, and he'll tell you later. No need to stress about it for now, just see what his intentions are. I'll be here to monitor him too anyway." Jisoo comments, which earns a laugh from Jeonghan.

"Thank you for your service, dear Jisoo."

"Of course Hannie, always." Jisoo replies. Jeonghan could hear a voice in the background. "I gotta go, mom's calling for dinner. I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Yeah, see you tomorrow." Jeonghan greets his friend goodbye before ending the call, immediately retrieving his pyjamas to run in the shower.

It doesn't take much after that for Seungcheol to slowly but surely integrate their friend group, the duo suddenly turning into a trio. If you asked Jeonghan, he wouldn't be able to tell you when Seungcheol became such an important part of his life. Not so long ago, he was just the boy he saw in passing, occasionally saying hi to him. Now, Jeonghan wouldn't be able to imagine his life without Seungcheol being somewhere in the picture.

The beginning of their friendship is a little awkward, Jeonghan still not being sure why Seungcheol approached him in the first place. It doesn't help that he discovers the boy is quite the introvert, and even though it's him who wanted to become friends with Jeonghan in the first place, he would only talk when prompted.

Despite what Jeonghan told him in the car back then about having to work for it, it was all just a meaningless threat. Jeonghan doesn't mind putting in the effort, he wouldn't force him to do anything. And it's easier to find topics to discuss with Jisoo by his side. For the first few weeks after Seungcheol starts hanging out with them, the trio resembles more of a duo with an additional listener: Jeonghan and Jisoo talking about their usual subject while Seungcheol is on the side listening, occasionally commenting whenever he sees fit.

By the first month mark, Seungcheol is actively contributing to the conversations. Much more when it's just the both of them in the car to and from school, still, but it's a change regardless, to Jeonghan's delight.

It's then that Jeonghan discovers a whole new side of Seungcheol, the endearing and funny one. The boy manages to make him laugh without even trying. He revels in the small but meaningful gestures that Seungcheol does when they are together, like bringing back snacks to both him and Jisoo from the convenience store in between classes. Or when he takes Jeonghan's notebook whenever he notices him zoning out during a class—he switched seats two weeks into them becoming friends to sit in front of them—, to copy everything that he missed.

Seungcheol is undeniably a good friend, both at school and at home. The time they spend together increases exponentially, as Jeonghan starts hanging out with him even at home, either in Seungcheol's house, or back at his own place. He's a steady presence Jeonghan is grateful  and he knows that this friendship is something he's going to cherish for a long time, no matter what.

2008

The school year goes by fast with two friends by his side. Studying becomes easier with three brains working on the same subjects and classes go by faster when he has other people to discreetly chat with. He adapts well to the new environment thanks to Jisoo and Seungcheol, passing his tests with grades good enough to satisfy both his parents and himself, and before he can realise it, his first year of middle school is already over.

He spends a while wondering what he is going to do during his winter break. Jisoo is going to visit his grandparents' place for the whole month and a half, and he figures Seungcheol will probably visit another country with his parents like he usually does during those times.

It's the reason why he is so surprised when Seungcheol tells him he's forgoing travelling abroad with his parents to stay here instead.

"What?" Jeonghan asks, confusion all over his face. "Why? You always go abroad during winter."

"I wanted to hang out with you instead." Seungcheol simply says, like it's the sanest and most reasonable reason in the world.

Jeonghan looks at him like he grew a second head. "You gave up on your vacation for me?"

"Yes, we're going to have a lot of fun, you'll see". Seungcheol reassures him, and Jeonghan can only believe him. He doesn't understand why Seungcheol would behave like that, nor how he managed to convince his parents to cancel their winter trip, but his impulsive decisions are nothing new to him by now.

And Jeonghan has to admit, he does spend one amazing break with Seungcheol.

He doesn't expected anything when their winter break starts, figuring they would hang out occasionally and be done with it. He even planned a list of TV shows to catch up on during that time, some that he didn't have time to watch during his school days.

Needless to say, he is surprised when Seungcheol knocks on his bedroom door on the first afternoon of the break, dragging him out to hang out in the city.

There isn't a day they don't spend together during winter break, the boy always coming to meet him at the same hour each time, either to hang out outside or just to hang out in Jeonghan's room. It's then that Jeonghan learns about yet another side of Seungcheol, one that he inevitably falls in love with.

Jeonghan has known for a while now that Seungcheol is a reliable person, but he hadn't realised how much it would affect him when his thoughtfullness is only directed towards him.

It started small, like when Seungcheol brings Jeonghan's favorite snack despite the closest convenience store not selling it. He doesn't want to admit that he went out of his way to get it when Jeonghan asks him about it, but Jeonghan knows he did and it makes his heart flutter in a weird way.

Another day, he brings a bunny plushie to give to Jeonghan while claiming that the stuffed animal reminded Seungcheol of him. It leaves Jeonghan speechless for a moment. He's never been compared to an animal before, but he has to admit that the plushie is pretty cute. And the fact that Seungcheol thinks about him often enough to buy him a gift is truly endearing.

He happily accepts the gift, and when Seungcheol leaves that day he delicately puts the stuffed animal on his nightstand. He won't admit it, but he spends a little too much time staring at it.

Despite everything, he doesn't immediately realise that he is in love. He only connects the dots well after their winter break ends and they start their second year of middle school together. But he feels a switch during that time, a switch where Jeonghan goes from simply looking forward to seeing his friends, to being nervous about their meetings. He is careful on how to act, what to say, how to style himself, granting Seungcheol things he wouldn't have before like letting him decide what they would eat for lunch.

The most obvious sign—the one he decides to ignore the longest— is how each physical contact would send jolts of electricity through him, making his stomach feel funny. It is something completely new to him, something that no one before made him feel.

He ignores those signs though, figuring it is something in passing, maybe him feeling a little sick from putting the ac in his room so low while Seungcheol feels like a furnace everytime their hands graze together.

He realises at some point that a cold could not run for that long, and that his reactions are not prompted by his ac or anything else that could've made him catch a cold. He resorts to looking up his symptoms online, figuring there is nothing more trustful than Naver when it comes to questions like this.

'Feeling funny when touching hands with someone' is the first thing he types into the search bar, getting in return a plethora of results from different websites and blogs. He clicks on the first one he sees, taking him to a page titled '7 ways to know if you're in love!', earning a frown from the boy. He is looking out for physical symptoms, why are those people talking about love?

The more words he reads on those website pages, the dizzier his head becomes. He fits most of the symptoms listed, but doesn't understand why he does in the first place. Seungcheol is his friend, which they only started becoming a few months ago. He shouldn't feel anything for him.

'How long does it take to fall in love' is the second thing he searches up, the answers not helping him the slightest. Some were talking about falling in love at first sight, others about how it takes time to get to know the person to know if you are in love with them or not.

About an hour into his deep, meaningful yet confusing researches he gives up, grabbing his phone to call Jisoo. He desperately needs an external point of view in the matter and he figures Seungcheol probably isn't the best person to call if the topic of discussion is him.

It takes a few rings before Jisoo picks up. "Jeonghan! What's up? Did you slip something in my bag again without realising? I'm not coming to give it back, though."

"I think I like Seungcheol." Jeonghan blurts out, his brain only catching up to his thoughts after they're voiced out. "I mean- I don't know, I've been looking up all of these stuff on Naver and it's all just so confusing. I just wanted to know why my stomach feels funny, why would the website say that? I thought stomachs feeling funny meant you had a bug."

"Jeonghan, you're rambling." Jisoo interrupts him, making him realise he said all of this in one take. He takes a deep breath, getting his thoughts to stop swirling uncontrollably.

"Sorry. I'm just panicking, I guess."

"That's okay. Walk me through your train of thoughts?" Jisoo prompts him. "Slowly, though."

Jeonghan spends the rest of his evening talking with Jisoo on the phone, recounting everything that happened during their winter break that Jeonghan had omitted when they saw each other again. He tells him about his confusing feelings, about his stomach feeling funny, about how he thought it was because of the ac all of this to realise it shouldn't be lasting so long. He tells him about the searches and how confused he is.

"I don't know Jisoo, like- Does that mean I love him?" Jeonghan concludes his long—but slow and structured— story.

"I mean, maybe?" Is all Jisoo had replies at first, making him groan.

"You're not helping. Like, at all."

"Hear me out, okay?"

"Okay, okay. I'm listening."

"So. It's not like I can actually tell you how you feel. I'm not in your head. You also can't fully listen to the websites online, they're often exaggerating and you associate yourself with what's being said because that's what you wanna hear."

"But-" Jeonghan tries to interrupt.

"And," Jisoo emphasises, not letting Jeonghan interrupt him. "I think the simplest way to know if you like, or love Seungcheol is trying to imagine yourself with him. Would you see yourself acting like they do in the movies? Would you want to do all of that with him?"

Jeonghan stays silent for a moment, trying to recall the last romance movie he watched this weekend. He remembers how the two main characters acted, how they were holding hands and saying sweet words to each other, how they kissed. He thinks about doing that with Seungcheol, and the thought makes his stomach twist a little.

"I think… yeah, I think I would want that." He admits in a slow voice, already getting lost in thoughts.

"Okay then, I think you might actually like him. Congrats! Your first love!" Jisoo teases him, and Jeonghan wishes he was in the same room as him so he could strangle him.

"Stop being embarrassing, it's not like I can do anything about it anyway. He probably doesn't like me." He argues, feeling bummed out at the thought.

Jisoo stays silent for a moment before speaking again. "I think you should tell him."

"Are you insane?" Jeonghan exclaims, "I can't just dump that on him, it's not fair. He wanted to be friends with me. Not become… boyfriends, or whatever."

"You'd be surprised," Jisoo comments, "you never really know what people's true intentions are before you ask them."

The comment makes Jeonghan stop for a second, why is he saying that?

"Wait. What do you know?" Jeonghan asks Jisoo accusingly.

"Nothing! I'm just suggesting- Oh would you hear that, dinner's ready. I gotta go, see you tomorrow!" Jisoo quickly replies before hanging up, not even leaving room for Jeonghan to argue, leaving him to just stare at his phone screen in bafflement.

Jisoo's hiding something from him, and he knows his friend wouldn't even buckle under pressure if he tried. He falls on his bed with a sigh, replaying their conversation in a loop.

So, he likes Seungcheol, and he's supposed to do something about it, but what?

𓆩♡𓆪

Jeonghan's life takes an interesting turn after that conversation. Turns out, realising you have feelings for someone deeply changes your perception of things when around said person. Commuting to and from school becomes torture for Jeonghan, having to be so close to his crush for an excruciating twenty minutes made him go insane. He starts to overthink every action he's doing around the boy, trying very hard to not make it obvious that he likes him. Like when he spent too much time looking at Seungcheol and the other had asked him a question, startling him out of his reverie. He tried so hard to reply in the most normal voice he could muster that he completely forgot to speak in the first place, letting the silence stretch between them.

Still, he thinks he's doing a pretty good job on the matter. Seungcheol is acting the exact same as usual with him, so he must be doing well.

One thing that has changed though, is Jisoo's behaviour. It's like confiding him woke a devil inside of him who made it its mission to make Jeonghan's life miserable. From the subtle comments he was throwing his way when they were all together, to purposefully going out of his way to make Seungcheol and Jeonghan be close to one another—he even switched seats Seungcheol, Jeonghan never cursed him so much than that day—, it was not helping Jeonghan in the slightest.

Jisoo's determination doesn't surpass Jeonghan's though, who is dead set on not confessing to Seungcheol. It would be too complicated, too messy if he were to be rejected. They live at the same place. He doesn't even want to start imagining how awkward things would become if his feelings weren't reciprocated. What if Seungcheol makes fun of him. Or worse, tells his parents about it and they don't want him or his own parents around anymore?

Terrifying thought, one he doesn't even want to imagine again.

This setting goes on for most of their second year of middle school. Thankfully, Jisoo gives up on trying to convince him to confess about halfway through the year, just telling him that he 'will regret it'. For the sake of his sanity, he chooses to not dive more into that statement.

Jeonghan is content with what he has right now. He has his two best friends, he's having fun at school and he's getting good grades. And, most importantly, he has Seungcheol close to him. He's not a greedy boy, he wouldn't ask for more.

He does catch himself daydreaming about it sometimes, though. Imagining what would happen if he were to confess and his feelings were to be reciprocated. He tries to imagine how Seungcheol would act as a boyfriend. He figures he wouldn't be much different from right now, still as generous and caring as he is currently, just with more skin ship added.

He imagines how Seungcheol's words of encouragement would be coated in a sweeter voice for him. How he would probably call him by a nickname. Not something too sweet, but endearing enough to make his heart go soft.

He imagines them going on dates, wondering if they would continue going to the same spots they usually go to or if they would innovate, go to new places to discover them together.

Deep down, he hopes that he could be able to experience it. He's always been a realistic boy, though. He knows when to ask for things and knows when they are unobtainable. Seungcheol is part of the latter.

So, he doesn't think about it too much—at least, he tries to not think about it more than once a day— and goes on with his life. He tries to be satisfied with what he has and nothing more.

That is, until a few weeks after their semester break when both him and Jisoo are lying upside down his bed after school, getting themselves sick over a little too many candies they got from the store on the way home.

They've just been talking about anything and everything, recounting whatever school gossip they somehow had managed to not share to each other so far. They're supposed to work on a school project right now, but whatever they overheard during lunch is much more important.

Jisoo's going on a rant about a topic Jeonghan hadn't bothered listening to the beginning to, head starting to spin from being upside down from so long. He's probably as red as a tomato right now, he thinks to himself.

"-way, you know Seungcheol likes you, right?" Jisoo ends his sentence with that, bringing Jeonghan back to the conversation immediately. He abruptly shoots up from his position, the sudden movement paired with the blood rushing back down his body making his head spin beyond salvation. He falls back down, slipping from the bed to end up on the floor all together with a groan.

"Fuck- that hurts." He groans out, rolling himself over with his eyes closed, trying to get his head to stop spinning. "What the hell did you just say?" He says after a minute, opening his eyes to stare at Jisoo who's looking back at him with a sly look on his face.

"Seungcheol. He likes you." He simply repeats, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Fuck you, don't say things like that like it's funny." He replies while getting up, slapping Jisoo on the head as he sits back down on the bed, stealing his candy from his hands.

"Ouch, that hurt- I'm not joking! Do you not see the way he looks at you? It's sickening to witness, I'm tired." He bites back, taking his candy back from Jeonghan's hands.

"He's not looking at me that way and you know that! I'm just a friend for him." Jeonghan exclaims, though he can't help but feel his heart beat faster at the thought. What if Jisoo is right? Could it be that he didn't notice?

"He is! Why do you think I tried insisting for you to confess? I wouldn't have done so if I wasn't sure he liked you back."

"I don't know… Jisoo, what if I ruin everything? I can't confess. I can't do that to him."

"Ugh, you're so annoying." Jisoo whines out, retrieving his phone. He's about to turn it on when he stops in his tracks, the smile on his face returning.

"You know what, suit yourself. Don't believe me if you want. You'll see by yourself when it happens." He voices out while pocketing his phone. "I gotta go, need to be home before dinner. Let's do the assignment tomorrow morning, yeah?" He says while retrieving his bag and jacket.

"What? What do you mean by that? Jisoo!" Jeonghan tries to stop him from leaving to get an explanation, but to no avail. He's already out the door before he can grab him.

Oh, how bad does he hate him. Now he's left to wonder what those cryptic words are supposed to mean.

He meets Jisoo at school earlier than usual, since they didn't work on their assignment at all yesterday, eyebags weighting down on his face in a way that makes it impossible to ignore. He spent the entire night tossing and turning, head full with the possibility of Seungcheol liking him back and what he could do about it.

He shoots daggers at Jisoo when he sits down at his desk. "You ruined my night, you're doing most of the work." He says, which only makes Jisoo giggle at him.

"Alright, alright. You'll thank me soon, though." He says cryptically, wiggling his eyebrows.

"I don't even have the energy to reply. Just write, Jisoo."

They work on the assignment all the way until classes start, Seungcheol joining them a few minutes before the bell rings.

"Hi," he says as he sits down, "Jeonghan, you didn't tell me you were going to school earlier. I would've come with you."

"It's fine, I needed to work on this assignment with Jisoo. There was no need for you to wake up earlier." He replies as he scribble the last few sentences he needed to on the paper. Seungcheol's still looking at him, though, which is clearly distracting him.

"You okay, Cheol?"

Seungcheol visibly wakes up from his daze at the question, fumbling through his words. "Yeah- yeah. I'm okay. I was just wondering if you, you were free after classes? I need to talk to you about something."

His heart jumps at the question, Jisoo's words from yesterday coming back to him all suddenly. Could it be?

"Yeah, I'm free." He replies, trying to act normal even though he's screaming internally. He doesn't dare to look at Jisoo who's still sitting next to him. He doesn't want to see his face and read something from it.

The bell rings and they all go back to their respective seats. For once, Jeonghan almost would've preferred having Jisoo beside him. Having Seungcheol nearby is a feeling close to torture right now.

The day goes by impossibly slow, Jeonghan counting each minute—which seem to be passing slower than usual. His brain is mush by the time the last bell of the day rings and he's never been happier to be allowed to get out of the class. He still has the mind to wait for Seungcheol, though, as they're both leaving the class. Jisoo's already gone by then, pretending to have some extra curricular activity he signed for last minute to attend to.

They don't go far, settling on sitting down a bench in the school's main yard. Seungcheol visibly looks nervous next to him, fidgeting like he never did before. The sight makes Jeonghan even more nervous and he puts his hands on Seungcheol's to get his attention.

"Hey, no need to be so stressed. It's just me, yeah?" He tries to reassure Seungcheol and himself at the same time.

He watches as Seungcheol takes a deep breath, turning his hands to be able to grab Jeonghan's.

"Okay, okay. I'll tell you." He starts before taking another break to breathe. "I didn't know how to tell you, or if I should tell you to begin with, honestly. I'm a little terrified right now if I have to be honest. This is like, the scariest thing I've ever done in my life I think. But I feel like I'm losing time by not telling you so I'll still tell you, yeah? Can you hear me out?"

Jeonghan simply nods, not wanting to break Seungcheol's momentum.

"Okay, cool. So, I know we've been friends for a while now. And I really love being your friend, it's really one of the best things that happened to me. Ever. And I'm so happy you accepted to be my friend even if we didn't start on the best terms. And I'll never be sorry enough for not being your friend sooner. I feel like we lost so much time these past few years. Which is why I don't want to lose anymore for this too. I just want you to know it, even if you don't do anything about it." He stops himself for another moment to take a breath. He said all of this in one go and Jeonghan finds it really endearing.

"What I'm trying to say, Jeonghan, is that I like you, a lot. I have for a while now. I didn't want to ruin our friendship and I hope it won't. But I couldn't go longer without telling you."

Even though Jeonghan kind of expected it by now, with how much Jisoo had told him the night before, it doesn't make the confession any less breath knocking. He can even feel his mouth open up a little with shock. Even if he expected it, there was still this voice in his head telling him that he was too up in his own delusions. That Seungcheol would never like him.

"You… you like me?" Is all he can find to say for now. He can feel his hands start to get clammy, but Seungcheol doesn't release them at any point.

"I do, yeah."

"Okay, okay. This is a lot to take in, hold on." Jeonghan replies as he gets up from the bench, detaching their hands. He paces back and forth in front of Seungcheol for a bit, trying to get his thoughts in order.

"Since when?"

"Not too long after we started being friends." Seungcheol replies immediately, certainty in his voice.

Jeonghan curses himself inside. He wishes he had listened to Jisoo.

"Oh my god, you like me." He repeats once again, sitting back down on the bench.

"I do." Seungcheol reaffirms yet again, voice never wavering.

Jeonghan stays silent for a second, looking around them to see if there's anyone still lingering in the school. When he deems the sight clear, he brings up all the courage he can muster to grab Seungcheol by the shoulders and plant a tentative kiss on his cheek.

"I like you too." He confesses back rapidly, his cheeks turning the reddest they've ever been. He's truly on the verge of freaking out right now.

In front of him is a shocked Seungcheol, who he figures most likely hadn't expected this at all. "You do?" He asks, to which Jeonghan can't help but smile, even through the embarrassment.

"I do, yeah. I have for a while. Jisoo's been trying to get me to tell you for so long but I didn't listen to him." He says with a laugh.

"Jisoo was telling me the same!" Seungcheol exclaims back, and suddenly his insistence makes a lot more sense to Jeonghan.

It's fine though, they have all the time in the world. Who cares if it took them a few months to get here?

𓆩♡𓆪

"You guys are disgusting." Jisoo says with a mouthful of rice. "I'm so tired of third wheeling."

"Find yourself someone then, not my problem." Jeonghan replies, kicking his friend's shin under the table.

They have been dating for a couple of months now, and Jeonghan couldn't be happier. He has everything he has ever imagined, Seungcheol is the best boyfriend he could've had. It's like every day brings something new.

Just yesterday, Seungcheol had been waiting for him in front of the car with a grin, then sneakingly slipped a note to Jeonghan through the backseat filled with tender words that almost made his heart melt to death—he's not even exaggerating.

He can probably understand how, from an external point of view, they might be doing too much. But he doesn't care, being with Seungcheol is the best thing that happened in his life so far, and he's not going to stop himself for the sake of Jisoo.

Still, they have to be remotely discreet while navigating around their relationship. Public displays of affection are out of the picture, especially at school—he doesn't want to deal with obnoxious classmates who would make their relationship the only topic of discussion—, so they settle on trying their best to act as they usually did before they started dating: like best friends.

He's fine with this arrangement, though. He likes that their relationship is something precious they don't have to showcase publicly. It feels more meaningful to him like this. Loving Seungcheol is not something that he needs to show publicly to be proven, and it's the same for being loved by him.

He realised not that long ago that he did, in fact, love Seungcheol. He loves him like in the movies, and he wants to tell him.

He really wants to tell him that he loves him, and he wants to kiss him too. But he doesn't know how to do it.

It seems like such a big deal, something worthy of a big event to go along with it. But they're just middle school students. Jeonghan doesn't have the means to make something big. So he stays quiet for now, he spends an unhealthy amount of time on the family computer browsing blogs to seek for advices—he doesn't forget to wipe out the history before closing his session— and most people are affirming that saying I love you to someone is something that happens naturally, that he will know when the time is right.

He isn't satisfied with the answer, though. So he doesn't listen to these strangers' advices and decides to go to the one person who he knows will have the answer.

"Fuck if I know Jeonghan, do I look like I have a boyfriend right now?" Jisoo deadpans, making the other groan.

They're currently sprawled on the floor in Jisoo's room after school, snacks all over them as Jeonghan called for a SOS meeting. He thought Jisoo would have the answers to all of his problems, but even his best friend is disappointing him right now.

"Come on, Jisoo, indulge me! I'm in a crisis!" He whines, rolling around to drape himself over Jisoo.

"Get off me, you freak- I don't know! Aren't you supposed to say I love you when the time feels right or whatever? It's Seungcheol, you could confess in pyjamas with bed hair and he would eat it up, stop overthinking it."

"I want it to be special though, he deserves it." Jeonghan sighs out, feeling helpless. He hasn't been able to think of any scenario where he could do it. They're so stuck in their routine that straying from it so abruptly would be too weird.

"Why don't you just take him for lunch? Go on a date, I don't know. And then tell him at the end of the day, like in the movies."

"A date…" Jeonghan thinks out loud. "We've never been on a date, that would be fun."

"You haven't been on a date yet? Seriously?" Jisoo almost sounds offended. "it's been like, two months already, how have you guys not been on a date yet?"

"We haven't had time! Breaks are nowhere near the corner, if it wasn't obvious enough." Jeonghan exclaims, but the comment is making an idea spawn out of him.

It would be meaningful enough to say it during a date. They could go eat and then on a walk, and he could say it in a pretty place. Maybe they could go for dinner instead, they always confess during night dates in the movies.

"Jisoo, you're a genius. I love you so much, thank you." He says quickly as he takes out a notebook from his bag, alongside a pen. "Come on, help me find ideas."

"Yeah yeah, you're welcome. I can't believe you confessed to me before Seungcheol." He sighs, rolling around on his stomach to brainstorm ideas.

They spend the rest of the evening thinking about every possible scenario that would make the perfect 'i love you and first kiss' date. Jeonghan has a headache by the time he gets back home, but at least his plan is in the works.

It takes another two weeks for Jeonghan to set up his plan and ask Seungcheol out. He tries to not make a big deal out of it, mentioning in passing that he has coupons for this barbecue spot not far from their place and that it would be nice to go during a weekend's evening. Seungcheol doesn't hesitate before accepting, proposing they go the following Saturday.

Jeonghan takes extra time getting ready that afternoon, getting his prettiest clothes out of the closet to wear. He even dares rummaging through his mom's makeup bag to retrieve some makeup items. He feels overwhelmed by the amount of products in front of him though, so he quickly gives up and settles on putting lipgloss—the least intimidating item in the bag— to make his lips look plumper.

He meets Seungcheol at the estate's entrance gate, and his heart swells when he sees him looking oh so pretty in his fancy clothes. It's not that often that he gets to see him in his everyday outfit. He's more used to seeing him in his school uniform or in pyjamas when they're at home.

"Ready to go?" Seungcheol asks, opening the gate's small built in door for him.

Jeonghan nods and exits the estate with a smile. They walk towards the metro station with a light conversation flowing between them, occasionally bumping shoulders from the proximity. It's always so easy talking with Seungcheol, they never run out of topics.

The food at the barbecue place is amazing, and they eat so much that they feel heavy from it by the end of the evening. Jeonghan pays for dinner—thanks to the coupons and his mom's allowance.

"I'm so full," Jeonghan voices out, "Do you wanna go on a walk? We don't have to go home just yet." He hopes his proposal is smooth enough so Seungcheol doesn't suspect anything.

"Sure. There's a park nearby we can go to, it's really pretty at night." Seungcheol replies, and they get going.

Jeonghan is starting to feel the nervousness pooling at the stomach. He doesn't know if it's the anxiety or the excessive amount of food he ate that makes him feel like this. Probably a mix of both. He doesn't dwell on it too much, though. This is his first date and he's going to confess his love to his boyfriend, there's nothing that could go wrong!

He repeats the mantra all the way to the park. Seungcheol was right when he said that it's pretty at night. They were lucky enough to have a clear sky tonight, which makes the moon reflect on the scenery in front of them, casting a soft light on the pond in the middle of the park. It's relatively empty for a Saturday night, and soon enough they find themselves alone in a secluded part of it.

They stopped talking for a moment now, just appreciating each other's presence as they stroll around the area. Jeonghan takes a second to look at Seungcheol next to him. He looks so beautiful under the moon's glow. Jeonghan feels overwhelmed by all the emotions the boy next to him brings him and the words get out before he can think about it—because it feels right.

"I love you."

Seungcheol stops in his tracks, visibly taken aback by Jeonghan talking so suddenly, and by what he said.

"What?"

"I said I love you, Cheollie." Jeonghan turns to face him completely, taking his hand in his. "I love you so much, I wanted to wait for the right moment to say it. And right now it feels like the perfect moment."

Seungcheol's eyes visibly soften at the words, and he brings Jeonghan closer to embrace him. "I love you too, Hannie. So much you can't even imagine."

Jeonghan's heart swells, and it makes the build up and stress he accumulated over the past few days, so worth it.

He hugs Seungcheol closer, relishing in the warmth this is bringing him before detaching himself from him.

"There's- something else. That I wanted to ask." He says, and the nervousness comes back to him just a little bit.

"Yeah?" Seungcheol prompts him, and Jeonghan figures he should just go for it once and for all.

"Can I- Can I kiss you?" He voices out, his words wavering for a moment.

He watches as Seungcheol visibly perks up at the question, bringing his hands to Jeonghan's cheeks. "Oh, Hannie. Of course. I really want to kiss you, too."

Jeonghan smiles at the reply. The kiss they share is nothing but pure innocence and love, their inexperience betraying themselves in the way their lips are staying unmoving with each other for the first few seconds. It doesn't change the fact that Jeonghan feels like an entire set of fireworks is going off in his stomach right now, shivers coursing through his body as he finally has the occasion to kiss the boy he loves. The boy who loves him back.

Their second kiss is a little more assured, lips tentatively moving against each other in an attempt to learn together.

Jeonghan isn't worried about that part, even if they're a little clumsy now, they have all the time in the world to learn.

2010

Shortly after they all begin their last year of middle school, Jeonghan starts feeling a shift in Seungcheol's behaviour.

He can't pinpoint exactly when it started, but he realises sometime through their winter break that his boyfriend has started to drift away from him. It wasn't anything too noticeable, especially from an outsider's eyes, but Jeonghan couldn't help but notice.

It had started with small things, like Seungcheol taking a second too long while reading text messages on his phone with a slight frown on his face. Then, it was calls that he needed to take outside of whatever room they were in. Now, they see each other less often after school. Seungcheol having prior engagements that he needs to go to as soon as they're back to the estate. Sometimes, he isn't even riding home with Jeonghan.

It's not exactly like he changed the way he's behaving towards Jeonghan. It's more that there is something on his mind that takes so much space he doesn't have anything left for him.

Though, Jeonghan lets him be. He's past trying to demand things from him. He trusts Seungcheol and knows that when something is on his mind, he will let Jeonghan know at some point. He tells himself that giving his boyfriend space is the healthy thing to do at this moment, and that he will be ready to be here for him when he's needed.

At least, that's what he's trying to tell himself.

As much as he would love to behave just like the couples in the movies, it's all just an ideal he can't quite achieve. In reality, he's having something closer to an internal battle between trying to act normal or letting all of his thoughts and worries consume him.

They start their last year of middle school like this, with Seungcheol occasionally disappearing, their balanced schedule inevitably getting disturbed.

It doesn't help that Jeonghan joined the student council the year prior, causing him to attend after school meetings every so often.

Three months into the year, they're practically always commuting back from school separately, with Seungcheol more often than not having to go home directly after the last bell has rang and Jeonghan staying for whatever reason. He ends up taking the bus home while Seungcheol rides their assigned car, and they don't see each other until the following day.

He tries to not think too much of it, to no avail. One side of him is thinking that it's all normal, that they're at a pivotal point in their lives, having to organise how high school is going to look for them. For Seungcheol especially, it means responsibilities falling over him whether he wants it or not. Jeonghan understands that. He also respects it, so he doesn't say anything.

The other side of him, though, is being reminded of how Seungcheol pretended he didn't exist while they were growing up and it makes him a little sick to his stomach thinking about it. He wonders if there's anything he did that could've caused Seungcheol to behave like this without talking to him. Sometimes he even wonders if Seungcheol still loves him.

If you ask Jeonghan, he would tell you that he has been very patient with Seungcheol. By month five into the school year, though, he can't take it anymore.

He figures he's been patient enough, has given him enough space and that he wouldn't look like an ass for at least asking.

He doesn't want to come as rude, though, so he waits yet again for the right time to talk with Seungcheol. He chooses one of the rare days where none of them have anything planned after school and are going back home together to ask.

"Cheollie? I want to talk about something after we're back home, if that's okay." Jeonghan asks as they're walking towards the school gates. It's just the two of them today, as Jisoo stayed back for his club own activities. He figures he should ask before they get to the car, so it doesn't stir anything.

"Oh? Of course, Hannie. Is everything okay?" Seungcheol replies, with a concerned edge in his voice. It almost makes him deflate and give up on trying to—softly—confront him. He studies his face, taking in the tiredness that shouldn't be adorning the face of a fifteen year old.

"Yeah, yeah. Everything's okay. It's just something I wanna discuss when we're alone."

They reach the car by now, so their conversation is cut short. Jeonghan spends the entirety of the ride thinking about what he's going to say over and over, losing himself in all the different ways their conversation could go. What if Seungcheol doesn't want to be his boyfriend anymore? What if he got tired of their relationship, that it's been too long, and he's bored with Jeonghan?

He shakes his head, physically chasing the thoughts away from his mind. It's no use overthinking now, what will happen will happen.

They bid the driver goodbye after they've been dropped off, both walking towards Jeonghan's family place. The house is empty as they enter, his parents most likely still working. Jeonghan grabs a few snacks from the pantry before they both head up to his bedroom, dropping their bags somewhere in the room before dropping down to sit on his carpet.

Jeonghan takes his time opening the snack and giving some to Seungcheol. Even if he's the one who asked to talk in the first place, he wants to delay the conversation as much as he can.

Seungcheol is looking at him expectedly, waiting for him to talk first. Jeonghan takes a deep breath, figuring it's now or never.

"Cheollie, what's going on?" He asks, grabbing his boyfriend's hand. He knows it's probably not the best way to start the conversation, but he just can't see another way to ask.

"What do you mean? Nothing's going on, Hannie." Seungcheol replies and Jeonghan almost believes him, if it weren't for the fact that he's not looking at him.

"Come on, you can't tell me nothing is happening when you've been acting so weird the past few months. I noticed long ago, but I wanted to give you space. It's not stopping though, and I'm worried about you. And about us..." He squeezes his hand, trying to convey reassurance.

Still, his heart is thumping in his chest, the anxiety this conversation is bringing him almost threatening to spill out of him at any second. He's trying to stay as calm as possible though, he knows his worries are probably unfounded and that nothing is wrong, that they're both just a little too busy compared to before. He tries his best to keep calm, but he hopes that Seungcheol will be truthful with him now. So they can be on the same page.

"I just want to help." Jeonghan adds, hoping that this is the one thing that will get Seungcheol to tip over and tell him everything. He sees in his boyfriend's eyes that he's thinking hard about it, maybe debating on what to say. It doesn't help calming down the turmoil in his head but at least it's a start.

"Hannie…" Seungcheol sighs, looking away for a second, as if grounding himself, "It's just-" He stops himself, almost stumbling on his words.

Jeonghan stays quiet, waiting for Seungcheol to take the time he needs to speak.

"It's my dad," Seungcheol finally settles on how to start his explanation, "He's been extra focused on getting me to pursue business, and with high school around the corner he's trying to rope me into starting to see the 'real world' with my own eyes." He air quotes with one hand, the other still being linked to Jeonghan's. "So I've been going to the company after school and during weekends… Whenever he wants me there, I guess."

That, Jeonghan had figured. It's not like there is much else Seungcheol could be doing that didn't warrant him telling Jeonghan everything after his activities were done. He's always been one to tell him everything special that happened during his day. Jeonghan takes a bit to study his face, trying to look deep into his eyes as if in an attempt to get into his head, to finally see the full extent of his worries.

"… And?" Jeonghan prompts Seungcheol to continue. Because even though he told him a bit of what's going on, Jeonghan knows it's not the entire story. He knows there's something else.

He watches as Seungcheol unconsciously pulls at his lower lip with his teeth, an habit he noticed Seungcheol did whenever he was nervous. Jeonghan brings his free hand to relieve his lip from it, giving Seungcheol a soft smile. "Hey, everything's going to be alright. You don't need to worry too much. Whatever is going on, we can overcome it, yeah?" He doesn't know if he believes the words but he still says them, in a last ditch effort to get Seungcheol to relax.

"I wish it were that easy, Hannie." Seungcheol replies. Jeonghan can see the soft shift in his eyes, showing him that finally he's going to spill the beans. His tummy tightens. Now that he's put in front of it, he doesn't know if he wants to hear the words anymore.

"My dad- He wants me to study in another school, one that is more business related and will let me be an intern at the firm at the same time." He says all in one breath, as if finally admitting it took a weight off his shoulders.

Jeonghan's heart skips a beat at the revelation, but he tries to not dwell on it too much. What if they're not in the same high school? It's not like they don't live in the same place, they'll still see each other.

"Oh," He starts, trying to find the words. He doesn't want to make it seem like he doesn't care and that Seungcheol's worries were unwarranted. "It's okay, Cheollie. We can still see each other after school, yeah? And we can spend the weekends together, and the holidays. Nothing has to change."

Seungcheol shakes his head, worry written on his face. Now, Jeonghan's starting to get worried too.

"No… Hannie you don't get it. I won't be here anymore. The high school is in Japan. My dad wants me there so I can be an intern in the Japanese branch." Seungcheol finally tells the whole truth, and at this moment Jeonghan thinks he preferred when he was completely unaware of the situation.

"Japan…?" Jeonghan breathes out, not wanting to believe what he heard. "You're leaving for Japan?"

"Yeah, after we graduate." Seungcheol replies, scratching his neck. He looks just as pained as Jeonghan is, but the latter just can't believe it.

Jeonghan gets up from the bed, pacing in the room as he starts to think about a bunch of things at once. His initial relief of their problem being solvable blowing up on him just as quickly as it came. What are they going to do, so far from each other for so long?

He stops pacing for a moment, looking back at Seungcheol. "And when exactly were you planning on telling me? The day before you leave?"

"No!" Seungcheol exclaims as he also gets up, approaching Jeonghan to grab his hand once again. "I was going to tell you, I just didn't know how. We've both been so busy I couldn't find the time, and I didn't want to ruin the few free days we could have together."

Jeonghan sighs, rubbing his face with his hand. He can understand, he probably would've done the same had he been the one in Seungcheol's shoes. "Okay, that's fine. Okay. I'm not mad at you." He tries to clear his thoughts as he says the words. "But Cheollie, what are we going to do? When are you leaving?" He asks, his voice wavering. He's scared of the answer Seungcheol is going to give him. Does it mean they're going to break up?

"I'm not sure, Hannie. I'm leaving sometime during winter break, but the date hasn't been set yet." Seungcheol starts, tugging at Jeonghan's hand so they can sit back down on the bed. "But it's fine, we can make it work, right? Nothing has to change, we can message everyday and video call. I'll visit as much as I can, and you could even come to Japan to visit too!"

"Really?" Jeonghan prompts him, "You really think we could make it work?"

"Of course, I'm never leaving you, Hannie. I love you, okay? We're in this together, I'm not planning on letting you go."

Jeonghan wants to believe him, he really does. He doesn't know how they're going to make it work, but he wants to dive into Seungcheol's reassurance that they will.

"Okay, yeah you're right. It's not like it's impossible to communicate." Jeonghan replies, trying his best to sound convinced by it all. "I love you too, I'm not planning on letting you go either, I promise." He means it, he loves Seungcheol more than anything, he can't imagine his life without him.

"I promise too." Seungcheol says, bringing his pinky finger to Jeonghan. The sight brings a smile on his face and he intertwines his pinky with his, sealing their promises to stay together no matter what.

They end up lying on Jeonghan's bed after a while, the tension that was in the room slowly subsiding as the evening goes by. They talk more about it, trying to come up with plans to make the absence as little noticeable as possible when they will be separated. Jeonghan's heart is still beating ever so slightly faster in his chest as Seungcheol talks him through all the ways they can keep in contact with each other while they're apart, as well as the potential times they will be able to meet.

While Jeonghan tries his best to see the positive side of things, he can't help the little voice in his head telling him that something is going to go wrong, that he should cherish the last few moments he has with the boy because it will potentially be the last time. Seungcheol is long gone by the time dinner is ready and he already had the time to overthink a dozen different scenarios where everything would go wrong, his mood instantly souring. His family notices and tries to ask questions but he manages to avoid them, barely touching his food before he retreats to his room for the night.

𓆩♡𓆪

The road to graduation is both a path of relief and agony for Jeonghan. Finally closing the middle school chapter of his life was something he'd been looking forward to a lot until he learned about Seungcheol's departure. After that, everything felt like a race against the clock, a countdown he just couldn't avoid no matter how hard he tried.

Even then, he tries his best to not let it show. After all, he's not the only one in this. He's not the one who's leaving.

They don't talk about it much more after that one conversation they had back in Jeonghan's room. He figures there isn't much to say anymore, it's not like they can do anything to prevent what's going to happen. They pretend everything is fine, that the clock isn't ticking above their heads in a constant reminder that this will eventually come to an end.

He doesn't have a hard time doing so when he's with Seungcheol. It's easy to get lost in the illusion that nothing is going to happen to them when they're together, in the safe heaven of one of their rooms. Plus, he actually tries his hardest to not make it seem like it's affecting him when he's around Seungcheol. He knows his boyfriend is just as saddened about what's happening, if not more. He doesn't want to add to that pile with his gloomy mood.

It's much harder to pretend when he's on his own, though.

He's never been a strong opponent when it comes to fighting against overthinking. His brain always going at fast speed with thoughts he can't control, scenarios he doesn't want to think about, non existing problems that he would somehow manage to cause one way or the other. And Seungcheol's departure is a topic he can't stop thinking about. Ever.

It's always looming somewhere in his mind, plaguing his thoughts no matter where he is or what he's doing. Especially when he's alone. It consumes him in ways he never experienced before, making his chest feel like it's constricting, his breath sometimes falling short to the overwhelming amount of emotions it's making him feel. It makes his stomach feel heavy, nausea taking over him in ways that prevent him from getting any food down. It prevents him from sleeping, his nights resembling more and more like a fight against his comforter as he tosses and turns for what feels like never ending minutes.

He feels like it's ruining his life a little. Yet, as soon as he gets out of the four walls that make up his room he shoves everything down. He puts on a smile and pretend that nothing is wrong, that they have all the time in the world.

Graduation happens on a cold yet sunny day. Jeonghan is surrounded by everyone he loves, he's finally done with middle school and is set and ready to go to high school. He has everything he's wanted at this moment yet he can't completely feel happy about it.

Still, he smiles. He celebrates with everyone and he tries to forget about it, he takes in all of the core memories he can before it's too late.

He wishes he could slow down time, but there's nothing he can do about it when the days pass. He barely has time to blink before a full week passes after graduation. And another. And another. He barely has time to process what's happening before it's already the middle of the winter, barely has time to think about what he could do to enjoy his last few moments with Seungcheol before the date is already looming over them.

He barely has time to prepare himself before it's the day of his departure.

Waking up that day feels numb. Jeonghan doesn't think he managed to get more than two hours of sleep. He tossed and turned the whole night, thoughts swirling in his head and his heart already aching for the loss he was about to go through. He gets out of bed, the cold floor below his feet sending a chill through his entire body. He's grateful for it as it helps him wake up for a moment. He quickly gets ready, not having the energy to put more than the minimum effort into his appearance. It's not like it'll be worth a lot of time anyway.

He doesn't have the heart to swallow anything down for breakfast, not even bothering to go to the kitchen when he gets downstairs. He still has the mind to greet his parents good morning before heading towards the door, trying to ignore the sympathetic smiles they're sending his way in a hopeless try for comfort.

His legs feel heavier each steps he takes towards Seungcheol's house, and by the time he reaches the door he wonders if he even wants to go through with it, if he has the strength to let Seungcheol go like this.

Still, he figures the least he could do right now is be here for him, to say goodbye in person. They barely had time to see each other ever since school ended, Seungcheol always having somewhere to be for whatever reason. Jeonghan didn't try to push for them to meet more than they were able to, contenting himself with the few messages they would send each other each day.

He's never been a greedy boy, and it follows him even in times like this.

The knocks on the door are weak, betraying his tiredness. He almost wonders if he should just text Seungcheol that he's in front of his place before the door opens. Seungcheol's standing in front of him, almost panting, as if he rushed for the door. He looks just as exhausted as Jeonghan, though he figures Seungcheol's tiredness is warranted, given everything he's been doing lately.

"Hi," Seungcheol greets him, and Jeonghan feels like it's been forever since he heard his voice. Truthfully, it's only been a few days since they saw each other, but it felt so much longer for him. "Come in. There's still time before we have to leave."

Jeonghan nods and gets into the house, gently grabbing Seungcheol's hand in his to squeeze. "Hi, I missed you."

Seungcheol's face softens, and squeezes his hand back. "Missed you too, Hannie. Did you have breakfast yet?"

Jeonghan contemplates telling him that no, he did not in fact eat breakfast yet, but he can still feel the knot in his stomach, anxiety pooling inside of him. He figures it's probably better if he doesn't swallow anything until lunch. "Yeah, I already ate before I came here."

Seungcheol nods, tugging at his hand so they can start moving around the house. "Okay, we can go to my room then. I'm still packing the last of my stuff, do you wanna help? You don't have to if you don't want to, though."

"I don't mind, let's go." Jeonghan replies, and he hopes the smile he flashes at Seungcheol is convincing enough.

He doesn't want to bring the mood down. He can see that Seungcheol is trying, too. They're both not addressing the elephant in the room for now, in a silent agreement that it should be left for the last possible second, but Jeonghan's mood is betraying his lack of will to go through with this. He knows that. Seungcheol in the other hand is trying to act normal despite everything, and he mentally curses himself for not acting like the bigger person here. He's not even the one leaving, why is he acting like this?

His internal monologue goes through the entire route from Seungcheol's entrance to his room, and by the time he passes the threshold, he resigns himself to act as okay as possible. He can always break down after he gets back home, it's fine.

They pack the rest of Seungcheol's belongings in his suitcase and backpack, Jeonghan doing his best to reciprocate the conversation. There's not much left to pack now, just the few belongings he will take with him in the cabin. It's not like the flight is long either, so Seungcheol doesn't need that much.

Jeonghan stalls. He takes his time bringing the items to Seungcheol when the other asks him for it, pretends to search extra hard in the drawers. As if he doesn't know the layout of the room by heart now.

If Seungcheol notices, he doesn't say anything about it. Maybe he wants to stall his departure as much as possible too.

There's only so much stalling they can do, though. Jeonghan places the last item inside of Seungcheol's backpack and here they are. Seungcheol's room is practically stripped bare of everything that made the room alive, the furniture feeling so empty compared to just a few days ago. It makes Jeonghan's stomach churn a little more.

They look at each other, no words exchanged for a few moments. Jeonghan knows this is where they're supposed to say goodbye. He can't come with them to the airport, and honestly? He wouldn't have wanted to come even if he was allowed. There's only so much he can take without starting to cry.

Hell, he isn't even sure he will be able to hold himself together right now.

"Cheollie…" He says with a voice so, so small he doesn't even recognise it himself. He can feel his throat closing up after saying those words, tears brimming in his eyes as the sob escapes his throat before he could prevent it.

So much about keeping himself together.

Seungcheol doesn't need another second before rushing to Jeonghan, embracing him. Jeonghan can feel the wetness starting to pool at his neck where Seungcheol's face is buried, the realisation that he's crying too making his heart ache even more.

He presses himself impossibly closer to Seungcheol, taking in the warmth spreading through his body. It's the last time before long that he will be able to do so, after all.

"Seungcheollie, I don't want you to leave." He forces the words out in between sobs. "I'm gonna miss you so, so much."

"I don't want to leave too, I'm so sorry Hannie. I wish I could stay." Seungcheol replies, removing his head from Jeonghan's neck to look him in the eyes, cupping his face with his hands. He tries to dries Jeonghan's tears off, but to no avail. "Hannie, I will come back, okay? I swear to you, I'll be back soon. We just have to hold on until I finish high school and I'll be back. You won't even see time pass. I'll visit and you'll visit, okay? I promise."

Jeonghan nods through the tears, knowing there's nothing he can do but wait for him. "Yeah, I know you will. I'll wait for you, I promise too."

The kiss they share is one filled with pain and longing. Worry is coursing through Jeonghan's veins as his heart melts at Seungcheol's contact for the last time in so long. He tries to imprint the feeling in his brain, to memorise the emotions the boy brings him to keep with him for the next few months, or years. He buries the uncertainty behind the promise they just made, one he knows he will hold onto for a long, long time.

They're both still crying by the time they separate, a knock on the door startling them both, indicating it's time to leave. Jeonghan hugs Seungcheol one last time extra tight before they grab the last of his belongings to bring downstairs after drying their tears.

He feels the same heaviness in his legs he did an hour prior when he woke up, but this time impossibly stronger. He feels glued to the ground when he gives Seungcheol his bag, the other boy discreetly squeezing their hands together with a tight smile before entering the car.

The car window immediately opens, revealing a teary eyed Seungcheol. Jeonghan almost tears up again too, but he's not within the safe walls of Seungcheol's bedroom anymore, he needs to be strong.

"Shoot me a text when you land, yeah?" He simply says, not finding anything else to say that wouldn't make him cry.

He watches as Seungcheol nods, wiggling his phone in his hand, the screen already showing his conversation thread with Jeonghan. The sight can't help but make him giggle, opening his own phone to show the identical thread.

He can only watch as the driver arrives, greeting both boys before opening the door and slipping inside the car. He can only watch as the engine roars to life, his heart beating a little faster than usual at the realisation that this is it. He can only watch as Seungcheol waves him goodbye with a tight smile as the car moves away from its parking spot, driving towards the now opened gate that leads outside the estate.

He can only watch as the car turns at the corner, disappearing from his line of sight all too soon, sealing the inevitable fate he's been dreading for months now.

He doesn't even realises he started walking until he reaches his house's threshold, the flash of strength he had in front of the car already long gone. He opens the door with a heavy hand, not surprised to see Jisoo sitting on his couch with a bucket of ice cream on his lap.

"When did you get here?" He says, barely hearing his voice over the buzzing in his ears.

"Not too long ago. I already said goodbye to Cheol yesterday and figured you guys would want to be alone. Also that you would need some ice cream to tank all that emotional damage." He replies, patting the space next to him. "Come on, sit."

Contrary to earlier, Jeonghan's legs feel much lighter, almost like he can't hold his weight anymore. He plops onto his couch, grabbing the spoon Jisoo is giving him before diving in, grabbing an impossibly big spoon of what he thinks is strawberry ice cream.

He's not even done with his bite when he feels the tears pool up in his eyes, the coldness of the ice cream reviving all of the emotions inside him.

He feels Jisoo bring his head towards his shoulder, letting Jeonghan rest his head there. "There there, let it all out, it's alright."

He doesn't need much more to break down again, even harder than back in Seungcheol's room. He feels overcomed by sadness as he cries, clutching the spoon like his life depends on it. And at this moment, it really feels like it does.

"I- I don't know what I'm supposed to do, Jisoo." He hiccups through his tears. "I miss him so much already and- and he's not even out of the country yet."

Jisoo's patting his hair with his free hand, putting the ice cream bucket on the coffee table for a moment. "I know, but you're strong Hannie. You'll be fine. He isn't gone forever, is he? It's only a matter of time."

Jeonghan knows his friend is only trying his best to comfort him, but it feels like everything falls into an endless pit inside of him. He also knows that the only thing he can do is wait, but it feels so impossible to do right now.

He continues to cry on Jisoo's shoulder for a while after that, thankful that no one else but them are home to witness his moment of weakness. He cries until his eyes dry out and there's nothing left to spill anymore. They both then resort to drown his sadness in the ice cream—which has started to melt for a bit, but it's the least of his worries right now— until they're so full they can't think anymore.

Jeonghan is grateful for the distraction, all he wants right now is to stop thinking. At least, until Seungcheol texts him.