Chapter Text
The hospital smelled of antiseptic and the faint sweetness of children’s cough syrup. Shaoyou had been warm with fever since dawn, his skin flushed and his eyes glassy yet he still came for Peanut’s vaccination because Hua Yong refused to leave him alone.
The Enigma sat with Shaoyou pressed against his side the entire time, one hand stroking his shoulder in slow circles, his voice low and soothing whenever Shaoyou winced.
Peanut watched them from the chair beside them, swinging his legs nervously. His name was called. He puffed out his chest and marched to the room like a warrior going to war, although he was already clinging to Shaoyou’s hand.
Hua Yong tried to pull him gently but Peanut refused and whispered that Shaoyou had to stay. Shaoyou smiled through his fever haze and cupped the child’s cheek, promising he would not move from that chair until Peanut came back out.
The vaccination was quick. It stung like fire. Peanut hissed, cursed under his breath, and tried to pretend it meant nothing. But the nurse had barely placed the cotton on his arm when he walked out and went straight into Shaoyou’s lap, burying his face into his papa’s neck because only there did the pain quiet down.
Hua Yong gave a small grin at that, smug and soft at the same time, as if he loved this secret weakness of both his husband and their child. He leaned close and murmured something into Shaoyou’s hair that made Shaoyou swat him lightly, muttering about children watching.
That familiar comfort wrapped the three of them together even in the sterile room.
But comfort never lasts.
It was when Peanut had gone to Vending Machine to get himself chocolate,when he heard voices nearby. Two nurses walked past the hallway, whispering.
“That is the Alpha who almost died in labor. Severe blood loss. They barely saved him.”
“And that child is the Enigma’s son. They say the Enigma went mad in the emergency room. Said he would die along with him.”
Peanut froze.
His fingers curled around the Chocolate
Another voice joined them. An older doctor.
Peanut shrank down, unnoticed.
“Shen Wenlang took care of the child those three years. Everyone knows why. Hua Yong could not stand to even look at the baby without remembering the trauma. Must have been hard for both.”
The staff moved away.
Their voices faded.
Peanut return to Shaoyou and Hua yong.
He looked at Shaoyou.Shaoyou who was breathing a little too quickly, cheek still warm with fever,who always smiled at him.,who always kissed his forehead when he scraped his knee,who tucked him in at night.
And then his gaze shifted to Hua Yong.
His Hua Yong Papa was Tall. Strong. Impossibly protective.Always touching Shaoyou.Never touching Peanut unless it was to drag him away from trouble.
Peanut lowered his head.
His small hands twisted together.
So it was true.
He made Shaoyou papa sick.
Almost killed him.
If he had not been born… maybe Shaoyou would never have suffered.
Maybe Hua Yong would not look so angry all the time.
Maybe Hua Yong would not avoid hugging him the way he hugged Shaoyou.
Maybe everything would be better without him.
His throat tightened painfully.
He did not cry.
He never cried.
But he felt something heavy settle in his chest. Like someone placed a stone inside his heart and told him to smile as if everything was fine.
“Peanut,” a soft voice called.
Shaoyou.
Peanut blinked quickly and ran to him.
Shaoyou opened his arm just enough to pull him close. He rested his feverish cheek on Peanut’s hair.
“You did very well today,” Shaoyou whispered weakly. “You were so brave.”
Peanut swallowed a sob. “Yes. I was okay.”
Shaoyou smiled faintly. “Good boy.”
Peanut buried himself in the warmth of Shaoyou’s side, arms wrapped around him gently, afraid that squeezing too hard would break him. A sharp ache throbbed behind his chest at the thought that he had almost lost this warmth before he could even know it.
Hua Yong placed a hand on Shaoyou’s knee, rubbing softly. His voice was stern but trembling at the edges. “You should not have come today. I could have taken him alone.”
Shaoyou shook his head slowly. “No. Peanut was scared. I could not let him come alone.”
Peanut felt Hua Yong’s gaze on him.
For the first time, Peanut did not look back.He looked down at his shoes instead.
Hua Yong frowned. “Are you in pain.”
Peanut shook his head.
Shaoyou sniffled softly, eyes closing. “Yong… can we go home shorty. I feel dizzy.”
Hua Yong immediately lifted him in his arms, holding him as though he was made of something breakable. His whole body leaned into Shaoyou protectively, his scent thick with worry.
Peanut watched them.
A strange emptiness opened inside his little chest.
They looked perfect together.Like the world belonged only to them And Peanut was just the mistake who nearly ruined everything.
Hua Yong did not notice the boy’s silence.
Shaoyou, half conscious, did not notice the way Peanut’s fingers dug into his own sleeves.
Peanut walked behind them quietly when they headed to the car.
Alone by a few steps.
He felt like he deserved to be there.
His heart whispered an awful truth he was too young to understand fully.
Shaoyou papa almost died because of me.
And Hua Yong will never forgive me for it.
~~~~
The next morning the world moved forward as if nothing had happened, but Peanut felt as if someone had stolen all the colors from it.
The drive to school was quiet. Lele kept trying to talk, nudging his shoulder, showing him a sticker he got from Gaotu, but Peanut only nodded without speaking.
His face stayed blank, his eyes dull. He did not tease. He did not laugh. He did not flip his hair with practiced drama. He did not even call Hua Yong by his name in that bratty tone he always used.
He just was Silent.
Lele grew confused quickly. Peanut never shut up. He was noise itself. If Peanut was not talking, something was wrong. Terribly wrong.
At recess the teacher noticed it too. Peanut sat at the far end of the bench, arms wrapped around his knees, face pressed down. No arguing, no running, no bragging, no threatening to marry Lele, nothing.
The entire class stared because Peanut quiet was like rain falling upward. Unnatural. Wrong.
But Peanut only hugged his knees tighter.
The world around him sounded distant. Children shouting, teachers calling names, Lele whispering his name again and again, everything blurred at the edges. His mind spun in circles he could not control. The words he overheard in the hospital echoed like ghosts.
Shaoyou Papa almost died
Hua yong said he would die along with him.He could not bear to look at the baby. Shen Wenlang took care of him because Hua Yong could not
Each memory stabbed deeper. His vision swam, and he closed his eyes tightly, trying to stop the sharp pressure rising behind his chest.
When the final bell rang Lele ran to him, little hands tugging at his sleeve, eyes worried and shiny. But Peanut only gave a small, empty smile and said he was fine. He said it again when the teacher asked. He said it one more time when the bus driver looked at him with concern.
Each time his voice grew smaller.
When they reached home Shaoyou was asleep on the couch, still recovering. Hua Yong sat beside him, working quietly on his tablet, his free hand gently stroking Shaoyou’s hair.
The moment Peanut saw them his breath hitched painfully. He froze at the doorway, something twisting inside him so sharply it felt like a physical wound.
He backed away before either adult could see his expression.
No one noticed. No one stopped him. Peanut walked down the hall silently and slipped into his room. He closed the door and locked it. His legs felt weak, and he slid down until he sat on the floor with his back pressed to the wood.
Only then did the first tear fall.
It shocked him.
He was Peanut. He cried maybe once a year. He was loud, fierce, dramatic. Children cried. Peanut did not. He was Shaoyou’s brave boy. He was Hua Yong’s troublemaker. He was the kid everyone said would grow into an Enigma too. He was not supposed to break.
But he broke.
He covered his mouth with both hands as sobs tore out of him. His small body shook so hard the wooden floor trembled with his movements. He curled into himself, forehead pressed to his knees, breath shuddering and uneven.
He tried to be quiet at first. He did not want Shaoyou to hear. He did not want Hua Yong to come. He did not want to be a burden again. But the more he thought about it, the louder the sobs grew until they were muffled only by the sleeves he pressed against his mouth.
He almost died
He will die along with him
He could not bear to look at the baby
Peanut squeezed his eyes shut so tight the world went black. His nails dug into his arms as he curled tighter, as if he could hold himself together when everything inside him felt like it was falling apart.
He whispered into his sleeves, words breaking apart.
“It is my fault… I made papa sick… Hua Yong hates me… he hates me so much… I should not be here… I should not… I did everything wrong… I did everything…”
His chest ached so badly he pressed his small fist against his heart, trying to push the pain back. But it only hurt more. Each breath burned. Each memory stung.
He was supposed to be strong.
He was supposed to be funny.
He was supposed to be a menace.
He was supposed to protect Lele.
But right now he was just a frightened little boy drowning in feelings too big for him to understand. He cried until his throat hurt and his eyes felt swollen. He cried until he had no breath left. He cried until he was shaking from exhaustion.
He did not know how long he stayed like that.
Minutes.
Hours.
It all felt the same.
The room stayed quiet. The house stayed unaware of the storm breaking behind one closed door. Peanut lifted his head slowly, wiping his eyes with trembling fingers. But new tears kept falling. He curled up again, ear pressed to his knee, whispering softly.
“I am sorry… I am sorry… I did not want to hurt anyone…”
The words trembled into the empty room.
And for the first time since he was born, Peanut cried without holding back.
He cried like a child who finally realized he was scared.
He cried like a boy who believed he was unwanted.
He cried like someone who did not know how to ask for love.
He cried until there was nothing left in him but quiet shaking breaths and the lonely thump of his small heart trying to stay whole.