Chapter Text
The door creaks open and Dean stumbles in, a satisfied grin on his face. Cas looks over at him from the bed he's sitting on. Sam glances at Dean from the bathroom, and then resumes brushing his teeth.
Dean plops down on the bed next to the one Cas is on, saying, "Damn that bitch was fine." He grins and lays back, putting his hands behind his head and sighing.
Cas bites his lip and looks over at the television, which is playing some late night soap. He doesn't like it when Dean does this. When he goes out and does things with girls at clubs. Cas knows that Dean is into that sort of thing, but it doesn't stop him from being jealous. He won't admit it to himself, but that's exactly what it is, jealousy. He wishes that Dean would just stay with him, instead of sneaking out to get laid by some whore.
"Everything you expected?" Sam asks, coming to stand over Dean.
"And more," Dean laughs.
Cas watches as Dean smiles again, and he wishes that the smile were for him. He folds his arms over his coat and stares pointedly at the television as Dean makes an appreciative noise in the back of his throat. It makes Cas cringe.
He gets up from the bed and heads away from the Winchesters, walking slowly toward the door. A call of "Where you going, Cas?" from Dean stops him.
He looks over his shoulder and replies slowly, "My services are no longer required at this point in time."
Cas can hear the bed creak as Dean sits up on it. "What's that supposed to mean? We're not done with this hunt."
"You can finish it. I am not needed."
"So you're just gonna flit off then?" There's a tone to Dean's voice.
Cas doesn't reply. Instead he makes his way toward the door. His hand is on the knob, but fingers digging into his shoulder stop him.
Dean turns him around and looks at him. "There something you want to tell me, Cas?"
"What do you mean?" Cas answers, keeping his eyes fixed on Dean's.
"Don't give me that crap. I can tell that something's wrong."
"Nothing is wrong," Cas says, although his voice wavers a bit.
Dean throws his hands in the air. "It's like talking to a brick wall."
Cas looks down at his shoes. He's not exactly sure what to say. There are many things he wants to say, but what he's feeling right now, that jealously, isn't something that he's used to, and he doesn't quite know how to deal with it.
Dean's voice breaks into his thoughts, "Just spit it out, Cas."
Cas's hands bunch into fists, and then he's turning on Dean the words spilling from his mouth, "Why must you go and associate with whores and prostitutes? You've had relations with so many women over the course of your life, Dean. Does sex mean nothing to you? It's just another way for you to feel good isn't it? Because that's all that matters, is that you feel good. Tell me Dean, are you actually capable of feeling anything? Do you care about the countless women you've slept with? Or are they just another warm body for you to bang? You've committed such fornication that it makes me sick."
He spits out the last word and there's a ringing silence in the room. Dean's mouth hangs open in shock and Sam's eyebrows are raised as he looks on with a similar expression.
Dean flounders for words and Sam coughs. "I'm gonna go grab a beer."
Sam's out the door faster than Dean can formulate a sentence. The door slams with a bang and Dean and Cas are alone in the silent room.
Dean shakes himself and says, "What the hell was that? Why do you care about what I do in bed?"
Cas sits down on one of the motel beds, folding his hands in his laps as he says, "The Lord has deemed adultery a sin, Dean. And yet, you commit it on a regular basis."
Dean almost laughs. "That's not the only sin I've done, Cas. Hell, my soul's probably as black as a piece of damn coal."
"It's not."
"What?"
Cas looks up at Dean as he replies, "I've seen your soul Dean. I raised it out of hell. Granted it was broken, as with every human soul, but it certainly wasn't damaged beyond repair."
Dean sits on the other bed and says, "I don't understand why we're having this conversation."
"Dean," Cas's voice is level, "I've seen thousands upon thousands of souls. Souls of the righteous and of the damned, but yours, yours was different." He twiddles his thumbs nervously, "I don't really know how to describe it, other than beautiful."
"Beautiful?" Dean echoes.
Cas nods and Dean shakes his head. "What has gotten into you, Cas?"
"You," Cas answers, eyes fixed on Dean.
"Me?"
"Ever since I raised you from the pit, I've felt a connection to you, Dean. This bond we share, I've never experienced something like this before. Not with a human anyway."
"What does that even mean?"
There's anger in Dean's voice and it cuts through Cas like a knife. He shivers and thinks for a moment, trying to decide how to put into words what he's feeling. These feelings are not normal for an angel and Cas doesn't know how to describe them. How is he supposed to tell Dean about what Dean's been doing to him. About how he feels anxious when he doesn't hear from the hunter for days, about that feeling in the pit of his stomach when Dean touches him.
He's attributed most of the physical things to his vessel, like the fact that he longs for Dean's fingers in his hair, and the hunter's lips against his. To have a human body, means that he would have certain human desires as well. He hadn't entertained the thought of having such desires for Dean. But as of late, he had noticed that he wanted Dean, he needed Dean, and in much more than a physical way. He wanted all of the hunter, which was something that he didn't know how to ask of him.
"Cas, what is going on?" Dean's voice cuts into his thoughts.
Cas inhales and then asks it, "Have you ever considered bonding with me?"
Dean's eyes go wide. "You wanna to bang me?"
Cas shakes his head. "Bonding for angels refers to something more than just the physical. It's a union of souls, Dean, of the very essence of a being."
"You want to bond our souls together?"
Cas nods, and looks down at his hands. "I know it's a lot to ask, but I feel it needs to be done."
Dean is silent for a few moments as he lets Cas's request sink in. Then he asks softly, "What exactly does soul bonding entail?"
"It would tie us together in a way that surpasses any known union. Marriage would be an example of what it's like."
"Marriage?"
"Yes, except it's more than just a piece of paper bonding us together, and if we were to get as you humans put it, a divorce, you would probably die."
"Well then why the hell would I consent to something like that?"
"Because I want, I need you to, Dean. Please Dean, I'm begging you."
Cas's reply is so low that Dean almost doesn't catch the last part. He tilts his head up and Cas is beside him, so close that Dean can feel the angels breath against his face. Damn Cas and his problem with personal space.
Dean rubs at the back of his neck nervously. He doesn't understand why Cas would be asking this, begging for this, as he puts it. Why would Cas want, need, to have his soul bonded with his? And why would Dean even give his consent to something like this?
"Dean please."
Cas's eyes are pleading, the blue watery behind tears that threaten to fall. Dean stares at the angel. He's never seen Cas like this before. It scares him.
"Why, Cas?" Dean asks, "Why me? Why now? What brought this on?"
Cas's bottom lip quivers and he replies, "When I raised you from hell, you were laid bare before me, Dean. I saw everything that you are, every nightmare, every dream, every person you've ever loved, every emotion you've felt. I held your soul in my hands, and... I..." He takes a deep breath, "I think it seared onto mine, has been searing onto mine."
"What?"
"I've been too open with you Dean, I let my guard down. I've always felt a special connection to you, and that connection has grown over the course of our friendship, at least for me anyway. I don't know how to explain it other than I just need you."
"You need me?"
Cas nods. "My soul very different from yours, Dean. I shouldn't need, I'm not supposed to want to be bonded, especially not with a human soul. But ever since I met you..." His voice breaks off, but he composes himself and says firmly, "I've changed, Dean. You've taught me things and showed me that there is more to life than the orders I have been given. I've learned from you and I'll be damned if you haven't shown me how to feel."
Dean stares at Cas. If he didn't know better, he'd say that the angel just confessed that he loved him. It certainly sounded like that. But Dean still doesn't understand all this soul bonding talk. It just doesn't make sense to him.
Cas's eyes drift over Dean's face as the hunter thinks. He's praying, actually praying that Dean says yes, because he needs this, he wants this so badly. He wants to be Dean's and for Dean to be his, entirely, for them to never be separated again.
"Cas," Dean breathes, "I don't know. I just..."
He sighs and puts his head in his hands. This is too much for him. The world feels like it's spinning, like he's spinning out of control. But there's a hand on his shoulder, Cas keeping him grounded, silently asking for Dean's consent.
Dean looks up at the angel, and his mind thinks back to everything they've been through. He's never really been honest to himself about his feelings toward Cas. Probably because he didn't know if he was allowed to feel anything. Cas is an angel after all. But then again, so was Anna. But that was sex, this is something entirely different. This is a fusion of their souls.
Dean clears his throat. "If I do this, what's gonna happen?"
There's a flare of hope in Cas's eyes as the angel explains, "We'll be bonded together, for eternity."
"And what does that mean."
"Put simply, we would make a whole. We would become two halves of each other. We would share emotions, wants, needs. We would feel each other mentally and, in your case probably physically."
"Physically? Like what?"
Cas bites his lip. "These bonds, well, normally they're reserved for beings of a higher status, like angels. Since we don't normally have a physical form, we don't have to worry about that aspect. It will be different for you because you're a human Dean. I can't guarantee what you'll feel. The bond could be intense at times. Maybe even overpowering for you."
"Overpowering?"
Cas clears his throat before answering. "You're strong, Dean and I think you would be able to handle being bonded with an angel. But it won't be easy. You will most likely experience headaches at first, and perhaps even certain... desires."
"Desires? What kinda desires?"
"For me," Cas states simply.
Dean's eyebrows raise. "You mean like 'i wanna stick my dick up your ass' sorta desires?"
"That's one way to put it."
Dean rubs the heels of his hands into his eyes. "Damn, Cas. I'm not... I don't..."
"It would give you satisfaction."
"What do you mean?"
Cas looks over at the other bed as he speaks. "All those women, after it's over, how do you feel Dean?"
"Uh, I dunno."
"Do you feel fulfilled? Fully satisfied? Or do you know that you're going to need more of it later?"
"What are you implying, Cas?"
"You're not satisfied, Dean. You leave with a hollow feeling in your chest. They don't satisfy you, do they Dean? All the countless women you've given yourself over to, they still leave you wanting more, wanting something else."
"How can you know that?" Dean growls.
"Because I know you, Dean," Cas replies, voice soft, "I put you back together, rebuilt your body when I dragged you out of hell." He leans closer so that his face is only inches away from Dean's. "I know what you like. I know how to make you come undone with a single touch."
To emphasize his point, Cas slides his hand up under Dean's shirt in a spur of the moment action. He trails his fingers over Dean's stomach, making the muscles clench under the hunter's skin. Dean gasps and grabs Cas's hand, pulling him away and regarding him with a look of confusion, and slight arousal.
"Don't lie to yourself, Dean," Cas says, his voice gruff.
"How am I lying to myself?" Dean yells.
"You want something more. I know you do, and I can give it to you."
Dean's eyes lock with Cas's and he stares, looking for something behind the blue, something that will tell him what to do, how to handle this situation. Because, although he doesn't want to admit it, Cas's hand on his skin set him off in a way he didn't think was possible.
It seems that Cas read his mind as he says, "We do share something of a bond already, Dean, which is why you are feeling this way. If we were to strengthen that bond, that feeling would increase tenfold."
"And then what? Then I switch to dick? Your dick? Dammit. This is some sick ploy to get me to do you, isn't it? Well you can forget about it." He stands up angrily. "Screw you, Cas. I won't have any part of whatever weird angel gay sex fetish you've got going on."
"Dean," Cas cries after him as the hunter starts to head for the door, "Dean wait!"
Dean doesn't listen and Cas jumps up from the bed, running over to block the door, wedging himself between it and Dean.
"Get out of my way, Cas," Dean commands.
"No," Cas says defiantly, "I won't. Because you need to understand."
"Understand what, Cas?" Dean roars.
"This," Cas says.
Then he's grabbing Dean's face and pressing their foreheads together. Dean gasps and staggers back as thousands of emotions wash over him, every single one of them Cas's. There's pain and anger, lust and greed, so many things that Dean knows angels aren't supposed to feel.
"It's because of you." Cas's voice breaks into the haze of emotion. "You did this to me, Dean. You humanized me in a way that I didn't think was possible."
"And what the hell am I supposed to do about it?" Dean cries, kneeling by the bed as his head feels like it's going to explode.
Cas bends down and puts a hand on Dean's shoulder, steadying him as he speaks, "You can help me by bonding with me. It would benefit both of us."
Dean groans, clutching his head and Cas leans in close to his ear, pleading with him, "Please Dean. I've seen your soul and I want, I need to be bound to it."
"But why me, Cas? I'm nothing special." Dean chokes out, teeth gritted as the pain of emotion still bears down on him.
"But you are, Dean. To me. Please, Dean. Just please say yes."
Cas's voice is a whine, his lips brush against the shell of Dean's ear as he speaks. Dean turns his head slightly so that he can look at Cas. Cas's eyes are pleading. There's a need there, a raw hunger that Dean isn't used to seeing. Damn does this feel weird, Cas begging for him like this. How is he supposed to say no? But how can he say yes? How can he say yes to this request, to Cas's offer of an eternity bound together with him. But as Dean looks into Cas's eyes, he knows he can't say no. He can't, because angel or not, Cas is his friend, no, he's more than that. He's family. Cas is hurting because of Dean, and God knows that Dean will do anything to stop his family from hurting.
That's the reason that he says yes.
Cas's shock is evident as Dean concedes to his request, but then the look is replaced with relief.
"Thank you, Dean," Cas says, before breathing a sigh of relief, the air whooshing past Dean's ear.
"Yeah you better thank me," Dean growls. He gets up and sits on the bed. "So what do I do?"
"You don't have to do anything," Cas tells him, coming to sit beside Dean. "You just have to let me in."
"Let you in? Like a vessel?"
"It's similar to that, yes."
"So are you gonna possess me then?"
"No. Bonding is not like possession. It's a mutual thing, both parties have to take part in it."
"But you just said I wouldn't have to do anything."
"I lied."
Dean chuckles. "So what, do I sacrifice a virgin now?"
Cas looks appalled. "No, just relax."
Dean's reply is forgotten as Cas leans in close to him, pressing their foreheads together again. A warmth spreads throughout Dean's body, starting in his head and going through his limbs. His mouth falls open slightly as the heat spreads into his chest, warming his insides.
He can see Cas's eyes moving beneath his eyelids, back and forth under lowered eyebrows. The angel looks concerned. He presses closer to Dean, tightening his hold on Dean's face, the pads of his thumbs digging into Dean's cheeks ever so slightly.
The warm feeling starts to recede and then Cas is pulling away and Dean asks, "Is that it? Are we bonded now, or whatever?"
Cas shakes his head and looks down at his lap, hands still cupping Dean's face, obviously deep in thought.
"What's wrong, Cas?" Dean asks.
"These physical forms are impairing the bond," Cas states. Dean gives him a look and he explains, "My vessel and your body are creating a sort of blockage between us."
"What does that even mean?"
"It means that I can't get close enough to begin the bonding process." Cas goes silent for a moment and Dean is about to ask what "close enough" means, but then Cas's eyebrows furrow and he says softly, "Intimacy."
"What did you just say?" Dean says, pulling his face out of Cas's hands.
Cas fixes Dean with a piercing blue-eyed stare as he explains, "Soul bonding is one of the most intimate, if not the most intimate form of bonding. These physical bodies are hindering things, but if we can add more intimacy, human intimacy that is, we might be able to establish the connection."
"Stop right there," Dean yells, getting up from the bed and distancing himself from Cas, "Whatever you're gonna say next, just don't say it. Cause there is no damn way I'm doing intimate with you, Cas."
Dean folds his arms and gives Cas a glare. Cas looks back with confusion, which quickly changes to hurt, and dashed hope.
"I don't want to make you do anything you don't want to do, Dean," he says, "But some form of intimacy is required to complete the bond."
"So what then?" Dean roars, "I let you bend me over and screw me like a obedient little bitch?"
Cas shakes his head, "I don't think that would be required. It just needs to be something that humans would consider intimate."
"But you said most intimate earlier, and that sure as hell sounds like sex and there's no way I'm letting you bang me."
"It just needs to be a more intimate touch than what I was doing," Cas explains in a steady tone.
Dean calms a bit. "So we're talking hand holding?"
"No. I... I... I think that..." Cas's mouth goes dry and so he motions to his lips, trying to make Dean understand.
Dean's eyes narrow and he opens his mouth. Cas waits for the scream of no, but instead Dean simply says, "No tongue."
Cas nods and then Dean is coming back to sit next to him. He sits up straight and says through gritted teeth, "Get on with it."
He closes his eyes and waits, waits for the unpleasant feel of Cas's lips against his. He feels Cas's hands go back to his face, cupping his cheeks, and then the bed dips as Cas inches closer to him. Dean can feel warm breath beating against his lips and then it happens.
Cas's lips are exactly as Dean expected them to be, dry and chapped, but they're also warm and, well, wonderful. It's a chaste kiss, just a light peck, but it makes Dean's breath hitch. Cas must have noticed, because he pulls away, but Dean chases his lips, grabbing the angel by the lapels of that damn trench coat and pulling them together again.
He doesn't know why, but he's enjoying this, damn is he enjoying this. The feel of Cas's lips against his, the way that the angel's lips are a little wet from where his tongue had darted out to rewet them earlier. Dean's actually fantasized about this before, even though he won't admit it. It's hard not to have when Cas stands so freaking close and Dean can't help but let his eyes wander over the angel's face and down to those pink lips and he couldn't help but wonder what they would feel like.
Cas shifts a bit and Dean tightens his grasp on Cas's coat, afraid that the angel is going to pull away again, instead Cas presses closer to Dean, gripping the hunter's face tightly. Dean is surprised to feel Cas move his lips against his. Dean responds by letting the angel open his mouth. For a moment he thinks that he's about to get a mouthful of angel tongue, and surprisingly, he wants it, but instead Cas just angles his mouth so that he's kissing Dean's bottom lip tenderly.
Cas pulls back and looks at Dean. Dean regards the angel through lidded eyes as Cas says, "I think I can establish the bond, but we'd have to remain... like that."
"Lip locked?" Dean asks, his voice a bit gravely.
Cas nods and Dean smiles. He leans forward and captures the angels mouth with his and this time it's because he wants to. Dean's not sure why, but he wants this, wants Cas, and that scares him a bit. He ignores this fear and focuses on feeling instead, on feeling the way Cas's lips part easily for him, on the vibration of the moan that comes out of Cas as Dean's tongue plunges into the wetness of the angel's mouth.
It's entirely new, but then again he's done this a thousand times, just not like this. They were just one nighters. Cas is right of course, all the women that Dean's been with, none of them have given him satisfaction. So why does this feel so right? Why does Cas's lips against his feel so damn good, so perfect?
Cas lets his hands drop from Dean's face so that he can work his fingers into Dean's hair. Dean smiles against Cas's lips as the angel pulls him closer and opens fully for him. If this really is a ploy to get Dean to bang him, it's definitely working, and Dean's not complaining.
Dean runs his tongue over Cas's teeth and gums, reveling in the way the angel, no his angel tastes. It's airy and light, no traces of anything, no alcohol or drugs. Nothing. Just pure, endless Cas. Cas nips at Dean's bottom lip and Dean groans at the sensation which sends a jolt right to the pit of his stomach.
He moves so that he is sitting on the edge of the bed, maneuvering Cas so that the angel is straddling him. Cas clamps his thighs around Dean's legs, grinding their hips together ever so slightly and making Dean gasp into his mouth. Dean moves his mouth down to the column of Cas's throat, mouthing at the skin and sinews as Cas arches his neck, giving Dean better access.
Dean mouths at the stubble on Cas's jaw line, running his tongue over it, and then his teeth, grazing Cas's skin, moving down to Cas's neck again, reveling in the way that his five o'clock shadow scratches against Cas's. It's a friction that he's not used to, but damn does it feel good.
Dean yanks Cas's tie loose and shrugs the trench coat off his shoulders, letting it fall forgotten to the floor along with the thin tie. He then proceeds to unbutton Cas's shirt, pushing it open so that he has Cas exposed to him. He runs his hands over Cas's chest, fingers sifting through the light dusting of hair.
It's all so different from what Dean's used to. This is clenched muscles under thin skin, not soft and yielding like he normally sees. This is strong hands angling his head back up to a wet mouth while his own hands grip firm shoulders. This is rolling of hips, grinding together, friction and hard bites, yanking of hair, and entirely Castiel in a way that Dean didn't even know he wanted.
Dean's hands slip down to Cas's stomach and then lower. He presses his palm into Cas's crotch and he can feel the angel's arousal, or his vessel's, he's not exactly sure which, but he doesn't care because he the sound Cas makes sets Dean off. It's a whine, a mewl, followed by a buck into Dean's hand. Dean growls into Cas's shoulder and grabs the angel around the middle, flipping him onto the bed so that he can hover over him.
He traces his tongue over Cas's chest while the angel squirms beneath him, his hands scrabbling for purchase on Dean's jacket. Cas's long fingers yank on the material of Dean's t-shirt and Dean gets the drift. He pulls off his jacket and then yanks his t-shirt over his head, tossing it on top of the pile of already discarded clothes.
Cas's hands are everywhere at once, running over Dean's chest, his shoulders, feeling the muscles under his skin, the scars from past hunts. Cas's fingers dip into the waistband of Dean's jeans and he pulls them down slightly. Not wanting Cas to get the upper hand, Dean slips a knee between Cas's legs and presses hard into the angel. Cas makes a strangled noise and his hands slip on Dean's sweaty back.
Then he's gasping out, "Dean. Dean stop!"
Dean removes his mouth from the spot under Cas's right ear where he had been sucking. He looks down at Cas. The angel's pupils are blown wide, the blue just a thin ring around dark orbs. He pants through swollen lips and Dean has to restrain himself from capturing those lips again.
"What is it?" Dean asks, voice husky with arousal.
"The bond," Cas breathes.
Damn. Dean almost forgot about that, the reason that they were like this, with Dean's knee pressing into Cas's crotch and the angel's breath coming out in short, frequent gasps.
"Yeah, the bond," Dean husks, "Right. Forgot about that." He smiles.
Cas grins back and Dean's heart melts, because he's never seen that smile before, but it's his smile now. He absentmindedly traces a finger along Cas's jaw and over his lips, contemplating kissing him again. Cas stops him by grabbing his hand.
"Bond first. Copulation later," Cas orders.
Dean lets out a guffaw of laughter at Cas's choice of words. Then he gives Cas an evil grin and leans down to whisper into his neck, "Deal."